@SouthernCharmedLife
I don't really care what it was in response to. It's still my opinion that it was not needed and throwing around judgement.
The statement to do whatever you want was such a simple thing to say. I'm sure If PP wanted, she could have gone into a long drawn out explanation that at the end of the day still meant the same thing, do whatever you want, whatever is best for you, WHATEVER.
I never said anyone was entitled. I don't think OP felt it was owed to her, that's not what I read from her post. So I'm not sure why you are bringing up entitlement to me.
Yes, it was a very nice occasion. All of my friends came together and we had a great day. They did it because we are close and have love for one another. Why would I not be overjoyed by that? Am I supposed to feel bad about that? No even for a second. Again, It's seems an awful lot like you like to throw around judgements as opposed to just expressing your opinion. I mean, why not just come out and say it as opposed to beating around the bush? What do you mean by, "and of course you were overjoyed to receive gifts and a party in your honor." ??
Regardless of whether OP feels anything is owed to her, the post saying, "Do whatever YOU want! If you want to have another one go ahead." is what the meme and the suggestion of entitlement was in reference to. Personally, I am in the camp that thinks it's acceptable to have a second shower in certain circumstances (rainbow babies, etc.), but the attitude that you should be able to do whatever you want, without thinking of others and regardless of what is generally an acceptable thing to do, absolutely reeks of narcissism and entitlement.
The statement "Do whatever you want" is so much what is wrong with this world, especially when it involves other people and how they spend their money on YOU.
Ok, so now I obviously won't get it? Way to not answer the question, which is, beating around the bush.
Another glorious assumption of yours which I am beginning to find amusing! I never said it was about me, which is why I directly asked why you referenced my shower.
If you read my original post, I said a friend threw it for me. I had one of my best approach me, said her and some others wanted to throw a bridal shower for me. She asked me what I wanted. I told her, I didn't care. I was just grateful that they wanted to throw something in my honor. She went ahead and planned a beautiful day at a winery. I didn't ask for anything. That is why your comment about my shower (which clearly has an underlined meaning), was confusing to me.
The bottom line is, you had an issue with my opinion about the narcissism meme. I don't agree with you, and who really cares! If you think it's acceptable, that is wonderful. It's not going to change my opinion, It is mine and I own it. I haven't made any negative comments towards you.. Yet you took a shot at me about my bridal shower, and now imply that I don't " get it". I'm sure if you reference your etiquette guide, it just might frown upon the approach you've taken.
I'm glad you've expressed your opinion on entitlement during our conversation. Anything else that you would like to cover?
My opinion is that when you imply that someone is a narcissist (especially with a sarcastic meme) that's going beyond opinion.
I would think that that would qualify as a judgement. Especially since the information about posters is limited being that we are on a web forum.
In my opinion, PP's aren't just arguing opposing opinions, they are arguing the unnecessary roughness.
Every time I see one of these shower posts, I feel like I should be requesting some fresh popcorn. Everyone seems to get so torn up.
I understand that there is a general etiquette. I don't understand how so many posters feel that that general etiquette should apply to everyone. It's clear that some feel it should apply to everyone because instead of saying, " it's generally not appropriate" or something along those lines, usually it's.. "It's tacky, greedy, grabby, etc". There is no "one way" to do anything anymore. The world is far too diverse for that. Cultures are different, families are different. Everyone is cut from a different cloth, so I don't understand how some would expect everyone's situations to conform to the same mold.
As for myself, this is my first and am grateful for the shower that is going to be thrown for me. It was not something that I was expecting but am excited to have just the same!!! I wouldn't expect one for the second either, but if friends/family wanted to do something for me, I would graciously accept.
In reference to wedding showers, as a PP mentioned. This is the second marriage for both my husband and I. Last August one of my best threw me a casual shower at a local Sangria fest. She did it on her own accord, it was small and causal, maybe 15 or so. It was lovely, there were gifts, and I enjoyed every second of it!!!
