Like many PPs, I'm not worried about L&D despite being a ftm.
I'm worried that baby will be stillborn. I'm obsessive with kick counts like a few others. There isn't any particular reason for this worry ... it's just there.
I'm worried about not being able to breastfeed. Neither my mother or MIL were able to successfully breastfeed, and my sister had to supplement with formula.
I'm worried about serious medical issues and disabilities that might pop up. This is probably my biggest fear once baby is born. I just want him to be healthy.
I'm worried about SIDS, PPD, and dealing with my anxiety disorder post birth.
I'm worried about being as impatient with my son as my sister is with her daughter. It really, really scares me. I don't want to be anything like that.
I worry about how my relationship with my SO will change.
I worry about my in-laws overstepping their boundaries once baby is born.
I'm terrified of the thought of postpartum. When I come home from the hospital, it's just going to be my daughter & I. I've suffered anxiety & depression my entire life so thinking about going through that while a tiny human is depending on me is really scary.
I am worried I won't be a good mother because my mother wasn't a good mother. I have spent my life in white offices with plush couches trying to work out abandonment issues, need for approval at all cost etc. and I have an almost irrational sense that bad parenting is genetic.
I want to break the cycle and be a good mother to my son. I really do. And I second what @BlondeMama92 said about being a single parent in being in school.
I also worry that my son will need a good father and that it's my fault for not being able to have a civil relationship with his dad. I feel like I'm depriving him of something and even though he isn't here yet, I've never felt so guilty in my life.
I completely relate. I don't want to be anything like my mother & I constantly sought approval just to be shut down. I journal a lot & whenever I think of things I want to do differently, I write it all down. I never want to make my child feel unwanted!
I also fear she will hate me in the long run for her father being absent. He is so unreliable & I know what it's like to have a "here & there" dad. But I think if we can just be the best we can for them, that's all they will need.
Despite having only a small tear I had a very difficult time healing (think cutting it back open and cauterizing closed- twice!) last time and that is my biggest fear this time is having to go through that again, but with a toddler to take care of this time.
Also, my husband has Crohn's disease and last time around he had a really bad flare as soon as DD was born and was basically useless for the first 5-6 weeks of her life because he was in such bad shape himself. I'm really stressed that he hasn't been taking care of himself like he needs to and that he will flare again this time around.
A small part of me is also stressed that this LO will be born on DD's birthday- I really don't want them to have to share the same day.
My biggest current worry is that I'm going to have to have a c-section because a) something goes wrong at our version on Friday or b) LO refuses to flip. I know it's a little selfish, but I was really hoping to have an unmedicated vaginal delivery. In the end, though, all that really matters is having a happy, healthy baby in my arms. :x
My family and my boyfriends family have close to a novel of medical problems. Combining the two families makes me shiver thinking something could happen to her at any point in her life due to medical problems (any life problems really but medical is my big worry right now). I know she will most likely be fine but I think it's every parents worry that something could potentially happen to their child.
DD1 had horrible reflux as a baby, and has been hospitalized a few times for other medical problems, so if something happens we know we can handle it as it comes.
I am scared of down syndrome. I refused the test because I know they are not 100% sure and the ones that are , in my country are to expensive....and could not afford them. I am scared of undetected medical conditions. And of how will I adapt to a newborn. My oldest is 5 next month and enjoyed that he is grown and somewhat independent. But with his adhd.....a newborn and a very relaxed 23 y old daddy...i'm pretty scared...
I am worried that my little one will have the same rare food allergy disorder as his brother (FPIES). It's a fairly newly diagnosed condition so they can't say for sure if it is genetic or not. Based on a few of the support groups I am involved with online it seems very common for the sibling to have the condition and it is usually more severe. I know there is not much we can do and at least we will be much more prepared this time, but I can't help but worry.
I worry that I won't love this baby as much as I love my first. I find myself worrying more about how my son will adjust to having a little brother then anything with the baby. Which makes me feel like a horrible mother who is already picking favorites.
I have the same fear as being a FTM .. My partner seems to think he knows everything about babies since he already has a 15 year old who is currently living with us. I keep looking up things and reading things but feel like I'll never know enough to be able to take care of this baby on my own.
I'm worried his arrhythmia won't go away or that in the extra tests we have leading up to his arrival that they'll find more is wrong with him. I'd be glad to know about any conditions but at the same time I just want him to be perfectly healthy.
