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Feeling pessimistic today

OsteoblasticOsteoblastic member
in Trouble TTC
Last Friday I did a 2-hour glucose and insulin test done, at the request of my naturopathic doctor. I had one done at the beginning of July, but they didn't do the second insulin, hence the repeat.

Like before, ally glucose scores were high-average. In July, my fasting insulin was an 8, which is higher than the 5 my two docs would prefer. Friday it was 11. Over 10 is a problem, it points to early stages of metabolic syndrome. And this, after I changed my diet and have been exercising 3-4 times a week since the end of June. So after 8 weeks of counting calories, avoiding added sugars, and exercise, my insulin just got worse. By a fair amount. And on top of it my weight loss reversed by 3 pounds for the last few days... Which I know could just mean I'm hydrated or gaining muscle, but today its not helping.

And its day 18 of my cye with sinking temps and sticky CM, meaning all that work hasnt shortened this cycle either. Itll probably be another 50-day one...

So right now I'm feeling like trying to get everything under control without meds was just a silly dream. I should just give up on that and do Metformin, and accept the possibility of gestational diabetes since I'm IR now.

And of course when I start feeling like things aren't working it makes me feel down about everything. My husband doesn't always get why it gets to me so much, I figured some of you would.
image
Me(28) and Husband(39): 10/5/2013, TTC since 10/2013
Metformin 7/2014, BFP 8/14/2014, MC 11/1/2014
Dx: PCOS, cycles 38-72. As of 6/2015 trying to lose weight and fix cycles with diet and exercise!!
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Re: Feeling pessimistic today

  • clt2pwm11clt2pwm11 member
    I feel you, I really do. After doing the clomid, this is the week I'm supposed to O. I've been using an OPK all week with no positive. I know that this doesn't necessarily mean I haven't O-ed, but given my PCOS, I figure my body is a total stupid face head and probably didn't. Meanwhile, I'm a bloated mess. I'm still hoping for a hidden O or a late O, either way, but I am trying to be realistic and prepare myself for a second month of clomid. 
    So, I guess my point is with or without meds, you could be sitting around twiddling your thumbs.
    DX PCOS + mild male factor
    TTC since Dec. 2015
    Current Treatment: Metformin, Provera, Letrozole, Trigger, IUI
    Past Treatment: Clomid + Metformin x 3 BFN
    Letrozole 5 mg + Trigger shot + IUI = BFP!
    Beta confirmed 8/22
    EDD 5/1/17
    Report Reply
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  • OsteoblasticOsteoblastic member
    Thanks for the support, and sorry about your dumb ovaries! I love "total stupid face head."

    Most of the time i dont get baby jealousy, but today I just feel like walking around the house shouting, "I hate everyone who has a baby!" But I think that might scare the dogs :p maybe we can just say it in our heads :)
    image
    Me(28) and Husband(39): 10/5/2013, TTC since 10/2013
    Metformin 7/2014, BFP 8/14/2014, MC 11/1/2014
    Dx: PCOS, cycles 38-72. As of 6/2015 trying to lose weight and fix cycles with diet and exercise!!
    Report Reply
  • ceclarlinetloceclarlinetlo member
    Ughhhh @osteoblastic I am so sorry you didn't get better news. It's sooooo frustrating when you've put so much effort into adjusting your lifestyle to not get a good return on your investment. I hate this so much for you. Fx for your cycle to not be 50 days.
    TW: MMC
    BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
    BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
    ———
    Diagnoses and Treatments
    PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
    Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
    Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
    ———
    BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
    BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏

