Are Epidurals the Standard in America??

britskin13 · August 2015

Everyday I check the birth announcements because THIS IS WHAT WE'VE been waiting for and I'm anxious being 2 weeks away!

This morning I came across this question in the Birth Announcements Thread- "Are epidurals the standard in America? Does anyone have a natural or water birth?"

Although I agree- not the thread to be asking. The response to her question was emotional to me.... (Emotion being defensive-off putting- angry?)

I can't help but relate to the question asked because I have openly expressed to women that a goal of mine- being a FTM is to have a natural birth in a hospital. I'm am so surprised how defensive and rude people respond to that!!! Just because I have a goal of- or someone asks a very dry to the point question, I've noticed Moms get sooooooo defensive and assuming judgment is placed. Responses to wanting a natural birth:

"You don't even know what you're talking about."
"You say that now!"
"You won't be able to handle the pain."
"Why would you even want to experience labor/birth without the epidural?!"

There is no need for assumptions on someone passing judgment. I did my research, I've never had a baby, so a goal of mine is: I would love to have a natural birth. Does that mean I care or am judging your birth plan?! Trust me- never even crossed my mind.

Unfortunately I get more shaming on wanting a natural birth then I've ever seen anyone get shamed on wanting a medicated one and I just don't understand why there needs to be any!

If I end up with meds- or and emerg-C section, so be it. I'm doing what's best for me and you do what's best for you and smile that we are both Mommas who are doing our individual best.

And to answer her question: YES. Epidurals are standard in America. Hopefully I have a natural birth to tell you about like most of the woman in my family. But I know a few water births that were great experiences for those Mommas.

Drink that soda- do your excersise daily- eat organic or eat fast food! Get that epidural- have your baby in a river. Breastfeed until your baby is 4! Or use formula to fit your families needs. Don't feel sad or judged by a question or someone else's goals/wants/needs. Seriously guys. Keep calm and Momma on.

rholbrook7 · August 2015

I wasn't being defensive.
I'm actually one of those women who want a natural birth.
My problem was the thread she asked it on. In case you didn't notice, that thread is ONLY for birth announcements.
NOT for women to start petty arguments.
I think that my goal was to stop an all out mommy war before it happened.
If she had created a different thread, and asked the question, I would have been inclined to actually go into detail about it. But she didn't. And to me, that is asking for trouble.

WDDCH · August 2015

I've done birth many ways (I've given birth five times thus far).

Epidural, natural (no meds), hospital, birth center, home, in a birth tub, in bed.

There are so many options and that should be celebrated and honored! We are so blessed to have options and we are blessed that moms and babies live because of modern medicine and surgery when a natural birth truly is out of the question.

How y'all give birth is going to be special and we won't all have the same story here. Let's honor one another where we are at, judgement-free. Don't take offense if someone birthed differently - it's not a stab at you for your choices (and if the poster meant it as a self-righteous prideful thing... well shame on them). Live and let live.

yessirio · August 2015

I think the way u want to have ur baby with meds or w/o is ur decision... at the end we're all moms n I'm sure we all want the best for us n our babies! Good luck ladies

>-

beckygoetz93 · August 2015

This is awesome. I had a natural birth with my son. I got the same judgement. My midwife even tried telling me I couldn't do it. The way I look at it is people have done it for thousands of years before medicine came into the picture and it's a short amount of time(usually) that you have to go through pain. But I'm sick of people telling me oh you're so brave I could never do that. Yes you could you just gotta try! Same with breastfeeding my family didn't nurse so their like omg how do you do it? Drives me nuts keep your mouth shut and I'll keep mine shut:) good luck with your natural birth! The pain is only temporary:D and well worth it!

beansideirae · August 2015

I've gotten some judgement from my friends, and my husband still seems to not believe I can go thro with this! but I have dealt with pain for years (Crohns, and really bad periods) and feel like I have a good sense of my own abilities. my mom had two natural births, so she at least is supportive. it's weird that it's mainly the guys being judgmental to me!

barryfamily · August 2015

I have also gotten a lot of comments from other women/moms, whom i have told that i want to try for a drug free natural birth, that i "dont have to be a hero". I have never understood this phrase since giving birth drug free and natural is not an act of heroism. To each their own.

chelseajeanene · August 2015

It's nobody decision but your own, if you want medication then get it and if you don't then don't

kanga915 · August 2015

I had a med-free natural birth with DD1. It was incredible. I plan to do it again. But I also don't talk about it unless asked. Everyone has an opinion. I don't want to hear them so I don't volunteer information about my birth plan. This is discussed on the Natural Birth board a lot and most moms agree it's easiest to keep it to yourself. Otherwise you'll get a lot of the "Why?! You don't get a medal, you know!" I'm lucky to have supportive family (my mom had three natural Lamaze births in the 80s). My in-laws were concerned about me not being in a hospital but mostly kept it to themselves. My husband is 100% on board and was so proud of me. You can do it. Be prepared, but you can do it!