If this was the first time opinions about 2nd + showers had been asked and answered around here, I'd probably agree with you. But this isn't the first, second, third or even 23rd. We've had this question asked and answered many times on this forum and a simple search could have informed OP of what the opinions were going to be. OP chose not to search and so I don't really feel any need to defend her.
If there's something strange underneath the hood. Who you gonna call? Your Doctor. If there's something weird and it don't look good. Who you gonna call? Your Doctor. Immediately. If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor. It's for your health and your child's.
I specifically spelled out that I was referring to the "general" you. Not you in particular. You are taking my comments personally when they have nothing to do with you. Slow your roll, sweets.
The only comment that pertained to you was that of course you enjoyed getting gifts and having a party thrown in your honor. Who doesn't like getting gifts? You're being defensive because you've had a second a shower, which many posters, including myself, feel to be a breach of etiquette.
"Every pregnancy deserves to be toasted and cheered. But, since the true purpose of a baby shower is to help new parents acquire the gear and supplies they'll need, it's probably not necessary to give a traditional baby shower for parents who have a basement full of baby clothes and equipment. Instead, consider throwing a shower designed to make their lives easier when they've got a newborn and another child or two to juggle: a "stock the freezer" shower, for example, or a "Mom and Dad" shower, with gifts like their favorite movies on video or DVD or promises for baby-sitting services."
Now I'm referencing everyone not just urby on this next part:
I'm not seeing where it says it is in poor taste to host a shower for a subsequent baby. I honestly have never seen something publicized that puts it in the category of "poor etiquette".
Now if something is not socially acceptable in your group of friends, then so be it. Which is why I think this is a poor question to ask a broad group of strangers, but I do feel like personal opinions are not necessarily indicative of hard and fast rules of true etiquette.
(I'll be the first to admit that I lean toward my bowl of soup; I don't brush the spoon across the back of my bowl while eating it either, and I'm sure I don't do the right thing with my napkin when I'm done eating)
ETA: when I say host I am not talking about hosting it yourself...that IS a hard and fast rule of shower etiquette
@urby87 I read that article and quoted it here:
"Every pregnancy deserves to be toasted and cheered. But, since the true purpose of a baby shower is to help new parents acquire the gear and supplies they'll need, it's probably not necessary to give a traditional baby shower for parents who have a basement full of baby clothes and equipment. Instead, consider throwing a shower designed to make their lives easier when they've got a newborn and another child or two to juggle: a "stock the freezer" shower, for example, or a "Mom and Dad" shower, with gifts like their favorite movies on video or DVD or promises for baby-sitting services."
Now I'm referencing everyone not just urby on this next part:
I'm not seeing where it says it is in poor taste to host a shower for a subsequent baby. I honestly have never seen something publicized that puts it in the category of "poor etiquette".
Now if something is not socially acceptable in your group of friends, then so be it. Which is why I think this is a poor question to ask a broad group of strangers, but I do feel like personal opinions are not necessarily indicative of hard and fast rules of true etiquette.
(I'll be the first to admit that I lean toward my bowl of soup; I don't brush the spoon across the back of my bowl while eating it either, and I'm sure I don't do the right thing with my napkin when I'm done eating)
ETA: when I say host I am not talking about hosting it yourself...that IS a hard and fast rule of shower etiquette
The bit that I bolded essentially boils down to if you already have a baby, there is no reason to have a shower. Sure, have a sip and see, or some other kind of celebration where gifts are not required (some people will still bring them, even if they aren't expected). Every baby should be celebrated, yes, absolutely. However, a shower for somebody who already has a child/children is generally considered unnecessary, as the purpose of a shower is to shower the guest of honor with gifts that will benefit her in her new role as a mother.
And to me that bolded part says if someone has the necessary items, that a traditional baby shower may not be necessary. Unnecessary does not mean tacky or in poor etiquette. Having 2 different strollers is unnecessary to one person and necessary to another. Doesn't make it a cardinal social sin, that was my point.