My c section is scheduled for 36 weeks, so I worry if my daughter will be ok on her own that early and I worry about problems BF also because she will be early. (I know it is really not that early, but I still worry) My dr also told me there is about a 10% chance I will need a hysterectomy, so I worry about if I will get to keep my uterus. Also on the less important side of things I worry the US tech was wrong and we are really having a boy not a girl, and we already gave away all DS old clothes. My concern is that I would have to go buy another set of baby clothes, not that LO is a boy.
I'm a STM. I'm worried about: -LO thriving, I'm starting to kick count almost obsessively.
-My c-section, the anesthesia didn't take with my last one and I felt everything, I also had to have two blood transfusions. I just have a really bad feeling this time around.
-If my LO will be able to breastfeed right away
-If I will be able to sucessfully breastfeed this time.
-LO's health in general after he's earth side.
-How my DD will take to my DS
-How I will fare with 2 littles instead of one.
-How I will ever go back to work when all my life and love will be tucked safely away at home. (This one is the hardest)
For the c section there is something they can give you to help you relax and it makes you not remember anything. The anesthesiologist said they like to wait until the baby is out to give it to you. It might be worth asking about when you meet with the anesthesiologist, just in case the spinal does not work again. I had it with DS because I have a fear of surgery and it is really a blessing. I remember DS being born, then I remembered being in recovery. I asked for it again this time.
STM - 1) Worried about spreading the love and sharing myself with my DS. I'm soaking up every cuddle right now and actually feel like I'm going to be robbed of them when the baby gets here.
2) I'm concerned about an undiagnosed medical condition, a still birth, or SIDS. These uncontrollable factors terrify me.
3) Going back to work after 6-9weeks starting in 1.5weeks. I hope baby arrives on time or a tad early so I have more time to spend with my whole family. Canadian here so I had the luxury of a full year off with my DS... So no maternity leave (self employed now) makes me very sad I think 6weeks is typical in the USA for a leave? Any insight of how to cope with such a short time off?
I worry about what DD2 will be like. DD1 is an amazing little girl and aside from typical toddler crazies, she has always been incredibly well behaved. She's had very few issues and even slept through the night starting at just a few weeks. I fear I've been spoiled and this one will pit me through the ringer. Even my MIL once remarked that she can't wait to see us with a "normal" baby.
I also fear raising two girls. I worry about future sibling rivalry and jealousy issues and not knowing how to handle them. DD1 has gorgeous red curls that she gets a lot of attention from. I worry that if DD2 doesn't get them that she will feel neglected out in public. I know family will never try to make her feel this way, but we can't take DD1 to the store without getting comments.
I think because DD1 has always been healthy, health issues are something that doesn't concern me constantly. I get flashes of "what ifs" but those pass fairly quickly. I picked a good one with DH, genetically at least!
I'm a STM. I'm worried about: -LO thriving, I'm starting to kick count almost obsessively.
-My c-section, the anesthesia didn't take with my last one and I felt everything, I also had to have two blood transfusions. I just have a really bad feeling this time around.
-If my LO will be able to breastfeed right away
-If I will be able to sucessfully breastfeed this time.
-LO's health in general after he's earth side.
-How my DD will take to my DS
-How I will fare with 2 littles instead of one.
-How I will ever go back to work when all my life and love will be tucked safely away at home. (This one is the hardest)
For the c section there is something they can give you to help you relax and it makes you not remember anything. The anesthesiologist said they like to wait until the baby is out to give it to you. It might be worth asking about when you meet with the anesthesiologist, just in case the spinal does not work again. I had it with DS because I have a fear of surgery and it is really a blessing. I remember DS being born, then I remembered being in recovery. I asked for it again this time.
Thank you! I'll definitely ask at my Monday appointment!! (You're a life saver!)
STM - 1) Worried about spreading the love and sharing myself with my DS. I'm soaking up every cuddle right now and actually feel like I'm going to be robbed of them when the baby gets here.
2) I'm concerned about an undiagnosed medical condition, a still birth, or SIDS. These uncontrollable factors terrify me.
3) Going back to work after 6-9weeks starting in 1.5weeks. I hope baby arrives on time or a tad early so I have more time to spend with my whole family. Canadian here so I had the luxury of a full year off with my DS... So no maternity leave (self employed now) makes me very sad I think 6weeks is typical in the USA for a leave? Any insight of how to cope with such a short time off?
I am just like you! SIDS, still birth and going back to work. Especially working and being a mom. As a teacher I've always worked late and brought work home. I don't know how I will manage my job and not do this anymore. I will be loosing all of my planning time to pumping and that stresses me out too!