    Report Reply
  • OsteoblasticOsteoblastic member
    @ceclarlinetlo thanks so much for the kind words and support. It does help a lot. I'll let you guys know if things turn around and I get O soon at least. Here's hoping the doc gives me hope too!
    image
    Me(28) and Husband(39): 10/5/2013, TTC since 10/2013
    Metformin 7/2014, BFP 8/14/2014, MC 11/1/2014
    Dx: PCOS, cycles 38-72. As of 6/2015 trying to lose weight and fix cycles with diet and exercise!!
    Report Reply
  • paisleybrownpaisleybrown member
    I am so sorry that you're experiencing all of this. Trying to control your rogue insulin would be a challenging experience even if you weren't TTC. It's frustrating when our bodies don't work, but when we make the extra effort to take care of ourselves and our bodies still don't respond, it can feel so hopeless. Thinking of you...
    Report Reply
  • jnissajnissa member
    I'm so sorry you didn't get better news, and I totally get the pessimism (in a similar place right now), but you should also be *really* proud of yourself. Those types of lifestyle adjustments are so hard. The fact that you're even making the effort to do 
    this with diet and exercise is something to pat yourself on the back for.
    Me: 41, DH 38, Diagnosis DOR
    Started TTC 12/2013
    First Trip to RE: 11/2014
    IVF Round 1: 2/2014 - BFP
    DD Born 11/9/2014
    TTC a Sibling Started 5/2015
    First IVF Round 8/15 - BFN
    Taking a break to go on vacation + enjoy the holidays before FET and/or another IVF round in 2016!

    Report Reply
  • AdorkablePixieAdorkablePixie member
    @Osteoblastic I am sorry. :( At least you are doing something to try to change things though, that is fantastic. Sorry you haven't seen much progress yet, but maybe you will!

    @clt2pwm11 I have heard that when you are on clomid you shouldn't do OPKs because they are often incorrect. I wouldn't know from experience, but that seems to be the general consensus of people who have used clomid and OPKs.

    Me: 31

    DH: 29, SA - Great

    Married: June 12,2011

    TTC #1: 1/2014

    Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

    Treatment: Clomid:  50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored

                      Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI  IUI #1 8/31/2015

    9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!
    Heartbeat 10/2/2015: 118bpm
    DS: 5/27/2016

    TTC# 2: 12/2017
    BFP: 4/20/2018
    EDD: 12/29/2018
    Report Reply
  • clt2pwm11clt2pwm11 member
    @AdorkablePixie you've given me hope!
    DX PCOS + mild male factor
    TTC since Dec. 2015
    Current Treatment: Metformin, Provera, Letrozole, Trigger, IUI
    Past Treatment: Clomid + Metformin x 3 BFN
    Letrozole 5 mg + Trigger shot + IUI = BFP!
    Beta confirmed 8/22
    EDD 5/1/17
    Report Reply
  • AdorkablePixieAdorkablePixie member
    @clt2pwm11 :) I'm glad. Do you temp? That might help, but I've also heard temping on Clomid can also be off. It's hard to track stuff when the meds we are on mess stuff up!

    Me: 31

    DH: 29, SA - Great

    Married: June 12,2011

    TTC #1: 1/2014

    Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

    Treatment: Clomid:  50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored

                      Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI  IUI #1 8/31/2015

    9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!
    Heartbeat 10/2/2015: 118bpm
    DS: 5/27/2016

    TTC# 2: 12/2017
    BFP: 4/20/2018
    EDD: 12/29/2018
    Report Reply
  • clt2pwm11clt2pwm11 member
    No I don't temp. I find that the more "involved" I get in the ttc process, the more I stress. I eventually gave up the strips as well last week because it was freaking me out so much!
    DX PCOS + mild male factor
    TTC since Dec. 2015
    Current Treatment: Metformin, Provera, Letrozole, Trigger, IUI
    Past Treatment: Clomid + Metformin x 3 BFN
    Letrozole 5 mg + Trigger shot + IUI = BFP!
    Beta confirmed 8/22
    EDD 5/1/17
    Report Reply
  • OsteoblasticOsteoblastic member
    So I talked to my ND and she said she's not as worried about the fasting insulin and said my glucose has gone down nicely and she expects the insulin to follow, it just takes time to respond. She said it seems like my body is prioritizing getting glucose down after a meal, so its amping up the insulin to get the glucose low. Once glucose is low for a while, insulin will follow. So, that made me feel better :)

