What fears (if any) do you have about your child?

VexedMommy · October 2015

I tend to be an anxious soul and have quite a few fears about my child. I've noticed FTM's tend to focus on fear of various aspects of L&D. I'm good with L&D. I figure that is the easy part since I will be surrounded by highly trained medical professionals and have access to whatever pain meds I need.

My worries are for after I come home. What if I have trouble breastfeeding? What if this LO develops acid reflux or other physical problems? What if she has developmental problems that are difficult to deal with? What if our personalities don't mesh well? How am I going to handle being a mother/step mother of 3? How is my partner going to step up? Etc, etc, etc.

What are your worries and fears?

ashleywuli · October 2015

I have almost the same exact worries/fears as you. My biggest concern is how am I going to be a good mother of 4, 5 years and under. How is my 20 month old going to handle the new baby. How am I going to balance my marriage and four kids. I know in my heart it will all work out, as I had the same fears when I had baby #3 but it's still so worrisome. Good luck to all us mamas! We can do it!!!

beautyundefined · October 2015

My biggest fear is that my child will have a undetected medical condition. Because unfortunately we've had a few newborns pass away in my family from undetected conditions

thefithuntress · October 2015

I've always been extremely career-focused. My fears definitely lie in my relationship with my daughter and my shifting priorities.

Obviously I'm going to love her but finding the balance and the transition of caring about my autonomy less and being a mother more make me anxious. I also worry I'm going to be a loser since I'm choosing to be a mom and putting my career on hold. I wonder if I'll be able to climb the ladder and make more money later on. Dumb greedy stuff like that.

ks24119 · October 2015

My fear- that day my dh goes back to work, our moms leave, and it's just me and dd- Im terrified

lakesideknitter · October 2015

I'm very anxious about breastfeeding. It doesn't help that I missed my breastfeeding class because of a work function running late and there won't be another until after baby is here. Planning to take full advantage of the lactation consultants.
I'm also very worried about medical issues. DH had a heart attack at 30 and has thyroid disease, and I had some pretty serious asthma and allergy issues as a child. Although I understand most of those issues, if passed on to baby, wouldn't present right away, I'm praying baby is happy and healthy when he arrives.

BlondeMomma92 · October 2015

My fear is being able to handle work and being a single parent. I'm okay with sleep deprivation (the army and college has taught me well). But I am completely terrified of being almost entirely alone in this. I just want to do a good job raising her.

MoonUnitNugget · October 2015

I worry that I'm going to struggle with breastfeeding (she won't latch and I won't know how to fix it) and burping her. I remember when my niece was about 3 weeks old and my sil had laid her down on her changing pad, had stepped away for just a moment and left me there and LO just started vomiting milk and I thought on my feet to turn her on her side as to not choke but it was scary!!! I am nervous about this happening to my LO and what if I am not there?! Ahh.

MercyC1130 · October 2015

I'm a FTM, but I'm oddly not so anxious (yet?) about labor.
However, I do worry about thirty thousand other things.
I only just recently started worrying about whether I will be able to bf. I was feeling so confident before!
This may be silly, but I worry about not waking up if the baby needs something and I'm sleeping too hard!
I worry about living with my mom and her being overbearing.
I worry about driving with baby.
I worry about baby being unwell and me not knowing or being able to do something.
I worry about postpartum depression.
I also worry about how SO will step up.
I worry about being "ready" in general.
Oh so many things... Although I worry, I'm definitely am more excited than anything.

tayzav · October 2015

I'm also worried about breastfeeding. I'm going to try, but it's not something I ever wanted to do. I get really uncomfortable seeing other people nurse their children, and I'm scared my thought process won't change just because she's my daughter and I'm the one doing it. Also any health issues that may arise in the future. My SO's family has a lot of kidney failures and a few other big health issues. My family the cancers runs through. I'm also worried, and this is probably the main reason I never wanted kids, is that I'll turn out just like my mother was with me. Let's just say two of her three kids don't talk to her. I never wanna repeat the things she's done. I want to have my family stay together. I don't want children from different dads like her. I think, seeing how close and different my SO's family is compared to mine makes me sad I didn't have that growing up and it's so important to me that my daughter know her family will always be there.

seelwood · October 2015

I have found myself, recently, focusing on my worries more than I have in the last 9 months. I worry about LO having a missed health issue. I was told I have polyhydraminos and if you google that, every bad scenario pops up. While they have found no reason for concern, I still worry. Im worried about how I will handle the complete life change that is about to happen and how that will affect me and DH. I worry I wont bond well with LO because I have to put him in daycare at 2 months , even though I know he will be fine. I worry I wont know if something is wrong in general... Oh the worries !!

