Does anyone feel judged for saying they're staying home? I'm leaving work Friday at 32 weeks, permanently. I gave 3.5 months notice and trained a replacement. December is our busiest month, November second. So since we're not financially strapped and DH offered, I decided to leave early. I'm excited to prepare for baby and rest a little. But I often get asked, why are you leaving so early? Are you going back to work later? And I get the judgy "you have it way to easy staying home with a baby and at the end of pregnancy, I had to work" look. Anyone else feeling this?
Re: SAHM judgment
People (usually SAHMs) have told me that I'm stupid for giving up the extra time with my child. I'm also fed up with people saying that SAHMs have it so hard all the time as well. I work plus I take care of a toddler, clean my house, cook meals everyday, do laundry, etc. Just because I work doesn't mean my child isn't tough to wrangle and keep on a schedule to get ready in the morning or to bed at night.
I'm sick of being told that I'm selfish for working, and that I have it "easy" because I get to have "adult time" away from my children. Judgement is a two-way street.
I'm like, first off, they are receptionists and I'm the nurse. So our jobs are completely different. Plus I know for a fact that they both had "very easy" pregnancies (their words, not mine.)
Secondly, where does he come off saying that??? It made me want to quit today. Completely unprofessional. I look fine?? I have had 6 months of extreme morning sickness, work has been extremely stressful so that I've been crying most nights, and I don't sleep at night. But I'm glad I "look fine."
Anyways, yes, I did feel the judgement today.
Edited to add that I'm from Canada and we get 52 weeks and it can start 8 weeks before your due date.
No. I guess I just don't care. I taught special ed for 10 years before we adopted our son 6 years ago. I've been a SAHM for 4 years now and know it is the right decision for my family. It isn't always easy, and it takes work to be good at it, but I wouldn't trade my role for anything.
The older I get, the less I care what others think I guess.
I don't think anyone on this thread is judging moms who work, just sharing in the frustration in receiving judgment specifically for staying home. It does feel a little bit like judging though to hear "I'm also fed up with people saying that's SAHM's have it so hard all the time", considering we're expressing frustration in hearing how easy we must have it.
We all have it hard - parenting is the toughest job in the world. This could very easily turn into the classic SAHM vs working mom battle and I personally don't think it's a competition. One party saying the other party has it easier will always be hurtful because each has challenges and rewards. As much as you hate hearing how easy you have it/harder the other party has it, the other party feels the same hearing it from you.
So you're right, judgement IS a two way street, let's avoid going down that way
You'll be judged and people will say rude things if you're a SAHM.
You'll be judged and people will say rude things if you're not a SAHM.
Either way, it's an extremely personal choice that only you and your SO can make!
Stay strong ladies!! We ultimately all just want what's best for our families.
Enjoy it I'm off of work starting next week and couldn't be more excited!
Embrace it and enjoy your "nesting" time!!!
BFP #1 April 14th, 2014 MMC at 17weeks with a baby boy D&E
BFP # 2 March 23rd, Rainbow Baby Boy Jayce Michael born 12/9/15
BFP#3 January 26th EDD October 9th! Hoping for my girl!
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This is not really about working moms vs sahm- it's about people being kind & respectful of other people.
Surround yourself with kind-hearted people who lift you up. Let go of the rest.
Lots of haters since my husband worked where I did. A medium sized Non profit where most don't make as much as a teacher does. But, he us in IT and made triple what I did and we planned on me staying home anyway. There were lots of financial judgemental statements bc we paid off a car and spent $40,000 on Fertility treatments (cash). They don't know how much our families contributed to that. And we are both lucky to have no college debt and come from families that live well below their means like we do. I just always laugh. I know I get judgemental, but for as many SAHM there are moms that WANT to work bc they would go crazy otherwise. It's a preference thing for lots of my friends. You do you and I'll do me. We feel differently, but I now know that no one ever really understands our personal decisions....hello hubby and I.don't always agree.
My husband is going to be the one that stays home after our second one is born and I couldn't be happier! Mostly praises from people but some family members have some comments like "aren't you going to go crazy?" "daycare is cheap where you live"
Well I love the idea of my husband being there for our girls! We are fortunate that I make decent money but also frugal. We live waaay below our means and will make this work!
Just brush off the comments as best you can.
https://www.scarymommy.com/10-moms-i-can-no-longer-speak-to/
But since we can split the 12 months in Canada between spouses and my husband has banked overtime he can take as well, I'm taking a month before and at least 8 months after, since a new work season naturally begins in next fall for me and would be the best time to transition back for a variety of reasons. Then my husband could take time off with the baby also.
The rest we'll see. But I'd rather enjoy an extra month off, now, guaranteed than an extra month later I may choose not to use.
DH and I already knew I was not returning to work, as he makes well over $100k more than I do even though I'm the one with the 4-year B.S. in molecular, cellular, and developmental biology, a minor in organic chemistry and a biotech cert.
I've gotten a lot of judgement. I still plan on going to pharmacy school next year though, so it just made sense to quit when I did. I can't wait to be a full-time SAHM for at least awhile. I've had so many people judge me as well but I just let it roll off my back. If only they knew we are very financially secure and I have been horribly sick since week 7 maybe they wouldn't be so judgey!
OP, you stayed working a very long time and trained someone to do your job so anyone that judges you about it is really coming out of a place of ignorance and/or envy.