FFFC: I love being pregnant. Sure I got sick a few times, and sure heartburn is a bummer... but I love it! I love my bump, I love maternity clothes, I love what it does to my hair and nails...I just love being pregnant!
FTM so forgive my naivete ... and I know not everyone has the same experience, heck my own sister hated being pregnant!
FFFC: I'm disgustingly jealous of women who feel this way about pregnancy. I love that I am pregnant in thought, it's the symptoms that won't let up that I am not in love with. I am not one of those lucky women who look awesome and have a bump; my face is blotchy and full of acne and I look like a can of busted biscuits. However, I'm still pregnant and as a result of all these dreaded symptoms, I may well have a baby in April! I don't think you're naive, I think you're lucky - I hope you stay lucky and I wouldn't mind if you blew some of that sunshine my way.
@AmadorRose We know it is a very common phase to be in at her age, we are just hoping she grows out of it quickly! She really is a sweet, funny, and affectionate little girl and sometimes when she does it she is laughing thinking its funny. It usually isn't malicious in intent. But it sucks when I pick her up at school and they were like "well, she just got out of time out for hitting again..." And while its normal, I hate that its MY kid doing it.
@AmadorRose We know it is a very common phase to be in at her age, we are just hoping she grows out of it quickly! She really is a sweet, funny, and affectionate little girl and sometimes when she does it she is laughing thinking its funny. It usually isn't malicious in intent. But it sucks when I pick her up at school and they were like "well, she just got out of time out for hitting again..." And while its normal, I hate that its MY kid doing it.
And you can't control the way other kids react to it, which may encourage more of the same behavior.
FFFC: I love being pregnant. Sure I got sick a few times, and sure heartburn is a bummer... but I love it! I love my bump, I love maternity clothes, I love what it does to my hair and nails...I just love being pregnant!
FTM so forgive my naivete ... and I know not everyone has the same experience, heck my own sister hated being pregnant!
FFFC: I'm disgustingly jealous of women who feel this way about pregnancy. I love that I am pregnant in thought, it's the symptoms that won't let up that I am not in love with. I am not one of those lucky women who look awesome and have a bump; my face is blotchy and full of acne and I look like a can of busted biscuits. However, I'm still pregnant and as a result of all these dreaded symptoms, I may well have a baby in April!
I don't think you're naive, I think you're lucky - I hope you stay lucky and I wouldn't mind if you blew some of that sunshine my way.
That's exactly what I said I'd go as for Halloween if I dressed up. And yes to the acne. I feel like a prepubescent teen with all the skin and emotional fluctuations.
@imrachellea we have this problem with DD sometimes (she'll be 2 dec 11th, they're only a week apart!) and what we do after she hits is grab her hand smack it to get her attention and calmly but sternly tell her that hitting is a NO NO and she needs to be a good girl or she will go in time out next time. If she does it again we do it all over and follow through with time out. It takes time of consistently doing this but she learned within two weeks it was bad and she rarely does it anymore. This is also how we discipline with anything else. If she does something bad, like jumping on the couch or sits on the arm rest, we get her down smack her hand just enough to get her attention and reprimand her. She does it again same thing and then time out. I have spanked her before but I absolutely HATE doing it and and decided like a month ago I won't do it again because it made no difference. Just getting her attention with the hand tap is enough. With yours being in daycare I know they probably won't smack her hand but see if after she hits if they can pick her up move her away from the kids and put her hands in theirs and tell her no she has to be gentle. I think the key is making sure that when you reprimand a child you have their attention on you and it's not wondering. Good luck though!
My confession is that I ate Oreos and milk the other day for breakfast and it was SOOO good!!
All of the research indicates spanking is not effective and has negative effects on children and their behavior. Yet our society is still stuck on the idea that it is the only way to raise well disciplined kids. If you were spanked and turned out okay it wasn't because you were hit. I've worked with kids my entire career and the most respectful well behaved ones are the ones who's parents use other techniques. You have to have consisent rules and consequences and I think spanking is an easy way out in the short term.
Exactly. Here's just a smattering of articles referencing research that has been done on the subject.
*As a massive aside: I would link to the actual studies, but I realize that a) unless the study is available through pubmed (or the like) chances are most people won't have the credentials necessary to actually view the study, and b) these studies aren't written for a lay audience and can be tough to read through if you don't have a solid understanding of study design and the underlying science. Neither of which is to say that people who don't work in research science/medicine aren't super smart and completely capable of getting the point. The availability of research to the general public and the presentation of material to a non-academic/non-professional audience is a perennial issue and one that certainly hasn't been solved yet. Science Daily is a great resource though for concisely summarizing research in a way that is easily digestible, so I'll start with them.
