Are you suggesting the poster intended to use litotes? I highly doubt it considering the multiple grammatical errors throughout her post.
Also, I only follow the advice of Oxford when it comes to proper English. I'm not implying that grammar-monster.com is incorrect, simply that it is not academically valid. But what do I know, I have only edited one dictionary thus far.
As an English teacher (who is already out of work and possibly missing correcting grammar on the daily), I love where this thread has gone. Well done, ladies.
I realize many of these comments are only here to try to get this thread shut down. I hope the actual members of d15 who were experiencing disappointed have gotten their advice and support as this thread was originally intended to do. I hope if anyone is still experiencing disappointment they still come here for support and ignore the naysayers!
As far as the grammar goes, I do use double negatives at time to illustrate a point. However, the way the OP used the double negative was confusing and I definitely had to reread it to figure out what she meant. In that case, I agree with @BostonBaby1. If it hadn't been confusing, I would have thought she meant to use the double negative. As a PP said, I think "I'm not going to remain quiet" would have been a more appropriate statement
There's not a thread for anything like this, so I'll say it here and hope I don't get roasted too much.
I'm not disappointed, per se, but I definitely had a "oh crap! What am I going to do with a boy???" couple weeks when we first found out. Now as it gets closer those feelings are starting to come back..... When I was in high school and college, I babysat a lot of little boys, and only one family of girls...it was always fun, and I did fine, even though I'm a girly girl. But now, I'm starting to wonder how I'll do as a "boy mom".......
Nothing to reply to, I suppose. Just getting feelings out.
I'm sure you aren't alone to feel that way. I didn't have sex/gender disappointment, but I did have one weird hormonal episode where I cried because I freaked out about not knowing what to do to potty train my unborn son. Then I started freaking out about circumcision vs not circumcising. I drove myself nuts in that hour. My sweet husband wiped my tears and pointed out how silly and hormonal I was being and then we laughed and I got past it. People deal with things differently. You can express yourself without the fear of flaming. Most ppl who got flamed presented the whole situation in a way that wasn't in there favor. I'm glad you got that off your chest @ArielleRene
There's not a thread for anything like this, so I'll say it here and hope I don't get roasted too much.
I'm not disappointed, per se, but I definitely had a "oh crap! What am I going to do with a boy???" couple weeks when we first found out. Now as it gets closer those feelings are starting to come back..... When I was in high school and college, I babysat a lot of little boys, and only one family of girls...it was always fun, and I did fine, even though I'm a girly girl. But now, I'm starting to wonder how I'll do as a "boy mom".......
Nothing to reply to, I suppose. Just getting feelings out.
#pregnancyhormoneproblems
I think nervousness is a very normal feeling. I certainly hope that no one would roast you for nervousness.
I totally wanted a girl, but I thought it was a boy. And I also kind of wanted a boy (I know totally wanted a girl but also wanted a boy, doesn't make sense, not everything does ) When we got the ultrasound, and found out it was a girl, I started bawling hysterically and honestly didn't know whether it was happy tears or sad or disappointed or ecstatic. I just couldn't stop. The tech and my husband were concerned, haha. We all have soooo many feelings. If someone says they're so disappointed that they don't even want the baby anymore, then that's a problem and people are going to tell you to go to therapy (which is really what most of the "shaming" has been.)
You'll be a great boy mama I'm sure. I think only the good ones get nervous
I totally wanted a girl, but I thought it was a boy. And I also kind of wanted a boy (I know totally wanted a girl but also wanted a boy, doesn't make sense, not everything does ) When we got the ultrasound, and found out it was a girl, I started bawling hysterically and honestly didn't know whether it was happy tears or sad or disappointed or ecstatic. I just couldn't stop. The tech and my husband were concerned, haha. We all have soooo many feelings. If someone says they're so disappointed that they don't even want the baby anymore, then that's a problem and people are going to tell you to go to therapy (which is really what most of the "shaming" has been.)
