I'm a FTM and where I'm delivering has a huge room so we are having out family in with us but once labor starts to increase it will just be my husband, sister, mom and mil, and during the actual delivery just my husband, we want our first moments with the baby as just us. We want to be able to relax and adjust and actual spend time together before everyone comes back in especially because I'm having a non medicated birth so I know I'm going to be a mess afterward
I just found out that I will not be allowed to have anyone in the room with me when I give birth. As a FTM it is really scarying me to think that neither my H nor my mother will be there to support me, comfort me or encourage me. I was also told that I have no choice in whether or not I receive an epidural. It is mandatory here. I know that moving abroad I made a choice that some things would be different then life back in the US but this is a bit harder to deal with than some of the other daily frustrations I have already come to terms with. I am really scared and nervous about delivering now.
Where the heck are you that they have such ridiculous, and non evidence based, rules????
I just found out that I will not be allowed to have anyone in the room with me when I give birth. As a FTM it is really scarying me to think that neither my H nor my mother will be there to support me, comfort me or encourage me. I was also told that I have no choice in whether or not I receive an epidural. It is mandatory here. I know that moving abroad I made a choice that some things would be different then life back in the US but this is a bit harder to deal with than some of the other daily frustrations I have already come to terms with. I am really scared and nervous about delivering now.
Just saw your other reply. Hate to break it to you but that area is HIGH on c sections. Like, no one bothers pushing anymore and seeing section scars while in bikinis is totally the norm
I'll be having a home birth. For sure the midwife, assistant midwife, husband, doula and birth photographer (she was my previous doula). Might have my 13.5 y.o. Dd1 or 5 y.o. DS but they will probably be in and out of whatever room I'm in. So, probably mil or fil (since it'll be at his house) will be nearby as well to wisk them away. Now that I think of it, 2 y.o. dd2 probably won't be present so maybe she'll be with sil (who lives with mil)
Husband only. I will probably not even call my parents right away because they are nightmares. Individually they're all fine but they can't be in the same room together without it becoming a problem. It's a shame because I would like their support and I feel like as a FTM it would be nice to have my mom nearby but we have to do what's best for our new little family and that means limiting the drama.
I just found out that I will not be allowed to have anyone in the room with me when I give birth. As a FTM it is really scarying me to think that neither my H nor my mother will be there to support me, comfort me or encourage me. I was also told that I have no choice in whether or not I receive an epidural. It is mandatory here. I know that moving abroad I made a choice that some things would be different then life back in the US but this is a bit harder to deal with than some of the other daily frustrations I have already come to terms with. I am really scared and nervous about delivering now.
Just saw your other reply. Hate to break it to you but that area is HIGH on c sections. Like, no one bothers pushing anymore and seeing section scars while in bikinis is totally the norm
I know! It took me FOREVER to find a doctor that actually preferred the old fashioned push the baby out! I was so relieved that I found a doctor that felt c-sections are for emergencies and he speaks English! I was just starting to feel like this whole was manageable then bam I get informed on the rules of birthing and they are basically from the dark ages! It is just really hard to decide what to do since I live and work here and so does H. Getting back to the US for the birth brings on its own complications! Not sure what to do!
Only having my husband there and I'm guessing my mom will be in the waiting room. I wouldn't mind if my mom came in during labor but my husband feels strongly about it just being the two of us, so I'm honoring that wish. Def no question that my in laws and my dad are not coming or even waiting during labor. They can come later on or the next day! Good luck to you @bizzerbee !
I just found out that I will not be allowed to have anyone in the room with me when I give birth. As a FTM it is really scarying me to think that neither my H nor my mother will be there to support me, comfort me or encourage me. I was also told that I have no choice in whether or not I receive an epidural. It is mandatory here. I know that moving abroad I made a choice that some things would be different then life back in the US but this is a bit harder to deal with than some of the other daily frustrations I have already come to terms with. I am really scared and nervous about delivering now.
Just saw your other reply. Hate to break it to you but that area is HIGH on c sections. Like, no one bothers pushing anymore and seeing section scars while in bikinis is totally the norm
I know! It took me FOREVER to find a doctor that actually preferred the old fashioned push the baby out! I was so relieved that I found a doctor that felt c-sections are for emergencies and he speaks English! I was just starting to feel like this whole was manageable then bam I get informed on the rules of birthing and they are basically from the dark ages! It is just really hard to decide what to do since I live and work here and so does H. Getting back to the US for the birth brings on its own complications! Not sure what to do!
Is this your first? Is home birth out of the question? You could always labor at home and drive in at the last minute so that your husband can be with you for most of it on YOUR terms and not the hospitals.
