When to tell?

amangels2 · October 2015

I've told a couple people already. My parents, my best friend and my neighbor at work because she figured it out because I was constantly having to ask her to watch my class while I ran to the bathroom. My original plan is to wait til the end of the first trimester. But I was looking at that chart someone posted yesterday with the weeks and percent change of carrying baby to term and now I'm very tempted to tell people after 8 weeks, after I have my first appointment with my ob. I can't wait to tell people, it's driving me crazy. This is the best thing I've done in my life and I want to celebrate!! But I also don't want announce too early. What do you guys think?

CupcakesRamazing · October 2015

We announced yesterday at 4 weeks 4 days on Facebook. Our feelings are, if we had a loss we wouldn't want to suffer in silence. Yes it's early, but women shouldn't be afraid or ashamed of miscarriage. What will come will come and we will meet it when it does.

soralette · October 2015

I've had enough miscarriages that I'd rather not feel like I'm "in the closet" about it -- if we lose this one, too, I want to be able to talk about it.

We're telling family next week (seeing several people in person who live out-of-state), and will go public later this month after the heartbeat gets confirmed... basically whenever we get around to shooting some cute pics to post up.

mkemommy · October 2015

I'm new to all of this but we told my immediate living family...my mom and my sister (expecting she would tell my BIL and my nephew and niece of course). We are telling H's immediate living family...his mom and his brother this weekend. I likely won't tell other friends and H won't tell other friends until I'm passed the first trimester...not sure yet though. I agree with @cupcakesramazing that I would like support should something awful happen so telling certain close friends may happen sooner.

amangels2 · October 2015

Okay awesome!!!! That was hugely helpful! Thank you!!

amangels2 · October 2015

I like the idea of waiting til the heartbeat is confirmed.

satcher08 · October 2015

The only person I've told so far is my sister-in-law (who is also my best friend). DH has told a couple of his close friends at though since there are currently 5 guys up there whose wives are pregnant and they'd been teasing him about being next in line. We're waiting to tell the rest of our family until after the first appointment, although we may not be able to wait that long haha.

ETA: Pretty sure I'll wind up telling one of my good friends/co-workers tomorrow. She's been hinting all week that we need to go get drinks over lunch because tomorrow is a teacher work day. I don't really want to lie to her so I'll probably go ahead and out myself to her lol.

RNMegan0711 · October 2015

My husband and I are going to Disney this weekend and staying five days.. We have a shirt that has a little skeleton baby on the belly and we plan to take a picture with Micky and me in my shirt then announce on fb on Halloween which will be 9 weeks. All our immediate family and work and best friends know lol. We couldn't keep the excitement in and I'm all about the extra prayers for this little bean!

VikingGirl12 · October 2015

I too have told a coworker Bc I was constantly asking her to watch my class while running to the bathroom. I told our school nurse bc we're really close and she was a previous L&D nurse. And I've told my mom. Oh! And a random sub (kind of friend) bc I was eating lunch with her and gagged after looking at her Mac n cheese. I had to run to the bathroom. She was super concerned about me so I just told her.
We are telling DH's parents and both of our siblings and their families next weekend since we will be seeing some out of towners. My appt is the following Monday and the thought of them knowing in the event that something bad happens comforts me.

Eta- we will tell the rest of the world the weekend before Thanksgiving. It's forevvvvver away!

aamm04 · October 2015

We've told our parents and siblings, and then our close friends. I would like to wait until the first trimester is over to do our FB announcement and tell the rest of our family but we may do it after our first appointment on the 13th. I'll be about 8 weeks then.

kattyleigh · October 2015

RNMegan0711 said:
My husband and I are going to Disney this weekend and staying five days.. We have a shirt that has a little skeleton baby on the belly and we plan to take a picture with Micky and me in my shirt then announce on fb on Halloween which will be 9 weeks. All our immediate family and work and best friends know lol. We couldn't keep the excitement in and I'm all about the extra prayers for this little bean!