Eta I agree that question did not belong in that thread at all and the response to it was appropriate

Atlasmom · August 2015

I'm a FTM and neutral about medication vs natural. You have to do what you have to do to deliver that baby. Until I'm in the situation I don't know what I'll do or what the baby will decide for me.

Now regarding the post, @rholbrook7 did the right thing. The birth announcement thread is not the place for such a heated question. Some of those birth announcements are tough stories of moms that delivered prematurely or had other complications. She should have started a thread just like you did. No need to make anyone feel bad about their birth plan or birth choices. At the end we all get a baby.

jabeauty90 · August 2015

I'm gonna be blunt here but who freaking cares if you want natural or all medicated?!? In the end it's your body and no one else's!

I've tried natural and each time I've given into medication because hours of not progressing on your own is not fun.

This is 2015 not the 1900's where other alternatives weren't an option....

rholbrook7 · August 2015

Atlasmom said:

Now regarding the post, @rholbrook7 did the right thing. The birth announcement thread is not the place for such a heated question. Some of those birth announcements are tough stories of moms that delivered prematurely or had other complications. She should have started a thread just like you did. No need to make anyone feel bad about their birth plan or birth choices. At the end we all get a baby.

Thank you! That's what I was trying to get across.
I didn't mean to sound defensive, or rude, and I'm sure she wasn't trying to be judgemental, but I didn't think it was the right place to ask that.

babyplut · August 2015

I have had two previous deliveries using only laughing gas. I am proud that I didn't get an epidural but I don't ever force it down people's throats that natural is better then an epidural.

kheitic4 · August 2015

Well I hate to be so 'Murica but at least we get a choice if we want a natural, birth tub, home, hospital or epidural birth. I imagine many women around the world don't have so many options.

Bspauldo · August 2015

Last week while my boyfriend was cleaning up our gardens, our neighbor walked over and asked how I was doing and made some pregnancy small talk and said "I hope she's not trying to have the baby naturally...I don't know who in their right mind would want to do that" and my boyfriend said "actually, that's what the plan is" and he said the look on her face was like pure disgust.

I don't see why people need to be demeaning towards choices pregnant women make for themselves. I am completely open to pain management if I can't handle the pain but who thinks they have a say in what I choose to do or think they have a place to judge.

Just do what's right for you and get that baby here healthy and safe!

irenejean · August 2015

But I'm sick of people telling me oh you're so brave I could never do that. Yes you could you just gotta try! Same with breastfeeding my family didn't nurse so their like omg how do you do it?

Just want to add that I've known a few women who were very committed to a medication free birth, but ultimately weren't able to do it. Even women who try their best sometimes end up changing their plans. The same goes with breastfeeding. I'm not judging anyone's choice either way, but I thought it should be pointed out that sometimes those who try don't succeed, and that's okay too. I'm also of the opinion that a birth with medication is still "natural", but I understand that I'm in the minority on that.

I also think that question didn't belong on the announcement thread. The mommy judging on this issue goes both ways, and I think it's so unnecessary.

BeachBabe22 · August 2015

People will judge you for every parenting decision that you make. How you deliver, how you feed your baby, where your baby sleeps, whether you stay at home or work, when you change your carseat to forward facing, and pretty much any other decision that you can make. It's no ones business how to raise your child as long as your child is loved and taken care of.

I had my daughter naturally, breastfed for 13 months, co-slept for years, changed her carseat to forward facing at a year and a half, stay at home, and I've heard negative comments about all of those choices that I've made. I honestly do not care what other people think because all of the decisions I've made for my family work for us and that's all that matters.

Do what works for YOU and ignore everyone else.

LoveLee85 · August 2015

Do what works for you! One choice isn't superior to the other, just different. I'm getting one and will be very upset if it's too late! I could care less what anyone thinks about that.