Just out of curiosity, because I haven't made up my mind on the spanking issue one way or the other: it looks like a lot of the studies discussed in the links you posted talk about regular spanking. Have long-term studies been done on children who have been spanked, but for whom it's not a regular part of their discipline? Additionally, I'm seeing where at least some studies have controlled for issues affecting mom: have there been studies that control for particular traits of the children themselves (ADHD, autism, or even personality types)? Also, what's the word on correlation vs. causation?
At the moment, I am pretty set against spanking as a regular part of our disciplinary regimen. However, I'm not opposed to spanking as a very rare occurrence in response to disobedience that results in a dangerous situation and where immediate compliance is required, and only when other methods of discipline have already failed or are unavailable. So I'd consider spanking for a child who repeatedly runs out into the street after being warned against it, if the problem persists after I've tried to reason with that child, and we're not in a place where other disciplinary options are immediately available. I wouldn't expect situations like that to arise more than a couple times for any given child, though. I'd also think my child's personality and learning style would play a role, too. It sounds like there are kids out there who are impervious to timeouts but who seek praise so strongly that they'll avoid bad behavior, and children who it's tough to reason with but who will comply with anything to avoid a timeout; I suspect spanking would be similarly effective for some kids but not for others.
That said, I'm definitely open to changing my mind if there's evidence out there that even that sort of occasional spanking causes issues down the line.
Oh, and my FFFC: I am SO impatient to start feeling baby move that I've started prodding my abdomen every now and again to try to get her going. I've thought I've felt something a few times, but I need to her to do it again so I can know for sure, dangit!
My husband just rolls his eyes and tells me to stop harassing our child.
DH just told me he has to travel for work next week, and will be gone for our anniversary. I didn't say anything bad to him (I know it's not his fault), and I know we can celebrate another day, but I'm currently sobbing on the couch eating ice cream... At noon. Thanks, hormones.
This is a really great article for those of you with toddlers who hit (which will basically be just about everyone with a toddler). I've used this approach when I taught preschool and kindergarten, and also with my own daughter. They are very effective techniques, but it takes a lot of practice to be able to do this without getting stressed. It comes naturally to me because this is what I do for a living, but it took years and years of practice with other people's kids before I got it right with my own. Also re: time outs - if time-outs are done correctly, which very often they are not, they are one of the most effective discipline techniques out there. It's a really good way to promote intrinsic behaviour motivation. The worst children (behaviour-wise) I have ever taught were the ones who had only ever been disciplined via spanking or biting (yes, there are certain cultures where biting children is totally acceptable), because after a while, that becomes the only stimulus they respond to - which is great if you're their mother and can spank or bite them. But if I spank or bite your child, I'm losing my job so it kind of puts me in an awkward position. Also, the ones who were spanked often were always the ones who would hit other children all.the.time, because that's what they're taught to do if somebody wrongs them. So it's only natural for them to do it to others. Bottom line, I don't care how you discipline your child at home and I'm certainly not going to judge anyone for spanking their own kid, but know that there are other techniques out there for disciplining children that are very effective and it may be worth at least learning about them so you have them in your bank of "things to do when my child is being an asshole* ".
*I only use the term asshole because of last night's post. I don't actually think any child is an asshole, no matter how badly they are misbehaving.
FFFC: I love being pregnant. Sure I got sick a few times, and sure heartburn is a bummer... but I love it! I love my bump, I love maternity clothes, I love what it does to my hair and nails...I just love being pregnant!
FTM so forgive my naivete ... and I know not everyone has the same experience, heck my own sister hated being pregnant!
FFFC: I'm disgustingly jealous of women who feel this way about pregnancy. I love that I am pregnant in thought, it's the symptoms that won't let up that I am not in love with. I am not one of those lucky women who look awesome and have a bump; my face is blotchy and full of acne and I look like a can of busted biscuits. However, I'm still pregnant and as a result of all these dreaded symptoms, I may well have a baby in April! I don't think you're naive, I think you're lucky - I hope you stay lucky and I wouldn't mind if you blew some of that sunshine my way.
That's exactly what I said I'd go as for Halloween if I dressed up. And yes to the acne. I feel like a prepubescent teen with all the skin and emotional fluctuations.
I totally stole this and used it as a suggestion in conversation with DH last night - he thinks it's hilarious!
FFFC: I love being pregnant. Sure I got sick a few times, and sure heartburn is a bummer... but I love it! I love my bump, I love maternity clothes, I love what it does to my hair and nails...I just love being pregnant!
