Why you shouldn't bitch about your baby shower. Warning: Long Rant!

Elyse1384 · September 2015

Of late there have been a plethora of baby shower threads and I have to be honest N15, I’m losing my mind. It has been said before, but I’ll say it again. A shower is a gift. A shower is NOT required. People are not obligated to buy you what you want. The sad truth is that some women or expecting parents don’t have family, friends or colleagues who want or have the means to throw a shower. This does not entitle you to throw your own shower, solicit folks for gifts/gift cards, complain about items you receive or complain about what you feel the financial capabilities of loved ones are in relation to the level of “contribution” you expect of them for YOUR baby.

Let me state that there is a very real difference between conceiving a child and raising a child. As someone who was born to 15 year old biological parents, I can tell you without reservation that supplying an egg or sperm in the creation of life does not make you a parent. There are options available to women and we all make our own choice. Don’t make a decision to parent based on what others promise to help you with (be that person your SO or a family member/friend). How you arrived at having a child (planned or unplanned pregnancy) means nothing once you make the decision to keep your child. Congrats and welcome to parenthood... that child is your responsibility and yours alone.

My mother was given 36 hours’ notice about my availability for adoption. She and my father spent over 10 years trying for a child (years of failed fertility treatments and prospective adoptions falling through). My mother ran out to the store that very day and bought everything needed to care for me. My parents spent that night setting up the nursery, washing all the clothing, sterilizing the bottles, etc. She didn’t expect a last minute shower. She didn’t complain about lack of time between my arrival home and acquiring what she needed. She didn’t reach out to family or friends asking for gifts. She didn’t complain days later a loved one stopped by with hand me downs and/or gifts that might not have been to her specific taste. She knew that by saying “Yes! I want to adopt that baby”, she was effectively saying “Yes. I will love, care for and provide for this little one regardless of anything going on around me”.

If you want something for YOUR baby, go buy it! Don’t gripe about others not catering to your specific taste. If someone offers to host a shower for you, don’t complain about how/when the shower is thrown (date of the shower, décor, gifts bought, etc). “Oh I’ll be too uncomfortable”. “Oh they didn’t emphasize to follow the registry”. Honey… you’re getting a shower. You’re lucky. Be thankful and gracious. If you’re worried about timing, go buy what you need now and return duplicate items later if you receive them after the fact.

Sorry not sorry. End rant. Love you N15.

Edit: By request a change of thread title

scw89 · September 2015

Thank you for saying this- it NEEDED to be said and none of us could have emphasized this better!

dogsombrero · September 2015

Wish I could lovetit repeatedly.

Falchas · September 2015

Beautifully put.

edit: atrocious spelling

2015mommy2b · September 2015

Seems like this is going to be a trend of topics that will last through October. We just keep going through waves of topics throughout each trimester. Maybe someone needs to start one single thread like "baby shower complaints" and then they could all go there to feed off each other and obtain advice there.

dmiller1213 · September 2015

I wish I could buy you a beer

Favoritemandms · September 2015

Perfection.

flas · September 2015

All I can say is "holler!" I wish I had a mic dropping GIF.

gumby22c · September 2015

=D> you said that better and slightly nicer than I could have.

MyCousinVinny · September 2015

natalknitter15 · September 2015

This was wonderful. I agree completely.

oliarnmom1517 · September 2015

I agree with this 100% percent.. I except any gift given to me except I don't really want stained and gross items.. Obviously I won't say anything to them if I receive stained items I will say thank you and if it can be cleaned I'll clean it... If I can't then I'll either throw it away or if it's clothes I'll use them as rags.. However I am very grateful for the people hosting my shower and everything I will receive!!

Falchas · September 2015

Just wanted to add that I have enjoyed the bump more this morning than I have for weeks and weeks and weeks. I think N15 needed a little shake up, thanks again.

rerawalt · September 2015

Can we sticky this to the top?

brianna91chavez · September 2015

Thank you!!!!! I wish I could love tit this 40 more times.

Unfortunately, knowing the attitude of many of Nov 15 drive by posters, they will probably read this and still post threads of that kind with annoying ass 'disclaimers' like "yeah i know a shower is a gift but I only want stuff I registered for..." Etc. It'll be the same thing as the "I know there is a thread about this already but I made my own" phase.

A lot of my childhood was spent with my grandmother who was born in 1933 and she's a big advocate of proper etiquette and manners. It is bewildering to me some of the ungrateful and rude shit that I read on here. Grandma would have a small heart attack if she read some of the stuff I've seen on here.