You'll be a great boy mama I'm sure. I think only the good ones get nervous
It's probably a super sexist comment, but I believe that there is a lot of responsibility in raising a boy. It's a very heavy thought that you are responsible for the way that they grow up and treat other women. It's also super scary raising a girl, raising her strong enough to grow up and not allow herself to be treated poorly. I think either way you go you're screwed, but it is a little bit scary on the boys side more so than the girl side because I am a girl and I know how to raise her to be a strong woman. I'm not a man so I'm worried I'll F it up sometimes. Plus taking care of the peen after circumcision scares me so bad. I don't want to mess that up.
There's not a thread for anything like this, so I'll say it here and hope I don't get roasted too much.
I'm not disappointed, per se, but I definitely had a "oh crap! What am I going to do with a boy???" couple weeks when we first found out. Now as it gets closer those feelings are starting to come back..... When I was in high school and college, I babysat a lot of little boys, and only one family of girls...it was always fun, and I did fine, even though I'm a girly girl. But now, I'm starting to wonder how I'll do as a "boy mom".......
Nothing to reply to, I suppose. Just getting feelings out.
#pregnancyhormoneproblems
But that's totally normal! My dh was terrified when we found out we were having a girl. He lost sleep worrying about how to protect her and how to relate to her as she grows up. We had several talks about it, he spent time with our friends little girls, and even read a book about raising a daughter. Now, he's still nervous, but can't wait to meet her. He was never once disappointment, he never once wished she was a boy, but he owned his worried emotions and did something about it.
Fear, anxiety, concern, nervousness are all perfectly normal.
I totally wanted a girl, but I thought it was a boy. And I also kind of wanted a boy (I know totally wanted a girl but also wanted a boy, doesn't make sense, not everything does ) When we got the ultrasound, and found out it was a girl, I started bawling hysterically and honestly didn't know whether it was happy tears or sad or disappointed or ecstatic. I just couldn't stop. The tech and my husband were concerned, haha. We all have soooo many feelings. If someone says they're so disappointed that they don't even want the baby anymore, then that's a problem and people are going to tell you to go to therapy (which is really what most of the "shaming" has been.)
You'll be a great boy mama I'm sure. I think only the good ones get nervous
Eta: @ArielleRene
It's probably a super sexist comment, but I believe that there is a lot of responsibility in raising a boy. It's a very heavy thought that you are responsible for the way that they grow up and treat other women.
It's also super scary raising a girl, raising her strong enough to grow up and not allow herself to be treated poorly. I think either way you go you're screwed, but it is a little bit scary on the boys side more so than the girl side because I am a girl and I know how to raise her to be a strong woman. I'm not a man so I'm worried I'll F it up sometimes.
Plus taking care of the peen after circumcision scares me so bad. I don't want to mess that up.
This really freaked me out too but it really wasn't bad - my advice is to use LOTS of Vaseline - like "too much" ... it will avoid the skin from adhering and growing back together. I think I used it for like 2 weeks even though it looked healed after only a couple of days.
The umbilical cord nub freaks me out more. I hate that thing. And then the belly button always looks weird when it first falls off. Barf.
I totally wanted a girl, but I thought it was a boy. And I also kind of wanted a boy (I know totally wanted a girl but also wanted a boy, doesn't make sense, not everything does ) When we got the ultrasound, and found out it was a girl, I started bawling hysterically and honestly didn't know whether it was happy tears or sad or disappointed or ecstatic. I just couldn't stop. The tech and my husband were concerned, haha. We all have soooo many feelings. If someone says they're so disappointed that they don't even want the baby anymore, then that's a problem and people are going to tell you to go to therapy (which is really what most of the "shaming" has been.)
You'll be a great boy mama I'm sure. I think only the good ones get nervous
It's probably a super sexist comment, but I believe that there is a lot of responsibility in raising a boy. It's a very heavy thought that you are responsible for the way that they grow up and treat other women. It's also super scary raising a girl, raising her strong enough to grow up and not allow herself to be treated poorly. I think either way you go you're screwed, but it is a little bit scary on the boys side more so than the girl side because I am a girl and I know how to raise her to be a strong woman. I'm not a man so I'm worried I'll F it up sometimes. Plus taking care of the peen after circumcision scares me so bad. I don't want to mess that up.