FTM so forgive my naivete ... and I know not everyone has the same experience, heck my own sister hated being pregnant!
FFFC: I'm disgustingly jealous of women who feel this way about pregnancy. I love that I am pregnant in thought, it's the symptoms that won't let up that I am not in love with. I am not one of those lucky women who look awesome and have a bump; my face is blotchy and full of acne and I look like a can of busted biscuits. However, I'm still pregnant and as a result of all these dreaded symptoms, I may well have a baby in April!
I don't think you're naive, I think you're lucky - I hope you stay lucky and I wouldn't mind if you blew some of that sunshine my way.
That's exactly what I said I'd go as for Halloween if I dressed up. And yes to the acne. I feel like a prepubescent teen with all the skin and emotional fluctuations.
I totally stole this and used it as a suggestion in conversation with DH last night - he thinks it's hilarious!
Thankfully, my skin looks fabulous. But....that is literally the only thing I have enjoyed about being pregnant. Very thankful to be having a baby, but I feel disgusting and barely recognize my body.
@AGK2015 Those are good questions and I'm not really sure. The effects of childhood spanking aren't an area of expertise for me--the studies those articles referenced only made it to my attention because they were big news at the time, well big news depending on who you are/what you do, I suppose--so I can't say. With my own children I intend to err on the side of caution and have no intention of spanking. We do know that fear in young children is not good for brain development--I need to get back to work, but a quick google scholar search should bring up studies and you should at least be able to read the abstracts. There are theories that childhood stress (which I think most experts would say includes the lack of trust that comes when a child learns that he/she can't trust a caretaker not to act out violently) increases cortisol and decreases oxytocin which, when combined with the increase of adrenaline brought on by an immediate fear response, can cause negative long-term effects in the brain. That being said, if you spank your kid twice over the course of their childhood will it have a significant effect on their brain? My un-researched opinion is likely not. I guess the question is where is the line? Will ten times cause negative effects on cognition or personality or social abilities or mental/emotional health? Twenty times? Fifty times? I'm not interested in using my kid as a case study, so I'll just avoid it.
I'll also add that to the pp who discussed the correlation between cultural forces and the social acceptability of corporal punishment, I totally agree. My social (and professional) circles would not look kindly on a parent who chooses to spank. I live in a wealthy area of a very liberal state and I am the only one of my immediate peers who is a first generation American. Both of my parents came from cultures that heartily embraced a "spare the rod, spoil the child" approach to parenting and I was spanked as a child, again not an experience that's common among my friends and colleagues. I guess I can look around and see lots of anecdotal evidence that children raised without spanking can (and do!) grow up to be healthy, happy, productive, respectful adults. My parents had no reference for that kind of parenting success. Now, on the other side of the equation, I was spanked and one could argue that I'm, you know, alright, but I'm the outlier among my siblings. My brother who was spanked most vigorously (because he was just so bad! according to my parents) went on to have serious mental health issues, mental health issues that resulted in his premature death at the age of 29. Now I'm not implying that spanking led to my brother's mental health issues, but the violence certainly didn't help. He needed psychological care from a young age, but instead he was hit by parents who didn't know any better because they had no cultural reference point for a different mode of parenting. My brother never learned adequate coping skills and he never learned to trust adults. I don't know. It breaks my heart to think about him as a kid, getting smacked when he really just needed help.
TL;DR: Clearly, this is a very personal issue for me. I don't think that every parent who chooses corporal punishment is a monster who is going to turn out a defective child, but I think (and studies show) that a reliance physical discipline, particularly for a *difficult* child, can exacerbate rather than curtail behavioral issues.
Oh, and my FFFC: I am SO impatient to start feeling baby move that I've started prodding my abdomen every now and again to try to get her going. I've thought I've felt something a few times, but I need to her to do it again so I can know for sure, dangit!
My husband just rolls his eyes and tells me to stop harassing our child.
I do this too!
I *think* I've felt some movement at night, literally in the middle of the night. But, ya know, it's the middle of the night, so I very well could have dreamed it.
@DougalMcG I love that article! It explained very well how to help a toddler understand and work through their emotions, and how we as parents can help with that in a way that will also help them when their older( I.e. Painting an angry picture, or reading a book when they're overly stressed, etc.) I book marked this so I can read it as DD and this LO get to each new stage.
My confession: I HATE when people give me advice and I don't ask for it. Nothing irks me more. I feel like I'm being lectured and told what to do. Especially hate getting pregnancy advice from people I don't ask for it. Especially when they are only a few weeks ahead of me. Like I get it that you experienced something 20 minutes before I did, cool. I want to learn things on my own..
