FFFC

Mailmans Baby Momma

Can't sleep, so here we go...

I hide food from DH. Why does he not get the his pregnant wife gets dibs on all the food in the house? Glad he's too lazy to move the milk to look for something.

kalanieileen

LOLLLL yes! Last night I was craving bacon so badly, so DH and I picked up a kids breakfast plate of bacon, eggs, and French toast (mmmmm). On my last slice of bacon, DH wants a bite. So I said ok sure... He doesn't just take a bite. He takes like 75% of my last piece... MY LAST PIECE! Then he makes a face and says it doesn't taste good. I was like dafuqqq homie! Just wasted my damn bacon

Ready4theParty

I was unable to stop my coworker from derailing all my work for the last two months and she has taken over everything. I have decided not to point out the small details like "How are you going to get into the building before hours if you don't have access?" Or that this board room she so badly want to have this conference is not as nice as she thinks. It doesn't have flip charts or a whiteboard. But she just assumes because she comes from our corporate office and they have nicer things. I almost flipped her off yesterday when she said white wall clings are not the same as a flip chart and she won't use them...that's all we use in that room honey.

AmadorRose

@kalanieileen that would've ruined my night.

My confession: I don't see anything wrong with parents spanking their children provided they can keep their own emotions in check. I started ranting about this yesterday and realized it was more suited for here.
Seriously, I hope people who don't spank have perfect little angels who listen because they're told to.
I was an asshole kid. The only reason I behaved was the threat of pain. My parents tried everything else but when a kid isn't attached to material things, it doesn't matter what you take away. When a kid has an active imagination, putting her in a corner isn't a punishment, it's playtime when she should be doing chores. I could go on but I think the picture is clear. There is a very clear line between spanking and abuse, and I think it's a person's right as a parent to spank when it's called for.

Ready4theParty

@AmadorRose I totally agree. I will confess we've spanked Dd because she torturing the dogs, or doing something we've told her not to. And a time out hasn't worked. Our go to is time out so we can check our frustration/anger before bringing out the spanking. I won't spank in public due to how judgemental society is. If my child acts up in the store we leave and she can't come back until she behaves. It's embarrassing to walk out of a store without your cart esp when it was full, but I feel the bigger lesson is Dd needs to learn how to act in public.

AmadorRose

Ready4theParty said:

@AmadorRose I totally agree. I will confess we've spanked Dd because she torturing the dogs, or doing something we've told her not to. And a time out hasn't worked. Our go to is time out so we can check our frustration/anger before bringing out the spanking. I won't spank in public due to how judgemental society is. If my child acts up in the store we leave and she can't come back until she behaves. It's embarrassing to walk out of a store without your cart esp when it was full, but I feel the bigger lesson is Dd needs to learn how to act in public.

I had a friend whose mother used to spank than with wooden spoons (which I don't agree with but the stories are funny). When they went shopping, her mom would bring a wooden spoon and if my friend or her brother started acting up, her mom would start pulling out the spoon - and the kids would immediately behave.

Mailmans Baby Momma

@AmadorRose I'm good with spanking too if other tactics are not effective and the spanking is effective. I'm working with a generation of kids in which many were not disciplined in any way...What parents don't realize is the major disservice they're doing for their children and society.

@kalenieileen husband would be in the doghouse over bacon.

skc040512

AmadorRose said:

Ready4theParty said:

@AmadorRose I totally agree. I will confess we've spanked Dd because she torturing the dogs, or doing something we've told her not to. And a time out hasn't worked. Our go to is time out so we can check our frustration/anger before bringing out the spanking. I won't spank in public due to how judgemental society is. If my child acts up in the store we leave and she can't come back until she behaves. It's embarrassing to walk out of a store without your cart esp when it was full, but I feel the bigger lesson is Dd needs to learn how to act in public.