It's great that you have a good doctor. Unfortunately, you still have a fight on your hands cause that hospital probably hasn't seen a vaginal birth in a while.
Just H. My friends and family do not need to be a part of this at all. I can be a private person when it comes to my body, medical issues, etc. Plus our families live on the other coast. My mom is already a little sad she can't visit right after birth. But we told all family they can visit 1 mo after due date. I don't want the stress of family to interfere with bonding or breast feeding. My priorities will be with my new daughter. Plus it's easier for our families to plan since they have to buy $400+ plane tix to visit us.
Is this your first? Is home birth out of the question? You could always labor at home and drive in at the last minute so that your husband can be with you for most of it on YOUR terms and not the hospitals.
It's great that you have a good doctor. Unfortunately, you still have a fight on your hands cause that hospital probably hasn't seen a vaginal birth in a while.
Yes this is my first. I don't feel comfortable with a home birth. If something were to go wrong I don't know how quickly an ambulance would get to us or get us to the hospital. I think trying to labor at home as long as possible with be my best solution. In the end all I can do is hope for a healthy baby and even if my deliver isn't what I hoped it would be as long as baby is okay and I am okay that's all that matters in the long run. I feel bad for my H cause I know im he is a bit heartbroken he will miss the whole thing!
Is this your first? Is home birth out of the question? You could always labor at home and drive in at the last minute so that your husband can be with you for most of it on YOUR terms and not the hospitals.
It's great that you have a good doctor. Unfortunately, you still have a fight on your hands cause that hospital probably hasn't seen a vaginal birth in a while.
Yes this is my first. I don't feel comfortable with a home birth. If something were to go wrong I don't know how quickly an ambulance would get to us or get us to the hospital. I think trying to labor at home as long as possible with be my best solution. In the end all I can do is hope for a healthy baby and even if my deliver isn't what I hoped it would be as long as baby is okay and I am okay that's all that matters in the long run. I feel bad for my H cause I know im he is a bit heartbroken he will miss the whole thing!
He won't be around? Do you have friends there yet? Or anyone else you can trust to be at your side??
Also keep in mind that your mental being is just as important as a healthy baby. So research evidence based care so you can be aware of when the hospital could be taking advantage of you or when there truly is a need for something. It'll be easier to emotionally deal with the birth if you realize things had to be done a certain way. And even in the end, it's totally normal to "mourn" a dream you may have had.
For my first, it was just my husband and I. I was adamant that our friends and family wait to come to the hospital until after we were transferred to the other room (2hrs after birth), but my parents "just happened to be ag the hospital" to get my grandmother and god forbid they went home and came back later... they showed up unannounced in the labour room shortly after I had my daughter. I'm still bitter about that if you hadn't noticed lol
I now live 8hrs away from them so I won't have to worry about that happening again. My MIL will be visiting from England, and I've been thinking about asking her if she wants to be in the room (along with my husband of course). She's such a calming person and has had her 3 kids med free so I think she would be helpful. I'll let her meet the baby right after s/he's born but then I'd like it to be just my husband and myself with the baby for a bit and then I want to shower (I was bombarded with people last time that I didn't get to until that night when everyone was gone).
My headband wants it to be just him and myself because he feels like his mom will drive him crazy and he wants it to be an intimate moment for the both of us...and since it's our first I agree. But my mom is hurt that she won't be there since we are so close. It's the first grandchild for all parties (parents and step parents) involved so I feel bad depriving them all, but I don't know how to have my mom in the room and not my MIL. I wouldn't mind her being there, but my husband doesn't want her to be. I'm thinking about having them come in for the last push/as soon as he is out? Trying to make everyone happy is hard!'
My husband, mom, and sister will all be there with me. My sister let me be in the room when my nephew was born so we kind of have a "I showed you mine, you show me yours" agreement going on lol. I'm happy nobody creepy like my dad or MIL cares to be in the room. Everyone else is perfectly content to be in the waiting room
@Erinka - I'm so happy I'm not the only one who feels this way about family not visiting for a month! My mom, MIL, and step-MIL are all 1000+ miles away, and I do not need house guests right after the baby is born. DH and I want time to bond with the baby and settle into a routine, without a bunch of hens hovering and stressing us out.
