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November 2015 Moms
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Do i have a baby shower with baby #3?

jamie2792jamie2792 member
in November 2015 Moms
This will be my third child, with a different partner than the first two. I have two girls and this one is a boy and I can not decide to have one or not. Is it okay to have another? Or frowned upon?
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Re: Do i have a baby shower with baby #3?

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  • lwentlandlwentland member
    Is it your partner's first? His family may want to celebrate with a shower. If someone wants to throw you one for his side of the family, I would not say no.
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  • rachswirachswi member
    edited August 2015
    Throwing a shower for yourself is frowned upon, especially if it's not your first. But like @lwentland said, if someone from his side wants to throw you a shower, then go for it.

    If people in your life want to have a shower for you, it's a gift and you can accept it. But it shouldn't be something you do or that you convince someone to do for you (not saying you're doing this... just saying you'll want to make sure not to).

    ETA: Even if you are having a boy this time, you do still have a lot of the big ticket items that you'll need (like a crib and stroller)... even if they're girly, you can still use them - it's not like he's going to notice. You can also pick things up at consignment stores, garage sales, craigslist, etc. if money is an issue.
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  • helsbels222helsbels222 member
    I think this really depends on where you are from whether or not it's acceptable. My friend just went to one last week which was the third shower for someone and it's was extravagant. If you feel uncomfortable but someone wants to throw you one then maybe you could do a sip n see after the baby arrives or a sprinkle.

    There are also other threads on this topic. If you search for them, might provide you with some more insight and ideas.
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  • joannk29joannk29 member
    Do whatever YOU want! If you want to have another one go ahead.
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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    edited August 2015
    Elyse1384 said:
    Do whatever YOU want! If you want to have another one go ahead.
    Whoa there TB - where did my image go!?  Without that my answer is entirely out of context

    ETA:  OK why my image is suddenly not rendering is beyond me.  Adding another in hopes it will work (damn memes)

    image
    image
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  • flasflas member
    jamie2792 said:

    Okay everyone just for the record. I did not post this to get any one upset which I clearly have. I have been asked by family and friends whether or not we were having one and I honestly did not think I needed to but others think I do. I don't mean to break the"mommy code " or anything so all the rude comments are not needed!

    If you've been asked by family and friends if you are having one but no one has actually offered then you are SOL in my opinion. There is no mommy code there is only people who are greedy and those who still have etiquette. I'mnot saying you fall into those but for me I didn't have any showers after my first and I am now on #3 as well. No matter what anyone thinks a shower is a gift giving event so guests will expect that they are to bring a gift so hosting your own means you are saying "buy me stuff". For my second we had a little party for her when she finally got out of the NICU. People felt less obligated to bring a gift and only a few did. We just wanted to celebrate that she was home and healthy.
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  • SouthernCharmedLifeSouthernCharmedLife member
    jamie2792 said:

    Okay everyone just for the record. I did not post this to get any one upset which I clearly have. I have been asked by family and friends whether or not we were having one and I honestly did not think I needed to but others think I do. I don't mean to break the"mommy code " or anything so all the rude comments are not needed!

    Rest assured, no one here is upset. This topic comes up frequently, and you could have used the search function. I've never heard of the mommy code, whatever that is. And nobody was rude to you. Just answered you honestly. Calm down.
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  • katiedhunterkatiedhunter member
    Showers are seriously a territorial thing I think. Although no matter where you are I think it's bad form to throw your own. But where I'm from showers are after the baby is born. I had a huge one for my first, then a small one for our second, more for family to get together and cuddle him. For this one I'm seriously not sure if my sisters will do one or not. I do not see it as being necessary. (Third boy! :) ) For us it's not about presents it about people getting to see baby and get some cuddles in. I think they are called a sip and see. And presents are not required. Some people bring anyway. But it's not like a big shower where that's kinda the main thing.
    image BabyFruit Ticker VOTE on my Name List
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  • helsbels222helsbels222 member
    dmiller1213 said:

    Does anyone else notice than when someone doesn't hear what they want, everyone is suddenly rude?


    Yup! Quite often!
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  • HellsAngel22HellsAngel22 member
    dmiller1213 said:

    Does anyone else notice than when someone doesn't hear what they want, everyone is suddenly rude?

    Oh absolutely, because people don't like to hear the truth. They expect people to say what they want to hear. Well sorry that will never happen.
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  • lally6168lally6168 member
    Do a baby sprinkle instead of a shower if you must have some sort of celebration.
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  • Lauren0813Lauren0813 member
    I had a full shower with my first two since they were different genders, with this one my friends at work are throwing me a sprinkle shower! The only one shower for your first only is old tyme and out the door :) But I would agree with above posts, it's not proper to throw yourself a shower!
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  • irsikbirsikb member
    Shower: no.
    Diaper party(sprinkle): acceptable. There should be no registry and no implication of actual baby items other than diapers and wipes, considering those don't get saved or passed down to siblings.

    Throwing/organizing it yourself: no.