This really freaked me out too but it really wasn't bad - my advice is to use LOTS of Vaseline - like "too much" ... it will avoid the skin from adhering and growing back together. I think I used it for like 2 weeks even though it looked healed after only a couple of days.
The umbilical cord nub freaks me out more. I hate that thing. And then the belly button always looks weird when it first falls off. Barf.
Thanks!!! And yes, the belly button the first go freaked me out! Plus I accidentally got it too wet and then it started smelling and I was the worst mom ever.
I think my husband had an "oh crap" moment when we found out we were having a girl. Not so much disappointment, but there are a lot of girls in the family already and I think he was really excited at the thought of LO being a boy because they can relate. I think he was more disappointed in the fact that he wasn't going to be able to do those guy things that a father/son would do together. But now he's all for our little girl. Every time he sees me he rubs my belly and says "how's my little princess?" I find it adorable, and tell him all the time little girls form special bonds with their daddies. Something only they will have that they can share together.
I think my husband had an "oh crap" moment when we found out we were having a girl. Not so much disappointment, but there are a lot of girls in the family already and I think he was really excited at the thought of LO being a boy because they can relate. I think he was more disappointed in the fact that he wasn't going to be able to do those guy things that a father/son would do together. But now he's all for our little girl. Every time he sees me he rubs my belly and says "how's my little princess?" I find it adorable, and tell him all the time little girls form special bonds with their daddies. Something only they will have that they can share together.
@beccabeeee yes! I'm completely a "daddy's girl", it is a special bond. I tell DH that I can picture LO being a daddy's girl too.
I totally wanted a girl, but I thought it was a boy. And I also kind of wanted a boy (I know totally wanted a girl but also wanted a boy, doesn't make sense, not everything does ) When we got the ultrasound, and found out it was a girl, I started bawling hysterically and honestly didn't know whether it was happy tears or sad or disappointed or ecstatic. I just couldn't stop. The tech and my husband were concerned, haha. We all have soooo many feelings. If someone says they're so disappointed that they don't even want the baby anymore, then that's a problem and people are going to tell you to go to therapy (which is really what most of the "shaming" has been.)
You'll be a great boy mama I'm sure. I think only the good ones get nervous
Eta: @ArielleRene
It's probably a super sexist comment, but I believe that there is a lot of responsibility in raising a boy. It's a very heavy thought that you are responsible for the way that they grow up and treat other women.
It's also super scary raising a girl, raising her strong enough to grow up and not allow herself to be treated poorly. I think either way you go you're screwed, but it is a little bit scary on the boys side more so than the girl side because I am a girl and I know how to raise her to be a strong woman. I'm not a man so I'm worried I'll F it up sometimes.
Plus taking care of the peen after circumcision scares me so bad. I don't want to mess that up.
@kristen2b I'm still scared sometimes of raising a girl even though I'm a female! Any tips!? :x
I think my husband had an "oh crap" moment when we found out we were having a girl. Not so much disappointment, but there are a lot of girls in the family already and I think he was really excited at the thought of LO being a boy because they can relate. I think he was more disappointed in the fact that he wasn't going to be able to do those guy things that a father/son would do together. But now he's all for our little girl. Every time he sees me he rubs my belly and says "how's my little princess?" I find it adorable, and tell him all the time little girls form special bonds with their daddies. Something only they will have that they can share together.
@beccabeeee yes! I'm completely a "daddy's girl", it is a special bond. I tell DH that I can picture LO being a daddy's girl too.
I totally wanted a girl, but I thought it was a boy. And I also kind of wanted a boy (I know totally wanted a girl but also wanted a boy, doesn't make sense, not everything does ) When we got the ultrasound, and found out it was a girl, I started bawling hysterically and honestly didn't know whether it was happy tears or sad or disappointed or ecstatic. I just couldn't stop. The tech and my husband were concerned, haha. We all have soooo many feelings. If someone says they're so disappointed that they don't even want the baby anymore, then that's a problem and people are going to tell you to go to therapy (which is really what most of the "shaming" has been.)