My opinion on spanking: I agree with it completely. Every child is different and spanking may not be the best technique for some, everyone knows their child and know what's best for them. I know some people worry about their children "fearing" them. But if you don't put a little bit of fear into your child what makes you think they will realize you are the boss? I know not everyone agrees, but that's just my opinion.
Married: May '15 M/C: May '15 Expecting DS: April '16
@agk2015 I missed your post while I was writing my novel, but I just wanted to say that I think there is a major MAJOR difference between spanking your child once in a while under very warranted circumstances, and spanking them on a regular basis. I'm not going to lie. I've spanked my daughter exactly twice (she's two) and I don't think she is going to be psychologically scarred for life because of it. That said, in retrospect, both times I spanked her it was because *I* was the one who had lost control of the situation and of my own temper. And I really regretted doing it after because, not only did it not help the situation at all, but it just made me feel absolutely, positively awful. Plus the next day *she* hit *me* and I thought "Sh#t. I just taught my daughter how to smack someone"
Fffc: I dislike that the current term is "developmental delays" for children with such delays. To me a delay means that you will eventually catch up. My son was delayed in speech in that he spoke a couple months later, but he was never delayed if that make sense. So what term am I supposed to use for him without confusing people? I understand we need to be sensitive of such families but sometimes I wish society would call a spade a spade. A child with a neurological/genetic etc disorder is not delayed, they will never catch up to neurotypical standards and the term is confusing. Yes kids with autism for example can make huge strides, but I still think the term is confusing.
Also please don't think in not sensitive to special needs etc. I used to do early intervention and was very sensitive to all my families etc. Just that term irks me.
I'm an SLP and I believe that the term Developmentally Delayed is what is used up until age 6, pretty much giving any specialist the time to find out what is wrong with the child. Prior to their 6th birthday, they need to be evaluated and the term will come off and either removed altogether, or replaced by another one. I agree with you, call a spade a spade, but in this society, this privilege belongs to the parents. A lot of them have difficulty coming to terms with the fact that their child may have Autism, or ADHD, or anything else that labels their child as "special". I have worked with many families whose children I knew had Autism from the second they walked into my office, but had to wait and kindly suggest that they be seen by a neurologist to get the diagnosis; and even then, some of them still seemed surprised (which proves they are either in some lala land, or are uneducated on the matter).
Fffc: I dislike that the current term is "developmental delays" for children with such delays. To me a delay means that you will eventually catch up. My son was delayed in speech in that he spoke a couple months later, but he was never delayed if that make sense. So what term am I supposed to use for him without confusing people? I understand we need to be sensitive of such families but sometimes I wish society would call a spade a spade. A child with a neurological/genetic etc disorder is not delayed, they will never catch up to neurotypical standards and the term is confusing. Yes kids with autism for example can make huge strides, but I still think the term is confusing.
Also please don't think in not sensitive to special needs etc. I used to do early intervention and was very sensitive to all my families etc. Just that term irks me.
I'm an SLP and I believe that the term Developmentally Delayed is what is used up until age 6, pretty much giving any specialist the time to find out what is wrong with the child. Prior to their 6th birthday, they need to be evaluated and the term will come off and either removed altogether, or replaced by another one. I agree with you, call a spade a spade, but in this society, this privilege belongs to the parents. A lot of them have difficulty coming to terms with the fact that their child may have Autism, or ADHD, or anything else that labels their child as "special". I have worked with many families whose children I knew had Autism from the second they walked into my office, but had to wait and kindly suggest that they be seen by a neurologist to get the diagnosis; and even then, some of them still seemed surprised (which proves they are either in some lala land, or are uneducated on the matter).
I specialized in EI doing ABA for kids with autism. The denial is so sad. It's hard to say how I would be in that situation but DS smiled late, laughed late, recognized his name late, and spoke late. With each milestone I was convinced he was "delayed" (he's not! Just jt the milestones in the later end). I think I'd rather be paranoid and annoy my Drs (I took him in at 9/10 mos to request a hearing test bc he wasn't responding to his name. Turns out he's just a stubborn man! Lol), than be the parent in denial. But that's just me, j guess because I understand the importance of EI.
Question though, what would you call a child who hits milestones later but is not "delayed". I always felt awkward talking about it because I knew he was NT (neurotypical), but that his verbal milestones were late.
Also it's interesting because if you break down areas of development, the basic two people are concerned about are "walking and talking" and it would stress me out so much when I had to say no he's not, but I knew he was fine. His problem solving/logic skills are super advanced and his fine motor skills are also rest. One day at 16 months he just walked. Out of the blue. Like he had never not done it. And now at 20 months he has about 100 words and way more receptive skills. But there was a 3-4 month Period where I didn't m ow how to "label" him without making it sound like he had a diagnosis. That was a short story long, sorry ladies.
