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May 2016 Moms
LovingLife!
member
Multiple Baby Showers
LovingLife!
member
This has been a topic of conversation for a while now in my circle of friends. When did it become socially acceptable to have 2, 3, and 4 baby showers? It's expensive to keep up with; buying a gift for every shower you're invited to! It used to be that you had one baby shower with your first baby and then friends and family would buy you some blue or pink clothes if your next child was a different sex. Why the need for a party all the time? I'm interested to see what everyone thinks!
Re: Multiple Baby Showers
I think you will see a few other discussion boards on this topic if you search for "baby shower" in the topics, with feedback from others in similar situations!
Although, it seems that throwing a party for everything is normal now. I just really don't get the "sex reveal" parties. So a lot of people are having the reveal party and a separate baby shower and then more showers for more babies? I don't get it.
It is pretty common to have baby showers for subsequent pregnancies across the board in my circle of family/friends regardless of the sex of the next baby, time frame, # in the birth order, etc.
I happily participate and celebrate with them. But I will not personally have a baby shower after my first baby.
Just throwing my 2 cents in because I think I might be the OP mentioned who was asking about a shower for my 2nd baby...
Sometimes a party is just a party. I was cheated out of an experience to have anyone celebrate the fact that I was having a baby because of my medical issues and, even though I got gifts which I definitely appreciate and ended up donating many to the NICU where my baby was for quite a while after birth, I did miss out on the fun of having people ooh and ahh over my glowing pregnant self. Instead, all I got was pity, the "If you need any help, just let me know", the "You poor thing!", the tentative anxious questions. Everyone was walking on eggshells and I would've loved to have a day when everyone just forgot I was the sick, bedridden pregnant lady and just treated me like a pregnant lady. It felt like my son was a tumor that everyone was afraid to talk about, but it was all they could talk about. People were so afraid to mention anything about the future because it was not certain if we both would make it.
As I said in the other thread, my MIL did end up throwing a shower "for me" which was really all about her...I couldn't even attend because I was in the hospital. All I wanted was to feel normal, to feel like something was going right or "by the book" and a baby shower would've helped. So now, even though this is my second, my friends are adamant about throwing a shower. But, I am rethinking that because I know it seems "gift-grabby" and I don't want others to feel like I want an excuse to be all about "me me me". I don't want or need gifts, but I do want to actually celebrate being pregnant because already I am getting the anxious questions like "So, are you going to be sick again?" and "Do the doctors have a better plan for you this time?" Making a dumb ribbon hat and having friends decorate onesies might take their minds (and mine!) off the fact that I am basically flirting with death again by trying to bring life into the world.
I hope I don't sound too butthurt (though I am for another reason...because I am ridiculously constipated!!), but there are many reasons why a STM might have a shower. And it might not be about wanting gifts, or the spotlight. It might be about needing to feel like a normal pregnant woman instead of a pitiful sick patient. Like I said, just my 2 cents...take it or leave it.
I have a friend who is obsessed with getting gifts. She had 2 showers and invited everyone she knows, not just close friends and family, but everyone she knows because the more people that show up = more gifts. She does the same thing for her kids' birthday parties and it really irks me. I think there's a huge difference between your situation and when people are obviously being gift-grabby. I definitely think you should get to experience a shower, though! Don't feel bad about it!
I should also add that I'm bitter towards pregnant women with "perfect" pregnancies because my last one was not. So my friend frustrated me anyway because she rubbed her perfect pregnancies in my face whenever she could. So maybe I was annoyed for more reasons than just her shower.
ETA I think the original thread she was referring to was someone asking about a baby shower for her third.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
laurenmdrn16, your situation is totally different because I have never in my life heard of a baby shower where the mother wasn't there. That was really crappy of her.
Now on to reveal parties... I think Pinterest and social media has perpetuated this idea that we need extravagant parties for everything. Everyone just tries to out AW everyone on FB/Instagram.
Edited for typo.
Married in 2011
Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014)
Baby 2: Due May 2016
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
I won't have, nor do I want, a 2nd shower for baby #2.
Everyone was really generous with DS and I would feel uncomfortable with that attention again. Although, we did just find out that this baby is a girl (yay!) so I won't be surprised if my aunts or friends buy us a cute girl outfit or blanket here or there, for fun.