@RNMegan0711 which Disney?? I live 15 minutes away from the OC one.

RNMegan0711 · October 2015

kattyleigh said:

My husband and I are going to Disney this weekend and staying five days.. We have a shirt that has a little skeleton baby on the belly and we plan to take a picture with Micky and me in my shirt then announce on fb on Halloween which will be 9 weeks. All our immediate family and work and best friends know lol. We couldn't keep the excitement in and I'm all about the extra prayers for this little bean!
@RNMegan0711 which Disney?? I live 15 minutes away from the OC one.

We live in Naples FL (about 3 hours south of Orlando) so we are going to Walt Disney World :P. We are HUGE disney fans.....We actually spent 8 days there for our Honeymoon in March of this year!

kattyleigh · October 2015

@RNMegan0711 yay! Us too. We have passes and I take my kids often.

childcaremama · October 2015

I told my two best friends! I'll tell probably two more friends soon. But waiting on family and everyone else for awhile. We'll probably Facebook announce on Thanksgiving.

adiaz132003 · October 2015

We've told parents, our two closest friends and my coworkers(cause of the nature of my job) everyone else will wait till after Thanksgiving cause we are doing a big reveal for family on Thanksgiving then we'll do Facebook after that.

FutureMrsCAF · October 2015

We've told our parents and siblings and my best friend. We waited to see the heartbeat to announce to everyone with DD, so we'll probably do the same this time.

mrsp2213 · October 2015

Our current "in the know" group is our parents, my younger siblings and the Mr.'s best friend. We are telling our remaining siblings this weekend over the phone and three other very close relatives on the Mr.'s side next weekend as we will be seeing them in person. We'll tell other family/close friends as we see them after our first appointment at 10 weeks. As for the rest of the world, I am vying for a promotion at work at the moment so I want to keep this to myself as long as I possibly can. Whenever I have to break the news at work, we'll do a FB announcement soon thereafter.

WinniethePoohsPants · October 2015

My know list:

My husband

You

That's it.

Though the reason for my hesitation is that with my first pregnancy I told my mom as soon as I found out, and explained to her why I wasn't ready for anyone else to know; and then she proceeded to tell everyone- friends, family, and everyone else she's ever met. I was only 3 and 1/2 weeks and completely furious with her. I'd rather not go through that again.

redheadbride15 · October 2015

I'm 4w today. Only me, my husband and my doctor know and I'm planning on keeping it that way for a while. I may tell close family and friends at 8-10 weeks. Everyone else not until after the anatomy scan (~18 weeks). I'm an intensely private person. If something happens I know where to go for support.

ETA though I agree entirely with Cupcakes that no one should be ashamed of miscarriage! I just prefer not to have the whole world know, just like I'd prefer that the whole world didn't know if I had the flu, or cancer, or any one of a number of things that carry no stigma.

TheHauntedHauswife · October 2015

As of right now, we are telling any people that we talk to on a regular basis. We only went out of our way to set a few people up to tell them. But basically anyone who asks how our IUI went or anything like that.

We are going to announce publicly at 9 weeks/on Halloween.

mkemommy · October 2015

@winniethepoohpants - I'm sorry, that sucks of your mom. Really sucks.

newbabymakes4 · October 2015

When I was pregnant with my first, we had to tell family right away because my parents were planning a trip (with us) for the month I was due, and were about to book us all nonrefundable tickets/hotels, etc. I don't regret telling them at all, because we are close to our families, and had we suffered a loss, I would have wanted their support, but I also felt like I had no time alone with the news. I literally had to tell them 2 days after I missed my period, it was so early. (But to balance that out, DH and I kept the sex a secret for about 3 weeks before telling anyone, it drove my dad crazy.)