So now I have comprehension problems? Are you capable of responding to me without a dig?
I understand fully that in your first response you were speaking about the "general" you. You then proceeded to make a remark about my shower, which is why I then asked you to explain. In your explanation, I did think you were referring to me. Since I was asking about the comment you made about my shower, whom else would you be referring to? either way, if that's not the case, my bad on that. I still don't understand why you'd make a comment about my bridal shower if it was a non issue to you. I don't believe that it was just an innocent comment about liking gifts.
I have nothing to be defensive about. I don't have issue with the shower that's been thrown for me and it doesn't bother me that you and other posters might not be in line with it. You made that comment, Which was unclear to me. So I asked you for clarification.
In your next response you then said that I "don't get it" and now there appears to be a problem with my comprehension. If you are going to throw out digs to people, I don't know why you wouldn't expect a response. Maybe in your circle of friends, what you say is what it is. That's wonderful if that works for you. You're not going to find that with me. Say what you want, but I'm not going to let someone take shots at me for disagreeing with a meme and just keep quiet.
I agree with PPs who find subsequent showers tacky and on the rude side. However, one of the excuses I see in favor of having second showers is difference of culture/backgrounds.
Now, I can understand that but here's where it gets tricky to me: Unless you are including ONLY people from that specific culture, you run the risk of offending other guests who don't necessarily follow that 'tradition.' Even people within your social circle can have varying opinions on this so my reasoning for giving second showers a big, fat NOPE is to avoid that risk in general.
Even if you asked each person, it's likely that they wouldn't want to hurt your feelings and would probably support you in having another shower. No one that loves you wants to tell you that you're being rude or that they are offended so it's difficult to gauge exactly where everyone stands on the matter.
So now I have comprehension problems? Are you capable of responding to me without a dig?
I understand fully that in your first response you were speaking about the "general" you. You then proceeded to make a remark about my shower, which is why I then asked you to explain. In your explanation, I did think you were referring to me. Since I was asking about the comment you made about my shower, whom else would you be referring to? either way, if that's not the case, my bad on that. I still don't understand why you'd make a comment about my bridal shower if it was a non issue to you. I don't believe that it was just an innocent comment about liking gifts.
I have nothing to be defensive about. I don't have issue with the shower that's been thrown for me and it doesn't bother me that you and other posters might not be in line with it. You made that comment, Which was unclear to me. So I asked you for clarification.
In your next response you then said that I "don't get it" and now there appears to be a problem with my comprehension. If you are going to throw out digs to people, I don't know why you wouldn't expect a response. Maybe in your circle of friends, what you say is what it is. That's wonderful if that works for you. You're not going to find that with me. Say what you want, but I'm not going to let someone take shots at me for disagreeing with a meme and just keep quiet.
I'm not taking shots at you. In my social circle it would be considered a breach of etiquette to have a second shower. It would be looked at as a tacky gift grab. That has nothing to do with your shower. You saying you enjoyed your second shower compete with gifts is silly, because of course you did. I'm not sure why you continue to drag this out.
Obviously, opinions vary. Part of it is going to depend on what is "normal" for your social circle. A shower is, by definition, a gift-giving event. As such, it may look gift-grabby
to have more than one, and that's why the recommendation is to have a
"sprinkle" or a sip and see and not a full-blown, bring-me-presents
event for subsequent children. Clearly, in some areas, it's seen as acceptable to have multiple showers (though the general consensus is still that you should not host your own and if it is insisted upon, it should be a smaller event where gifts are not required, so the term "shower" is not exactly appropriate in that case).
@Shelbyville30 I'm certainly not putting words in anyone's mouth but my own interpretation of the comment "of course you enjoyed your shower" was that no one wouldn't enjoy an event where they are gifted presents. The guest of honor directly benefits from any shower so the likelihood of someone NOT enjoying their shower is slim to none.