The first I had my mom, hubby and MIL. I didn't want my MIL but was kind of pressured and let her stay so my husband had support. (It was all natural so pretty intense as well) this time around I just want my H, and mom if she makes it, but my H is pushing me for his mom to be there again. We have already had a few arguments about it, but idk when it came down to it I was in so much can pain and so focused on breathing I didn't even notice what was going on lol My main issue now is my mom won't come if the MIL is there because she hates her so bad
I'm sorry you're having disagreements about your MIL. I personally wouldn't want my MIL in the delivery room with me either. However, if you decided to let her join you this time, I find it silly that your mom couldn't put aside her feelings and be there to support you like you're wanting.
I agree, but my mom is just overly sensitive about everything. I think part of it is now I live out of state so she would have to be staying in the same house as my MIL for a few days, instead of just being with her for a day. Either way the only person I truly care about being there is my hubby!
The first time it was my mom and my daughters dad. It really just should have been my mom. He was really childish about everything and I was just so over it all by the time I had her. I left him shortly after that.
The second time it was just my husband and it was perfect. I mean I was in an unexplainable amount of pain and I pulled some of his hair out, but I'm glad no one else was there (mom was watching first DD).
This time I hope it's is just my husband again but I might be alone if we can't find anyone to watch the girls. His mom usually takes them for a weekend every now and then so I hope she will come pick them up when I go into labor. But we will see.
My hubby for sure, but I'm not positive beyond that. If anyone it would probably be my best mama friend who has 2 kids already and went med free for the second one (like I want to, if possible). I'm still undecided on that though. I sort of want it to just be something special between me and my hubby
FTM I plan on having my SO and my step mom there. I plan on having a natural birth and my step mom had all of her kids naturally so I'm thinking having the woman energy will help me out!
FTM I have been assuming it will just be me and DH for the actual pushing/delivery. I'm guessing that during labor it will be my Mom, maybe Dad, definitely my cousin if she makes it (DH has been told to call the minute I go into labor and she'll start the 4 hour drive), and I'm almost positive my brother and SIL will drop in to visit if it's a long labor. DH's family is not as close (emotionally) so they'll probably come after baby shows up. No one has even discussed this with me so I'm not even sure what DH thinks....off to start that discussion I go.
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I feel like I can't make a decision like this until my husband and I have gone through the classes. In a way I feel like he may need the support of someone else. Really though the options are going to be like either just us or maybe my MIL and him. We live in NY and my parents live in FL so they won't be there (when they do come after they know that they aren't invited to stay at our house either because that is just too too much). MIL and FIL live about 3.5 hours away but FIL owns a snow plow business and MIL doesn't like to really leave the area when he's out plowing so based on weather they might not even come right away. I have no idea if this will cancel out all other responsibilities in their minds or not so it's definitely a bit up in the air
W/ DS it was just DH and it was really nice to have that time together. W/ DD it was DH, mom, dad and MIL and we were also team green which was really exciting. My dad stayed by my head and MIL and mom were supposed to but they ended up watching everything which wasn't a big deal at the time b/c honestly, in that moment, it could have been world-wide! lol
W/ this LO and b/c I am going natural, hoping for a water birth, it will be DH and my sister as support. I'm not sure how I will react w/ DH in natural labor as I tend to get reclusive when in pain. We are team green again though so my sister is very excited.
Anyway, I love sharing that moment w/ our closest family. I loved seeing their reactions and pure joy which made it even better for me and DH.Everyone is so different though that it really should be about who you are comfortable with.
This is our first and I have put a lot of thought into who will be in the room with me. Drama surrounded my sister when she gave birth, drama that she created. I want to stay as far away from all of that as I can, so I'm only going to have my husband in there with me. I don't mind if our family comes back before hard labor begins, but when the time comes, I just want my husband there.
I am 27, DH is 26. We have been married since September 28, 2013. We had our first child, Zoey, February 7, 2016.
I'm going to have only my husband in the delivery room. My in-laws live in town, so they will be at the hospital waiting. My parents live out of state, so they are going to come down after we're home from the hospital. I really don't want visitors at the hospital, even my closest friends. Everyone can wait until we get home!
in that moment, it could have been world-wide! lol
This made me laugh... I remember (vaguely) a nurse asking me if it was alright for a couple students to watch. I was in immense pain so I was like "yeah, whatever, I don't care!"
Flash forward about a year and I remembered seeing about twenty students at the foot of my bed. DH confirmed.
Hopefully, just my mom and my husband. My MIL has made sly comments (very passive aggressive) about her "friends" who refused to go to the hospital when their grandchild was born, unless they were invited in the delivery room. My mom worked at an OBGYN for 15 years, and knows a TON about pregnancy and delivery. Being in the medical professions, she also tends to understand (more than I do) when doctors are explaining things, and always knows what questions to ask. I think her knowledge will be incredibly helpful in those moments when I'm stressed and just want the baby healthy (and out!). My MIL, however, stresses me out. I think I'm going to focus on my own mom's OBGYN experience to justify (without hurting feelings) why she should be the only one in the room besides my husband.
