Food and location. — The Bump
Baby Showers

Food and location.

If your shower was at a location, such as a resurant, and you supplied some cakes/a candy bar, for them. BUT your guests had to buy their own lunch, is that bad ettiquette? Do you think lunch should be supplied when people are buying you gifts?

Re: Food and location.

  • Generally, having guests pay for their own food at a shower you are hosting is a big "no-no."  Replies above mine have already clarified how ultra-tacky it would be to throw yourself a shower at a restaurant, and then stick your guests with the tab.

    There is only one circumstance in which you could possibly do this, and it's if the "shower" is just a very small group of intimate friends or family members (like, only 4 or 5 people other than the MTB) and they are all in agreement that they'll just split the bill and treat the MTB to a nice lunch out instead of having a traditional shower.  In a situation like this, the close friends are basically sharing the "hosting" duties and the MTB is really the only guest at the shower.

    For example, my sister did not want a bridal shower when she got married, as she was in her late 30's and already had a household full of stuff, so her two best friends and I just took her out and treated her to a nice dinner out.  This took the place of her shower and bachelorette.  The two friends and I just split the check at the restaurant.
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  • @onefootinthebayou thank you for you unsolicited judgement @-) I am not throwing my own shower, and the question was in regard to a shower I ATTENDED, and nothing to do with my own.
    cmjn94
  • Thank you for your patronizing response, @brita722. I have been on these boards for quite a while, and if I was asking a question regarding throwing my own shower would have expected those responses. But I wasn't. I certainly didn't think it was necessary to write "this question is not regarding my own shower" as to be honest, I felt it was irrelevant.
  • The etiquette queens may flip over this one, but my SIL and I threw a SECOND (gasp!) shower for our other SIL at a restaurant and had cake, but people were free to buy more food if they wanted. It wasn't at a time a meal would be required (10 am) and some people ate, some didn't. It was a relatively small shower, just family and friends.
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  • ... Relax people. I'm not throwing my own shower... Let it go. Not sure why the same points that other people have previously posted need to keep getting repeated.
    CCasey2015
  • ashhsa said:

    ... Relax people. I'm not throwing my own shower... Let it go. Not sure why the same points that other people have previously posted need to keep getting repeated.

    Sometimes folks post at the same time or are not done typing before others have responded. Take a huge chill pill! Stuff like this gets asked very frequently by those that find it permissible to throw their own shower.

    It's rude to invite folks to a gift-giving occasion (they've already spent $) & ask them again to shell out more money to feed themselves. Your guests should be treated like guests. You treat them as host of the event.

    Some restaurants offer a catering package if you want to go that route. They can serve family style main courses or appetizers that can be passed. Either way, it's horrible form to make your guests pay for themselves. It would reflect badly on you as a host.

    PS- any old schoolers remember the Golden Corral Shower post? :|


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  • bbiutmcphbbiutmcph member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited August 2015



    ashhsa said:
    ... Relax people. I'm not throwing my own shower... Let it go. Not sure why the same points that other people have previously posted need to keep getting repeated.



    nofksgvnLitterateurSassenach1743
  • Guests should not be paying for their meals at a restaurant or have to pay for anything if they are attending a shower. 
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  • A) We're not mind readers. We only have the information you give us, which obviously wasn't sufficient. That's not on us, so no need to get mad.

    B) If someone invited me to a "shower" like this, basically saying "bring a gift, and don't forget money for food!" that's definitely a party I'd skip. I'd probably just roll my eyes at the cheapness of it & mail mommy-to-be a pack of diapers. Sorry not sorry.

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  • OP, keep in mind that when regulars write an answer, they're not just answering your question, but crafting a response that's helpful and informative to the dozens of lurkers who are a silent, but important, part of the community.

    In other words, what people are trying to avoid is a situation in which a lurker reads your post and doesn't know whether you're hosting your own shower or not.  If no one responds to that ambiguous aspect of your post, a lurker could easily come away from this thread with the idea that it's okay to host your own shower at a restaurant as long as you pay for guests' food.  No one who is a regular here wants to send that message.  We work hard to help inexperienced people understand how showers work.

    That's really what's behind people's replies, not a criticism of you or an assumption that you were actually hosting your own.  All you have to do is say, "Oh, I'm not throwing it.  I was asking because I was invited to a shower where I was expected to pay for my own food."  If you clarify that, you'll most likely get a bunch of replies sympathizing with you.  And your dismay at being asked to pay for your meal at a shower also helps lurkers understand not to do something like that.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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  • ashhsaashhsa member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2015
    Okay. I wanted to write what exactly happened, but I rethought it. It would be far too easy for someone I know to read it and I have 3 preg friends that use this app. So I changed my mind.
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    ashhsa said:
    Okay. I wanted to write what exactly happened, but I rethought it. It would be far too easy for someone I know to read it and I have 3 preg friends that use this app. So I changed my mind.

    Totally understandable.
  • Sassenach1743Sassenach1743 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2015
    bbiutmcph said:



    ashhsa said:
    ... Relax people. I'm not throwing my own shower... Let it go. Not sure why the same points that other people have previously posted need to keep getting repeated.

    Wow! Really? Man, I'm glad someone has a better memory than I. Seeing as I love-titted several responses on both of those threads. Lol, not planning on throwing your own shower eh?  :-q
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  • I'm not. I'm really not. This was about a shower I attended, I was suprisef I had to buy my own lunch! I decided not to have a shower, as I agree, it's not polite to throw your own as its just for presents, reading this board made me understand that... Obviously I can't really prove it, but if you look at other threads since those ones that I REPLIED to other people's shower questions you will see several times that I mention how I didn't think it was rude until reading these threads and have since I posted that I changed my mind, I suppose that is the best proof I have. Please search for those threads and bring them up too in interest of fairness!
    onefootinthebayou
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