@wassuphoes what I'm saying is that technically you can do as you wish. If you want a second shower, to throw it yourself etc. But there is no actual rule saying "You may not have a second shower"! Lol if that makes sense. Yes, I do believe in every culture/country etc people do things a certain way as tradition. But you don't have to follow it. Of course not everyone will agree and probably say side comments. But me personally, that will affect nothing in my life.
Nobody is saying that your house will explode spontaneously if you throw your own 4th baby shower, but actions DO have consequences and if you treat your friends like they're your personal baby gift concierge then it's going to affect your relationships.
Yes, you guys that want to give the middle finger to good taste CAN in fact do what you want, but realize that you don't exist in a vacuum and people will feel a certain type of way about your behavior.
LFAF Awards
me: 27 | husband: 35 IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16 baby #1born 2.19.16
Sheesh. The rudeness on this post is just baffling. Why can't we all agree to disagree? People come from different backgrounds where things are done in different ways. I don't understand why people have to be judged for doing something in a different way than you would do it yourself. I have a large family and a LOT of friends so we sent out over 100 invites. My best friends are hosting my shower and are still in college. So excuse me if I don't feel as though they should foot the bill for my entire shower. I offered to help with costs because, unlike them, I've already graduated college, have a career, own my own home, etc. I don't think it's fair to accuse someone of being tacky if they help with their shower. My God. Let people live!
Let people live? A little melodramatic, no? Is not having a shower going to kill you?
A shower is a gift, in and of itself. If your friends who generously offered to host your shower, cannot host 100 people, you don't invite 100 people. They control the guest list, not you. You're footing the bill because you're essentially demanding a more extravagant event than your friends can afford to host. Can you not see why that's rude? You are telling them what they can give you is not good enough. How awful.
Also 100 people at a shower is beyond ridiculous. It's not a wedding. You seem to be placing far too much importance on a gift giving event.
@DylansCandyBar lol you're still at it. It's my opinion. It has nothing to do with "etiquette". You're honestly a hypocrite if you want to tell me about etiquette yet you can't accept that people have different opinions. Of course that's going to be my advice, obviously.
@fwtx5815 Yes, because there are major consequences for having a second shower or throwing it yourself. If anyone doesn't agree, they simply do not come. No big deal. Middle finger to good taste? Wow, I highly doubt you're perfect and everything you do has good taste. So please... But great opinion. Plus I don't use my family/friends as a gift concierge. That's also just you're assumption. ☺️
@DylansCandyBar lol you're still at it. It's my opinion. It has nothing to do with "etiquette". You're honestly a hypocrite if you want to tell me about etiquette yet you can't accept that people have different opinions. Of course that's going to be my advice, obviously.
Etiquette isn't an opinion dear. You can choose to disregard it, it doesn't mean it goes away. It's never appropriate to throw a gift giving event in your own honor because it's asking for gifts. That's not my opinion. It just is.
@TBlockett people get way too into it. It's honestly funny. It's like woah it's a baby shower, they act like its so serious in life and will affect everything.
@DylansCandyBar it is an opinion by you feeling that throwing a shower yourself means that you have no etiquette or whatever words you used. But awesome! Everyone has opinions. Great!
@DylansCandyBar it is an opinion by you feeling that throwing a shower yourself means that you have no etiquette or whatever words you used. But awesome! Everyone has opinions. Great!
Not my opinion. A widely accepted social norm. But I guess tell yourself whatever makes you feel better. Lol.
Awesome. Are you done yet? I feel amazing. No need to tell myself things to make me feel better. But thank you. Take your own words and tell yourself that.
Ken122014 - the reality is that The Bump and much of the stationery/shower/event planning industry are designed not for etiquette or politeness, or even to help you do the right thing! They are designed to encourage people to spend more money. What better way to increase revenue than to normalize registry info on invites, and to promote more and more gift-giving events? One can go along with this tidal wave or one can learn about humility, and treating others with respect and kindness. Please don't use a commercial web site as your measure of someone's politeness! I am pretty sure posters discouraging gift-giving events is VERY much against the Bump's business model, and would have moderators looking for ways to ban them.
I don't understand why the only people banned were the ones who were correct in explaining the rules of etiquette around showers. The people who think etiquette is subject to opinion (it's not) are allowed to spout off all of this nonsense about throwing their own showers, throwing showers for subsequent children, and basically making excuses for just wanting gifts are allowed to run on ad nauseam about why they are excused from behaving in accordance with polite society? I don't understand this.
@onefootinthebayou I think those users got banned because or other posts. I remember seeing them and then there would be like a shit show of a thread, and then they were banned. It seems a lot of other users found those ladies extremely rude, despite their being informative about etiquette. It's ironic. Personally, aside from cultural differences or lack of cultural awareness, I don't think the info they give out isn't helpful or is bad, just think the delivery comes across bad. As for the people that just don't follow etiquette at all, I say *shrugs*. If they ask, give them the advice and they will still do as they please. But I can get being annoyed by someone asking for advice to then argue... that can be super annoying.
Every time I read these threads, there always seems to be a cultural factor that is missing from the responses. I'm sure in the military they have their own set of codes, rules, etiquette and what not. I'm also sure that a lot of the women who post these questions may not be American, and even then, the etiquette that is followed isn't even something that started in America. I'm not saying anyone is right, wrong, tacky, not tacky, rude, not rude, gift grabby, not gift grabby or what have you. I'm just saying that maybe we should keep in mind that people of different cultures and backgrounds are not exposed to the same things. That's ALL I'm saying.
