@freeatlast2014 She claims she had no clue. She wasn't in a relationship with him...he was a drunk hook up and then they hooked up a few more times. She says she didn't think the actual BD finished She's a piece of work though. We don't speak anymore as she is now addicted to heroin (again) and doesn't have custody of my godson or the daughter she proceeded to have once her and the real BD got together.
Haven't spent much time on this board yet but will be checking in more and more as my due date approaches and especially after, I imagine! I'm also single and this pregnancy was a surprise - BD and I were dating casually but not in a relationship. Not sure how much he'll actually be involved and having an internal struggle with needing financial support but yet not really wanting him to have many rights (assuming he wants them).
In any case I've always wanted a family so in the end I'm getting what I wanted, though how I'm getting there is a bit different than I was imagining! I have to believe it's meant to be though.
Glad to meet you ladies and looking forward to participating on this board more.
Hey there @ejpetey! Welcome! There is a good group of ladies here offering a lot of support and education
You sound exactly like me. Though BD and I were in a relationship, it started falling apart months before I found out I was pregnant. He promised lots of financial support now and when LO is born but he hasn't done a thing. Once LO is born, I will be going to court for child support but I will be trying to limit his rights. Hoping there's not issue with this, especially since he hasn't asked a thing about LO nor has he been to any appointments since May (which was only the elective gender ultrasound at 15 weeks).
I am in the same boat. I am almost ten weeks with my first child and got pregnant on accident with a much younger man. That by itself isn't a problem as I am thrilled to be expecting at age 41, but he is quite irresponsible and changed his phone number after I told him he couldn't move in with me (he has stolen things from my apartment before and I refuse to let him take advantage of me). The good news is that I am a former soldier and have a paid for college education (which I am half way done with) and support myself. I also have a capable family and good friends who are behind me whole-heartedly. I am trying to stay positive even though it is very disappointing. It will be his loss. I am not the first woman this has happened to and I won't be the last. I am concentrating on being the most responsible future parent I can be and moving forward with whatever comes. Keep your head up and do your best. That is the only thing you can do. Best of luck and don't let him get you down!
Hi everyone. I'm 16w pregnant (as of tomorrow!) and a FTM. The father is my ex boyfriend...we had broken up and got back together casually in July just to "see where things would go" and well, they went to baby. He's a commitment phobe, always has been (reason #1 we borked up the first time) and he is not dealing with this well. He says he wants to be there but is not stepping up at all. He has gone to two appointments but doesn't feel the magnitude of what I'm feeling. He also hasn't told his mother which is driving me insane. I've been really strong. My family has embraced this and I have a major support system of friends and loved ones. I am financially well off and do not need a dime from him. I guess my struggle and I'm sure you all can relate, is - how did I wind up here? Single and pregnant. Alone. Zero support from a man who claimed to love me...it's just so much to deal with. Trying to stay calm so LO isn't affected as he/she develops but I'm worried I will. You all seem like lovely ladies. Strong and independent. Thank you for sharing your stories and allowing me to share mine.
Hi everyone, my name is Tish. I am 27 and a ftm. I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and barely talk to the FOB. Although I have lots of support from family and friends, it still feels kind of weird to be doing this on my own. Did I mention I work as a server, and I'm almost finished with a 21 credit semester (thank God I'm graduating). I would love some new friends and maybe advice.
I know you posted this awhile ago (2 years), but it took me finding out that I was pregnant to realize that my relationship with my BD was unhealthy. When I told him I was expecting, his reaction was not what I would have expected it to be. Although we both knew the consequences and this pregnancy was unplanned, it made me realize that I did not need to be in a relationship with him any longer. So I deleted him out of my phone and off of my social media sites; essentially, I deleted him out of my life. In my eyes, this happened to me because it was the only way God could make me see that I needed to get out of that unhealthy relationship. So now I am content to doing it on my own. I know it will be hard, but God will get us through.
@1sttimemama43 It's good that you cut that D-bag out, but he still has rights to that child. Whether or not he owns up to it, you need to prepare yourself in case he decides he's going to walk back in to see the LO. My BD is also a POS who is living a very unhealthy lifestyle (or was, I have no idea what happened to him, we haven't seen him in over a year). He's not on DD's birth certificate, I have not gone after him for CS. He ended up seeing DD 3 times (all before she turned 1) and has walked back out. That's fine, I'm glad for that because I am sick of his BS. But it does make me sad for DD, because even though I have a BF who has totally taken over the daddy role, one day she'll wonder why she doesn't look like him at all. Your mind might change about cutting him out later on. My BD was cut out until he was almost killed in a drunk driving accident (he was a passenger) and we talked about things and I agreed to let him have a relationship with DD. Of course, with an agreement in place about visiting and stuff. And, in the end, he walked away. Obviously, I don't know your circumstances or either your or your BD's life, that was just my experience.