rubirubi89 · October 2015

I have only worried about one thing since before I even got pregnant, this is also the same reason I was hesitant to have a child. Thanks to my father I learned at a very young age that not all "parents" love their children, he obviously did not and it has caused me to doubt my own capability to love my son. I don't worry about it so much now, especially since I've had a few sob fests about him not being here already. I really want to meet him 8->

Gapeach83 · October 2015

Mainly worried about my 21 month old and how she will deal with not being the baby. My first was almost 4 when I had her so it was easier Because she was independent. Juggling the schedule since DD1 is in school. Of course any medical conditions he may have. I also worry about any mental delays and how I will handle them. I know I won't love him less I just know it will be more stress. Like you said I am not worried about labor itself been through it 2x so I am mentally prepared.

lulamagoo · October 2015

VexedMommy said:
I tend to be an anxious soul and have quite a few fears about my child. I've noticed FTM's tend to focus on fear of various aspects of L&D. I'm good with L&D. I figure that is the easy part since I will be surrounded by highly trained medical professionals and have access to whatever pain meds I need.

My worries are for after I come home. What if I have trouble breastfeeding? What if this LO develops acid reflux or other physical problems? What if she has developmental problems that are difficult to deal with? What if our personalities don't mesh well? How am I going to handle being a mother/step mother of 3? How is my partner going to step up? Etc, etc, etc.

What are your worries and fears?

I am with you, L/D can only last so long. Caring for your child is the rest of your life!

I am worried that we will have the same troubles as last time plus a toddler. DS had severe reflux and colic. I was beyond sleep deprived. Breastfeeding was a struggle because I had an oversupply and overactive let down on top of the acid reflux.
But we made it.
I am worried about making sure DS doesn't feel under loved.
I am worried about the financial aspect. Kids including babies are expensive and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit.
I am worried about making our marriage a priority with two kiddos but I know how important that is especially in the first year.

Evidently I have a lot of worries.

Cmagno · October 2015

I'm worried about how DD (24 months old) will adjust to her new sister. We've had so much fun for 2 years and she's such a sweetie. I already feel connected to LO but I'm worried I won't have enough time, patience and love for them both

Craiggles · October 2015

I worry about health issues too, and raising a kid who makes choices that lead to happiness. I've seen so many people throw their health and happiness in the trash for things like addiction and unhealthy relationships. I also want to raise a son who knows how to meet a challenge well; whether it's challenging work, athletics, relationships, etc.

bellie1223 · October 2015

Like most previous posters, I'm worried about breastfeeding being difficult. Also worried about having a cranky/colicky baby and how that could affect me and my husband's relationship. Worried about my relationship with my own mother once I have a child because she's already proving to be difficult and emotional. Worried about money and putting too much pressure on my husband to provide financially while I'm taking a break from work.

katiedhunter · October 2015

I'm worried about my 17month old not adapting well to a little brother. And I'm terrified I'm going to loose my mind with three kids that are so young.

modanz1 · October 2015

FTM here, also not worried about labor. I worry about SIDS constantly, that's probably the one I think about the most at this point. I also worry about when he grows up, will he move away from us? Will he marry some girl I hate?

nmwheel1 · October 2015

Breastfeeding was my biggest worry with DD and I think that's still a top worry this time. DD went into distress when I was only 3cm dilated, her heart rate dropped below 80 bpm and it was really scary, I'm worried the same might happen but my OB said I can go in when my water breaks or when contractions are 8-10 minutes a part for peace of mind!

Also worried about DD adjusting to the new baby (she'll be 2 in November), and I don't want her to think I'm neglecting her.

PetitNightingale · October 2015

I am worried I won't be a good mother because my mother wasn't a good mother. I have spent my life in white offices with plush couches trying to work out abandonment issues, need for approval at all cost etc. and I have an almost irrational sense that bad parenting is genetic.

I want to break the cycle and be a good mother to my son. I really do. And I second what @BlondeMama92 said about being a single parent in being in school.

I also worry that my son will need a good father and that it's my fault for not being able to have a civil relationship with his dad. I feel like I'm depriving him of something and even though he isn't here yet, I've never felt so guilty in my life.

manda311 · October 2015

I have so many fears I don't even know where to begin....

I have all the same fears many have as far as L&D, what to do with a newborn, things being wrong with the baby, etc.

my most recent is that once we have to return to work that my mom won't be able to handle taking care of the baby and that we will struggle with daycare

mamavbs · October 2015

katiedhunter said:
I'm worried about my 17month old not adapting well to a little brother. And I'm terrified I'm going to loose my mind with three kids that are so young.

Right there with you Hun. I'm worried about having 3 who are 4 and under. I'm nervous I will mess it up and not divide my attention properly. I'm nervous about the every day routine of life and forgetting the baby somewhere?!?