I'm worried that my relationship with his father will negatively impact him. And I feel like I've failed him alread by bringing him into a situation like this.
I'm mostly worried that his father will ruin my relationship with my son. He has no filter or respect for privacy and believes that everyone has the 'right to know' intimate details of why our relationship ended. I won't say a bad word about his father in front of my son and unless I'm discussing it with my folks or BFF, then I don't get into it with other people in real life either. But his dad will talk to everyone and anyone and I'm really concerned about what he will say to and around my son, especially as he tends to exaggerate and manipulate the truth.
I share the other general concerns. I'm also worried about: 1. How i am going to pull off breastfeeding and pumping when I'm back at work, especially in days when i work 10+ hours. Read my breast pump instructions last weekend and that did NOT help. 2. My relationships with DH and my friends (who are like my family) changing. DH and i have been on our own for 11 years, i don't want our current happiness to change or for LO to ever experience unhappiness in the household (like i did growing up). Most of my friends have much older children or no children, and ive already struggled a bit with things that i can't do with them now or they dont want to invite a pregnant lady to do (ie weekend trips). 3. Finding quality child care where LO is safe and well cared for. 4. This will probably be our only child because I'm older. I regret not doing this many years ago and having more children.
What a fun topic! I'm sure this will get me right back to sleep.
As a mom to 2 and one on the way, I just want to say - you got this ladies!! Not that this is advice in ANY way - more personal experience, but you will NEVER stop worrying about all of the things that could or might go wrong with your children. Welcome to the Mommahood. Mine are 9 and 5 1/2 with baby on the way, and there are a million things that I worry about on a daily basis for all of them on different levels. Some times it makes me a neurotic mess. Other days, I realize that you can only control so many things, and the rest are going to happen weather we like it or not. DEEP BREATHS!!!!
For FTM's worried about breast feeding - take advantage of your L&D nurses before you leave! They are usually really great at helping get baby to latch and showing you some tricks that will help you out. Don't be afraid to call them with questions after you leave, they are 90% of the time happy to help. It is tough at first, but once you get the hang of it - you are golden. And remember, babies will do just fine on formula even if it is not what you were hoping for.
Now - for my fear...
My son was born Coombs(spelling??) Positive - which in a nut shell is REALLY severe Jaundice. We had to stay in the hospital for a week so he could be monitored and hang out in the tanning bed. I am really nervous that this one will have to have an extended hospital stay as well. With two other kiddos, it could get difficult! To all you NICU mommies out there, I am sending happy hurry home thoughts to your babies.
One worry that I have is that my husband was adopted, and we know nothing about any kinds of medical things that may run in his biological family.
Other than that, I worry about L&D, and being able to breastfeed. But mostly raising a fun loving person who knows that their father and I always believe in them and want them to follow their dreams and be happy!
As a FTM I too worry about SIDS and other diseases. But I think my biggest fear is turning out like my mother. She is completely self centered and oblivious to any real issues concerning her children and when addressed about them finds someone else or something to blame for it. I am also terrified of raising a son who turns out to be as crappy of a person as most of the men in my life have been. I want him to be respectful and courteous and treat women right. I'm also terrified that because of my bad relationships with men I will take it out on him
Anybody else worried that their kid is going to be even half the hellion that you were as a child? My fiancé was apparently amazingly behaved... But I can remember my tantrums perfectly lol! I'm in for a real treat I think!!
Is it just me or is this discussion super depressing?
Or validating and comforting to actually get something out of your head and into the outside world. Reality is that childbirth and parenting comes with fears and concerns; Not expressing those feelings can cause all sorts of pent up emotions.
My worries are pretty superficial. My dh helped me get a handle on the major worry i had before which was that as a tomboy mom i wouldn't be a good mom for our daughter. He told me i offer substance and all the girly stuff is not what matters. So now I am worried about my 14 month old trying to "eat" his sister since everything goes in his mouth. Im also worried that dd will have super curly hair like ds and i will be lost. Tomboy mom with board straight hair here. My biggest worry is that she will not be as easygoing and easy as her brother. He was so easy i feel like she will be the total opposite.
Re: What fears (if any) do you have about your child?
I'm worried that baby will be stillborn. I'm obsessive with kick counts like a few others. There isn't any particular reason for this worry ... it's just there.
I'm worried about not being able to breastfeed. Neither my mother or MIL were able to successfully breastfeed, and my sister had to supplement with formula.