First BFP 12/2012, MMC at 9 weeks
Second BFP 6/2013, resulted in DS, born 2/23/14 :-)
Third BFP 5/2015, natural MC at 6 weeks
Fourth BFP 8/2015, hoping for sticky little brother or sister to H!
Proud SAHM to our little monkey H.
Pro Vax, extended breasftfeeder, ring sling and stroller loving mama. I don't judge you unless you don't vaccinate!
I told MH that I had brought plenty to eat for lunch and that I didn't need to get anything else. I went to the gas station and got bugles and peanut butter cups and left what I brought in the staff refrigerator.
I told MH that I had brought plenty to eat for lunch and that I didn't need to get anything else. I went to the gas station and got bugles and peanut butter cups and left what I brought in the staff refrigerator.
There was a potluck today at work that I wasn't informed of but ate to my heart's content. Now I have lunch for tomorrow!
I specialized in EI doing ABA for kids with autism. The denial is so sad. It's hard to say how I would be in that situation but DS smiled late, laughed late, recognized his name late, and spoke late. With each milestone I was convinced he was "delayed" (he's not! Just jt the milestones in the later end). I think I'd rather be paranoid and annoy my Drs (I took him in at 9/10 mos to request a hearing test bc he wasn't responding to his name. Turns out he's just a stubborn man! Lol), than be the parent in denial. But that's just me, j guess because I understand the importance of EI.
Question though, what would you call a child who hits milestones later but is not "delayed". I always felt awkward talking about it because I knew he was NT (neurotypical), but that his verbal milestones were late.
Also it's interesting because if you break down areas of development, the basic two people are concerned about are "walking and talking" and it would stress me out so much when I had to say no he's not, but I knew he was fine. His problem solving/logic skills are super advanced and his fine motor skills are also rest. One day at 16 months he just walked. Out of the blue. Like he had never not done it. And now at 20 months he has about 100 words and way more receptive skills. But there was a 3-4 month Period where I didn't m ow how to "label" him without making it sound like he had a diagnosis. That was a short story long, sorry ladies.
It really IS sad. I see them everyday. I am now at the point where I push for them to have a talk with their Pediatrician, or if they are 4 years old and having a bunch of trouble in VPK, I refer them to the county to get tested so they can start the school year in Kindergarten with an IEP as opposed to having the teacher try and do response to intervention (which will not work for these types of kids) and then fail them at the end of the year. Thankfully, my wording is much better than some of the VPK teachers and they feel they trust my professional opinion and follow through and get the kids the services they need. A lot of parents are scared of labels. They also feel that their child may be put in a smaller classroom, but I try and explain to them, that maybe a smaller classroom is exactly what your child will need. At the end of the day...you should just want them to be successful. It's hard to swallow, but it's the truth. I'm all for early intervention, and I prefer to bother my DS' pediatrician all day long like you rather than be in denial. That's how my son got PE tubes put in at 17 months because he wasn't saying much, and just imagine me as a mom and an SLP trying to figure out why my son isn't saying anything! Come to find out he has a minor hearing loss. Got tubes put in, 2 months of Speech, and now he doesn't stop talking LOL.
Ok, as far as your question, in my field, we would qualify a child if their standard scores are equivalent to 7 months or more from their chronological age. So let's say your child is 5 years 2 months, they would need to be functioning at a level of 4 years 7 months or below to qualify for services. If your child falls within 6 months of their chronological age, it's just considered developmental and they "should" catch on. At times though, like with your DS who had a few things that were delayed, a 6 month of therapy may actually help get him on the curve and then be discharged. Just depends on his personality. I feel like an expressive or receptive language disorder isn't a label parents are afraid of, simply because they know how easily it can be removed. If you had any concerns about it, get him tested. But if not, ahhh he may just be a little headstrong ;-). LOL.
@imrachellea how old is she? We're having the same issues with DS (20 mos). At preschool they basically teach the kids to use their words instead. It works if a kid comes to him and take his toy (he says no instead of hitting now) but it doesn't work when he wants another kids toy. I know it's pretty normal developmentally right now so I'm honestly not too worried. If he his me or pulls my hair for now I've just been saying things like "gentle, be kind, that hurts mommy". If he hits a kid on the playground I'll do the same but for the kid and the sometimes physically prompt his hand to kindly tap the kid or give hugs. If he's hitting to be funny and get a reaction well do time out. But for now I'm just hoping he gets the point before he gets too old for it to be developmentally appropriate lol.
