If your shower was at a location, such as a resurant, and you supplied some cakes/a candy bar, for them. BUT your guests had to buy their own lunch, is that bad ettiquette? Do you think lunch should be supplied when people are buying you gifts?
Yes, it is poor form to not properly host your guests (feed them at a meal time) at a gift-giving event. Are you throwing this shower for someone else? You should not be throwing a shower for yourself. There are numerous threads on this & why it is rude. If you're throwing it for someone else and are on a budget, it's fine to have an afternoon tea or cake and punch (after lunchtime), which will be much less expensive than a meal out at a restaurant. If I were the guest of honor and I found out that the attendees had to pay their own way, I would be mortified.
If your shower was at a location, such as a resurant, and you supplied some cakes/a candy bar, for them. BUT your guests had to buy their own lunch, is that bad ettiquette? Do you think lunch should be supplied when people are buying you gifts?
Yes, if food is being offered, the host(s) should be providing the food at no cost to the guests. It's perfectly ok to have a shower at a non-meal time and have cake and finger foods and light refreshments (which is less expensive).
If you ask guests to buy their own food, you're basically asking them to host themselves, and that's rude.
Also reiterating what PP said : a mom-to-be should not be throwing her own shower, I'm hoping you're asking as the hostess for someone else's event.
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Generally, having guests pay for their own food at a shower you are hosting is a big "no-no." Replies above mine have already clarified how ultra-tacky it would be to throw yourself a shower at a restaurant, and then stick your guests with the tab.
There is only one circumstance in which you could possibly do this, and it's if the "shower" is just a very small group of intimate friends or family members (like, only 4 or 5 people other than the MTB) and they are all in agreement that they'll just split the bill and treat the MTB to a nice lunch out instead of having a traditional shower. In a situation like this, the close friends are basically sharing the "hosting" duties and the MTB is really the only guest at the shower.
For example, my sister did not want a bridal shower when she got married, as she was in her late 30's and already had a household full of stuff, so her two best friends and I just took her out and treated her to a nice dinner out. This took the place of her shower and bachelorette. The two friends and I just split the check at the restaurant.
@onefootinthebayou thank you for you unsolicited judgement @-) I am not throwing my own shower, and the question was in regard to a shower I ATTENDED, and nothing to do with my own.
@onefootinthebayou thank you for you unsolicited judgement @-) I am not throwing my own shower, and the question was in regard to a shower I ATTENDED, and nothing to do with my own.
Slow your roll lady. You didn't mention any of that in your original post so the ladies here were just covering the bases regarding etiquette... which is what this board is about. No one is judging you. Calm down.
Thank you for your patronizing response, @brita722. I have been on these boards for quite a while, and if I was asking a question regarding throwing my own shower would have expected those responses. But I wasn't. I certainly didn't think it was necessary to write "this question is not regarding my own shower" as to be honest, I felt it was irrelevant.
@onefootinthebayou thank you for you unsolicited judgement @-) I am not throwing my own shower, and the question was in regard to a shower I ATTENDED, and nothing to do with my own.
You're welcome. The only judgement I'm passing is on a poorly written OP that lacks context and detail but I gave you the benefit of the doubt in assuming you were in fact NOT throwing your own shower, a subtlety that appears lost on you.
The more detail you provide, the better the quality of the feedback you will receive.
The etiquette queens may flip over this one, but my SIL and I threw a SECOND (gasp!) shower for our other SIL at a restaurant and had cake, but people were free to buy more food if they wanted. It wasn't at a time a meal would be required (10 am) and some people ate, some didn't. It was a relatively small shower, just family and friends.
Thank you for your patronizing response, @brita722. I have been on these boards for quite a while, and if I was asking a question regarding throwing my own shower would have expected those responses. But I wasn't. I certainly didn't think it was necessary to write "this question is not regarding my own shower" as to be honest, I felt it was irrelevant.
If you want us to respond about a SPECIFIC situation, then you need to tell us what that SPECIFIC situation is. The way your OP is worded, it absolutely sounded like you might be throwing your own shower. We don't know what you don't tells us. We aren't mind readers.
... Relax people. I'm not throwing my own shower... Let it go. Not sure why the same points that other people have previously posted need to keep getting repeated.