You'll be a great boy mama I'm sure. I think only the good ones get nervous
It's probably a super sexist comment, but I believe that there is a lot of responsibility in raising a boy. It's a very heavy thought that you are responsible for the way that they grow up and treat other women. It's also super scary raising a girl, raising her strong enough to grow up and not allow herself to be treated poorly. I think either way you go you're screwed, but it is a little bit scary on the boys side more so than the girl side because I am a girl and I know how to raise her to be a strong woman. I'm not a man so I'm worried I'll F it up sometimes. Plus taking care of the peen after circumcision scares me so bad. I don't want to mess that up.
@kristen2b I'm still scared sometimes on raising a girl even though I'm a female! Any tips!? :x
Quote fail: Everything I know i learned from Tina.
We were always told that for us there's a much lower chance of having a boy. The most optomist doctor said 25%. It's because of radiation hubby was exposed to which is known to affect sperm production. More often we were told 10% chance of a boy. So we kind of just accepted, that we'd most likely have girls. I didn't bother preparing myself and was shocked when our first was a boy. I freaked out about circumcision and how to take care of it, are we going to be able to raise him to be a good man. I asked tons of questions and in actually taking care of things got past the circumcision and after care without too many tears (my tears, DS was completely fine).
I also realized it wasn't so much about raising him to be a good man but a good person. Looking at it that way it's exactly the same as with a girl. They need the same basic skills for independence (basic car and home maintenance, cooking, cleaning sewing, etc), to be courteous and kind and to respect themselves. If I can teach my kids these things, I think we'll be good.
I honestly ended up freaking out just as much this time with having a girl, I just knew more from experience how to process it and move past it. Hubby has been worried this time that if she has really "girly" interests that he'll be able to find things to do with her. He's finally realized that interests are partially learned from exposure, if he exposes her to his interests they'll find something they both like. He's hoping she'll like video games.
I also wanted to throw this out there because I found it interesting. My mom was telling me about a news story she saw where some salons have started having classes for dad's to learn to style their daughter's hair. Hubby has even said if it was available here he'd be more than happy to do it. It seemed so simple to me but then I realized, I've had long hair and know how to do things with it. Hubby has only had shirt hair. He had a neice he helped with a lot when she was young and would brush her hair and do pony tails, but he talked about feeling so limited and settled on ponytails as easy.
SO was terrified when he found out we were having a boy. I thought he was disappointed, but found out he is worried he will turn out like his own father and never bond with his son. Since he (SO) has bonded so well with his little sister, he felt he could raise a daughter and bond with her better. His fear initially manifested itself as disappointment. I know it is hard not to judge when so many can't even have children, but disappointment may be just the tip of the iceberg for that persons issue (I realize that isn't always the case). Now at 32 weeks, SO is so anxious to meet his son, he has even started a toy collection for him and will text me randomly and tell me he can't wait until the baby is here.
SO was terrified when he found out we were having a boy. I thought he was disappointed, but found out he is worried he will turn out like his own father and never bond with his son. Since he (SO) has bonded so well with his little sister, he felt he could raise a daughter and bond with her better. His fear initially manifested itself as disappointment. I know it is hard not to judge when so many can't even have children, but disappointment may be just the tip of the iceberg for that persons issue (I realize that isn't always the case). Now at 32 weeks, SO is so anxious to meet his son, he has even started a toy collection for him and will text me randomly and tell me he can't wait until the baby is here.
My husband worries about that too. That somehow with a son he'll turn into his dad.
@Mizuiro007 apparently there's never been a natural born girl like...ever.... on my husbands side of the family.... We are hoping #2 will be a girl, but we might not be able to either.
SO was terrified when he found out we were having a boy. I thought he was disappointed, but found out he is worried he will turn out like his own father and never bond with his son. Since he (SO) has bonded so well with his little sister, he felt he could raise a daughter and bond with her better. His fear initially manifested itself as disappointment. I know it is hard not to judge when so many can't even have children, but disappointment may be just the tip of the iceberg for that persons issue (I realize that isn't always the case). Now at 32 weeks, SO is so anxious to meet his son, he has even started a toy collection for him and will text me randomly and tell me he can't wait until the baby is here.
My husband worries about that too. That somehow with a son he'll turn into his dad.