    And I'm pretty sure I O'd yesterday, which would be CD24 and still late, but still early enough to have an almost normal cycle. I have my FX that my bbts stay high for the 2WW!
    image
    Me(28) and Husband(39): 10/5/2013, TTC since 10/2013
    Metformin 7/2014, BFP 8/14/2014, MC 11/1/2014
    Dx: PCOS, cycles 38-72. As of 6/2015 trying to lose weight and fix cycles with diet and exercise!!
    Report Reply
  • riveridgionalriveridgional member
    @Osteoblastic it sounds like things are really looking up for you!
    Married to DH 10/6/12
    TTC since 5/14
    Unexplained with (controlled) hypothyroidism and suspected ovulatory dysfunction (but, I do ovulate on my own)
    Clomid 50 mg 3/15 (unmonitored) - BFN
    Clomid 50 mg + metformin 4/15 (unmonitored) - BFN 
    First RE appt. 5/15; Natural cycle 5/15 monitored with 2 mature follicles and Pregnyl Trigger (full dose) + prometrium - BFN
    6/15 HSG - clear tubes & normal uterus; great PCT test results
    TI - 100 mg Clomid + prometrium (AM & PM) + vaginal estrace (AM & PM) 6-7/15 (monitored) --> no additional response and thinned lining - BFN
    TI - Injectables (follistim + Gonal-F, Ganirelix, & 1/2 dose Pregnyl) + prometrium (AM & PM) 9/15 --> 3-7 mature follicles (3 definites and 4+ that could have matured due to trigger) @ O -->BFN + 5 large cysts
    BC for 2 weeks due to cysts
    TI - Injectables (Gonal-F, Ganirelix & full dose Pregnyl) + prometrium (AM & PM) 10/15 --> 1 mature follicle --> BFN 
    TI - Last attempt at injectables (Gonal-F, Ganirelix & 1/2 dose Pregnyl) + crinone (AM only) + vaginal estrace (AM & PM) 11/15 --> 3-4 mature follicles --> BFP!! 11/27/15 @ 13dpo (shockingly, actually waited until then to test)

    Beta #1 @ 16dpo (11/30/15) = 1,075
    Beta #2 @ 19dpo (12/3/15) = 3,150
    One baby: Saw heartbeat @ 5w5d (114 bpm; baby measuring 2.3mm)

    "Great Things are Happening"
    Report Reply
  • turtle148turtle148 member
    Osteoblastic said:

    Thanks for the support, and sorry about your dumb ovaries! I love "total stupid face head."

    Most of the time i dont get baby jealousy, but today I just feel like walking around the house shouting, "I hate everyone who has a baby!" But I think that might scare the dogs :p maybe we can just say it in our heads :)

    @Osteoblastic in a way I have actually done this! In my nursing school simulation for L&D I get to watch a freaking simulator deliver a baby. In my head in thinking "great this stupid manikin can have a baby but I can't!" I was so over the entire situation that I started singing I don't want to be here and I hate this simulation. When the test (yep it was graded and I didn't care because it was that awful) was over my teacher said I did everything right but she didn't understand why I was singing that tune. As soon as she realized what she said she knew why I hated it. I had begged not to go to L&D for clinical and the reason behind it.
    Report Reply
  • OsteoblasticOsteoblastic member
    @turtle148 Ugh, that is awful! So sorry you had to watch a fake person have a child, but I'm glad you didn't fail or actually have to explain things to your teacher- that'd just be the perfect end to a horrific day...

