My in laws are in town (who I love) but they have each asked at different times if everything's ok because they think I should be bigger at 21 weeks. I'm already paranoid after having a loss and those comments really aren't helpful. I'm pretty sure everything is ok (I told them my midwife said everything was the perfect size at 19 weeks, I'm tall, I have wide shoulders and hips, etc) but the comments are making me anxious. And I feel like I'm making excuses and am in denial now. Argh!
@camusoh2011 I was hoping for twins and everybody thought I was crazy. While I'm ecstatic about my one little girl on the way I still think having twins would be one of the most awesome experiences and have no idea why people think it's appropriate to act like it's such a bad thing! Congratulations on yours! Maybe I'll be blessed with them next time around ;;)
Thanks @middy411! I've always joked about how much I would love to have twins and how great it would be. We got a huge surprise at our anatomy scan when we found out there were two little babies in there. It's stressful sure, there are things that we hadn't planned for, but we're thrilled not cursed by it.
Yesterday, I was visiting grama and i was telling her how the baby and i both are measuring on the smaller side and she said "that's a good thing" and i was telling her how i wake up starving at 4am and she said "don't give into that hunger" Are you serious right now? She's doing/saying these things all in reference to weight... You're telling me it's good that my baby is measuring small, and then telling me not to eat when I'm hungry, so I can feed/nourish my already small baby!? I'm baffled.
I'm having the opposite problem as most of you, I'm a FTM and popped early, and that bump is just grow grow growing. The other day someone asked me when I was due and when I said February 9 I got the stunned look, "you have a long way to go still!" I said, "Yeah, short torso, I'm going to be enormous." Which shut her up. I haven't had the "Are you sure it's not twins?" Comment yet but I am anticipating it, and am fully prepared to answer, "Why, 'cause I'm so huge?" *death stare*
I was busy at work and a co-worker who I don't especially associate with said "oh my goodness- your really starting to show!" ... And proceeded to touch my stomach. Warning- I am a big girl to start- my baby (even at 19 weeks) is nestled way down inside me- it is NOT that bump sticking out- those are my guts that you are NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH.
With my death stare at 99% I very firmly said "Don't you EVER touch me again." By noon a memo had been sent out! Yeah, I'm not even sure that I even minded it... It just caught me so off guard that I snapped! Well, nevertheless, I don't think I have to worry about that at work again!
While you are getting that, all I hear is how fat I am and how big my belly is.
Ditto, the other day someone asked if we were getting a Christmas baby. Nope a whole 5 weeks after that, thanks. Also the US tech kept commenting how high baby girl was while doing the US then when she saw me after when I was standing up I got "yup she's going to make that bump up top even bigger shortly." thanks lady.
I am a mother of 3 boys ranging from ages 18 to 12 and i am starting all over. People are just so darn stupid with their comments and opinions. With this pregnancy everyone's comments have totally turned me into "pregzilla"
I am a mother of 3 boys ranging from ages 18 to 12 and i am starting all over. People are just so darn stupid with their comments and opinions. With this pregnancy everyone's comments have totally turned me into "pregzilla"
Pregzilla! I may steal that! Congratulations to you though!
It drives me crazy when people say I'm not showing!! Especially because my clothes stopped fitting a long time ago
Also, and I know people are trying to be nice, EVERY ONE I come into contact with asks how I am feeling. Which is sweet but once I say "oh I feel fine" or "I'm past the nausea stage so that it fun" i never know what to say! It doesn't make sense to ask how they are feeling LOL
My thing is my ankles swell up bad and everyone comments and says "wow look how big your ankles are" I already feel bad about my elephant ankles and they hurt btw so shut up!
My grandparents, mom and sister would not stop touching my belly today and asking stupid questions and giving unsolicited advice. Then my mom made a nasty and rude comment about a possible name choice. Even after I told her we're not planning to tell anyone the names we pick. So. Effing. Annoying.
My grandparents, mom and sister would not stop touching my belly today and asking stupid questions and giving unsolicited advice. Then my mom made a nasty and rude comment about a possible name choice. Even after I told her we're not planning to tell anyone the names we pick. So. Effing. Annoying.