Edited: I thought about this after I hit "post reply," how sad is it that we feel the need to "justify" who is in our room (and who is not). It's such a private moment, and equally weird that others just expect to be in there. SMH.
Thankfully no one asked to be in the room with us. My in-laws live about 7 hours away so we didn't call them until I was pretty far into labor. I didn't want to risk having them come too early and be annoying.
Everyone waited in the waiting room but I was irritated that they all came into the delivery room not long after my son was born. I assumed they had to wait until we were in the recovery room. My in-laws are pushy, though so it doesn't surprise me.
My advice is to never assume and be very clear about what you want. This is about you, your significant other, and baby. Everyone else can wait!
I'm so jealous I've never had DH with me because we live in Mexico but my children are born in the U.S. and he cant come across and I'm on baby #4 so its always just my mother but for baby #3 I was alone I walked in the hospital and had her 3 minutes later so there was no time for anything, this time it will probably be just my mom again.
I can only stomach the thought of having my husband. My MIL drives me up the wall and my Mom doesn't do well under pressure. I think it's very important that it only be the two of us.
I can't imagine having anyone other than my husband in there with me. FTM here. My hospital has what's called the Golden Hour where you have uninterrupted skin to skin contact for the first hour of LO life. I am super excited and cry when I think of the beautiful bonding DH and I will have with our baby. Our parents will be in the waiting rooms I'm sure. No one has asked to be in the delivery room... I will have zero issues saying no if they do.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your choices ladies. This is your body- IMO your decision. GL!
Re: who is going to be in your delivery room?
Good luck to you @bizzerbee !
It's great that you have a good doctor. Unfortunately, you still have a fight on your hands cause that hospital probably hasn't seen a vaginal birth in a while.
Is this your first? Is home birth out of the question? You could always labor at home and drive in at the last minute so that your husband can be with you for most of it on YOUR terms and not the hospitals.
It's great that you have a good doctor. Unfortunately, you still have a fight on your hands cause that hospital probably hasn't seen a vaginal birth in a while.
Yes this is my first. I don't feel comfortable with a home birth. If something were to go wrong I don't know how quickly an ambulance would get to us or get us to the hospital. I think trying to labor at home as long as possible with be my best solution. In the end all I can do is hope for a healthy baby and even if my deliver isn't what I hoped it would be as long as baby is okay and I am okay that's all that matters in the long run. I feel bad for my H cause I know im he is a bit heartbroken he will miss the whole thing!
He won't be around? Do you have friends there yet? Or anyone else you can trust to be at your side??
Also keep in mind that your mental being is just as important as a healthy baby. So research evidence based care so you can be aware of when the hospital could be taking advantage of you or when there truly is a need for something. It'll be easier to emotionally deal with the birth if you realize things had to be done a certain way. And even in the end, it's totally normal to "mourn" a dream you may have had.
Good luck!
I now live 8hrs away from them so I won't have to worry about that happening again. My MIL will be visiting from England, and I've been thinking about asking her if she wants to be in the room (along with my husband of course). She's such a calming person and has had her 3 kids med free so I think she would be helpful. I'll let her meet the baby right after s/he's born but then I'd like it to be just my husband and myself with the baby for a bit and then I want to shower (I was bombarded with people last time that I didn't get to until that night when everyone was gone).
To assume you're going to be in the delivery room and then get super pissed off when you're told no? How much of an asshole are you??
The second time it was just my husband and it was perfect. I mean I was in an unexplainable amount of pain and I pulled some of his hair out, but I'm glad no one else was there (mom was watching first DD).
This time I hope it's is just my husband again but I might be alone if we can't find anyone to watch the girls. His mom usually takes them for a weekend every now and then so I hope she will come pick them up when I go into labor. But we will see.
*Kate*
February 2016
We have been married since September 28, 2013.
We had our first child, Zoey, February 7, 2016.
Flash forward about a year and I remembered seeing about twenty students at the foot of my bed. DH confirmed.
Everyone waited in the waiting room but I was irritated that they all came into the delivery room not long after my son was born. I assumed they had to wait until we were in the recovery room. My in-laws are pushy, though so it doesn't surprise me.
My advice is to never assume and be very clear about what you want. This is about you, your significant other, and baby. Everyone else can wait!
Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your choices ladies. This is your body- IMO your decision. GL!