This time around, we are waiting to tell anyone for a few weeks, because I want a little bit of time to keep it just between me and DH. I have my confirmation appt in 3 weeks, so I should have an ultrasound to show our parents when we tell them.

jackieluvsdaniel · October 2015

So far DH, my mom and dad, my two best friends, and my sister know. We are getting ready to move next Saturday so when DH comes here next Wednesday, we plan to tell his parents so it's still in person. But I'm not gonna lie, I feel like I'm bursting to tell everyone I come into contact with and online. I really like the idea of telling Facebook on Halloween. If I can hold out until then.

bchildrn · October 2015

DH, me, and one of my coworkers are the only ones who know (morning coworker is also pregnant and sometimes we switch rooms if she needs it so i wanted to tell her asap. AND we were pregnant the first time together so i was excited when i found out we would be this time too!). I work in the OR so keeping it secret is tricky because sometimes I need to switch cases (can't do xray,etc.) but hopefully I can get through first tri and then we'll announce. We originally were going to wait to tell our families until after the first u/s but I want to tell my mom and dad so we may tell them and not anyone else for a while. We'll see. I had terrible "morning" sickness with DS so I don't know if I'll be able to hide it if that happens again.

mamadown · October 2015

I am 5 weeks and my SIL and a neighbor are the only ones who know besides DH. I have suffered so many losses recently I decided not to tell my mom just yet. Most likely I will after my scan next week. I usually tell her everything, but my losses are hard for her too. I would like to never tel MIL, but DH will probably insist we do (she's not emotionally stable, and drives me insane). This is likely the last for me, and I've never done any sort of an announcement so that kind of sounds fun, on the other hand maybe we will keep it a secret and just let people think I'm getting fat(ter).

PBear93 · October 2015

I had a miscarriage in July and we told our parents early for that and they were just awkward after the loss, do I don't plan on telling them until later--possibly thanksgiving when we will next see them.
I've told my aunt (who I am much closer to than I am my mom) and one good friend. But other than that we aren't going to tell many people until probably at least Christmastime. With our first, we didn't announce publicly until I was close to 5 months. All of our close friends knew by that point, just not the Facebook friends.

allisonrafie · October 2015

Only my DH and you guys know. This is my first and I'm nervous to tell anyone.
I've been married for 6 years and always had pressure from friends and family to have kids. If something happens then everyone knows we were trying to have kids and we wanted to keep it surprise for everyone.
I'm dying to tell everyone!
We are planning on telling family and close friends on Halloween and FB after the 1st trimester. I just hope my symptoms stay reasonable so we can wait.

queenklau · October 2015

Hi all, I was even anxious to announce here! So far only DH knows. Our last pregnancy we told a few people after the first scan (parents and in laws) a few of them told other people, so when we had the loss it was really ackward to have to tell extended family members and not so close friends. It made the process even more heartbreaking to see my close family as devastated as I was (as this would have been the first grandchild on my side). I don't want to deal with that again, I will wait until I am comfortable, which at this point could be 2nd trimester, we will see. I am only 5weeks now so it will be a long road...

WinniethePoohsPants · October 2015

klauerinaking said:

Hi all, I was even anxious to announce here! So far only DH knows. Our last pregnancy we told a few people after the first scan (parents and in laws) a few of them told other people, so when we had the loss it was really ackward to have to tell extended family members and not so close friends. It made the process even more heartbreaking to see my close family as devastated as I was (as this would have been the first grandchild on my side). I don't want to deal with that again, I will wait until I am comfortable, which at this point could be 2nd trimester, we will see. I am only 5weeks now so it will be a long road...

That must have been really difficult for you. Wishing you GL on your rainbow baby!