I don't think we'll be telling our family our final name pics either. Part of me really wants to share them, but the other part doesn't want to give them time to be negative about it. I just wanna be like here, meet the twins.
got to say i am on the same train as everyone, sick of being asked about morning sickness (didn't have any), sick of being asked if I am feeling pregnant (ugh really?!? do tell how that is supposed to feel), or wow you are halfway you dont look it (not sure if that is a compliment or insult and it seems the jury is still out there on that one from everyone's responses) - but the one that grinds my gears and my MIL said this past weekend - well you are eating for two. No I AM NOT eating for two. Don't tell me to shove more food down my throat if I am not hungry and to make it alright to binge eat when it is not necessary or even called for. and then my SIL is pregnant as well and the MIL was like o she is eating all the time little meals here and there all day - well she is in her third trimester and I am in my second - DO NOT COMPARE us.
ugh, sorry I just had a rough stressful weekend hosting the inlaws, mainly the MIL. love her and she means well in the long run but it was too much for me. Turns out my husband confessed that she asked a couple weeks ago if I was going to want her to come down and help once the kid arrives and he said no (she has not asked me directly) - so not sure if there are any animosity feelings on that. He said it without me saying it - but after this weekend I am grateful because I will not be able to handle it.
I get annoyed when I keep hearing "oh I'm not showing much yet because I'm a first time mom"... Ummmm I'm a FTM and I popped super early and have been huge since 17 weeks. While I actually like being big since it's all belly, it is already uncomfortable and I hate how I keep hearing people say that as if every woman has the exact same experience of not showing til really late in the pregnancy. You're small because that's how you carry... End of story. I'm carrying a watermelon! :-O
Me too!!!! I am a FTM and I am huge! Ppl keep asking if I am having twins!
I had the opposite problem! I'm a STM, and someone at work told me I must be showing so early because I'm already stretched out. Umm...thanks? And I'm 20 weeks; that is not early to be showing.
@lkeith86 I HATE "eating for two"! Um, no I'm not and please don't use my pregnancy as an excuse for you to order dessert. I totally don't get it when people try to make me eat more food. You guys, I got this. I know when I'm hungry, trust me this baby is by no means starving and the tiramisu is not her saving grace here.
Ok, another annoying to me comment is when people ask how I'm feeling and I tell them that the morning sickness hasn't gone away and I feel awful. Their response always being some sunshine-y comment that's usually "oh but it'll be so worth it in the end!" and "this will all just be a memory!"
You know what? I KNOW THAT but that doesn't mean you have to be all puppies and rainbows about it every.single.time we speak. This just makes me avoid you. I'd rather you say "that sucks, I'm sorry" because at least that doesn't make me feel like you're invalidating the way I'm feeling.
Ok, another annoying to me comment is when people ask how I'm feeling and I tell them that the morning sickness hasn't gone away and I feel awful. Their response always being some sunshine-y comment that's usually "oh but it'll be so worth it in the end!" and "this will all just be a memory!"
You know what? I KNOW THAT but that doesn't mean you have to be all puppies and rainbows about it every.single.time we speak. This just makes me avoid you. I'd rather you say "that sucks, I'm sorry" because at least that doesn't make me feel like you're invalidating the way I'm feeling.
I hear ya!! I've gotten the sunshine-y comments too and they annoy the hell out of me. Of course I know it's worth it in the end but have a little empathy for me, will ya!?
@Karen249 My best friend this weekend looked at me up and down and was like, "You don't even look pregnant." I'm 23 weeks and have gained 10 pounds of belly! I was like, uh, okay. I think she may have meant it as a compliment but it sure didn't feel like one!
I don't think anyone can relate to this one, but I'll share anyway. I've now had two separate acquaintances, both who believe themselves to be a bit psychic, tell me they can "see the baby's face" and then proceed to show me on my belly (without asking) where the baby's face is at. Both instances happened around the time of my last ultrasound, and in both instances the places they pointed out on my belly were too high and way off to be accurate. I don't know if I find it amusing that they made these insane observations in the first place, or annoyed that they are claiming to see my baby's face before I do! Either way, if you think you're a little bit or a lot psychic, keep it to yourself!