@Shelbyville30 I'm certainly not putting words in anyone's mouth but my own interpretation of the comment "of course you enjoyed your shower" was that no one wouldn't enjoy an event where they are gifted presents. The guest of honor directly benefits from any shower so the likelihood of someone NOT enjoying their shower is slim to none.
It wasn't obvious to me so I had asked for clarification in my initial response. Could have been explained and deadheaded right there. Instead I was told that I obviously wouldn't get it.
Well, obviously I didn't! But now I do, 20 comments later.
So thank you, for pointing out that my statement about loving my shower (gifts included), was silly. Or obvious. Not really sure what the point of that was.
Maybe I'm missing something but again, none of those articles described subsequent showers as poor etiquette, with the exception of one lady who said any more than one shower for even your first baby is bad (so work shower, friend shower, church shower, etc is bad). But a big one that I'm sure most people aren't going to jump down someone's throat about, but according to etiquette should, is a registry provided with the invitation. So for those whose invites included registry info, they're on the same bus as the "tacky" second plus shower folks.
Read em, but that first blog post by whoever is the only place I've ever seen anyone say it's been in etiquette books for years, so that's really what I was looking for...what are those books. Even miss manners isn't saying second celebrations are out but they should be scaled to reflect the purpose of the get together. Etiquette actually does say that gift grabbiness (yep those registries with invites) is abhorrent whether it's your first or fifth. But most people are not personally offended when they see registries included with invites, which just means most people are not brought up regarding every ounce of etiquette that they could have been.
Read em, but that first blog post by whoever is the only place I've ever seen anyone say it's been in etiquette books for years, so that's really what I was looking for...what are those books. Even miss manners isn't saying second celebrations are out but they should be scaled to reflect the purpose of the get together. Etiquette actually does say that gift grabbiness (yep those registries with invites) is abhorrent whether it's your first or fifth. But most people are not personally offended when they see registries included with invites, which just means most people are not brought up regarding every ounce of etiquette that they could have been.
Miss manners has always said showers are for first time moms. And for what it's worth, so did Emily Post.
Since the OP was asking for opinions, here is mine: I recently attended a baby "sprinkle" for a third child, and I think it was in bad taste. The host threw it for herself, and even had a registry. She's a friend of mine, so obviously I didn't tell her I thought it was tacky, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought so. OP - if you have to ask yourself if it's okay, it's probably not. It really just makes you look like you're trying to get free stuff. Have a gift-free BBQ instead. Or a Sip N See. That's what I'd do if I have any more children.
Also, can someone please tell me who the heck Miss Manners is?
Shelbyville30 - As others have kindly stated on my behalf, the meme I posted was in response to blatant narcissism at its finest. When you say "Do whatever you want", it is more than implied that the impact of your personal decisions on those around you is irrelevant because you are numero uno and should just do what makes you happy. Screw everybody else right? If we all did whatever we wanted there would be complete chaos! Etiquette doesn't go out of style, but rather is being disregarded nowadays with "excuses" for subsequent showers once a woman has already had one thrown on her behalf. Again, the tradition and purpose of a shower as others have pointed out is to welcome a new mother into motherhood. Celebrating the baby can happen at a different event. Some folks use a Sip and See for this purpose. My family and social circle are religious so we use the baby's Christening as an opportunity to meet the baby (during which time I provide food and drinks to guests to thank them for joining us on the important day and taking the time to meet LO). If all a STM really cares about is having folks celebrate the baby, have a sip and see or if you're religious maybe there is an event (like my circle uses Christenings) that accomplishes the same objective. The reality is that most women are claiming altruism (I just want everyone to celebrate the baby), but what they really want are gifts. Why else would they be registering or asking for GCs??? A baby shower is a gift giving event. There was literally a thread on this subject started by someone who said she wanted a second shower for her 2nd as she otherwise couldn't afford diapers and wipes! Just wow.