This is what I'm doing with my daycare kiddo - he hits when he's excited to get your attention (usually the face) and "shares" very aggressively, hitting DD with toys if she doesn't take them right away. He's only 14 months, so it's clearly not malicious, just not in control yet. My experience with other kids (DD is only 16 mo) is that they grow out of it and it's a great time to teach them gentleness and how to apologize. I would also encourage you to talk to your daycare providers about what situations lead up to the conflict in her room - if you should practice asking for a toy back if someone takes one, asking to share etc.
Confession - I would rather chew off a hand than be a SAHM.
This is NOT to incite any type of mommy war, because I think any woman who is able to do it and wants to is a rock star. My SIL keeps all 3 of her kids at home and has recently started an at home daycare in the last couple of years. I think she's bloody crazy, but more power to her. I have a long history of depression and anxiety and the thought of being home alone with kiddos all day feels so isolating to me. She loves it.
I worked very hard in college and graduate school and find a lot of purpose and fulfillment in my career. I enjoy working outside of the home, although I wouldn't hate reduced work hours. Logistically speaking, we could never afford for me to stay home anyway as I am the breadwinner in our house.
SIL and I are both happy with our roles within our families and so are our kiddos - that's all that matters.
What does annoy me is those infographics that try to spark arguments and talk about what the salary of a SAHM should be - 90K? Nah, son. Regardless of what we do, we are ALL moms. That is a full time job whether or not you work or stay home - that you can't put a salary figure on. We just get paid in love.. boogers and love. :P
That's so funny (as in funny coincidence, not a funny point of view).
My FFFC is that one of the things I'm looking forward to as a by-product of becoming a mommy is that I won't have to justify staying at home anymore. I also have a buttload of expensive and impressive education, but I'm just happier taking care of my family and home. I also have psoriasis and anxiety issues that both flare up badly when I am employed full time and stressed out.
I've always felt like I have to keep a few freelance projects going, or have a "transition" I'm working on when someone asks me what I've been doing. It will be a relief to me to just throw myself into being mommy and not feel guilt/shame about not working for money.
FFFC: I love being pregnant. Sure I got sick a few times, and sure heartburn is a bummer... but I love it! I love my bump, I love maternity clothes, I love what it does to my hair and nails...I just love being pregnant!
FTM so forgive my naivete ... and I know not everyone has the same experience, heck my own sister hated being pregnant!
FFFC: I'm disgustingly jealous of women who feel this way about pregnancy. I love that I am pregnant in thought, it's the symptoms that won't let up that I am not in love with. I am not one of those lucky women who look awesome and have a bump; my face is blotchy and full of acne and I look like a can of busted biscuits. However, I'm still pregnant and as a result of all these dreaded symptoms, I may well have a baby in April! I don't think you're naive, I think you're lucky - I hope you stay lucky and I wouldn't mind if you blew some of that sunshine my way.
I agree, enjoy it. With DD I loved every minute and couldn't wait to start ttc again. This time around I have hated it. Every smell sends me off and food...well forget about it. Glad it is ending...although I wish I could enjoy it more as this will be out last.
@cmjenkies my friend left her job today to be a sahm again (she sah for a while, rejoined work force, and is pregnant now and decided it wasn't worth it). Thought you'd enjoy this text exchange:
FFFC: I'm really surprised, happy and relieved so far despite my prior health conditions such as hypothyroidism, hypertension, and pre-diabetes that I am maintaining pretty good and this so far has been a good and normal pregnancy. Baby so far is doing good, I'm doing good, knock on wood!
I'd like to confess that I just found out my baby shower will be March 6th and that's 2 days before my 30th birthday and then i realized for the first time I can't go out and party like I've always planned. No booze, no all nighters in Vegas , I'll be 34 weeks. Then mom tells me she had planned on taking me Colorado for a ski trip for my 30th in February as well that she had to cancel. I'm pretty bummed. Don't get me wrong I'm pumped about baby but I can't help but be slightly upset my 30th won't be how I thought it would be.
I feel for ya on this one. My 30th was 10 days after DD2 was born and I was at home all day struggling with breastfeeding. It was not the 30th I had imagined by any means. But looking back now, it's really no big deal. Birthdays come every year and you can always make up for it on the next one.
Would your mom be willing to postpone the trip rather than cancel altogether?