I don't think anyone can relate to this one, but I'll share anyway. I've now had two separate acquaintances, both who believe themselves to be a bit psychic, tell me they can "see the baby's face" and then proceed to show me on my belly (without asking) where the baby's face is at. Both instances happened around the time of my last ultrasound, and in both instances the places they pointed out on my belly were too high and way off to be accurate. I don't know if I find it amusing that they made these insane observations in the first place, or annoyed that they are claiming to see my baby's face before I do! Either way, if you think you're a little bit or a lot psychic, keep it to yourself!
I live right next to DC and this actually happened to me!!! I was walking a dog and the dog (thankfully) picked up on my uncomfortable vibe and started barking. I don't care if you think you're psychic or not, don't touch me!!! I don't even like when my husband goes "make her kick I wanna feel" like no! If you want to to feel YOU carry her! (I only mind when he asks me to move her when she's finally still.)
I love this discussion. I am a FTM I am currently 20 weeks, but during my 16 weeks a lady asked me if I was having twins, at that time I had only gained around 8lbs and I soo wanted to kick her dead in her forehead for asking me that. At 20 weeks many people don't notice I am pregnant until they take a step back, because I'm tall and if you are looking straight on it's a little tricky. Side view- different story. Before I was pregnant I had a flat stomach and a 3 pac, working hard on a 4 PAC, lol.. Now I'm just happy to able to bring life into this world. Lol, pregnant with twins- that lady! Just one baby.
"Do you have news?" seems to be a popular one around the workplace today. It's a roundabout way of asking if I'm pregnant but not asking directly. I don't really know how to respond to that. I guess I have news but I don't really know you that well so I didn't think I needed to tell you?
I also got a couple of "Are you pregnant?"s and I'm like OBVIOUSLY! I certainly hope so! I'm not just stocking up on winter weight here.
What kills me is all of the "you don't even look pregnant" comments, but then the very same people will, during the ensuing conversation, either steal repeated awkward glances or just outright stare at my midsection. Listen chief, either I do look pregnant and you're lying for no reason, or you're being a total creepazoid. Which is it?
Edit to add: @ChitownHusker - that's another one! I just started back up at my old office after a few months at a different position, and folks are asking me how I'm doing (no harm there, of course). The big thing I lead with is that I finished my master's in May and just wrapped up a teaching job and so on so forth. They'll listen politely and then ask "so...any other...GOOD news?" Oy. If the master's doesn't cut the mustard as "good news," fine, but don't dance around it. You've heard I'm pregnant. It's cool. Just say it.
Haha sorry - I'm definitely a bit grouchy tonight.
I just had my DD in January. I am 21+4 pregnant with b/g twins. This pregnancy was a total surprise as I went through IVF to have my daughter. People have asked me if I am getting my tubes tied now since I will have 3 and be done. Seriously? First of all, I would never ask someone that question bc it's none of my business but apparently my uterus is theirs. Secondly, I am 30. I am not ready. And after having gone through IVF I can't bring myself to consider it. Finally, thank you for deciding that 3 is enough for me. I thought that right was reserved for my DH and myself but okay.
What kills me is all of the "you don't even look pregnant" comments, but then the very same people will, during the ensuing conversation, either steal repeated awkward glances or just outright stare at my midsection. Listen chief, either I do look pregnant and you're lying for no reason, or you're being a total creepazoid. Which is it?
Edit to add: @ChitownHusker - that's another one! I just started back up at my old office after a few months at a different position, and folks are asking me how I'm doing (no harm there, of course). The big thing I lead with is that I finished my master's in May and just wrapped up a teaching job and so on so forth. They'll listen politely and then ask "so...any other...GOOD news?" Oy. If the master's doesn't cut the mustard as "good news," fine, but don't dance around it. You've heard I'm pregnant. It's cool. Just say it.
Haha sorry - I'm definitely a bit grouchy tonight.