I had a friend whose mother used to spank than with wooden spoons (which I don't agree with but the stories are funny). When they went shopping, her mom would bring a wooden spoon and if my friend or her brother started acting up, her mom would start pulling out the spoon - and the kids would immediately behave.

My mom did this to me and my sister, but with a spatula. My parents had to stop spanking me because I was a snarky little bitch by the time I was 3 and they would pop me, I'd turn around and say "That didn't hurt."

My FFFC: I've read 4 books while at work this week. It's been a very slow few days in the office, so I just brought my own entertainment. Unfortunately, Fridays are usually the slowest, and I'm out of books...

AmadorRose

@Skcobb I do the majority of my homework at work. No shame.

nikkinbonnie

All of the research indicates spanking is not effective and has negative effects on children and their behavior. Yet our society is still stuck on the idea that it is the only way to raise well disciplined kids. If you were spanked and turned out okay it wasn't because you were hit. I've worked with kids my entire career and the most respectful well behaved ones are the ones who's parents use other techniques. You have to have consisent rules and consequences and I think spanking is an easy way out in the short term.

jonesl12

I'd like to confess that I just found out my baby shower will be March 6th and that's 2 days before my 30th birthday and then i realized for the first time I can't go out and party like I've always planned. No booze, no all nighters in Vegas , I'll be 34 weeks. Then mom tells me she had planned on taking me Colorado for a ski trip for my 30th in February as well that she had to cancel.
I'm pretty bummed. Don't get me wrong I'm pumped about baby but I can't help but be slightly upset my 30th won't be how I thought it would be.

nikkinbonnie

My confession: I've had a terrible week at work and have had a headache all week. I feel okay today but I'm calling in sick. I have had to work hours late everyday and my team is playing in the World Series tonight and I don't want to miss it (again!) because my job can never ever guarantee I'll get off on time. This is the first time I've called in since getting pregnant (saving that time up!) and I've worked so much when I was so sick and throwing up all the time. No one will even question me calling in today. Mental health day here I come. Go Royals!!!!!!

Ready4theParty

AmadorRose said:

@Skcobb I do the majority of my homework at work. No shame.

Agreed. When my boss travels I can usually knock my work out in a day tops. The rest of the week I am bored so I've been writing my book that I may or may not ever attempt to publish. I have a coworker who likes to give me his crappy jobs like cleaning out files or drawers in his office.

iamrandom

nikkinbonnie said:

All of the research indicates spanking is not effective and has negative effects on children and their behavior. Yet our society is still stuck on the idea that it is the only way to raise well disciplined kids. If you were spanked and turned out okay it wasn't because you were hit. I've worked with kids my entire career and the most respectful well behaved ones are the ones who's parents use other techniques. You have to have consisent rules and consequences and I think spanking is an easy way out in the short term.

Exactly.  Here's just a smattering of articles referencing research that has been done on the subject.  

*As a massive aside: I would link to the actual studies, but I realize that a) unless the study is available through pubmed (or the like) chances are most people won't have the credentials necessary to actually view the study, and b) these studies aren't written for a lay audience and can be tough to read through if you don't have a solid understanding of study design and the underlying science.  Neither of which is to say that people who don't work in research science/medicine aren't super smart and completely capable of getting the point.  The availability of research to the general public and the presentation of material to a non-academic/non-professional audience is a perennial issue and one that certainly hasn't been solved yet.  Science Daily is a great resource though for concisely summarizing research in a way that is easily digestible, so I'll start with them.

2013 UNH Study on Spanking & Slowed Cognitive Development: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/12/131211103958.htm

Multiyear Tulane Study on Long Term Effects of Spanking: https://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1983895,00.html

From the APA, Meta-Analysis of Corporal Punishment Research: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

imrachellea

My confession: I have a fun Halloween lab for my kids to be doing today but I'm super pissy about how lame our staff Halloween social turned out this morning (I'm on the committee that plans it and WE did a great job, but the turnout was crap due to people having a bad attitude, so all our work was wasted). So since I'm pissy, I have no desire to have fun with my kids today and just want to go home.

sarahufl

Mailmans Baby Momma said:

Can't sleep, so here we go... I hide food from DH. Why does he not get the his pregnant wife gets dibs on all the food in the house? Glad he's too lazy to move the milk to look for something.