Bettytteb · October 2015

I'm worried about:

- SIDS (and worried about something tragic happening to LO in utero or during delivery)

- Not being a warm/loving enough mother (I did not have a very good model for this in my home)

- Work/life balance (my job/career are very important to me, but I don't want that to overshadow the importance of parenting/family)

- That my Type-A/control freak tendencies are going to manifest as conflict with my DH about parenting

Elyse1384 · October 2015

I'm strangely looking forward to L&D. I didn't find it to be that bad the first time around and I can't wait to meet my LO when he/she is ready (hopefully not too soon though! He/she needs to bake longer). That said, boy do I have worries post delivery. I worry that this LO will have a nasty case of reflux like DS did or some other medical condition. I worry (to the point of being irrational) about SIDS. Hell I still check on DS multiple times a night. I worry about how DS will adapt to no longer being an only child. I worry about not having enough 1:1 time with each child before returning to work. I worry that I won't be a good enough mother now that I'll be parenting more than one and will really need to multitask. I also worry about the return of clogged milk ducts. I was in the ER with mastitis at one point and developed a clogged milk duct at least 1x/week until around the 5m mark. My body doesn't respond well to a pump, so as a working mother electing to breastfeed it was a challenge.

CarrieOct15 · October 2015

FTM here. I'm not worried about L&D or breastfeeding, but things like PPD & SIDS scare the crap out of me. I'm also nervous about juggling work & home. I work full time, and I'm usually pretty exhausted by the time I get home from work. And I frequently have to work from home, especially on the weekends. It's going to be a struggle, for sure. Given the opportunity, I'm not sure if I would make the choice to be a SAHM, but as the "breadwinner" for my family, it's not even an option.

At the same time, though, despite being nervous I really feel like I can handle it. It won't be easy, but it's certainly not impossible. Somehow my mother managed to raise 4 kids, go to nursing school full time, and work full time all at once, so I think I can handle work and 1 baby. She seriously is my inspiration, and the reason I am such an optimist.

lrjac12 · October 2015

Oh man...I'm definitely a worrier and have different things I worry about every day (or so it seems).
I worry about labor and LO being okay.
I just want my LO to be healthy and strong.
I worry about my LO possibly being diagnosed with a disability or having health issues.
I worry that I won't be able to breastfeed.
I worry about being able to be a good mom. I hope I can give her all the time and attention she needs from me.
I worry about the lack of sleep and how that'll affect my parenting and my relationship with my SO.
To top it all off, my SO is in the middle of a custody battle with his ex wife and if he wins (he has a very good chance) we will have primary custody and I'll have two kids in my household. I don't mind, I love my SS who is 3 but it would definitely be a huge change to have him here basically for double the time and having a newborn at the same time. I'm worried about how he will adjust to having a sibling and having to share my SO's attention since he's never had to and sometimes gets a little jealous when SO is with me. I'm so worried that SO won't know how to share his attention. So many many worries and the list goes on but I'm hoping everything just works out.

BowWowBowie · October 2015

I'm a STM.
I'm worried about:
-LO thriving, I'm starting to kick count almost obsessively.

-My c-section, the anesthesia didn't take with my last one and I felt everything, I also had to have two blood transfusions. I just have a really bad feeling this time around.

-If my LO will be able to breastfeed right away

-If I will be able to sucessfully breastfeed this time.

-LO's health in general after he's earth side.

-How my DD will take to my DS

-How I will fare with 2 littles instead of one.

-How I will ever go back to work when all my life and love will be tucked safely away at home. (This one is the hardest)

shellperry · October 2015

All of you worried about being a good parent are already on the right track to being great parents. I take things one day at a time. My biggest fear is SIDS. I lost a nephew to it in 2008 and I've always worried about it with all my children.

nursewho · October 2015

I may be a psycho for saying this but I'm so worried about issues further down the line. My sister has fought drug addiction throughout her life and many of my family members have issues with alcohol. It terrifies me that my DD may potentially follow this path. My mother has never been very warm and loving and I'm afraid I won't be as warm and loving as I would've liked her to be. I'm afraid she will hate me. Though I don't hate my mom, we definitely have a strange relationship. I'm okay with labor and breastfeeding currently. Those were my worries about a month ago. Hopefully I resolve my current worries as quickly as I resolved those!

Jeenyus · October 2015

My mother has always struggled with anxiety/depression, as did her mother. Growing up, the boundaries were often blurred, and I would end up supporting her/offering her advice/consoling her as she struggled to deal with life's challenges.

I've had to work hard to overcome my own anxious tendencies, but when my mother sees this it causes her to feel inadequate, and it's often met with comments that bring me down to make her feel better, whether she is aware/intentionally doing it or not. The dynamic is the same between her and my grandmother - no matter what my mom does, my grandmother has something negative/hurtful to say to her.