I've never met his dad because he hasn't been around since SO was a teen, but apparently he was a real a** with the mentality that men should be burly and manly, never show emotion or act girly. I think he's more worried that, with a son, he might develop that mentality. But he isn't everything his father thinks is a real man. He's actually goes with me for pedicures and gets his feet massaged, is better at clothes shopping for me than I am, cooks and cleans. It's a shame his father feels he is a failure, because he is pretty great.
@ArielleRene Hubby's first words when we found out we were having a boy with DS was "yes! I broke the curse!" It's weird for me though because the majority in my family have a boy and then a girl.
@mizuiro007 Aren't family patterns weird? Both DH and my families typically have a girl 1st, boy 2nd (both DH and I are in this pattern and so are our nieces and nephews).
@TomekiaB They are. My aunt married a man from a family of seven boys, no girls. They all had girls, no boys. All of their girls had boys. Then they started having girls as their second children and it changed but still funny.
I found out i was having a girl i was super excited to be having a mini me, girl stuff got bought , she had her name within a couple days , and i was ready for my princess , then i had to give birth 21/2 months early and weighing only 1 lb 8.9 oz the doctors couldnt tell if she was a girl or boy. It really looked like either way. So they did tests and come to find out i had a babyboy! I was sad at first but with everything else i was just glad he was healthy and gaining weight. I love my son and wouldnt trade him for the world , hes perfect and smart , and now im expecting a babygirl in d15 and just out of precaution i have them check the sex everytime i go to the speacialist. Lol
I found out i was having a girl i was super excited to be having a mini me, girl stuff got bought , she had her name within a couple days , and i was ready for my princess , then i had to give birth 21/2 months early and weighing only 1 lb 8.9 oz the doctors couldnt tell if she was a girl or boy. It really looked like either way. So they did tests and come to find out i had a babyboy! I was sad at first but with everything else i was just glad he was healthy and gaining weight. I love my son and wouldnt trade him for the world , hes perfect and smart , and now im expecting a babygirl in d15 and just out of precaution i have them check the sex everytime i go to the speacialist. Lol
Did you find out the sex for this baby at your a/s, and it turned out to be wrong? Am I missing something?
I found out i was having a girl i was super excited to be having a mini me, girl stuff got bought , she had her name within a couple days , and i was ready for my princess , then i had to give birth 21/2 months early and weighing only 1 lb 8.9 oz the doctors couldnt tell if she was a girl or boy. It really looked like either way. So they did tests and come to find out i had a babyboy! I was sad at first but with everything else i was just glad he was healthy and gaining weight. I love my son and wouldnt trade him for the world , hes perfect and smart , and now im expecting a babygirl in d15 and just out of precaution i have them check the sex everytime i go to the speacialist. Lol
Was he just too premature to tell? I hope he's healthy and doing well
@urby87 i found out at 17 weeks threw a private place and since he was not growing i ended up going to a speacialist every 3 weeks and they checked everytime and told me a girl , he has a genital disorder that made it look like he was a girl and still dose to an extent but the bigger he gets the more it looks like a male. He has to have surgery this moth to start fixing some stuff but his chromosomes and hormones are all male.
SO was terrified when he found out we were having a boy. I thought he was disappointed, but found out he is worried he will turn out like his own father and never bond with his son. Since he (SO) has bonded so well with his little sister, he felt he could raise a daughter and bond with her better. His fear initially manifested itself as disappointment. I know it is hard not to judge when so many can't even have children, but disappointment may be just the tip of the iceberg for that persons issue (I realize that isn't always the case).
Now at 32 weeks, SO is so anxious to meet his son, he has even started a toy collection for him and will text me randomly and tell me he can't wait until the baby is here.
My husband worries about that too. That somehow with a son he'll turn into his dad.
My husband was really afraid of the same thing. His relationship with his parents is deplorable. His family "doesn't raise men well" in his words. I was slightly hoping for a boy but it never mattered to me really. I think, in a way, the baby is luckier to be a girl because of her father. It's a sad thing to say... but I'm fairly certain it's the truth. I'd fear for the emotional health of a boy.
Re: Centralized Thread for Gender/Sex Disappointment Discussion *Reasoning Updated*
Dear, I think you've got a little brown on your nose.