I was eating Thin Mints the other day and H was all "I can't believe you hid Girl Scout cookies from me!!". Dude, they have been in the freezer literally for six months. I have more self-control than you and can eat three at a time instead of the whole box. They weren't hiding, per se, but I saw no need to announce that they were there.

blonde_mama

Confession: the spanking vs no spanking debate is pointless to me. It's just like arguing with someone who vaccinates vs someone who doesn't or talking politics with a democrate when you're a republican.

No one ever changes the mind of the other. They just go around and around all day trying to prove who's right and being pissed in the end because the other doesn't get it lol.

For the record though, we do spank in our house from time to time, I have no issues with it.

Edited: spelling. Whoops lol

iamrandom

Shit, if I thought people were incapable of changing their minds when presented with science I'd have to go down to the basement and shoot myself.  I think most people are smarter than they're given credit for; people when given the opportunity to thoughtfully consider something will, at least, consider it.  I personally hate the nihilistic view that people (writ large) are so entrenched in their views that we shouldn't even bother having intellectual discussions.  If people throughout the ages had adhered to that philosophy then we'd still have a Jim Crow South and everyone would still smoke cigarettes blissfully unaware of the dangers.  <- and that's the optimistic view 

cmjenkies

Confession - I would rather chew off a hand than be a SAHM.

This is NOT to incite any type of mommy war, because I think any woman who is able to do it and wants to is a rock star. My SIL keeps all 3 of her kids at home and has recently started an at home daycare in the last couple of years. I think she's bloody crazy, but more power to her. I have a long history of depression and anxiety and the thought of being home alone with kiddos all day feels so isolating to me. She loves it.

I worked very hard in college and graduate school and find a lot of purpose and fulfillment in my career. I enjoy working outside of the home, although I wouldn't hate reduced work hours. Logistically speaking, we could never afford for me to stay home anyway as I am the breadwinner in our house.

SIL and I are both happy with our roles within our families and so are our kiddos - that's all that matters.

What does annoy me is those infographics that try to spark arguments and talk about what the salary of a SAHM should be - 90K? Nah, son. Regardless of what we do, we are ALL moms. That is a full time job whether or not you work or stay home - that you can't put a salary figure on. We just get paid in love.. boogers and love. :P

blonde_mama

@iamrandom maybe I should have been more specific. I'm mostly talking about having those type of discussions on an online forum. Let's be real. 9/10 no one is going to change their point of view and it usually escalates.

Kind of like when someone starts a vaccination thread and people try shutting it down before it even starts. Mostly causes contention.

I like to talk about all those subjects I mentioned IRL but that's because it is easier to see someone's point of view when you can hear their tone or when you respect them in real life as opposed to someone you've never met from an online forum.

sarahufl

cmjenkies said:

Confession - I would rather chew off a hand than be a SAHM. This is NOT to incite any type of mommy war, because I think any woman who is able to do it and wants to is a rock star. My SIL keeps all 3 of her kids at home and has recently started an at home daycare in the last couple of years. I think she's bloody crazy, but more power to her. I have a long history of depression and anxiety and the thought of being home alone with kiddos all day feels so isolating to me. She loves it. I worked very hard in college and graduate school and find a lot of purpose and fulfillment in my career. I enjoy working outside of the home, although I wouldn't hate reduced work hours. Logistically speaking, we could never afford for me to stay home anyway as I am the breadwinner in our house. SIL and I are both happy with our roles within our families and so are our kiddos - that's all that matters. What does annoy me is those infographics that try to spark arguments and talk about what the salary of a SAHM should be - 90K? Nah, son. Regardless of what we do, we are ALL moms. That is a full time job whether or not you work or stay home - that you can't put a salary figure on. We just get paid in love.. boogers and love. :P

My plan is to stay at home but I am already terrified that I will hate it. My current job is just too annoying/too far from home to justify the commute, so I plan to leave.