I'm worried about serious medical issues and disabilities that might pop up. This is probably my biggest fear once baby is born. I just want him to be healthy.
I'm worried about SIDS, PPD, and dealing with my anxiety disorder post birth.
I'm worried about being as impatient with my son as my sister is with her daughter. It really, really scares me. I don't want to be anything like that.
I worry about how my relationship with my SO will change.
I worry about my in-laws overstepping their boundaries once baby is born.
I also fear she will hate me in the long run for her father being absent. He is so unreliable & I know what it's like to have a "here & there" dad. But I think if we can just be the best we can for them, that's all they will need.
DD1 had horrible reflux as a baby, and has been hospitalized a few times for other medical problems, so if something happens we know we can handle it as it comes.
My dr also told me there is about a 10% chance I will need a hysterectomy, so I worry about if I will get to keep my uterus.
Also on the less important side of things I worry the US tech was wrong and we are really having a boy not a girl, and we already gave away all DS old clothes. My concern is that I would have to go buy another set of baby clothes, not that LO is a boy.
2) I'm concerned about an undiagnosed medical condition, a still birth, or SIDS. These uncontrollable factors terrify me.
3) Going back to work after 6-9weeks starting in 1.5weeks. I hope baby arrives on time or a tad early so I have more time to spend with my whole family. Canadian here so I had the luxury of a full year off with my DS... So no maternity leave (self employed now) makes me very sad
I also fear raising two girls. I worry about future sibling rivalry and jealousy issues and not knowing how to handle them. DD1 has gorgeous red curls that she gets a lot of attention from. I worry that if DD2 doesn't get them that she will feel neglected out in public. I know family will never try to make her feel this way, but we can't take DD1 to the store without getting comments.
I think because DD1 has always been healthy, health issues are something that doesn't concern me constantly. I get flashes of "what ifs" but those pass fairly quickly. I picked a good one with DH, genetically at least!
I'm mostly worried that his father will ruin my relationship with my son. He has no filter or respect for privacy and believes that everyone has the 'right to know' intimate details of why our relationship ended. I won't say a bad word about his father in front of my son and unless I'm discussing it with my folks or BFF, then I don't get into it with other people in real life either. But his dad will talk to everyone and anyone and I'm really concerned about what he will say to and around my son, especially as he tends to exaggerate and manipulate the truth.
1. How i am going to pull off breastfeeding and pumping when I'm back at work, especially in days when i work 10+ hours. Read my breast pump instructions last weekend and that did NOT help.
2. My relationships with DH and my friends (who are like my family) changing. DH and i have been on our own for 11 years, i don't want our current happiness to change or for LO to ever experience unhappiness in the household (like i did growing up). Most of my friends have much older children or no children, and ive already struggled a bit with things that i can't do with them now or they dont want to invite a pregnant lady to do (ie weekend trips).
3. Finding quality child care where LO is safe and well cared for.
4. This will probably be our only child because I'm older. I regret not doing this many years ago and having more children.
What a fun topic! I'm sure this will get me right back to sleep.
As a mom to 2 and one on the way, I just want to say - you got this ladies!! Not that this is advice in ANY way - more personal experience, but you will NEVER stop worrying about all of the things that could or might go wrong with your children. Welcome to the Mommahood. Mine are 9 and 5 1/2 with baby on the way, and there are a million things that I worry about on a daily basis for all of them on different levels. Some times it makes me a neurotic mess. Other days, I realize that you can only control so many things, and the rest are going to happen weather we like it or not. DEEP BREATHS!!!!
For FTM's worried about breast feeding - take advantage of your L&D nurses before you leave! They are usually really great at helping get baby to latch and showing you some tricks that will help you out. Don't be afraid to call them with questions after you leave, they are 90% of the time happy to help. It is tough at first, but once you get the hang of it - you are golden. And remember, babies will do just fine on formula even if it is not what you were hoping for.
Now - for my fear...
My son was born Coombs(spelling??) Positive - which in a nut shell is REALLY severe Jaundice. We had to stay in the hospital for a week so he could be monitored and hang out in the tanning bed. I am really nervous that this one will have to have an extended hospital stay as well. With two other kiddos, it could get difficult! To all you NICU mommies out there, I am sending happy hurry home thoughts to your babies.
Or validating and comforting to actually get something out of your head and into the outside world. Reality is that childbirth and parenting comes with fears and concerns; Not expressing those feelings can cause all sorts of pent up emotions.