Oh my gosh congratulations!! (About the masters not the baby, I mean congrats on that too but right now I'm Celebrating your Education lol)
Is there a reason you don't want to teach anymore? (Or can you expand a little on why you wrapped up)
A coworker today (who didn't know I was pregnant- we don't work together often) pointed at my belly and said..."what's going on down there?" It's really crazy what people say! What was actually slightly amusing to me was that I was kinda glad she said that because at least it's just a little confirmation I'm looking pregnant and not just fat. But man i would NEVER say anything like that to another woman!
The baby name thing really gets me. Ppl keep asking me for the name of our baby. I am keeping this secret, even from family, bc I don't care for their opinion of MY baby's name. I also have coworkers asking what my hubby's name is so they can help with naming my baby. So annoying. I don't need your help, and certainly didn't ask.
I was talking to a coworker the other day and she said "you don't even look pregnant yet. Right now you just look like you had a few too many burritos." Are you actually serious right now?
@thisusername, thanks for the congrats! The teaching job I mentioned was a long term sub position - best one ever! I've done a number of them in the last few years, and the one that ended this past June was such a great experience, but unfortunately it was temporary and they sent me on my way. I love teaching (I'm certified in secondary English) and would love to be in a classroom, but a finding contract has been about as realistic as chasing a unicorn. I haven't lost hope though - still looking all the time! In the meantime with the little fella on the way, I need a steady income, so hello again cubicle land (certainly not as rewarding, but boy am I glad I had it to fall back on).
I know there are a number of teachers on the boards - are you a teacher?
@thisusername, thanks for the congrats! The teaching job I mentioned was a long term sub position - best one ever! I've done a number of them in the last few years, and the one that ended this past June was such a great experience, but unfortunately it was temporary and they sent me on my way. I love teaching (I'm certified in secondary English) and would love to be in a classroom, but a finding contract has been about as realistic as chasing a unicorn. I haven't lost hope though - still looking all the time! In the meantime with the little fella on the way, I need a steady income, so hello again cubicle land (certainly not as rewarding, but boy am I glad I had it to fall back on).
I know there are a number of teachers on the boards - are you a teacher?
My mom is a teachers aide for a special day class, I used to volunteer in her class and about 6 other mainstream classes for years. I live too far now, but it's amazing to see the changes she made! She worked in a bad neighborhood where most kids moms were prostitures and their dads were in jail. One of them used to physically hit her and he just graduated high school and got a scholarship because of all the time she put in with him and the changes she kinda forced upon him. I have such a deep respect for teachers!
I hope one comes up soon, but that's great that you aren't done with teaching! We need more teachers who actually want to be there. Too many get tenured and give up. It's disheartening!
A lady at a store we were at recently asked: "Oh, when is your baby due? Soon by the looks of it!" I responded "Nope, due in February....I'm only half-way done." She quickly looked down...I know she was trying to be nice but I just felt like I must look gigantic, my weight is way up from usual and I'm pretty sensitive about it. I know I am growing a baby and should be gaining some weight but not that much. I had already put on like 40 lbs in the past year and wanted to lose it before the baby...but apparently that didn't happen because surprise I was already pregnant. So it would be nice if people just kept all comments about looks and size to themselves! Ugh.
I had a woman in the school I'm student teaching at today whom I have literally talked to maybe once. She saw me passing in the hall and with no other hello asked "How much longer do you have?" I didn't know what to say. Was she referring to my belly, did she remember that I'm student teaching and mean graduation? I had no idea. I responded with Dec. for graduation and Jan for these babies and braced myself for the "you're so small for twins" comment that irks me too. Instead she just looked at me with pitty and said something along the lines of good luck on that...
I mean really, why does everyone seem to think having two babies is such a horrible thing?!?
A coworker I hadn't talked to about it said "Congratulations!" So that was nice, but then she went on to say, "I saw you last week and I thought you were pregnant, but I didn't want to say anything, but then when I saw you yesterday, I thought, she BETTER be pregnant!"
I just laughed. I mean, what is the appropriate response to that?
A friend I haven't seen in awhile saw our FB announcement and texted me, "Congrats! I just knew you were pregnant the last time I saw you!" But the last time I saw her was months before I even got pregnant. We went out for drinks and I had 2 or 3 cocktails each, lol. It wasn't annoying really, just funny. Some people just assume you've been pregnant forever once they learn.