I want to give the SAHM thing a shot, but it freaks me out.

iamrandom

@jordanbara Ah, I see what you're saying.  And yeah, unfortunately I think you're more likely right when it comes to something like a contentious parenting issue on The Bump.  Still, I'd kick myself if I didn't try.  I know I've had my mind changed by things I've read.  I don't think anyone gives a shit about my personal opinion--nor should they, I'm a faceless (not counting my dog avatar) poster and no one on this board knows anything about me aside from the fact that I'm pregnant and due in April--but I've been really impressed overall by this BMB's attitude towards science-based medicine.  So, maybe reading one of those articles will prompt someone to do more research into the issue.  And maybe that research will change their minds.  Or maybe it won't.  But I don't ever think information is wasted on smart people, whatever conclusions they come to.  

And I realize all of this is likely more serious than necessary considering this is a thread that traditionally (before The Bump became all puppies-and-rainbows-or-else!) was reserved for talking shit about other posters and really letting the controversy fly, but yeah, I can't help myself.  <- Imagine how fun I am in real life!

NachosAndPeaches

I don't have a strong opinion on spanking but I think @AmadorRose may be using personal, anecdotal evidence to generalize the rest of children. There are many children who do respond to other effective means of discipline.

I also think a spanking debate is VERY different than a vaccine debate. Someone who doesn't vaccinate affects MY CHILD. They affect the immune compromised. They affect those too young to be vaccinated. It's very different.

And I do agree that when presenting scientific evidence in an educated and calm manner (aka mature discussion), opinions can be changed. I would at least hope that our eyes will be opened and well further research a topic when presented with such facts about anything!

imrachellea

Another confession: this is me today

NachosAndPeaches

Fffc: I dislike that the current term is "developmental delays" for children with such delays. To me a delay means that you will eventually catch up. My son was delayed in speech in that he spoke a couple months later, but he was never delayed if that make sense. So what term am I supposed to use for him without confusing people? I understand we need to be sensitive of such families but sometimes I wish society would call a spade a spade. A child with a neurological/genetic etc disorder is not delayed, they will never catch up to neurotypical standards and the term is confusing. Yes kids with autism for example can make huge strides, but I still think the term is confusing.

Also please don't think in not sensitive to special needs etc. I used to do early intervention and was very sensitive to all my families etc. Just that term irks me.

brie_and_almonds

I ate breakfast with a baby spoon yesterday because all the big spoons were dirty and the last two times I tried to wash dishes in the morning before eating, I puked midway through.

DH has been essentially a single parent this week since we had conferences, and I am very grateful that he ran the dishwasher.

jonesl12

My mom broke a hairbrush on my ass , grandma used a wooden spoon on my ass, and my other grandma used to spank me with a fly swatter. <------- that last one is pretty nasty. Point is that was their decision and the few times they did that was legit justified. I have no issue smacking the hand or butt of my future kid but I'll probably choose to keep my kitchen utensils in the drawer as well as my hairbrush. My punishment even at a young age was extra chores added to what I was already responsible for during the day. It worked, taught me there are consequences for my actions, and I learned how to clean a stall faster than grandma could find the fly swatter.
I have an aunt that never punished her kids except for putting them in "time out" they were devil children and are asshole adults. They were never held responsible for anything and never had one hand on their ass and I think they should have. IMO.