You know how I got exactly what I wanted for my nursery and this baby? I bought it. I'm the one that laid down and made the decision to have this child and if anyone else was to be so kind as to buy something for my child I would appreciate it and never think to say anything negative about it... Not even to a bunch of strangers on the Internet.

gumby22c · September 2015

@brianna91chavez my Nana was big on manners and etiquette and got on me for things I considered silly as a kid. I kind of hated it that I got scolded for some things. But as an adult I'm so thankful for it because I feel like I have my head on straight and understand things like tact, good manners, and etiquette that seem to to be fleeting with people these days. If she were still here today, I would totally thank her for teaching me those things.

nmwheel1 · September 2015

You are my hero!!

scw89 · September 2015

People forget that a shower is to welcome someone into motherhood. It isn't about gifts. AND I don't care if people don't buy off my registry. I appreciate the thought behind it!

Barker2+1 · September 2015

I think this is great and so wonderfully worded. I have cherished everything I have been given.

brianna91chavez · September 2015

@gumby22c that's how my grandma was too! My dad told me one day I would be glad grandma was the way she was and he was so right.

I was on a different pregnancy app the other day... The app I call "the other one" when telling my husband stuff I see on it bc it's a very different place there. A scary place. Anyways. This girl posted and said "can I tell people to just leave the gifts on the gift table and I open them after the shower?"
She went on to explain that it will make her feel uncomfortable, it's awkward, she'd rather open the gifts at home, and it's gonna take foreverrrrr and she has things to do. EXCUSE ME????? Are you fucking serious??? GTFO.

katiedhunter · September 2015

Thank you @Elyse1384 this needed to be said. I can't lie I teared up a little reading your story. Thank you for sharing it.

KeHill08 · September 2015

Thank you for posting this! I can't believe the amount of pity party threads because people aren't getting EXACTLY what they wanted, things aren't exactly how they imagined it would be, so and so didn't spend as much so obviously they don't love my child enough... blah blah blah. It's getting to where it's almost on the same level as the "my baby isn't the sex I wanted" complaints.

Ceridwen77 · September 2015

This is fantastic. There is a lot to be said about a person who acts with grace vs who has a feeling of entitlement. Bravo, bravo!

CharminglySouthern · September 2015

@Elyse1384 your story is amazing and I LOVE this post. I want to give it all the love-tits.

Squirtgun · September 2015

I love this!! I want to give you a big ol' hug for sharing your beautiful story with us!!

maura+c · September 2015

Thank you for sharing your story!! I completely agree!! This is honestly the first time I've even opened anything about baby showers. I think I opened and read one post- it was incredibly annoying. People should be grateful and not complain!

HeatherFaye718 · September 2015

Thank you for saying this! This is so so true. I've made sure to get everything I want/need on my own and anything that friends or family have given me has been a blessing!

LSRoo · September 2015

Thank you for sharing your story and THANK YOU for telling it like it is. I really wish I could #lovetit this 1000000 times!!

ashleywuli · September 2015

Elyse1384 said:
Of late there have been a plethora of baby shower threads and
I have to be honest N15, I’m losing my mind.
It has been said before, but I’ll say it again. A shower is a gift. A shower is NOT required. People are not obligated to buy you what you want. The sad truth is that some women or expecting
parents don’t have family, friends or colleagues who want or have the means to
throw a shower. This does not entitle you
to throw your own shower, solicit folks for gifts/gift cards, complain about items
you receive or complain about what you feel the financial capabilities of loved
ones are in relation to the level of “contribution” you expect of them for YOUR
baby.

Let me state that there is a very real difference between conceiving
a child and raising a child. As someone who was born to 15 year old
biological parents, I can tell you without reservation that supplying an egg or
sperm in the creation of life does not make you a parent. There are options available to women and we
all make our own choice. Don’t make a
decision to parent based on what others promise to help you with (be that person your SO or
a family member/friend). How you arrived at having a child (planned or unplanned pregnancy) means nothing once you make the decision to keep your child. Congrats and welcome to parenthood... that child is your responsibility and yours
alone.

My mother was given 36 hours’ notice about my availability
for adoption. She and my father spent
over 10 years trying for a child (years of failed fertility treatments and prospective
adoptions falling through). My mother
ran out to the store that very day and bought everything needed to care for
me. My parents spent that night setting
up the nursery, washing all the clothing, sterilizing the bottles, etc. She didn’t expect a last minute shower. She didn’t complain about lack of time
between my arrival home and acquiring what she needed. She didn’t reach out to family or friends
asking for gifts. She didn’t complain days
later a loved one stopped by with hand me downs and/or gifts that might not
have been to her specific taste. She
knew that by saying “Yes! I want to
adopt that baby”, she was effectively saying “Yes. I will love, care for and provide for this little
one regardless of anything going on around me”.

If you want something for YOUR baby, go buy it! Don’t gripe about others not catering to your
specific taste. If someone offers to
host a shower for you, don’t complain about how/when the shower is thrown (date
of the shower, décor, gifts bought, etc).
“Oh I’ll be too uncomfortable”. “Oh
they didn’t emphasize to follow the registry”.
Honey… you’re getting a shower.
You’re lucky. Be thankful and gracious. If you’re worried about timing,
go buy what you need now and return duplicate items later if you receive them after
the fact.