@20thirteen... I appreciate the support. I've let him know that he is welcome to get to know the LO anytime he wants. I left it up to him. However, we don't have much communication unless it's on my part. I didn't want to have a one-sided relationship with BD, especially when I'm about to bring a LO in the world. This is supposed to be a happy time for me, and I didn't want his drama and personal hangups to affect that.
@1sttimemama43 if all he's going to do is stress you out, then cut contact during your pregnancy. Enjoy this time, read a book in the bath, shit like that. Don't worry about him or how he's going to be about this situation until your LO is here, and even then, don't go out of your way to make contact (except to let him know your LO is born). Let him man up if he wants to be there for the LO. If he does, you should allow him that chance to be the dad, if he doesn't, don't bother with him anymore.
I am. I have a 9 year old dd and another on the way due 7/4. Same dad. He's 100% vanished. It was a struggle mentally and emotionally but I've made up my mind to move on and act as if he doesn't exist. My goals are to complete my education to increase my earning power and to not let him rob me of the joys of being a mother despite my circumstances. My parents have stepped in and helped me a lot. His family has ostracized me. He has the type of mother who thinks he can do no wrong and believes his lies, is at his beck and call etc. it's depressing to think of so for me it's easier to just accept what is and not try, wish or hope for him to come back. He wants nothing to do with his daughters nor me. He did this 9 years ago and stupidly I forgave him after he convinced me he was a changed man. I can only push forward from here.
I'm in the same boat !! 23. Weeks .... Left the relationship a week ago ... Healing and trying to move on .... Hard with all the new changes plus the emotional break up and working out the pregnancy wish you all the best and know that I'm open to listening because I understand
@joshggal - Sorry that I just saw this today, times can be hard but if you ever need a place to talk it out, here is definitely it. I'm not on every day but I try to check in when I can to offer advice or talk about my experiences if I think it will help. Please don't let depression get the best of you.
I'm 21, and 25 weeks pregnant with my first. I can admit, baby is the result of a one-night-stand so I have been alone for every step of this pregnancy... I love my baby so much through, and I know we will be ok on our own. ♡♡♡ I didn't want a child yet, but I wouldn't give him up for anything in this world. You can get through this, and you and your child will be stronger for it. Best wishes to you all. :-)
Also - just to clarify -my "BD" does know about the baby. He wanted me to get an abortion, which I clearly refused. He has since decided he does not want anything to do with the baby. When I offered to keep him updated, in hopes that he'd change his mind, he told me that updates would just be a waste of my time. He didn't want to know the gender, if the baby and I were healthy, the due date or when he is born.
I am 24 and I am 21 weeks pregnant today. The baby's father left me and had the nerve to tell me he didn't love me no more and he didn't think we would get this serious. He won't help me and he threatens me all the time about taking my daughter away after she's born.
@Jasmine. I am also 23 weeks and will be 30yrs next month. I'm going to be a single mom as well to my first child. I am in need of much support and here to give support.
Re: Single and Pregnant
Hey ladies and fellow N14-er @AmandaRae529
Haven't spent much time on this board yet but will be checking in more and more as my due date approaches and especially after, I imagine! I'm also single and this pregnancy was a surprise - BD and I were dating casually but not in a relationship. Not sure how much he'll actually be involved and having an internal struggle with needing financial support but yet not really wanting him to have many rights (assuming he wants them).
In any case I've always wanted a family so in the end I'm getting what I wanted, though how I'm getting there is a bit different than I was imagining! I have to believe it's meant to be though.
Glad to meet you ladies and looking forward to participating on this board more.
You sound exactly like me. Though BD and I were in a relationship, it started falling apart months before I found out I was pregnant. He promised lots of financial support now and when LO is born but he hasn't done a thing. Once LO is born, I will be going to court for child support but I will be trying to limit his rights. Hoping there's not issue with this, especially since he hasn't asked a thing about LO nor has he been to any appointments since May (which was only the elective gender ultrasound at 15 weeks).
You all seem like lovely ladies. Strong and independent. Thank you for sharing your stories and allowing me to share mine.