Since the OP was asking for opinions, here is mine: I recently attended a baby "sprinkle" for a third child, and I think it was in bad taste. The host threw it for herself, and even had a registry. She's a friend of mine, so obviously I didn't tell her I thought it was tacky, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought so. OP - if you have to ask yourself if it's okay, it's probably not. It really just makes you look like you're trying to get free stuff. Have a gift-free BBQ instead. Or a Sip N See. That's what I'd do if I have any more children.
Also, can someone please tell me who the heck Miss Manners is?
Since the OP was asking for opinions, here is mine: I recently attended a baby "sprinkle" for a third child, and I think it was in bad taste. The host threw it for herself, and even had a registry. She's a friend of mine, so obviously I didn't tell her I thought it was tacky, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought so. OP - if you have to ask yourself if it's okay, it's probably not. It really just makes you look like you're trying to get free stuff. Have a gift-free BBQ instead. Or a Sip N See. That's what I'd do if I have any more children.
Also, can someone please tell me who the heck Miss Manners is?
Edited because Omg I'm such a twat lol. Just looked at your link @MyCousinVinny then looked at the one I posted. So I answer my own question yes it is.. Sorry tired brain on lol..
I never knew showers for children that weren't ur first was wrong until the bump. My mother and my sons godmother want to throw me one for this baby but since reading everyone's opinions on it I feel very guilty for them doing it. Whenever I tell them I don't think I should have one or need one they get hurt so idk. I've suggested a sprinkle and a sip and see but I get the "that's not fair" speech and feel ungrateful. My family is very close and I know they want to help but like I said idk at this point. I love them to death and before reading everything on the bump I would never had thought twice about this shower being wrong or rude. Now everytime I think about it I feel guilty.
It's all opinions. If you want to have a baby shower, diaper party, sprinkle etc for your third baby then go for it. If some think it's tacky then fine, they have a right to their opinion. But you have a right to do as you please. It's funny to me when these women are so quick to tell you about etiquette when they are not using it themselves. We should be considerate (in general) of people's feelings, values, culture, traditions. We all do not have the same. @jamie2792 you did ask for their opinions. But I personally have seen how much this subject gets blown up. Just wait for the responses after this.
Since the OP was asking for opinions, here is mine: I recently attended a baby "sprinkle" for a third child, and I think it was in bad taste. The host threw it for herself, and even had a registry. She's a friend of mine, so obviously I didn't tell her I thought it was tacky, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought so. OP - if you have to ask yourself if it's okay, it's probably not. It really just makes you look like you're trying to get free stuff. Have a gift-free BBQ instead. Or a Sip N See. That's what I'd do if I have any more children.
Also, can someone please tell me who the heck Miss Manners is?
I never knew showers for children that weren't ur first was wrong until the bump. My mother and my sons godmother want to throw me one for this baby but since reading everyone's opinions on it I feel very guilty for them doing it. Whenever I tell them I don't think I should have one or need one they get hurt so idk. I've suggested a sprinkle and a sip and see but I get the "that's not fair" speech and feel ungrateful. My family is very close and I know they want to help but like I said idk at this point. I love them to death and before reading everything on the bump I would never had thought twice about this shower being wrong or rude. Now everytime I think about it I feel guilty.
It's hard when the people you love are putting pressure on you and making you uncomfortable when you know they have good intentions.
Whenever they give you the 'that's not fair' speech, you could always tell them that it's not fair they are trying to force you into doing something that makes you so uncomfortable, especially when it involves other people spending their money on gifts for you.
I have read these discussions over and over. I understand everyone has a way of looking at things . I can understand showers are only for FTMs in some cultures/ backgrounds, and frown upon hosting yourself. Makes sense. In my culture/ background / circle showers are done every time. Even self hosted, it seems normal to me. I won't say "do what you what" but do what is in YOUR surroundings, by now you know what is normal in your circle.
My opinion is that when you imply that someone is a narcissist (especially with a sarcastic meme) that's going beyond opinion.