ETA typo

kaylarenae3 · August 2015

It goes both ways though. I want an epidural even though I have a serious needle phobia. When people ask if I'm going to get one and I hesitantly say yes, I get the whole "pssh I had all my children naturally." Or "jokingly" get called a whimp.

Just because you want a natural experience doesn't mean that I should. Sorry that don't I want to experience the pain of that. And I'm not any less of a mother for not wanting to deal with that, thanks.

paine0925 · August 2015

I am proud of every single woman on the planet that carries a child and those who birth a child. Although I plan to go natural it's never even crossed my mind to judge anyone else or think they should do it my way. Every single mother deserves a medal in my book :-) pregnancy is so hard, raising kids is hard, it's tough and rewarding work and there isn't nearly enough praise in this country for it. We have men who want to "keep us in our place" or tear us down, let us women stand united no matter what.

PregNancyClark · August 2015

Very few people IRL knew our birth plans until Saturday. At the shower, people who knew asked pointed questions and outed me as a natural birth mama while I was the center of all attention right before being handed the first gift.... There were about 30 people listening. I didn't let it upset me, but some of the visible reactions were pretty intense. Luckily these women have manners and not one of them said anything directly to me about it.
But it really is true- there is a feeling of judgement no matter what you do. I was very content to have our plans stay a secret. Oh well- now I have to own it! I guess I'm up for it.
But you're right! In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to feel defensive about our choices.

Taekarate1978 · August 2015

I wanted an epidural with my first, but it was given to me so late that it didn't kick in until after he was born. I requested one with my second and got a trip, I had such a pleasant experience that I'm having a hard time deciding with this baby. I think I want an epidural, but I'm also thinking natural because she is my last. My boys are fifteen and seventeen so it has been a while. I applaud those of you who have gone natural, I just know that I have not dealt well with pain during this pregnancy despite my high pain tolerance.

KanishaT · August 2015

My desire is to go natural, but if need be, I'll take an epidural. I agree though, some people do seem weirded out by a woman wanting a natural birth or vice versa. I've been asked about my birth plan before and was told "oh no just get an epidural, it's much better" or "you wouldn't be able to handle it". Personally it shouldn't even matter what any mother wants to choose as she brings a child into the world. The pain is theirs and theirs alone.

callistosmile · September 2015

Clearly I'm in the minority here but I honestly did not think the person who posted the question in the birth announcement thread was being judgmental at all. If she isn't from the U.S. then she probably has a completely different standard of care than we do here. There's no reason to shame people for questions. Now I'm legit curious as to what the norm is wherever she happens to be from. If I weren't so lazy I'd look at her comment history to see if I could figure it out but it's hot today and my laptop is in the other room lol.

As far as birth plans go, no matter how you have your baby you're a warrior in my opinion.

kanga915 · September 2015

callistosmile said:
Clearly I'm in the minority here but I honestly did not think the person who posted the question in the birth announcement thread was being judgmental at all. If she isn't from the U.S. then she probably has a completely different standard of care than we do here. There's no reason to shame people for questions. Now I'm legit curious as to what the norm is wherever she happens to be from. If I weren't so lazy I'd look at her comment history to see if I could figure it out but it's hot today and my laptop is in the other room lol.

As far as birth plans go, no matter how you have your baby you're a warrior in my opinion.

That may be but the thread starts with:

***STOP & READ BELOW***
***Please do not comment on this thread unless it is your birth announcement***

jennsuzanne87 · September 2015

BeachBabe22 said:

People will judge you for every parenting decision that you make. How you deliver, how you feed your baby, where your baby sleeps, whether you stay at home or work, when you change your carseat to forward facing, and pretty much any other decision that you can make. It's no ones business how to raise your child as long as your child is loved and taken care of.

I had my daughter naturally, breastfed for 13 months, co-slept for years, changed her carseat to forward facing at a year and a half, stay at home, and I've heard negative comments about all of those choices that I've made. I honestly do not care what other people think because all of the decisions I've made for my family work for us and that's all that matters.

Do what works for YOU and ignore everyone else.

Yes. Every choice made in life can potentially be up for scrutiny by others. At the end of the day- who honestly cares what other people think? We don't answer to them, but we do answer to ourselves and the people we go home to and have chosen to share our lives with and as partners and mothers we make our choices based off of them and their needs.

dmbfan46835 · September 2015

I got the epidural and it was def the right choice for me. I could have open mouth kissed my anesthesiologist for the relief. And I plan to make he and my nurse cookies because I was so happy with everything. I'm glad I did it and wouldn't change a thing about it. Especially since I tore so badly (24 stitches inside and out) It doesn't make me a pussy, or less of a mom or whatever because I wanted my experience to not be as painful and more enjoyable for me and my spouse. We watched movies and joked and really made it about us. My son was born while we watched bridesmaids.