... Relax people. I'm not throwing my own shower... Let it go. Not sure why the same points that other people have previously posted need to keep getting repeated.
Sometimes folks post at the same time or are not done typing before others have responded. Take a huge chill pill! Stuff like this gets asked very frequently by those that find it permissible to throw their own shower.
It's rude to invite folks to a gift-giving occasion (they've already spent $) & ask them again to shell out more money to feed themselves. Your guests should be treated like guests. You treat them as host of the event.
Some restaurants offer a catering package if you want to go that route. They can serve family style main courses or appetizers that can be passed. Either way, it's horrible form to make your guests pay for themselves. It would reflect badly on you as a host.
PS- any old schoolers remember the Golden Corral Shower post?
... Relax people. I'm not throwing my own shower... Let it go. Not sure why the same points that other people have previously posted need to keep getting repeated.
A) We're not mind readers. We only have the information you give us, which obviously wasn't sufficient. That's not on us, so no need to get mad.
If someone invited me to a "shower" like this, basically saying "bring a gift, and don't forget money for food!" that's definitely a party I'd skip. I'd probably just roll my eyes at the cheapness of it & mail mommy-to-be a pack of diapers. Sorry not sorry.
OP, keep in mind that when regulars write an answer, they're not just answering your question, but crafting a response that's helpful and informative to the dozens of lurkers who are a silent, but important, part of the community.
In other words, what people are trying to avoid is a situation in which a lurker reads your post and doesn't know whether you're hosting your own shower or not. If no one responds to that ambiguous aspect of your post, a lurker could easily come away from this thread with the idea that it's okay to host your own shower at a restaurant as long as you pay for guests' food. No one who is a regular here wants to send that message. We work hard to help inexperienced people understand how showers work.
That's really what's behind people's replies, not a criticism of you or an assumption that you were actually hosting your own. All you have to do is say, "Oh, I'm not throwing it. I was asking because I was invited to a shower where I was expected to pay for my own food." If you clarify that, you'll most likely get a bunch of replies sympathizing with you. And your dismay at being asked to pay for your meal at a shower also helps lurkers understand not to do something like that.
Okay. I wanted to write what exactly happened, but I rethought it. It would be far too easy for someone I know to read it and I have 3 preg friends that use this app. So I changed my mind.
Okay. I wanted to write what exactly happened, but I rethought it. It would be far too easy for someone I know to read it and I have 3 preg friends that use this app. So I changed my mind.
... Relax people. I'm not throwing my own shower... Let it go. Not sure why the same points that other people have previously posted need to keep getting repeated.
Wow! Really? Man, I'm glad someone has a better memory than I. Seeing as I love-titted several responses on both of those threads. Lol, not planning on throwing your own shower eh? :-q
I'm not. I'm really not. This was about a shower I attended, I was suprisef I had to buy my own lunch! I decided not to have a shower, as I agree, it's not polite to throw your own as its just for presents, reading this board made me understand that... Obviously I can't really prove it, but if you look at other threads since those ones that I REPLIED to other people's shower questions you will see several times that I mention how I didn't think it was rude until reading these threads and have since I posted that I changed my mind, I suppose that is the best proof I have. Please search for those threads and bring them up too in interest of fairness!
Re: Food and location.
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If you ask guests to buy their own food, you're basically asking them to host themselves, and that's rude.
Also reiterating what PP said : a mom-to-be should not be throwing her own shower, I'm hoping you're asking as the hostess for someone else's event.
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*edited for autocorrect
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It's rude to invite folks to a gift-giving occasion (they've already spent $) & ask them again to shell out more money to feed themselves. Your guests should be treated like guests. You treat them as host of the event.
Some restaurants offer a catering package if you want to go that route. They can serve family style main courses or appetizers that can be passed. Either way, it's horrible form to make your guests pay for themselves. It would reflect badly on you as a host.
PS- any old schoolers remember the Golden Corral Shower post?
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If someone invited me to a "shower" like this, basically saying "bring a gift, and don't forget money for food!" that's definitely a party I'd skip. I'd probably just roll my eyes at the cheapness of it & mail mommy-to-be a pack of diapers. Sorry not sorry.
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Totally understandable.