    I felt like this when my boss's dog got pregnant and had puppies the first try. Dogs can do it no problem, but I can't! Stupid adorable puppies making me love and hate them at the same time... :p
    image
    Me(28) and Husband(39): 10/5/2013, TTC since 10/2013
    Metformin 7/2014, BFP 8/14/2014, MC 11/1/2014
    Dx: PCOS, cycles 38-72. As of 6/2015 trying to lose weight and fix cycles with diet and exercise!!
    Report Reply
  • riveridgionalriveridgional member
    @Osteoblastic Your dog comment just reminded me how I felt when my husband and I first started trying to get pregnant. At the time, we were so early in the process I was 100% joking, but if it happened today I would be so frustrated (even though, yes, I know...it's a dog). We were visiting my in-laws at their dude ranch, and they had their 1 yr old dog in a cage outside since she was in heat. One of their other, male dogs was sitting/laying by the cage 24/7, just waiting for his chance. Well, somehow she got out of the cage because a guest ran to my MIL to tell her the view her children were experiencing. After they were done, the dog was put back in her cage and didn't get out again. Well, sure enough she got pregnant! After hearing a few friends got pregnant their first or second try, I was like, "Well, hell, even the dog got knocked up her first try!"
    Married to DH 10/6/12
    TTC since 5/14
    Unexplained with (controlled) hypothyroidism and suspected ovulatory dysfunction (but, I do ovulate on my own)
    Clomid 50 mg 3/15 (unmonitored) - BFN
    Clomid 50 mg + metformin 4/15 (unmonitored) - BFN 
    First RE appt. 5/15; Natural cycle 5/15 monitored with 2 mature follicles and Pregnyl Trigger (full dose) + prometrium - BFN
    6/15 HSG - clear tubes & normal uterus; great PCT test results
    TI - 100 mg Clomid + prometrium (AM & PM) + vaginal estrace (AM & PM) 6-7/15 (monitored) --> no additional response and thinned lining - BFN
    TI - Injectables (follistim + Gonal-F, Ganirelix, & 1/2 dose Pregnyl) + prometrium (AM & PM) 9/15 --> 3-7 mature follicles (3 definites and 4+ that could have matured due to trigger) @ O -->BFN + 5 large cysts
    BC for 2 weeks due to cysts
    TI - Injectables (Gonal-F, Ganirelix & full dose Pregnyl) + prometrium (AM & PM) 10/15 --> 1 mature follicle --> BFN 
    TI - Last attempt at injectables (Gonal-F, Ganirelix & 1/2 dose Pregnyl) + crinone (AM only) + vaginal estrace (AM & PM) 11/15 --> 3-4 mature follicles --> BFP!! 11/27/15 @ 13dpo (shockingly, actually waited until then to test)

    Beta #1 @ 16dpo (11/30/15) = 1,075
    Beta #2 @ 19dpo (12/3/15) = 3,150
    One baby: Saw heartbeat @ 5w5d (114 bpm; baby measuring 2.3mm)

    "Great Things are Happening"
    Report Reply
  • clt2pwm11clt2pwm11 member
    What an encouraging discussion with your doctor! Keep at it girl. You are doing what is right for your body in the long run!
    DX PCOS + mild male factor
    TTC since Dec. 2015
    Current Treatment: Metformin, Provera, Letrozole, Trigger, IUI
    Past Treatment: Clomid + Metformin x 3 BFN
    Letrozole 5 mg + Trigger shot + IUI = BFP!
    Beta confirmed 8/22
    EDD 5/1/17
    Report Reply
  • OsteoblasticOsteoblastic member
    Well, I spoke too soon :/ three days after the supposed ovulation and BBTs never raised. I thought they might be slowly increasing (97.75) but this morning I got a 97.5 when my post-O is usually 98+. And I felt like throwing the thermometer across the bedroom, heh.

    So I'm CD27 and still no O. Another long cye ahead. Today I'm leaving town for 5 days without DH, so it better not happen then! :p

    Oh well, I'll keep working on lowering my insulin levels anyway and brace myself for entering year 3 of TTC.
    image
    Me(28) and Husband(39): 10/5/2013, TTC since 10/2013
    Metformin 7/2014, BFP 8/14/2014, MC 11/1/2014
    Dx: PCOS, cycles 38-72. As of 6/2015 trying to lose weight and fix cycles with diet and exercise!!
    Report Reply
  • AdorkablePixieAdorkablePixie member
    @Osteoblastic Bummer! I hope it happens for you soon, but not while you and DH are separated. Do you use OPKs?

    Me: 31

    DH: 29, SA - Great

    Married: June 12,2011

    TTC #1: 1/2014

    Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

    Treatment: Clomid:  50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored

                      Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI  IUI #1 8/31/2015

    9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!
    Heartbeat 10/2/2015: 118bpm
    DS: 5/27/2016

    TTC# 2: 12/2017
    BFP: 4/20/2018
    EDD: 12/29/2018
    Report Reply
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