With that said, you ladies that go au naturale are some bad bitches. Good for you. It's impressive, for real. That's just not for me.

callistosmile · September 2015

kanga915 said:

callistosmile said:
Clearly I'm in the minority here but I honestly did not think the person who posted the question in the birth announcement thread was being judgmental at all. If she isn't from the U.S. then she probably has a completely different standard of care than we do here. There's no reason to shame people for questions. Now I'm legit curious as to what the norm is wherever she happens to be from. If I weren't so lazy I'd look at her comment history to see if I could figure it out but it's hot today and my laptop is in the other room lol.

As far as birth plans go, no matter how you have your baby you're a warrior in my opinion.
That may be but the thread starts with:

***STOP & READ BELOW***
***Please do not comment on this thread unless it is your birth announcement***

And I remember a lady commenting early on that said something about her birthday or name or something that wasn't a birth announcement and no one jumped down her throat.

JessicaS0914 · September 2015

callistosmile said:

Clearly I'm in the minority here but I honestly did not think the person who posted the question in the birth announcement thread was being judgmental at all. If she isn't from the U.S. then she probably has a completely different standard of care than we do here. There's no reason to shame people for questions. Now I'm legit curious as to what the norm is wherever she happens to be from. If I weren't so lazy I'd look at her comment history to see if I could figure it out but it's hot today and my laptop is in the other room lol. As far as birth plans go, no matter how you have your baby you're a warrior in my opinion.
That may be but the thread starts with: ***STOP & READ BELOW*** ***Please do not comment on this thread unless it is your birth announcement***
And I remember a lady commenting early on that said something about her birthday or name or something that wasn't a birth announcement and no one jumped down her throat.

Because she wasn't stoking on a conversation. You really don't see the difference between that and a question?

str13 · September 2015

I'm glad @rholbrook7 said something about the question. It's not even September yet, I'm on that thread because I had my daughter 10 weeks early. It wasn't the place.
I've given birth with an epidural and without. And trust me you get judgement and hate either way. If you choose to have an unmedicated birth people think you're an idiot, and if you choose to have an epidural youre a wimp and they try to validate you for taking "the easy way" out.

All birth is difficult. And it's getting harder and harder to see moms hating on each other over things that really boil down to nothing. I'm not a better, stronger woman because I didn't have an epidural.
I'm proud of all women, regardless of your story.

verveine407 · September 2015

The question in the birth announcement thread seemed a little judgey to me because it was right after someone said in their announcement that they had an epidural. It did seem like they were trying to call the mom out and question her choice as part of some American birth medication conspiracy. If they were that curious about the statistics I am sure the American Academy of Obstetrics or Google would have been able to provide a specific number. A website for pregnant women is going to have anecdotal evidence at best.

Go for whatever style birth you want but remember if it all goes different than you plan it won't ruin your relationship with your child or your parenting. Birth is like the wedding not the marriage, your day can get off track and still have a great end result! Good luck everyone and take it easy on the other mommas!

PreggersinParis · September 2015

What was interesting was when I had my appointment with the anesthesiologist, she asked if I wanted the epidural and I said yes and then she goes, "Well, even if you said no, I'd check off yes! I always tell mothers who say they don't want it that they do." It was almost as if she thought moms who chose this birth plan were so silly for thinking they can handle the pain. Thank God I don't plan on going med-free because I could see that really pissing me off! How dare she dictate someone's birth plan? I was pretty shocked. (I'm in France, btw.)

As for the comments on the birth announcement board, I thought BOTH comments were annoying and unnecessary ("I love the name Mabel!" Come on.) and am glad that @rholbrook7 said something (thank you) to the person asking about birth plans. I've been noticing a few hot-button topics on S15 being ignited by usernames I have never seen before, leading me to believe these users are popping in for a little drama knowing most of us are at our wits end. The birth announcement board is a perfect example. I mean, seriously, how long is that first post disclaimer clearly explaining the objective of the thread? It always takes my phone a few seconds to load it up, forcing me to reread it each time that I have hard time believing that they "didn't know."