    My friend has asked if she can throw my shower at my house and even that makes me a little uncomfortable...
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  • pink*sheeppink*sheep member
    Ok, I have to ask bc I've seen enough of these posts and comments to make me wonder. For the multitude of people on side "one and done" for the sake of etiquette, where are you hearing this? Is it a social circle thing, or a specific book or posting?

    I'm honestly curious bc past etiquette references I've been exposed to regarding showers and subsequent showers do not say that they are inappropriate. What I have seen are things like putting a registry on your invitations is tacky (and that information should be given only upon request) as well as it being hosted by your mother or sister.

    Sidebar: I do think it's a personal choice to allow someone to host your 1st, 3rd, or 7th (to each their own), and not a "hey strangers I need your opinion" type issue though.
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  • alisonrmcalisonrmc member
    Everyone on here gets all butt hurt about people having showers after their first baby but ive never actually heard that rule and have attended plenty of showers for second and third pregnancy without feeling like they were greedy or w.e. I feel like a shower is ment to celebrate the baby not a first pregnancy. Women who get divorced still have bridal showers if they get remarried.
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  • alisonrmcalisonrmc member
    Also just so you ladies know adding memes to other ppls comments because you dont agree with them.. Like calling them a narcissist.. IS in fact rude
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  • Ceridwen77Ceridwen77 member
    edited August 2015
    alisonrmc said:

    Everyone on here gets all butt hurt about people having showers after their first baby but ive never actually heard that rule and have attended plenty of showers for second and third pregnancy without feeling like they were greedy or w.e. I feel like a shower is ment to celebrate the baby not a first pregnancy. Women who get divorced still have bridal showers if they get remarried.

    Actually the people who, to use your words, "get butt hurt" are the ones that don't like to hear that they are being tacky by throwing themselves a shower, having a second shower, or requesting specific gifts on an invitation. The rest of us are just trying to help educate the uninformed.
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  • jlbclojlbclo member
    My cousin wanted to throw me a shower for #2 and I felt uncomfortable so just asked her to instead plan a little brunch where everyone can catch up and have fun. I have no registry and have asked for "no gifts, please", but definitely feel every pregnancy and child should be celebrated individually in some way. If someone wants to throw you a shower, then go for it if that's what you want!
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  • katiedhunterkatiedhunter member
    I thought I saw a comment on here about etiquette being out of date, and there was a reply that etiquette never goes out of style. I do agree with that etiquette doesn't go out of style but it does evolve over time. For example if we stick to the tried and true tradition of baby showers there would be no such thing as coed showers. And like PP have said it really does depend on your social circle and culture.
    image BabyFruit Ticker VOTE on my Name List
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  • Shelbyville30Shelbyville30 member
    @SouthernCharmedLife

    I don't really care what it was in response to. It's still my opinion that it was not needed and throwing around judgement.

    The statement to do whatever you want was such a simple thing to say. I'm sure If PP wanted, she could have gone into a long drawn out explanation that at the end of the day still meant the same thing, do whatever you want, whatever is best for you, WHATEVER.

    I never said anyone was entitled. I don't think OP felt it was owed to her, that's not what I read from her post. So I'm not sure why you are bringing up entitlement to me.

    Yes, it was a very nice occasion. All of my friends came together and we had a great day. They did it because we are close and have love for one another. Why would I not be overjoyed by that? Am I supposed to feel bad about that? No even for a second. Again, It's seems an awful lot like you like to throw around judgements as opposed to just expressing your opinion. I mean, why not just come out and say it as opposed to beating around the bush? What do you mean by, "and of course you were overjoyed to receive gifts and a party in your honor." ??
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  • SouthernCharmedLifeSouthernCharmedLife member
    Shelbyville30 said:

    @SouthernCharmedLife

    I don't really care what it was in response to. It's still my opinion that it was not needed and throwing around judgement.

    The statement to do whatever you want was such a simple thing to say. I'm sure If PP wanted, she could have gone into a long drawn out explanation that at the end of the day still meant the same thing, do whatever you want, whatever is best for you, WHATEVER.

    I never said anyone was entitled. I don't think OP felt it was owed to her, that's not what I read from her post. So I'm not sure why you are bringing up entitlement to me.

    Yes, it was a very nice occasion. All of my friends came together and we had a great day. They did it because we are close and have love for one another. Why would I not be overjoyed by that? Am I supposed to feel bad about that? No even for a second. Again, It's seems an awful lot like you like to throw around judgements as opposed to just expressing your opinion. I mean, why not just come out and say it as opposed to beating around the bush? What do you mean by, "and of course you were overjoyed to receive gifts and a party in your honor." ??

    It's obvious you won't get it. I'm not beating around the bush. I'm saying plain and simple: It's not just about you when you are inviting others to spend their time and money in your honor. You should consider the feelings of everyone. If it's completely common in your social circle, are you really going to ask for advice here? No, you aren't. However, if you're asking, chances are it might not be well received by some of your nearest and dearest and you run the risk of offending them. They will probably be too polite to say it to your face though. Here, you're getting completely honest answers. Nobody needs to sugarcoat.

    For the record, I AM saying people are far too entitled these days.
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