Fffc: I dislike that the current term is "developmental delays" for children with such delays. To me a delay means that you will eventually catch up. My son was delayed in speech in that he spoke a couple months later, but he was never delayed if that make sense. So what term am I supposed to use for him without confusing people? I understand we need to be sensitive of such families but sometimes I wish society would call a spade a spade. A child
Fffc: I dislike that the current term is "developmental delays" for children with such delays. To me a delay means that you will eventually catch up. My son was delayed in speech in that he spoke a couple months later, but he was never delayed if that make sense. So what term am I supposed to use for him without confusing people? I understand we need to be sensitive of such families but sometimes I wish society would call a spade a spade. A child with a neurological/genetic etc disorder is not delayed, they will never catch up to neurotypical standards and the term is confusing. Yes kids with autism for example can make huge strides, but I still think the term is confusing.
Also please don't think in not sensitive to special needs etc. I used to do early intervention and was very sensitive to all my families etc. Just that term irks me.
I'm an SLP and I believe that the term Developmentally Delayed is what is used up until age 6, pretty much giving any specialist the time to find out what is wrong with the child. Prior to their 6th birthday, they need to be evaluated and the term will come off and either removed altogether, or replaced by another one. I agree with you, call a spade a spade, but in this society, this privilege belongs to the parents. A lot of them have difficulty coming to terms with the fact that their child may have Autism, or ADHD, or anything else that labels their child as "special". I have worked with many families whose children I knew had Autism from the second they walked into my office, but had to wait and kindly suggest that they be seen by a neurologist to get the diagnosis; and even then, some of them still seemed surprised (which proves they are either in some lala land, or are uneducated on the matter).
I really hate the DD label too. We try to remove or it change it a more accurate eligibility by their 8 year evaluation (at least where I am). Developmental delay is just so vague that I think it makes swallowing the more accurate eligibility that much harder. I am a member of our districts team that determines kindergarten special Ed placement and those meetings can be so so so hard. It breaks my heart to see parents who know a self-contained special ed placement is best for their kid, but at the same time grieve over their "normal child" hopes.
Fffc: I am ashamed to admit that I am currently watching Exorcism: Live, and although it is the stupidest thing I have ever seen I can't seem to turn it off. I want to see somebody's head spin.
I was spanked as a child, not very often though because I was an angel, lol. But enough to develop a healthy fear of consequences if I did something I knew I wasn't supposed to do. Spanking was used as a last resort usually, if stern warnings didn't work, or if it was something particularly bad. As I got older, punishment turned into activities being taken away. My parents called it being on restriction. It worked great on my brother and I, and I plan on using the same form of discipline for my children. I don't really care how other families choose to discipline, what works for me may not work for you and vice versa. To each their own is how I feel.
I'd like to confess that I just found out my baby shower will be March 6th and that's 2 days before my 30th birthday and then i realized for the first time I can't go out and party like I've always planned. No booze, no all nighters in Vegas , I'll be 34 weeks. Then mom tells me she had planned on taking me Colorado for a ski trip for my 30th in February as well that she had to cancel. I'm pretty bummed. Don't get me wrong I'm pumped about baby but I can't help but be slightly upset my 30th won't be how I thought it would be.
I feel for ya on this one. My 30th was 10 days after DD2 was born and I was at home all day struggling with breastfeeding. It was not the 30th I had imagined by any means. But looking back now, it's really no big deal. Birthdays come every year and you can always make up for it on the next one.
Would your mom be willing to postpone the trip rather than cancel altogether?
I'm sure we will get away the following year. Maybe for my 31st. It was so sweet of her I was sad she went through the trouble to plan it then cancel it. We have always wanted to do it so I'm sure it will happen
@jonesl12 I totally understand what you mean. My parents 25th anniversary was about 3 weeks after we announced that I was pregnant with DD. Apparently they had talked about taking the whole family (Me, DH, 2 sisters and the parents) on a big vacation to celebrate that coming summer, but decided against it since DD was due 6/16 and now we'll have to wait a long time before the kids will be old enough to actually enjoy a trip like that. Obviously I would pick DD over a big trip, but it was a big bummer that the timing didn't work out to be able to do both!
I feel you! 25 was a big deal to me, it had been a good year of career choices and self discovery. I was so ready to celebrate my accomplishments on my 25th only to get a BFP a week before. But then again, I always said I wanted my first biological child (I have a 6 year old step daughter) to be before the age of 25, so I took it as a happy bday to me
Fffc: I dislike that the current term is "developmental delays" for children with such delays. To me a delay means that you will eventually catch up. My son was delayed in speech in that he spoke a couple months later, but he was never delayed if that make sense. So what term am I supposed to use for him without confusing people? I understand we need to be sensitive of such families but sometimes I wish society would call a spade a spade. A child
Fffc: I dislike that the current term is "developmental delays" for children with such delays. To me a delay means that you will eventually catch up. My son was delayed in speech in that he spoke a couple months later, but he was never delayed if that make sense. So what term am I supposed to use for him without confusing people? I understand we need to be sensitive of such families but sometimes I wish society would call a spade a spade. A child with a neurological/genetic etc disorder is not delayed, they will never catch up to neurotypical standards and the term is confusing. Yes kids with autism for example can make huge strides, but I still think the term is confusing.