verveine407 · September 2015

I have wondered that too, there was a bunch of 'omg induction' recently and the required vaccine start up and co sleeping - some of which the OP never show up again after starting thread. Some birth month boards are totally catfished so who knows the real intention of some of this. September 15 has been a really civil place for the most part and that is impressive considering our month is so populated. Idk best to take it with a grain of salt or sugar or w/e. I haven't checked to see if the comment was deleted as requested but it should be - the birth announcement page has pretty simple instructions and is more fun to read without jarring interruptions.

adtaylor2015 · September 2015

I don't care if other women choose to get epidurals/other medications during labor or go without. It's not my body, not my baby, not my choice and not my place to judge.
I got one with my first and I'm open to getting one again, depending how things go. That doesn't make me any less of a mother than someone who delivers their baby med free.
I just go into the whole process with an open mind.

linziecro · September 2015

So the question was asked on the wrong thread, that doesn't make it offensive or that it was meant to start a problem. The question is now being asked here in the appropriate space so why not answer it and stop making it a bigger issue. Watch The Business of Being Born documentary... Yes we here in america (in general) treat childbirth MUCH differently than almost all other countries... Not saying its bad, just different.

booksandcleverness81 · September 2015

For those who were interested in stats from the rest of the world *not meant as any form of judgment, just find it interesting to see other people's perspectives*

We do have a very high rate of medicated birth (around 60%)in the US, when compared to the rest of the world, for the most part. There are some European countries and random places like Brazil where the rate is higher, but the majority of western countries and basically all of the non-western world have significantly lower rates. The UK is around 25%, Australia around 30%, Scandinavia is lower than 10%. I couldn't find good numbers on Asia, but it is not considered common there either.

Childbirth has evolved differently all around the world since the introduction of medicated relief (made popular by Queen Victoria I believe, one of the first women to use it)
A lot of it has to do with socioeconomic status and attitudes toward women in medicine. But it's clearly not the same all around the world or to different cultures. I guess something to keep in mind when people respond to whatever your choice is like being medicated is or should be the only option. It isn't even the norm in the western world.

That being said, we have a lot of options in the US and most (but not all) women have access to good health care during this time. And that is a good thing no matter where you stand. We are all lucky to be able to make the best decisions for our families in the end!

Rachelsbaby · September 2015

Choosing an epidural is a personal choice. Some woman have less pain Tolerance than others. Your a FTM so until you actually go to the labor process you can say all you want but you're going to try to go naturally and end up getting an epidural because the pain is just too unbearable. I was one of those people that were extremely adamant on doing whatever it took not to get an epidural and I only made it to 6 cm.

littlemama1227 · September 2015

@linziecro I think that you'd be dead on if the person was simply posting in the wrong thread, but I think most people believe that the person posted it in the wrong thread on purpose to be judgmental as the posts directly before that post were about women who got epidurals and discussed it in their birth announcements. In that way, the post was construed by many (including me) to be judgmental of the women who had just posted their birth announcements, which is a pretty gross thing to do. The Birth Announcement section is supposed to be celebratory and happy, and supportive where necessary, especially for women who have had complicated births. I think that most people felt that the posting of the question in such a pointed fashion in the "wrong thread" was both purposeful and offensive.

kanga915 · September 2015

littlemama1227 said:
@linziecro I think that you'd be dead on if the person was simply posting in the wrong thread, but I think most people believe that the person posted it in the wrong thread on purpose to be judgmental as the posts directly before that post were about women who got epidurals and discussed it in their birth announcements. In that way, the post was construed by many (including me) to be judgmental of the women who had just posted their birth announcements, which is a pretty gross thing to do. The Birth Announcement section is supposed to be celebratory and happy, and supportive where necessary, especially for women who have had complicated births. I think that most people felt that the posting of the question in such a pointed fashion in the "wrong thread" was both purposeful and offensive.

I think this is very well put. Thank you @littlemama1227. I'm a "natural birth" mama and even I thought it sounded judgmental (intended or not).

Escardoe · September 2015

We all understand that the question was on a wrong thread but the responder should have simply correct her by saying this is not the right thread for questions or please lets talk about this on a new post without being that rude, to me it was an attack not a correction.

sherbear82 · September 2015

What people don't seem to understand is that aiming for a med-free birth isn't about being a hero or for bragging rights - it's a medical decision, just like any other method, and is more about avoiding escalating interventions.

Also, all birth methods are natural, whether they're med-free, with an epidural, or csection. We should change our language to reflect this.

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