I would think that that would qualify as a judgement. Especially since the information about posters is limited being that we are on a web forum.
In my opinion, PP's aren't just arguing opposing opinions, they are arguing the unnecessary roughness.
Every time I see one of these shower posts, I feel like I should be requesting some fresh popcorn. Everyone seems to get so torn up.
I understand that there is a general etiquette. I don't understand how so many posters feel that that general etiquette should apply to everyone. It's clear that some feel it should apply to everyone because instead of saying, " it's generally not appropriate" or something along those lines, usually it's.. "It's tacky, greedy, grabby, etc". There is no "one way" to do anything anymore. The world is far too diverse for that. Cultures are different, families are different. Everyone is cut from a different cloth, so I don't understand how some would expect everyone's situations to conform to the same mold.
As for myself, this is my first and am grateful for the shower that is going to be thrown for me. It was not something that I was expecting but am excited to have just the same!!! I wouldn't expect one for the second either, but if friends/family wanted to do something for me, I would graciously accept.
In reference to wedding showers, as a PP mentioned. This is the second marriage for both my husband and I. Last August one of my best threw me a casual shower at a local Sangria fest. She did it on her own accord, it was small and causal, maybe 15 or so. It was lovely, there were gifts, and I enjoyed every second of it!!!
This. Exactly this. I am also having my 3rd surprise baby and had a friend ask me today if we were having a shower. My mom will most likely throw a "party" when the baby is born so everyone can meet him. Gifts won't be required but if people choose too I will gratefully except them!!! Maybe I'm a greedy grabby tacky person
I don't really care what it was in response to. It's still my opinion that it was not needed and throwing around judgement.
The statement to do whatever you want was such a simple thing to say. I'm sure If PP wanted, she could have gone into a long drawn out explanation that at the end of the day still meant the same thing, do whatever you want, whatever is best for you, WHATEVER.
I never said anyone was entitled. I don't think OP felt it was owed to her, that's not what I read from her post. So I'm not sure why you are bringing up entitlement to me.
Yes, it was a very nice occasion. All of my friends came together and we had a great day. They did it because we are close and have love for one another. Why would I not be overjoyed by that? Am I supposed to feel bad about that? No even for a second. Again, It's seems an awful lot like you like to throw around judgements as opposed to just expressing your opinion. I mean, why not just come out and say it as opposed to beating around the bush? What do you mean by, "and of course you were overjoyed to receive gifts and a party in your honor." ??
It's obvious you won't get it. I'm not beating around the bush. I'm saying plain and simple: It's not just about you when you are inviting others to spend their time and money in your honor. You should consider the feelings of everyone. If it's completely common in your social circle, are you really going to ask for advice here? No, you aren't. However, if you're asking, chances are it might not be well received by some of your nearest and dearest and you run the risk of offending them. They will probably be too polite to say it to your face though. Here, you're getting completely honest answers. Nobody needs to sugarcoat.
For the record, I AM saying people are far too entitled these days.
OMG it's not like anyone is making people come to their shower! If someone is opposed to it they don't have to attend, no big deal! Holy crap!!! Let it GO!!!!
I don't really care what it was in response to. It's still my opinion that it was not needed and throwing around judgement.
The statement to do whatever you want was such a simple thing to say. I'm sure If PP wanted, she could have gone into a long drawn out explanation that at the end of the day still meant the same thing, do whatever you want, whatever is best for you, WHATEVER.
I never said anyone was entitled. I don't think OP felt it was owed to her, that's not what I read from her post. So I'm not sure why you are bringing up entitlement to me.
Yes, it was a very nice occasion. All of my friends came together and we had a great day. They did it because we are close and have love for one another. Why would I not be overjoyed by that? Am I supposed to feel bad about that? No even for a second. Again, It's seems an awful lot like you like to throw around judgements as opposed to just expressing your opinion. I mean, why not just come out and say it as opposed to beating around the bush? What do you mean by, "and of course you were overjoyed to receive gifts and a party in your honor." ??