Sorry not sorry. End
rant. Love you N15.

I think I have fallen in love with you....

Kanne0729 · September 2015

Elyse1384 said:
Of late there have been a plethora of baby shower threads and
I have to be honest N15, I’m losing my mind.
It has been said before, but I’ll say it again. A shower is a gift. A shower is NOT required. People are not obligated to buy you what you want. The sad truth is that some women or expecting
parents don’t have family, friends or colleagues who want or have the means to
throw a shower. This does not entitle you
to throw your own shower, solicit folks for gifts/gift cards, complain about items
you receive or complain about what you feel the financial capabilities of loved
ones are in relation to the level of “contribution” you expect of them for YOUR
baby.

Let me state that there is a very real difference between conceiving
a child and raising a child. As someone who was born to 15 year old
biological parents, I can tell you without reservation that supplying an egg or
sperm in the creation of life does not make you a parent. There are options available to women and we
all make our own choice. Don’t make a
decision to parent based on what others promise to help you with (be that person your SO or
a family member/friend). How you arrived at having a child (planned or unplanned pregnancy) means nothing once you make the decision to keep your child. Congrats and welcome to parenthood... that child is your responsibility and yours
alone.

My mother was given 36 hours’ notice about my availability
for adoption. She and my father spent
over 10 years trying for a child (years of failed fertility treatments and prospective
adoptions falling through). My mother
ran out to the store that very day and bought everything needed to care for
me. My parents spent that night setting
up the nursery, washing all the clothing, sterilizing the bottles, etc. She didn’t expect a last minute shower. She didn’t complain about lack of time
between my arrival home and acquiring what she needed. She didn’t reach out to family or friends
asking for gifts. She didn’t complain days
later a loved one stopped by with hand me downs and/or gifts that might not
have been to her specific taste. She
knew that by saying “Yes! I want to
adopt that baby”, she was effectively saying “Yes. I will love, care for and provide for this little
one regardless of anything going on around me”.

If you want something for YOUR baby, go buy it! Don’t gripe about others not catering to your
specific taste. If someone offers to
host a shower for you, don’t complain about how/when the shower is thrown (date
of the shower, décor, gifts bought, etc).
“Oh I’ll be too uncomfortable”. “Oh
they didn’t emphasize to follow the registry”.
Honey… you’re getting a shower.
You’re lucky. Be thankful and gracious. If you’re worried about timing,
go buy what you need now and return duplicate items later if you receive them after
the fact.

Sorry not sorry. End
rant. Love you N15.

Very well said! Also, always remember that if you can't afford to buy everything at once there is always layaway and if you end up getting those items from a generous family member/friend then return it. Everyone is so entitled anymore, this is YOUR baby and your responsibility, not anyone else's.

BlondeMomma92 · September 2015

AMEN to all of this! A shower is a gift and people should be gracious! For example i do not expect gifts or hand outs or even a shower--- and if someone were to generously offer to throw me one I would not give a dang about the mundane aspects of it. I'd just be grateful for the thought and effort someone put into me.

MoonUnitNugget · September 2015

=D> :x Amen.

snlyon0614 · September 2015

I agree.i'm a FTM, We live in Texas and all of our friends/family are on the East coast, so no shower for me...I would love just to have the games, food, fun and memories, don't be ungrateful there are other's out there that'd love just the experience!

thefithuntress · September 2015

Dreamy sigh. This is the N15 I fell in love with.

jfrenes23 · September 2015

I LOVE this!!! I want to like this a million times over!!

ASalton1 · September 2015

I agree. I'm a FTM that isn't having a shower/sprinkle simply because I don't have anyone to throw one (my mom wanted too but the plans fell through). I don't feel like I'm getting ripped off or that my loved ones are "required" to buy my baby things and I plan on getting everything my child needs myself. I feel that any gift anyone receives for their child should be appreciated regardless of what items they registered for.

vbryant08 · September 2015

Thank you for posting this! I needed to read it. I admit I was feeling sorry for myself b/c more than half the people we invited to our shower aren't going to make it. Everything you said is spot on! Thanks for the reality check!

semulcahy · September 2015

I totally agree with this. I think a lot of the mentality about baby showers has been exacerbated by things like The Bump though. I mean, if you'll notice, the 30 week checklist literally says "Have you had your baby shower yet?" I'm very lucky and very blessed to have family members that wanted to throw one for me, but I would never dream of spitting in their faces if it wast exactly what I wanted. Ugh.

dapoint23 · September 2015

As PP's have said thank you for posting this! Be grateful for anything given to you and it's ok if everything in your nursery doesn't match! I swear the baby won't notice!