kalanieileen

I think a lot of your opinion will be based off how you were raised/disciplined by your parents and your culture/ethnic background. From my POV, many Filipino parents/grandparents who were born and raised in the Philippines spank/smack their children. I've noticed Filipino families born and raised in America don't discipline like that as much. I'm first generation America, parents porn in Pampanga, Philippines. I got smacked with a wooden spoon, metal spoon, hand, belt. Basically whatever my parents could reach at the time. I got smacked in the head, legs, arms, back, butt. Never hard enough to leave markings or bruise. But enough to know they meant business. I'm NOT advocating that how my parents raised me was right, but I'm also not saying how they raised me was wrong. Sometimes that's all parents know due to their cultural background.

kalanieileen

Also.. I don't know where to put this but I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw someone post a picture of their pitbull captioned "poor Bella sleeping off the pain meds from getting her ears cropped. She looks dope tho" I FUCKING hate hate hate hate the cosmetic surgery of animals to make them look a specific way, purely for human entertainment. I believe it to be cruel and inhumane and there's no way I'm budging on this topic.

AmadorRose

NachosAndPeaches said:

I don't have a strong opinion on spanking but I think @AmadorRose may be using personal, anecdotal evidence to generalize the rest of children. There are many children who do respond to other effective means of discipline.

I also think a spanking debate is VERY different than a vaccine debate. Someone who doesn't vaccinate affects MY CHILD. They affect the immune compromised. They affect those too young to be vaccinated. It's very different.

And I do agree that when presenting scientific evidence in an educated and calm manner (aka mature discussion), opinions can be changed. I would at least hope that our eyes will be opened and well further research a topic when presented with such facts about anything!

I'm not saying parents should immediately go to spanking. I'm all for trying other routes first; however, I am certainly not going to side-eye a parent who does spank and I think that, as a FTM, for me to say that children absolutely must or absolutely must not be spanked is obnoxious because I don't know. Every kid is different - hopefully I won't have to spank, but if I do I won't feel bad about it.

NachosAndPeaches

Discipline and reward are so different per family. My husband asked what motivated me and my sister to get good frades, did we get paid for As etc (they got paid for As on report cards, or something like that). I was like, what??? No! We just knew that was the expectation and followed through. We didn't want to disappoint our parents at first, and quite early good grades and education became or own value, we were self motivated about it. Praise was just as strong for us as a dollar. I think people who grow up one way have a hard time understanding that there are other effective ways to instill values, discipline etc as what they were raised with.

NachosAndPeaches

^^not editing for spelling. I find it ironic that in my post about doing well in school I wrote "frades" lol. I blame it on being mobile.

allaire314

FFFC: I love being pregnant. Sure I got sick a few times, and sure heartburn is a bummer... but I love it! I love my bump, I love maternity clothes, I love what it does to my hair and nails...I just love being pregnant! 

FTM so forgive my naivete ... and I know not everyone has the same experience, heck my own sister hated being pregnant!

kalanieileen

allaire314 said:

FFFC: I love being pregnant. Sure I got sick a few times, and sure heartburn is a bummer... but I love it! I love my bump, I love maternity clothes, I love what it does to my hair and nails...I just love being pregnant! 

FTM so forgive my naivete ... and I know not everyone has the same experience, heck my own sister hated being pregnant!

I feel like you are one a million hunny! Do the damn thang!

Ps. I hate being pregnant lol

cmjenkies

@iamrandom YEAH, SCIENCE!

@NachosAndPeaches the difference is also that there should not even be a debate re: vaccines because there is no legitimate, intelligent argument against them. Nada.. zip, zap, zero. [-X

NachosAndPeaches

You're speaking my language @cmjenkies

imrachellea

@allaire314 Yep I'm with you! Especially now that I'm out of the first trimester! I hated all the nausea, I legit was sick from 7.5-13.5 weeks, but honestly I still love it. I love having my kid this close to me all the time, I'm loving feeling them moving around, I love the extra attention (when its positive...), I love how awesome the female body is that we have the capability to GROW A PERSON. So even when I feel crappy, I still love being pregnant

I'll add in to the spanking debate...I spanked my DD for the first time last week  I didn't want to do it (especially after a week prior I told DH I just didn't know when I'd feel ok doing it, as we were both spanked as kids, agree it can be effective, and are not against it as discipline when necessary). She wouldn't sit down in her stroller, even though she insisted she wanted to take the dog for a walk. We don't have sidewalks in our neighborhood so her walking is just not an option. She would not listen when I was sternly telling her to sit, multiple times, so I swatted her little diapered behind, and she sat right down and we haven't had an issue since.