The worst, most uncomfortable things for me are because Im single. Immediate first responses this week alone:
-"Oh, so you're still pregnant?" -"Wow, pregnant! Who's the dad?" -"My brother told me your news...I GUE-E-ESS congratulations are in order???" (Heavy emphasis on "guess") I say, "Yes, of course, Im very excited." They say, "Well, you know. If you were a young couple it's obvious that congratulations are in order."
UGH. Thanks for making me feel awkward & misunderstood you 1950s patriarchal jerks.
Reading everyone's stories has me laughing, cringing...and feeling better! Thanks ladies
Re: Annoying things people say...
Are you serious right now? She's doing/saying these things all in reference to weight... You're telling me it's good that my baby is measuring small, and then telling me not to eat when I'm hungry, so I can feed/nourish my already small baby!?
I'm baffled.
I was busy at work and a co-worker who I don't especially associate with said "oh my goodness- your really starting to show!" ... And proceeded to touch my stomach.
Warning- I am a big girl to start- my baby (even at 19 weeks) is nestled way down inside me- it is NOT that bump sticking out- those are my guts that you are NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH.
With my death stare at 99% I very firmly said "Don't you EVER touch me again." By noon a memo had been sent out! Yeah, I'm not even sure that I even minded it... It just caught me so off guard that I snapped! Well, nevertheless, I don't think I have to worry about that at work again!
Also the US tech kept commenting how high baby girl was while doing the US then when she saw me after when I was standing up I got "yup she's going to make that bump up top even bigger shortly." thanks lady.
Congratulations to you though!
Also, and I know people are trying to be nice, EVERY ONE I come into contact with asks how I am feeling. Which is sweet but once I say "oh I feel fine" or "I'm past the nausea stage so that it fun" i never know what to say! It doesn't make sense to ask how they are feeling LOL
ugh, sorry I just had a rough stressful weekend hosting the inlaws, mainly the MIL. love her and she means well in the long run but it was too much for me. Turns out my husband confessed that she asked a couple weeks ago if I was going to want her to come down and help once the kid arrives and he said no (she has not asked me directly) - so not sure if there are any animosity feelings on that. He said it without me saying it - but after this weekend I am grateful because I will not be able to handle it.
I had the opposite problem! I'm a STM, and someone at work told me I must be showing so early because I'm already stretched out. Umm...thanks? And I'm 20 weeks; that is not early to be showing.
Blog!
I don't even like when my husband goes "make her kick I wanna feel" like no! If you want to to feel YOU carry her! (I only mind when he asks me to move her when she's finally still.)
Edit to add: @ChitownHusker - that's another one! I just started back up at my old office after a few months at a different position, and folks are asking me how I'm doing (no harm there, of course). The big thing I lead with is that I finished my master's in May and just wrapped up a teaching job and so on so forth. They'll listen politely and then ask "so...any other...GOOD news?" Oy. If the master's doesn't cut the mustard as "good news," fine, but don't dance around it. You've heard I'm pregnant. It's cool. Just say it.
Haha sorry - I'm definitely a bit grouchy tonight.
Ella Rose
1/17/15 born via IVF w/ ICSI
Spontaneous Twins!
Due January 2016
Follow our Journey
Is there a reason you don't want to teach anymore? (Or can you expand a little on why you wrapped up)
I just commented back and made said I am?! I haven't noticed a big belly or anything! She meant no harm but ugh, take a hint! I love that sign though!
I know there are a number of teachers on the boards - are you a teacher?
I hope one comes up soon, but that's great that you aren't done with teaching! We need more teachers who actually want to be there. Too many get tenured and give up. It's disheartening!
I just laughed. I mean, what is the appropriate response to that?
-"Oh, so you're still pregnant?"
-"Wow, pregnant! Who's the dad?"
-"My brother told me your news...I GUE-E-ESS congratulations are in order???" (Heavy emphasis on "guess") I say, "Yes, of course, Im very excited." They say, "Well, you know. If you were a young couple it's obvious that congratulations are in order."
UGH. Thanks for making me feel awkward & misunderstood you 1950s patriarchal jerks.
Reading everyone's stories has me laughing, cringing...and feeling better! Thanks ladies