Also, I only follow the advice of Oxford when it comes to proper English. I'm not implying that grammar-monster.com is incorrect, simply that it is not academically valid. But what do I know, I have only edited one dictionary thus far.
https://www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/double-negatives
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
As far as the grammar goes, I do use double negatives at time to illustrate a point. However, the way the OP used the double negative was confusing and I definitely had to reread it to figure out what she meant. In that case, I agree with @BostonBaby1. If it hadn't been confusing, I would have thought she meant to use the double negative. As a PP said, I think "I'm not going to remain quiet" would have been a more appropriate statement
I'm not disappointed, per se, but I definitely had a "oh crap! What am I going to do with a boy???" couple weeks when we first found out. Now as it gets closer those feelings are starting to come back..... When I was in high school and college, I babysat a lot of little boys, and only one family of girls...it was always fun, and I did fine, even though I'm a girly girl. But now, I'm starting to wonder how I'll do as a "boy mom".......
Nothing to reply to, I suppose. Just getting feelings out.
#pregnancyhormoneproblems
You'll be a great boy mama I'm sure. I think only the good ones get nervous
Eta: @ArielleRene
It's also super scary raising a girl, raising her strong enough to grow up and not allow herself to be treated poorly. I think either way you go you're screwed, but it is a little bit scary on the boys side more so than the girl side because I am a girl and I know how to raise her to be a strong woman. I'm not a man so I'm worried I'll F it up sometimes.
Plus taking care of the peen after circumcision scares me so bad. I don't want to mess that up.
Fear, anxiety, concern, nervousness are all perfectly normal.
This really freaked me out too but it really wasn't bad - my advice is to use LOTS of Vaseline - like "too much" ... it will avoid the skin from adhering and growing back together. I think I used it for like 2 weeks even though it looked healed after only a couple of days.
The umbilical cord nub freaks me out more. I hate that thing. And then the belly button always looks weird when it first falls off. Barf.
This really freaked me out too but it really wasn't bad - my advice is to use LOTS of Vaseline - like "too much" ... it will avoid the skin from adhering and growing back together. I think I used it for like 2 weeks even though it looked healed after only a couple of days.
The umbilical cord nub freaks me out more. I hate that thing. And then the belly button always looks weird when it first falls off. Barf.
Thanks!!!And yes, the belly button the first go freaked me out! Plus I accidentally got it too wet and then it started smelling and I was the worst mom ever.
@kristen2b I'm still scared sometimes of raising a girl even though I'm a female! Any tips!? :x
Quote fail:
Everything I know i learned from Tina.
I also realized it wasn't so much about raising him to be a good man but a good person. Looking at it that way it's exactly the same as with a girl. They need the same basic skills for independence (basic car and home maintenance, cooking, cleaning sewing, etc), to be courteous and kind and to respect themselves. If I can teach my kids these things, I think we'll be good.
I honestly ended up freaking out just as much this time with having a girl, I just knew more from experience how to process it and move past it. Hubby has been worried this time that if she has really "girly" interests that he'll be able to find things to do with her. He's finally realized that interests are partially learned from exposure, if he exposes her to his interests they'll find something they both like. He's hoping she'll like video games.
I also wanted to throw this out there because I found it interesting. My mom was telling me about a news story she saw where some salons have started having classes for dad's to learn to style their daughter's hair. Hubby has even said if it was available here he'd be more than happy to do it. It seemed so simple to me but then I realized, I've had long hair and know how to do things with it. Hubby has only had shirt hair. He had a neice he helped with a lot when she was young and would brush her hair and do pony tails, but he talked about feeling so limited and settled on ponytails as easy.
Now at 32 weeks, SO is so anxious to meet his son, he has even started a toy collection for him and will text me randomly and tell me he can't wait until the baby is here.
My husband was really afraid of the same thing. His relationship with his parents is deplorable. His family "doesn't raise men well" in his words. I was slightly hoping for a boy but it never mattered to me really. I think, in a way, the baby is luckier to be a girl because of her father. It's a sad thing to say... but I'm fairly certain it's the truth. I'd fear for the emotional health of a boy.