Baby Shower Help — The Bump
Baby Showers

Baby Shower Help

foozmeister9foozmeister9 member
100 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited May 2015 in Baby Showers
I'm a FTM and I have no idea what to do in terms of baby showers. My cousins always held a little gathering of family members and a few friends but I was too young to really retain any of the ins and outs. Is there a certain etiquette? Would it be a bad thing if I scheduled it and let family and friends help out? I'm open to all advice. :)

Edit: Almost all of my close friends live out of state, how do I go about choosing someone to help me out with the majority of it?
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Re: Baby Shower Help

  • Sassenach1743Sassenach1743 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2015
    dufferoo said:

    As the mom-to-be, you do nothing. Just sit back and wait and see if anyone offers to host one for you! It's not the kind of party you plan yourself.

    Ditto.

    @Foozmeister9, lurk this board and you will learn that baby showers are celebrations to welcome a first time mom into motherhood. It is a gift, hosted by a close friend or relative. The mother to be is not to host her own gift giving event.
    Vive Les Frasers
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  • The idea is to cut cost on things your baby needs to have a better start. Who cares who pays for it. I feel tacky when people do things for me because I am more then capable of doing things for myself. I guess I always lived a life where you did things for yourself and if others chipped in then great but if not you shouldn't miss out because others didn't offer to do things for you. So with the birthday analogy I was merely stating that as an adult if you invite people out to dinner for your spouses birthday you don't pay for them and they don't pay for you. You just go to celebrate. No one needed to plan it for you and no one needed to buy you things you go because it's nice to have people celebrate with you. I would personally feel uncomfortable having others pay for everything for my shower.. Those are my friends and my family why should my friends that may know ten people or my family that don't know my friends have to pay for that.. I guess my point was that you shouldn't shame someone into not having a shower because you don't agree with them doing it themselves. You don't have to come if you don't like how it's being held. I invited over 95 people to mine all 95 rsvp so apparently no one I know had an issue with me planning and planning it on my own
    CCasey2015
  • We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.
    BDCarter
  • CEB37CEB37 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    ashcley said:
    We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.
    I guess it's quite evident that you surround yourself with people who have no understanding of etiquette then.  Good on you, I guess?
    walshbunnieGrumpyCatSaysNoeliztheforrizzMyelhsa
  • ashcley said:

    We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.

    THE SHOWER IS NOT FOR THE BABY. How can you have a party for a guest of honor who isn't even born yet? A shower is a party to shower a woman with gifts to welcome her to motherhood.
    DS1: BFP 04/03/11 | EDD 12/02/11 | born 11/21/11 
    DS2: BFP 02/09/13 | EDD 10/26/13 | said goodbye 06/02/13
    wassuphoeskmcc14eliztheforrizz
  • ashcley said:
    I'm a military wife, you can have your own shower I see many couples have to do it that way, you don't need to feel odd about doing that. If people don't want to come they don't have to and I'm sure that you'll receive more then enough help from the women around you with out needing to delegate it.. Honestly just bring it up over casual conversation and just explain that you'd like to do something and would like their opinion on things. I planned my own shower for other reasons but everyone jumped in to help with the things I wasn't being particular on.
    Wait. I thought your mom planned your shower?

    Damn, I'm confused.
    I'm an opinionated lurking lurker who lurks and offers advice and admonition as needed. You've been warned of my lurking nature.

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    CEB37wassuphoesGrumpyCatSaysNoApark985
  • ashcley said:
    We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.
    You're just never going to get it, are you? 
    Vive Les Frasers
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  • delujm0 said:
    We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.
    This cannot be real, and I'm basing this on the fact that almost everything you've said contradicts your previous post. I'm starting to think your SIL might not be the unreasonable one in your family. Also, being a military wife doesn't give you carte blanche to be rude. It is wonderful that your husband is serving his country, and I thank him for that service, but that doesn't mean people will give you a pass on being tacky. Please, next tell me that your "real" wedding happened several months after your city hall one because you're a military wife. That would fit the profile here perfectly.
    Nailed it! Thank you!  =))
    Vive Les Frasers
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  • Where I live it's super common to throw a barbecue or a party at your residence to celebrate a new life coming into the world. Some call it a baby Q. Men and women are both welcome and the host provides all the food and drinks. There's usually games or a jumpy house for the kids and a bonfire later in the evening with drinks and sometimes a band. Gifts are optional yet on the in iterations it is noted where mom and dad are registered. Some bring a gift , some bring wine/ champaigne/ any booze really , and some bring a bit of both. It's a fun day spent with friends and family. I have been to a few myself and in no way is it tacky to throw a party for your friends and family. People are not forced by any means to bring a gift no matter the situation. Its a great excuse to spend time with loved ones and have a good time.
    BDCarter

  • jonesl12 said:

    Where I live it's super common to throw a barbecue or a party at your residence to celebrate a new life coming into the world. Some call it a baby Q. Men and women are both welcome and the host provides all the food and drinks. There's usually games or a jumpy house for the kids and a bonfire later in the evening with drinks and sometimes a band. Gifts are optional yet on the in iterations it is noted where mom and dad are registered. Some bring a gift , some bring wine/ champaigne/ any booze really , and some bring a bit of both. It's a fun day spent with friends and family. I have been to a few myself and in no way is it tacky to throw a party for your friends and family. People are not forced by any means to bring a gift no matter the situation. Its a great excuse to spend time with loved ones and have a good time.

