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December 2015 Moms
armywife8289
member
feeling ungrateful struggling...
armywife8289
member
I know there is a thread for gender disappointments, but I saw a lot of people downing the thread and tbh I felt discouraged from posting there. I planned on not finding out. My 91 year old Grandmother had a hard time with finding that out. Mostly because I'm Due Christmas eve! And she doesn't drive, my sister lives with her. So I thought humm they are 9hrs from me, they can enjoy shopping n knowing, wrapping presents up.... Keep my grandma occupied. She's struggling lately. Well my sister didn't realize I didn't know or want to! It was not fully clear via text. I called her to tell her originally my plan, so Idk y she got confused except how was I going to find out n Tell them w/o me knowing... I had the US lady, write in a card n seal it for me!!! Well she snap chatted me how excited she was w/ the card open so I saw...:( o well right...... Its a girl...But I wanted to not find out so I could be excited about having a baby and not deal with the issue of what if its a Girl. I don't want one. Not really sure why I feel this way. My husband feels the same. That doesn't help. He feels he is not going to be able to connect with her, pass things down to her like hunting, mechanics and all that.... I am scared because I was raised with sisters by my Marine dad. I was his son more than my sisters. We wrestled, boxed, played sports, he coached me A lot!! Shot guns since I was 3! I grew up such a tom boy. Well I still am!!!!! So I am scared he won't do those things with her! Maybe that's why I'm dissapointed. I feel so ungrateful for a healthy baby. She's perfect right now! Ya know! People would kill for a healthy baby. And I hate I feel so dissapointed. I wish I could change that!!! I just am afraid I'm not going to love her. I'm afraid I will resent my husband for not treating her like he does my son. Like leaving her out of hunting, fishing, working on cars, wrestling.... Things because she's a girl... I need to talk with him about it. I just feel like I'm putting him down. Telling him how to parent. Telling him to be like my father. (He hates those word, be like my dad...) Just the comparing deal. Nothing is wrong with my dad. I just am not sure how to cope, or talk with him. Advise? Support?? Please no negativity! I'm really struggling. I have told no one about this because I feel terrible!!!. I don't need to be judged or put down.... Thanks. (Sorry its long, probably has grammar issues. My screen is cracked its hard to read, and edit! Please excuse it)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: feeling ungrateful struggling...
Jamie
On a positive note, I'm happy to adopt her. Feel free to private message me. I'm completely serious. My DH and I would be extraordinarily happy with a healthy baby. If you and your DH do not want this girl, please consider giving her to a couple that does.
There is some good advice in the stickied thread. I imagine all you'll get from this post are negative responses.
I didn't struggle with gender disappointment, but I've found it discussed in other communities enough to know the people who feel it aren't isolated cases and I can understand how someone would feel that way, at least temporarily.
Sorry you're feeling this way and I hope you can find some support.
If you don't want your healthy otherwise perfect child because she's a girl, give her up for adoption. @BostonBaby1 has already offered to adopt her. Take it seriously. And next time you want to get pregnant? Use a treatment where you can choose the sex of the child.
Judging from your previous posts it seems you have a lot of home issues. Please consider therapy to start resolving them before your child is born. Children eventually know when they are unwanted.
You've already complained about your HEALTHY baby just because of her genitals and people in this BMB told you to seek professional help as the disappointment you're still feeling isn't normal or healthy. Instead of seeking help, you instead post your own special thread to play the "whoa is me card", AGAIN! And what makes it worse is that you acknowledged the fact that you knew there was a specific thread for this subject yet you felt your STORY (and I mean story because this is getting ridiculous) was more important than everyone else's and the general consensus of this board to use the centralized thread.
Get off the Internet and into a therapists office immediately, you and your husband if he also feels this way. And if you cannot love and cherish this precious gift the way she deserves, give her to a couple who will! No child deserves to be unwanted and unloved. How would you have felt if your own father didn't show you he loved and cared and wouldn't teach you things because you're a girl?
I don't know why we even bother responding to you as you tend to ignore our comments after you read a few that don't agree with you.
You knew how pregnancy worked right? It's a 50/50 shot. You'll get over it. You have to. If you can't, I say consider @BostonBaby1 offer. Some of us are just thanking our lucky stars we conceived or that we're still pregnant. I know my issue isn't your issue, but a little perspective wouldn't hurt either.
That being said, if you truly don't want a healthy baby girl I would suggest you consider alternatives. There is nothing worse that you could do for your child then make them feel less than or unwanted. I truly mean that! Even physical abuse leaves less scars then the feeling of not being loved or wanted by your parents.
Best of luck with everything, you are certainly going to need it. A little perspective would do you a ton of good. I hate to diminish anyone else's problems, but I think you would benefit from some tough love. There are people in the world and even in this board facing serious health concerns for their children.
Either
1) Give that poor child up for adoption
Or
2) If you are just feeling poor me right now and truly do feel you can love and appreciate what a gift your baby is then look at what you yourself JUST said and take it. Girls don't have to be girly. You were a tomboy so who is to say she cant fix cars with her dad, play football with her mom, or end up picking bugs out of the mud with her friends at school? The fact that you would not love her and think that because of the fact that she had a vagina instead of a penis that she can't do boy things is not only incredibly sad, but sexist as well. Guess what? I was a Tom boy growing up, but also was a cheerleader starting at 7 years old. I even tried to learn how to pee standing up, so hey, your daughter may even have that too. Your child is going to be who they are no matter what genitals they have, your boy could have even been feminine. What I don't understand is not wanting to know...she was going to be a girl no matter how long you waited to find out, at least now you have time to give your miracle the life she deserves by giving her up to someone who actually wants her.
I really do wish you, your SO (is he your husband now because that changes with every post...), and the child you are carrying the best of luck. It sounds like you've had a ton of crap going on in your life these past 7 months and I hope you get some help that you need and find strength you need to make the right decision.
This is ridiculous and has got to stop. OP you obviously have some mental issues that you need to address. This goes beyond your disappointment in having a daughter. I have read all your other posts and you are very wishy washy in details and seem to spin things around in the next post. You are all over the place with your thoughts and there have been many red flags in your previous posts that just don't seem to add up. Please get some help and stop tormenting us. WE CAN NOT HELP YOU.
**Sorry for the rant.
I'm not saying that not wanting your daughter is appropriate in anyway but there are lots of moms on this board that would do anything just for a child and a lot of these negative feelings could have been avoided if you went to the right place.
I definitely think you need to talk to someone. I can't really wrap my head around the not "wanting" your baby. I understand gender disappointment (been there) but this seems crazy.