My biggest fear is that I will continue this pattern with my daughter. I've told my husband that if he ever sees me saying anything close to the comments that my mother says to me to our daughter, to let me know right away. I want to break the cycle, and am hoping that being aware of it in the first place will be enough to start.

edit: reading the comments above, it seems like this is a common fear.

Jeenyus · October 2015

nursewho said:

I may be a psycho for saying this but I'm so worried about issues further down the line. My sister has fought drug addiction throughout her life and many of my family members have issues with alcohol. It terrifies me that my DD may potentially follow this path. My mother has never been very warm and loving and I'm afraid I won't be as warm and loving as I would've liked her to be. I'm afraid she will hate me. Though I don't hate my mom, we definitely have a strange relationship. I'm okay with labor and breastfeeding currently. Those were my worries about a month ago. Hopefully I resolve my current worries as quickly as I resolved those!

I think the fact that you are aware of this pattern might be a good start to change it with your daughter. I'm hoping it will be for me as well!

sadyy131 · October 2015

First I'm afraid that my baby has something wrong with her legs. Am I the only one that has not got kicked in the ribs yet? (I know I should be counting my blessings)

I worry from time to time about being a good mom, but I'm more afraid of how SO and I's relationship is going to change. He just accepted an overnight position at work, one that he has wanted for a long time. Between work, school and sleep, I feel like it will take a toll on our relationship and I'm scared of being the only one with the baby 24/7. SO won't be there to change a diaper in the middle of the night if I'm exhausted. And he will be at school/ sleeping during the day. I'm afraid I'll go crazy or have an emotional breakdown because I'm overly exhausted and am having trouble breast feeding or something and he won't be there to offer support.

logarithm3 · October 2015

thefithuntress said:
I've always been extremely career-focused. My fears definitely lie in my relationship with my daughter and my shifting priorities.

Obviously I'm going to love her but finding the balance and the transition of caring about my autonomy less and being a mother more make me anxious. I also worry I'm going to be a loser since I'm choosing to be a mom and putting my career on hold. I wonder if I'll be able to climb the ladder and make more money later on. Dumb greedy stuff like that.

That's one of my big concerns as well.

But more importantly- I just want her to be healthy. My biggest fear is an undetected medical condition...

jpierre91 · October 2015

I'm afraid of not being a good mother

aishajohnson3 · October 2015

Trying to handle 4 children and a demanding career . Seeing as how I'm really on my own anyway. Dad says he will help but in my mind I'm on my own :-SS

lakesideknitter · October 2015

I think anyone who has done this is a badass, but holy cow, @BowWowBowie, I can't imagine having to go through feeling every part of a c-section and then choosing to do it again! You're my hero right now.

BowWowBowie · October 2015

@lakesideknitter I'm really, really hoping that a spinal will take. My OB promised it would, so we'll see!

nano1 · October 2015

The fact that you care enough to be reflecting so much is telling me you're already a wonderful mommy @VexedMommy
My best armor for parenthood has been knowledge from reading, following my gut, and asking a lot of questions!

onebadmotha · October 2015

sadyy131 said:

First I'm afraid that my baby has something wrong with her legs. Am I the only one that has not got kicked in the ribs yet? (I know I should be counting my blessings) I worry from time to time about being a good mom, but I'm more afraid of how SO and I's relationship is going to change. He just accepted an overnight position at work, one that he has wanted for a long time. Between work, school and sleep, I feel like it will take a toll on our relationship and I'm scared of being the only one with the baby 24/7. SO won't be there to change a diaper in the middle of the night if I'm exhausted. And he will be at school/ sleeping during the day. I'm afraid I'll go crazy or have an emotional breakdown because I'm overly exhausted and am having trouble breast feeding or something and he won't be there to offer support.

I also haven't experienced any rib kicks! I've just been assuming I have a super short baby, or he/she is curled up in a ball. I also haven't gotten any lightning crotch or anything like that- maybe baby is just really considerate?

I'm terrified of cord accidents, and am obsessed with kick counts. I know there is always going to be something to worry about, but I will happily take on all of those worries if LO can come out happy and healthy!

VexedMommy · October 2015

sadyy131 said:
First I'm afraid that my baby has something wrong with her legs. Am I the only one that has not got kicked in the ribs yet? (I know I should be counting my blessings)

I worry from time to time about being a good mom, but I'm more afraid of how SO and I's relationship is going to change. He just accepted an overnight position at work, one that he has wanted for a long time. Between work, school and sleep, I feel like it will take a toll on our relationship and I'm scared of being the only one with the baby 24/7. SO won't be there to change a diaper in the middle of the night if I'm exhausted. And he will be at school/ sleeping during the day. I'm afraid I'll go crazy or have an emotional breakdown because I'm overly exhausted and am having trouble breast feeding or something and he won't be there to offer support.

I never dealt with rib issues with my first. She tended to stick around my belly button. She just liked to curl up (still does) whereas this one likes to stretch.

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