So today was my baby shower put together by my sisters and mom. We invited my hubby's mom and on multiple occasions I told her not to bring a gift.
His mom already bought us the car seat AND stroller. It was huge purchase. Then at the small shower she put together with her sisters she bought us another gift. So for this shower I asked har not to bring anything but herself. She said okay.
Today at the shower while opening gifts I opened a card and it was from her. I thought to myself..."really? After I asked her not to" so I put it aside and said I'm no opening it today. I said you bought over and above already and this is not necessary. Save it for baby being born or christmas. And then I moved on.
I didn't open it because my mom had mentioned that she was offended that his mom keeps buying gifts and has already spent over $500. My one sister couldn't afford to buy us a gift and found my MIL to be showing off.
So I heard my MIL was leaving so I wanted to talk to her and say thanks but let's hold onto it and open it at the hospital. But before I could say anything she Said "you are rude, I don't care what you do, you are rude" and then she stormed out. I just balled. I thought I was doing the right thing and I specifically asked her the night before not to bring a gift and she still did! When I put her gift aside I told everyone that she bought the stroller and the car seat and that's more than enough.
So.... was I wrong for sticking to what I said, do I owe her an apology? She honestly didn't even let me talk to her.
Re: Right or wrong? Kind of long but need advice
Especially if you did say "I put it aside and said I'm no opening it today. I said you bought over and above already and this is not necessary. Save it for baby being born or christmas."
I'm hoping you didn't announce it where she was put on the spot.
She is excited for her grandchild, maybe she's spent a lot but come on, she's excited. I personally would have explained how your mom and sister felt, not that she had done too much.
My MIL has sent at least four care packages for not only our daughter, but for me, too. As well as bought all five big ticket items on our registry, she's going to be a grandma, and she's super excited about it. Buying things is one way that she, personally, shows her love. Maybe your MIL is similar.
You do owe her an apology, that shouldn't have even been a question. That had to have been very embarrassing for her and she didn't deserve it.
I think a better way to have handled the situation would be to have opened it, but talked to her following the shower saying that you are appreciative of all shes done, but thay you feel uncomfortable accepting so many gifts. However, this is not what happened, so you'll have to swallow your pride and apologize..
You must feel like crap and I am sorry for that, but that must have hurt her a lot too. Do your best to fix it !
My mum has gone mental on the baby gifts: Clothes, bassinet, dresser etc. (its her first grandchild) and although my husbands family cant afford the same lavish gifts they are sooo grateful and appreciate my family being able to spoil the baby. They actually thank her. Why would they be jealous if it means our precious baby gets a nice place to sleep and beautiful clothes.
They will spoil the baby in other ways like LOVE..
I think it is silly your sister and mother would be jealous. Cant they be happy your MIL in law is already so smitten and happy to gift your baby? Because they are jealous the baby should miss out?
I also look at it this way: someone has gone out of their way, above and beyond in your own words, to love your child before he or she has even taken their first breath. Maybe it's not the way you would do it or a way you're entirely comfortable with, but someone is there helping you prepare and shower your baby. Some of us could only dream of getting that kind of support. It's worth mountains of appreciation - regardless of what your family feels her motives may be.
Your reaction lacked grace and tact, and a sincere apology is the ONLY way to go here.
In the future, who buys what is only important for the thank you cards. The value doesn't matter at all. It's the thought that counts, especially for little ones.
Yes to the last paragraph. My MIL spent way more on our baby than she should have. I know my ILs financial situation and it was over the top, but she was excited about the first grandbaby. Instead of telling her how to spend her money, I just made sure to profusely thank her and tell her she didn't have to do that. You cant dictate how people spend their money, so just be grateful and make sure to show it even if you don't agree with it. Otherwise this is what happens.
Honestly, if someone had done to me what you did to her, I probably wouldn't have made it to the end of the shower.
Who are you to say how she spends her money?
My parents and my ILs love buying stuff. Every time we see each of them they have something for us. And you know what I do? I say thank you so much! Because it's one less thing I need to buy.
Who cares if your mom has mentioned that she has bought a lot for you? Tell her you don't expect it but you're grateful for it.
Married 9/28/13
DS born 11/12/15
EDD 8/13/18
Just because she brought a gift it's totally okay to publicly humiliate her?
I seriously doubt the woman has bought her GRANDCHILD gifts to make the other grandmother/aunt feel bad. The OP's post made NO mention that her mother's feelings were EVER brought up to her MIL. SO, her MIL couldn't have known.
Please WK elsewhere.
Married 9/28/13
DS born 11/12/15
EDD 8/13/18