MEP923 · October 2015

I waited until the heartbeat both times. I will do the same this time. We've told our immediate families and a few friends for now. It's whatever you are comfortable with. I know some people that wait until like 20 weeks. That would drive me nuts

cluelesssm · October 2015

This is our third baby. My mom and hubby just know for now. My first doc apt is Oct 30th, so I will tell just my dad when I see him on Halloween. I will tell my in-laws at Thanksgiving when we go up to visit them. I will tell everyone else sometime after I start the 2nd trimester in Dec.

ufsandra85 · October 2015

I've had 8 miscarriages and tell everyone right away. It's nothing to be ashamed of or hide if you don't want. In my opinion every baby should be celebrated

eandt1111 · October 2015

We've experienced two losses this year. While I appreciated support from family, it was too difficult explaining to everyone else over and over again that we had miscarried. Bad news travels slowly. With this pregnancy our parents know, but we are planning on announcing and revealing the baby's sex to everyone else at Christmas. We will be 17 weeks.

MAbride0808 · October 2015

I have been very open about our ID journey. Because of that we told our family and close friends. We are keeping it quiet from other people until we have our ultrasound the end of the month.

Rawa1416 · October 2015

Planning on putting DD in a dress I made for her that says big sis to show our closest friends at small group tomorrow night. Probably will take a pic of her in it and send to parents and siblings. We're going to wait until after our appt to tell other friends and probably thanksgiving to announce.

JaymeeLH · October 2015

I'll put on the skeleton shirt I wore while pregnant with DD last year on Halloween and send a picture to friends and say "No tricks only Treats" and then we'll make a big announcement Thanksgiving weekend with a shirt on DD that says "Thankful I'm going to be a big sister"

bprowess · October 2015

So far just hubby and you all know... This is my first child, and I am planning to tell my sister at her Halloween/Housewarming party (will be 7 weeks). Unfortunately my parents live 6 hours away, and I won't be able to tell them until the week before Thanksgiving (10 weeks) and hubby's family will find out on Thanksgiving. It is really important to me to be able to tell my family in person since this will be my parent's first grandchild. I know my dad will cry, so I am excited to be there for that. My close friends will find out after 12 weeks. The rest of the world won't find out until after Christmas when I am in week 16... I'm an extremely private person and our family is the only support I would need.

Knottie08537165 · October 2015

I'm currently 4 1/2 weeks. DH knows, and I've told a few people at work. I work in a prison, so i had to tell my boss, just in case. I also couldn't keep from my BFF at work. DH want to wait until 12 weeks, but i really don't think i can wait that long! I talked to my mom on the phone yesterday and wanted to tell her so bad!. I think we are going to tell family after my Dr appointment next week. We aren'tputting it out there on Facebook, so that's not an issue. We have decided to keep all pictures and such off of social media! Everyone else will find out after 12 weeks.

MynaBird · October 2015

I actually told some people before I told my husband -- a frantic text to my best friend after I got the unexpected BFP, and then I told my two most senior employees so there would be someone at work who knew what was going on. They're both mothers and very trustworthy, and I wanted someone to know in case I started acting like a lunatic (or, honestly, getting sick during meetings. I had horrible nausea every single day of my first pregnancy). And today I told two other trusted coworkers whom I wanted to be in the know. We probably won't tell parents, siblings, etc., until around Thanksgiving, and I'm not planning any big FB reveal.

Last time we didn't really tell anyone until the second trimester, and it was lonely for me to keep that secret, especially since I was so sick. This time I wanted some support in the workplace.

HBamama2B · October 2015

DH and I told immediate family and close friends who knew we were doing IVF. Hard not to answer the well did it work question.

but I feel great sharing even though the risks for us are high. If it doesn't work, I will need them and I'm proud of what we've accomplished. I want to enjoy all the joy we get each H&H week. Not sure when we will tell others.

Bravo @CupcakesRamazing ! Incredibly well said!

kmiles16 · October 2015

Just the hubby knows. My mom asked me again today and I lied to her about it (I think she knows though). The hubby does not want to tell our families until I am in my second trimester. Does not help that neither of our families can keep a secret. Only 6 weeks at the moment. Have my first appointment at the end of the month.

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