But on the discipline issue...anyone have suggestions for hitting? Like, she's hitting other kids at daycare. It isn't all the time, it isn't every day, but we're struggling with appropriate ways to teach her this isn't acceptable. Obviously they won't/can't hit her there. But we have the same issue with her hitting the dog once or twice a day. Time out doesn't work long term. So...any other suggestions?

AEG84

Confession: I made kind of an asshole post on facebook yesterday. I had an acquaintance post a pic of her gas gauge showing 0 miles to empty with the caption "[Fiance] said I wouldn't make it to payday, but I did!"  Ummm, that's not really something to brag about. Later in the day, I posted a pic of my dashboard showing that my car just hit 100,000 miles (which I've actually been waiting a few weeks for, but the timing was a little too good to pass up), with an explanation of how it's exciting and scary to hit that marker. It's the first time I've ever had a car with that kind of mileage, but as a result, we are debt-free other than our mortgage and it feels awesome! I know that this person has lived paycheck to paycheck or deeply in debt for a while (and drives a nicer car than I do), so maybe it'll spark some thought for her.

NachosAndPeaches

@imrachellea how old is she? We're having the same issues with DS (20 mos). At preschool they basically teach the kids to use their words instead. It works if a kid comes to him and take his toy (he says no instead of hitting now) but it doesn't work when he wants another kids toy. I know it's pretty normal developmentally right now so I'm honestly not too worried. If he his me or pulls my hair for now I've just been saying things like "gentle, be kind, that hurts mommy". If he hits a kid on the playground I'll do the same but for the kid and the sometimes physically prompt his hand to kindly tap the kid or give hugs. If he's hitting to be funny and get a reaction well do time out. But for now I'm just hoping he gets the point before he gets too old for it to be developmentally appropriate lol.

AmadorRose

NachosAndPeaches said:

@imrachellea how old is she? We're having the same issues with DS (20 mos). At preschool they basically teach the kids to use their words instead. It works if a kid comes to him and take his toy (he says no instead of hitting now) but it doesn't work when he wants another kids toy. I know it's pretty normal developmentally right now so I'm honestly not too worried. If he his me or pulls my hair for now I've just been saying things like "gentle, be kind, that hurts mommy". If he hits a kid on the playground I'll do the same but for the kid and the sometimes physically prompt his hand to kindly tap the kid or give hugs. If he's hitting to be funny and get a reaction well do time out. But for now I'm just hoping he gets the point before he gets too old for it to be developmentally appropriate lol.

I'm obviously not an expert, but my more violent nephews and nieces grew out of this. It was horrible while it lasted, but their moms did redirection and modification similar to what you're describing and they're all polite and thoughtful now.

imrachellea

She'll be 2 on December 18th (yikes, stop growing baby girl!). Her reasons for hitting vary. At home, we're pretty sure she is hitting the dog out of jealousy, as it usually happens first thing in the morning or first thing when we get home when the dog is greeting me happily. So I've been trying to be proactive in that, telling her to give the dog a hug before the dog can greet me. At school, I'm not always sure what instigates it but I know the one girl she is targeting (who is younger than her and just recently moved up to her classroom) she had issues with when they were in the young 1's class together. They were the only two girls (in a class of 6) and she did great with the boys, but the other girl was pretty passive and didn't walk until later so my DD took advantage of it. I know at school they redirect her, and she has to use "nice hands" to give them a hug when she's hitting. I think she also learned this behavior from one of the boys in her class who is a few months older and also recently moved up...maybe she's trying to take his place?