Agreed! I'm shocked by the strong opinions people have about baby showers. Not saying who's wrong or right. Just saying I wasn't expecting this many passionate responses.
I'm a military wife, you can have your own shower I see many couples have to do it that way, you don't need to feel odd about doing that. If people don't want to come they don't have to and I'm sure that you'll receive more then enough help from the women around you with out needing to delegate it.. Honestly just bring it up over casual conversation and just explain that you'd like to do something and would like their opinion on things. I planned my own shower for other reasons but everyone jumped in to help with the things I wasn't being particular on.
This is terrible advice. It is extremely rude to throw your own shower.
In real life, I'm not going to tell someone (friend or family) that can't handle the truth that they're being rude/tacky by throwing their own shower. But you can believe that the rest of the family is talking about how rude it is. I will go to your tacky ass shower, but I'll spend considerably less then I would have otherwise.
I disagree in some social circles it's considered quite normal to throw your own shower it just depends on your situation and what's the norm and etiquette among your friends and family
I'm a military wife, you can have your own shower I see many couples have to do it that way, you don't need to feel odd about doing that. If people don't want to come they don't have to and I'm sure that you'll receive more then enough help from the women around you with out needing to delegate it.. Honestly just bring it up over casual conversation and just explain that you'd like to do something and would like their opinion on things. I planned my own shower for other reasons but everyone jumped in to help with the things I wasn't being particular on.
This is terrible advice. It is extremely rude to throw your own shower.
In real life, I'm not going to tell someone (friend or family) that can't handle the truth that they're being rude/tacky by throwing their own shower. But you can believe that the rest of the family is talking about how rude it is. I will go to your tacky ass shower, but I'll spend considerably less then I would have otherwise.
I disagree in some social circles it's considered quite normal to throw your own shower it just depends on your situation and what's the norm and etiquette among your friends and family
It simply means your social circle is unaware of etiquette. Common doesn't always mean good. And not knowing any better isn't really anything to be proud of.
Throwing a gift giving event in your own honor is about the biggest breach of etiquette you can make.
Oh but expecting someone else to spend money on your party then others to buy you gifts isn't rude? I'd rather pay for food and place then have people come and bring a gift to celebrate a child than have my family or friends spend their money to throw me a shower. That's what I find tacky, you wouldn't ask someone to pay for everyone else's food for a birthday party for you would you? No. So what the hell is the difference if she chooses to do things on her own and invite people to give gifts in honor of the child. Who really is it bothering besides people who should've offered to do so before it got to that point.
I would if someone wanted to throw me a birthday party.... I don't throw my own birthday parties! I've certainly hosted, and paid for, birthday celebrations that I have thrown for other friends.
Just want to add one point, i am a military wife and did not plan my own shower and also have never had another wife plan her own... We do however make them group things and plan for NEW moms whenever someone is pregnant and only with their first... I have been doing this for the 12 years i have been a military spouse.... Dont lump us all in to your group...
Started TTC in 2006, LOTS of trying, and trying, and 7 rounds of IVF with 13 embryos, 2 perfect little boys and 5 loses.... All finished with babies, started to make diet changes, Keto, to be MORE for my kids, lost 30 pounds, still going, and 3 months in, I had a natural cycle, and then ovulated... Hubs and I are going to see what happens now... Maybe a natural pregnancy? After everything we have been through? Or just a return to normal hormones? We shall see what the future holds!
Re: Baby Shower Help
Yes, you guys that want to give the middle finger to good taste CAN in fact do what you want, but realize that you don't exist in a vacuum and people will feel a certain type of way about your behavior.
me: 27 | husband: 35
IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP
BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16
baby #1 born 2.19.16
TTC #2 in April 2017
BFP 12.30.17 - EDD 9.6.18
Fertility Friend Chart
A shower is a gift, in and of itself. If your friends who generously offered to host your shower, cannot host 100 people, you don't invite 100 people. They control the guest list, not you. You're footing the bill because you're essentially demanding a more extravagant event than your friends can afford to host. Can you not see why that's rude? You are telling them what they can give you is not good enough. How awful.
Also 100 people at a shower is beyond ridiculous. It's not a wedding. You seem to be placing far too much importance on a gift giving event.
The entitlement and excuse mongering is gross.
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BFP: 07/14/2015
DS:3/30/2016
I disagree in some social circles it's considered quite normal to throw your own shower it just depends on your situation and what's the norm and etiquette among your friends and family
It simply means your social circle is unaware of etiquette. Common doesn't always mean good. And not knowing any better isn't really anything to be proud of.
Throwing a gift giving event in your own honor is about the biggest breach of etiquette you can make.
Dont lump us all in to your group...
Started TTC in 2006, LOTS of trying, and trying, and 7 rounds of IVF with 13 embryos, 2 perfect little boys and 5 loses....
All finished with babies, started to make diet changes, Keto, to be MORE for my kids, lost 30 pounds, still going, and 3 months in, I had a natural cycle, and then ovulated... Hubs and I are going to see what happens now... Maybe a natural pregnancy? After everything we have been through? Or just a return to normal hormones? We shall see what the future holds!
Baby Dust To All!!!
I hope your little rant insulting the regular posters here made you feel better about yourself. Apparently you need it.