Also please don't think in not sensitive to special needs etc. I used to do early intervention and was very sensitive to all my families etc. Just that term irks me.
I'm an SLP and I believe that the term Developmentally Delayed is what is used up until age 6, pretty much giving any specialist the time to find out what is wrong with the child. Prior to their 6th birthday, they need to be evaluated and the term will come off and either removed altogether, or replaced by another one. I agree with you, call a spade a spade, but in this society, this privilege belongs to the parents. A lot of them have difficulty coming to terms with the fact that their child may have Autism, or ADHD, or anything else that labels their child as "special". I have worked with many families whose children I knew had Autism from the second they walked into my office, but had to wait and kindly suggest that they be seen by a neurologist to get the diagnosis; and even then, some of them still seemed surprised (which proves they are either in some lala land, or are uneducated on the matter).
I really hate the DD label too. We try to remove or it change it a more accurate eligibility by their 8 year evaluation (at least where I am). Developmental delay is just so vague that I think it makes swallowing the more accurate eligibility that much harder. I am a member of our districts team that determines kindergarten special Ed placement and those meetings can be so so so hard. It breaks my heart to see parents who know a self-contained special ed placement is best for their kid, but at the same time grieve over their "normal child" hopes.
Totally off topic but did you disappear? I went to find you earlier and TB said you left! Anyway -- I used my newfound knowledge about MRSA today at work! Luckily I work with adults, so I explained to him that I was going to wear gloves because I'm pregnant and he was very cool about it; then again, he's been hospitalized with it twice in the past six months.
Re: FFFC
I don't think you're naive, I think you're lucky - I hope you stay lucky and I wouldn't mind if you blew some of that sunshine my way.
It's a boy! Grow baby, grow! EDD: 4/22/2016
It's a boy! Grow baby, grow! EDD: 4/22/2016
It's a boy! Grow baby, grow! EDD: 4/22/2016
But I don't believe you when you children aren't assholes. All toddlers are assholes. It's science. Everyone knows that! :-P
I totally stole this and used it as a suggestion in conversation with DH last night - he thinks it's hilarious!
I *think* I've felt some movement at night, literally in the middle of the night. But, ya know, it's the middle of the night, so I very well could have dreamed it.
My opinion on spanking: I agree with it completely. Every child is different and spanking may not be the best technique for some, everyone knows their child and know what's best for them. I know some people worry about their children "fearing" them. But if you don't put a little bit of fear into your child what makes you think they will realize you are the boss? I know not everyone agrees, but that's just my opinion.
Married: May '15
M/C: May '15
Expecting DS: April '16
I specialized in EI doing ABA for kids with autism. The denial is so sad. It's hard to say how I would be in that situation but DS smiled late, laughed late, recognized his name late, and spoke late. With each milestone I was convinced he was "delayed" (he's not! Just jt the milestones in the later end). I think I'd rather be paranoid and annoy my Drs (I took him in at 9/10 mos to request a hearing test bc he wasn't responding to his name. Turns out he's just a stubborn man! Lol), than be the parent in denial. But that's just me, j guess because I understand the importance of EI.
Question though, what would you call a child who hits milestones later but is not "delayed". I always felt awkward talking about it because I knew he was NT (neurotypical), but that his verbal milestones were late.
Also it's interesting because if you break down areas of development, the basic two people are concerned about are "walking and talking" and it would stress me out so much when I had to say no he's not, but I knew he was fine. His problem solving/logic skills are super advanced and his fine motor skills are also rest. One day at 16 months he just walked. Out of the blue. Like he had never not done it. And now at 20 months he has about 100 words and way more receptive skills. But there was a 3-4 month Period where I didn't m ow how to "label" him without making it sound like he had a diagnosis. That was a short story long, sorry ladies.
Making me feel more guilty is that she had me turn it off 10 minutes into it.
I told MH that I had brought plenty to eat for lunch and that I didn't need to get anything else. I went to the gas station and got bugles and peanut butter cups and left what I brought in the staff refrigerator.
It's a boy! Grow baby, grow! EDD: 4/22/2016
It's a boy! Grow baby, grow! EDD: 4/22/2016
Would your mom be willing to postpone the trip rather than cancel altogether?
We have always wanted to do it so I'm sure it will happen