    Good lord. Including registry information on the invitation indicates that guests are expected to bring a gift. All of that? ^^ TACKY!

    Yeah, once you put registry information on an invite it goes from kick ass party to BUY ME GIFTS.
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  • ^^^^ no no no. 

    I completely agree that if you put the registry on there, you are pretty much throwing yourself a "sprinkle" after the baby is born. 

    We had a shower with our first baby, and since we will be Team Green for our second, our plan is to host a Sip'n'See/BBQ (depending on the weather). There will be no talk of gifts, there will be no opening of gifts, and there will be no registry. If someone happens to bring a gift, they will be set aside to be opened later.....so Great Aunt Beatrice doesn't get embarrassed that she didn't bring a gift. 

    Our friends had a Sip'n'See after their son was born and it was pretty nice and laid back. No registry was mentioned, and it was pretty much like a open house all day. We brought a gift (well....a gift card), because it was their first baby and I wanted to bring SOMETHING since they just had a small family-only shower. My feelings weren't hurt that they didn't open it while I was there, because gift opening was not the purpose of the get-together. The card and gift card were tucked away and opened later, and then I received a thank you note. 

    If I saw registry information on something like a Sip'n'See invite, that the parents were hosting, I would probably laugh. Then I would show up, eat the food, drink the booze, stare at the baby, and head on out. 
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  • Jonesy288 said:
    Every time I read these threads, there always seems to be a cultural factor that is missing from the responses. I'm sure in the military they have their own set of codes, rules, etiquette and what not. I'm also sure that a lot of the women who post these questions may not be American, and even then, the etiquette that is followed isn't even something that started in America. I'm not saying anyone is right, wrong, tacky, not tacky, rude, not rude, gift grabby, not gift grabby or what have you. I'm just saying that maybe we should keep in mind that people of different cultures and backgrounds are not exposed to the same things. That's ALL I'm saying. 

    image

    True true
  • Ken122014 said:
     Also important to note- multiple posters who wrote the "etiquette" posts and who liked the etiquette posts are now banned from the bump. So they must not be as polite as they'd like their shower invitees to think!
    People get banned because *speshul snowflaykes* get butt hurt over being called out on their ignorance and lack of etiquette, or simply because someone doesn't share their opinion. Most of the members who get banned are not impolite, but rather very supportive and knowledgeable contributors to the community who happen to say it like it is. All of the women on this thread who were advising against throwing one's own shower were doing so to educate someone who clearly didn't understand the etiquette of baby showers. When others come on this board attempting to be white knights for an OP, it really grinds our gears, because anyone who posts on a public forum has to be prepared for honest feedback and doesn't need defending. Besides, this thread is super old. Move on, get to stepping, find another place to air your discontent.

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  • fmragliofmraglio member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited July 2015
    Ken122014 said:
    Every time I read these threads, there always seems to be a cultural factor that is missing from the responses. I'm sure in the military they have their own set of codes, rules, etiquette and what not. I'm also sure that a lot of the women who post these questions may not be American, and even then, the etiquette that is followed isn't even something that started in America. I'm not saying anyone is right, wrong, tacky, not tacky, rude, not rude, gift grabby, not gift grabby or what have you. I'm just saying that maybe we should keep in mind that people of different cultures and backgrounds are not exposed to the same things. That's ALL I'm saying. 

    image
    I agree. I was shocked when I got on the bump and read that putting registry info on a shower invite was "tacky" or against etiquette. If you buy your shower invites at any of the big invitation websites, most of them have a place for the registry on the predesigned invitation. So, where is etiquette so strict that you do not follow the standard lines of a shower invitation?! Luckily, I haven't had to worry about throwing my own showers, but if I got an invitation to a shower hosted by the mom to be, with registry information on the card, I wouldn't bat an eye about it. I would be more annoyed if I had to call the host to find out where the person was registered, but that's because I have anxiety talking on the phone to people I don't know and would prefer not to do it. That probably makes me tacky and rude too. Also important to note- multiple posters who wrote the "etiquette" posts and who liked the etiquette posts are now banned from the bump. So they must not be as polite as they'd like their shower invitees to think! image image image
    Preach it ladies!
    Edited to make it plural because both of these posts are on point. Couldn't have said it better.
    violetigerlily
  • @wassuphoes what I'm saying is that technically you can do as you wish. If you want a second shower, to throw it yourself etc. But there is no actual rule saying "You may not have a second shower"! Lol if that makes sense. Yes, I do believe in every culture/country etc people do things a certain way as tradition. But you don't have to follow it. Of course not everyone will agree and probably say side comments. But me personally, that will affect nothing in my life.
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