Feeling pessimistic today

Osteoblastic

Last Friday I did a 2-hour glucose and insulin test done, at the request of my naturopathic doctor. I had one done at the beginning of July, but they didn't do the second insulin, hence the repeat.

Like before, ally glucose scores were high-average. In July, my fasting insulin was an 8, which is higher than the 5 my two docs would prefer. Friday it was 11. Over 10 is a problem, it points to early stages of metabolic syndrome. And this, after I changed my diet and have been exercising 3-4 times a week since the end of June. So after 8 weeks of counting calories, avoiding added sugars, and exercise, my insulin just got worse. By a fair amount. And on top of it my weight loss reversed by 3 pounds for the last few days... Which I know could just mean I'm hydrated or gaining muscle, but today its not helping.

And its day 18 of my cye with sinking temps and sticky CM, meaning all that work hasnt shortened this cycle either. Itll probably be another 50-day one...

So right now I'm feeling like trying to get everything under control without meds was just a silly dream. I should just give up on that and do Metformin, and accept the possibility of gestational diabetes since I'm IR now.

And of course when I start feeling like things aren't working it makes me feel down about everything. My husband doesn't always get why it gets to me so much, I figured some of you would.

clt2pwm11

I feel you, I really do. After doing the clomid, this is the week I'm supposed to O. I've been using an OPK all week with no positive. I know that this doesn't necessarily mean I haven't O-ed, but given my PCOS, I figure my body is a total stupid face head and probably didn't. Meanwhile, I'm a bloated mess. I'm still hoping for a hidden O or a late O, either way, but I am trying to be realistic and prepare myself for a second month of clomid. 

So, I guess my point is with or without meds, you could be sitting around twiddling your thumbs.

Osteoblastic

Thanks for the support, and sorry about your dumb ovaries! I love "total stupid face head."

Most of the time i dont get baby jealousy, but today I just feel like walking around the house shouting, "I hate everyone who has a baby!" But I think that might scare the dogs maybe we can just say it in our heads

ceclarlinetlo

Ughhhh @osteoblastic I am so sorry you didn't get better news. It's sooooo frustrating when you've put so much effort into adjusting your lifestyle to not get a good return on your investment. I hate this so much for you. Fx for your cycle to not be 50 days.

Osteoblastic

@ceclarlinetlo thanks so much for the kind words and support. It does help a lot. I'll let you guys know if things turn around and I get O soon at least. Here's hoping the doc gives me hope too!

paisleybrown

I am so sorry that you're experiencing all of this. Trying to control your rogue insulin would be a challenging experience even if you weren't TTC. It's frustrating when our bodies don't work, but when we make the extra effort to take care of ourselves and our bodies still don't respond, it can feel so hopeless. Thinking of you...

jnissa

I'm so sorry you didn't get better news, and I totally get the pessimism (in a similar place right now), but you should also be *really* proud of yourself. Those types of lifestyle adjustments are so hard. The fact that you're even making the effort to do 

this with diet and exercise is something to pat yourself on the back for.

AdorkablePixie

@Osteoblastic I am sorry. At least you are doing something to try to change things though, that is fantastic. Sorry you haven't seen much progress yet, but maybe you will!

@clt2pwm11 I have heard that when you are on clomid you shouldn't do OPKs because they are often incorrect. I wouldn't know from experience, but that seems to be the general consensus of people who have used clomid and OPKs.

clt2pwm11

@AdorkablePixie you've given me hope!

AdorkablePixie

@clt2pwm11 I'm glad. Do you temp? That might help, but I've also heard temping on Clomid can also be off. It's hard to track stuff when the meds we are on mess stuff up!

clt2pwm11

No I don't temp. I find that the more "involved" I get in the ttc process, the more I stress. I eventually gave up the strips as well last week because it was freaking me out so much!

Osteoblastic

So I talked to my ND and she said she's not as worried about the fasting insulin and said my glucose has gone down nicely and she expects the insulin to follow, it just takes time to respond. She said it seems like my body is prioritizing getting glucose down after a meal, so its amping up the insulin to get the glucose low. Once glucose is low for a while, insulin will follow. So, that made me feel better

And I'm pretty sure I O'd yesterday, which would be CD24 and still late, but still early enough to have an almost normal cycle. I have my FX that my bbts stay high for the 2WW!

riveridgional

@Osteoblastic it sounds like things are really looking up for you!

turtle148

Osteoblastic said:

Thanks for the support, and sorry about your dumb ovaries! I love "total stupid face head."

Most of the time i dont get baby jealousy, but today I just feel like walking around the house shouting, "I hate everyone who has a baby!" But I think that might scare the dogs maybe we can just say it in our heads

@Osteoblastic in a way I have actually done this! In my nursing school simulation for L&D I get to watch a freaking simulator deliver a baby. In my head in thinking "great this stupid manikin can have a baby but I can't!" I was so over the entire situation that I started singing I don't want to be here and I hate this simulation. When the test (yep it was graded and I didn't care because it was that awful) was over my teacher said I did everything right but she didn't understand why I was singing that tune. As soon as she realized what she said she knew why I hated it. I had begged not to go to L&D for clinical and the reason behind it.

Osteoblastic

@turtle148 Ugh, that is awful! So sorry you had to watch a fake person have a child, but I'm glad you didn't fail or actually have to explain things to your teacher- that'd just be the perfect end to a horrific day...

I felt like this when my boss's dog got pregnant and had puppies the first try. Dogs can do it no problem, but I can't! Stupid adorable puppies making me love and hate them at the same time...

riveridgional

@Osteoblastic Your dog comment just reminded me how I felt when my husband and I first started trying to get pregnant. At the time, we were so early in the process I was 100% joking, but if it happened today I would be so frustrated (even though, yes, I know...it's a dog). We were visiting my in-laws at their dude ranch, and they had their 1 yr old dog in a cage outside since she was in heat. One of their other, male dogs was sitting/laying by the cage 24/7, just waiting for his chance. Well, somehow she got out of the cage because a guest ran to my MIL to tell her the view her children were experiencing. After they were done, the dog was put back in her cage and didn't get out again. Well, sure enough she got pregnant! After hearing a few friends got pregnant their first or second try, I was like, "Well, hell, even the dog got knocked up her first try!"

clt2pwm11

What an encouraging discussion with your doctor! Keep at it girl. You are doing what is right for your body in the long run!

Osteoblastic

Well, I spoke too soon three days after the supposed ovulation and BBTs never raised. I thought they might be slowly increasing (97.75) but this morning I got a 97.5 when my post-O is usually 98+. And I felt like throwing the thermometer across the bedroom, heh.

So I'm CD27 and still no O. Another long cye ahead. Today I'm leaving town for 5 days without DH, so it better not happen then!

Oh well, I'll keep working on lowering my insulin levels anyway and brace myself for entering year 3 of TTC.

AdorkablePixie

@Osteoblastic Bummer! I hope it happens for you soon, but not while you and DH are separated. Do you use OPKs?