DS: Born 5-17-16
Id also like to add that I was not aware you were supposed to take a gift to a gender reveal party...we are going to have one this time so everyone finds out at once and no one calls me constantly before I even know. Reading on several of these boards I see gifts are expected? Shows how much I know
I'm totally ok with having a baby shower for the first baby but I think it is tacky and greedy to have showers for any babies past. Yes, they are just as special but if you think you might want more than one child, save the stuff you can and then be a responsible parent and buy what you need instead of asking other to do so for you.
And this is just me but we got married a year ago in October, I understand that a lot of people just came to our bridal/wedding showers and spent money on us but I sit and remember all of the wedding/baby/bachelorette parties I have gone to and spent money on and realize that this is something we do for each other. All of my cousins who are older than me got married and usually had their first baby within a year or two and no one complained about all of the showers then. And besides, people love to celebrates babies (as they should!).
DS1: May 2016
DS2: Jan 2019
Baby #3 EDD: 6/18/24
What i want, boys outback for a diaper beer party, and a girl party inside. I want the stupid games and dorky shower prizes for my friends. I want to have my closest girlfriends and family there having a sort of big girls day. This was echoed with my best friend who insists that her and her husband plan respectively the diff gender sides of things. This is my SO first and only pregnancy and he should get all the boys fun that goes with it. My best friend is not deployed and my SO mom and sister are first time grandma and aunty and are flying off the handle. I think situations are important to know.
If you had a big shower and plan on more or have more back to back conventionally then yes i agree a shower each time is weird. A girls movie and snack night each time isnt unheard of. Sometimes a planned night can be the only excuse someone will use to splurge on normalcy when everything feels different or tired.
I dont know. Different situations make different outcomes acceptable or not. Maybe some of the girls having multiple are part of a church or friend group where its common and expected to celebrate all you can. Maybe a particular group likes to find any excuse for a party and its not really about the gifts but getting together as a group.
ETA: what does one really need other than maybe a some new clothes (that you can buy yourself) if you already have a child?
ETA: I did have 3 with my 1st...hometown family and friends, new town friends, and work. Really it was excessive but the work and new town friends were surprise showers. I could never accept or consider another one ever!
I DD my post... Something weird with the formatting!! To recap, I will probably have 2 or 3 mini showers just based on logistics.
Even though showers do celebrate the baby, it is more about welcoming the mother to motherhood. Plus, every child is going to have their own perks and drawbacks from their birth order. I don't think anyone is going to care a whole lot that Aunt Sally didn't have a chance to make predictions about them when they were in the womb.
I've never been to a gender reveal party, so I didn't know that gifts were common for those either...??
Married in 2011
Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014)
Baby 2: Due May 2016
I find it less offensive to have a second shower if there's a different dad in the picture. Maybe it is still wrong, etiquette-wise, but It doesn't bother me. I liken it to the events for 2nd marriages... If it is a first marriage for one of you, then that family might still want the chance to celebrate and enjoy the moment....
Edited to clarify. I won't throw myself a party but I'm sure my mom and best friend will. I will probably have a lot to do with the planning and I will probably pitch in time/money into food and stuff. When I threw my best friends that's how we did it. Me, her, her mom and sister all worked together to throw the party.
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019I'm the fourth child. I think I've seen exactly 1 picture of me as a baby. Nothing else...and I'm fine.
I personally don't think there is anything wrong with gender reveal parties. I know most people have then instead of a baby shower, or specify that they don't want gifts for the gender reveal. I was under the impression the gender reveal party was a non gift giving event.
If people offer to throw a shower for your third baby I don't see the problem. People want to help and who are you to shut them down. Why is everyone offended that so and so got another shower? If that's really how you feel skip the party. You are never obligated to go to a party or buy a gift. Besides, no one wants a party pooper.
I think the reason more than one shower is more socially acceptable is because things are not made the way they used to be. If it's been a while since you have had a kid then those baby things may not have lasted.
People have multiple marriages now a days and everyone goes and provides gifts for them, why does the third or fourth kid get ripped off?
I guess I'm just of the school of thought that people shouldn't be coerced into being generous. Also, the responsibility for providing baby goods lies on the parents and parents alone. If friends and family want to help out, that's awesome, but it shouldn't be expected.
Married in 2011
Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014)
Baby 2: Due May 2016
We don't do baby showers for 2nd pregnancies. It is not the norm. I think they are ok, but with special circumstances like @laurenmdrn16 or being a different marriage, etc. I love parties! So I probably wouldn't mind going to a small get together for 2nd pregnancy, but only if it's not a gift grabbing event (just giving wipes, diapers, etc).