It's obvious you won't get it. I'm not beating around the bush. I'm saying plain and simple: It's not just about you when you are inviting others to spend their time and money in your honor. You should consider the feelings of everyone. If it's completely common in your social circle, are you really going to ask for advice here? No, you aren't. However, if you're asking, chances are it might not be well received by some of your nearest and dearest and you run the risk of offending them. They will probably be too polite to say it to your face though. Here, you're getting completely honest answers. Nobody needs to sugarcoat.
For the record, I AM saying people are far too entitled these days.
OMG it's not like anyone is making people come to their shower! If someone is opposed to it they don't have to attend, no big deal! Holy crap!!! Let it GO!!!!
You should take your own advice since you posted this HOURS after the thread had resolved itself.
However, to address your statement, you are correct in that an invitation is not a summons but you do put someone in the awkward position of having to decline or go to yet another shower, spending more money I you. Further, people tend to feel obligated to spend more on a gift that's going to be opened in front of a bunch of people, so yeah, you do run the risk of making people uncomfortable by inviting them to showers for second+ babies.
My opinion is that when you imply that someone is a narcissist (especially with a sarcastic meme) that's going beyond opinion.
I would think that that would qualify as a judgement. Especially since the information about posters is limited being that we are on a web forum.
In my opinion, PP's aren't just arguing opposing opinions, they are arguing the unnecessary roughness.
Every time I see one of these shower posts, I feel like I should be requesting some fresh popcorn. Everyone seems to get so torn up.
I understand that there is a general etiquette. I don't understand how so many posters feel that that general etiquette should apply to everyone. It's clear that some feel it should apply to everyone because instead of saying, " it's generally not appropriate" or something along those lines, usually it's.. "It's tacky, greedy, grabby, etc". There is no "one way" to do anything anymore. The world is far too diverse for that. Cultures are different, families are different. Everyone is cut from a different cloth, so I don't understand how some would expect everyone's situations to conform to the same mold.
As for myself, this is my first and am grateful for the shower that is going to be thrown for me. It was not something that I was expecting but am excited to have just the same!!! I wouldn't expect one for the second either, but if friends/family wanted to do something for me, I would graciously accept.
In reference to wedding showers, as a PP mentioned. This is the second marriage for both my husband and I. Last August one of my best threw me a casual shower at a local Sangria fest. She did it on her own accord, it was small and causal, maybe 15 or so. It was lovely, there were gifts, and I enjoyed every second of it!!!
This. Exactly this. I am also having my 3rd surprise baby and had a friend ask me today if we were having a shower. My mom will most likely throw a "party" when the baby is born so everyone can meet him. Gifts won't be required but if people choose too I will gratefully except them!!! Maybe I'm a greedy grabby tacky person
If gifts aren't expected, as they are at a shower, then you're perfectly fine. If people want to be nice and give you gifts, that's their choice at a sip and see or an alternative party. At a shower, it's expected.
A friend is hosting a shower for me and it was her gift to me. This is my third child and my second baby I actually get to bring home. My daughter passed away last year and we were never able to have a shower for her. My first child is a boy and we had a few showers for him. Although this is my 3rd pregnancy and second daughter I appreciate someone wanting to host a shower for me. I need some things after almost 3 years. We have all the big ticket items so I only registered for maybe 20 small items.. I don't see that as a problem. Hope this helps and sorry for all the harsh comments. Def not necessary and being snarky doesn't help anyone. They'll tell you they weren't being snarky but they know they are. It's not rocket science to see the rudeness flow out on these threads! Do what you want! @jamie2792
Anyone else find it ironic that those of us exhibiting etiquette are the rude ones? How strange that I don't think it appropriate to milk my friends and family to fund my personal decision to have subsequent children. But really... "Do what you want. Me me me me me me"
Anyone else find it ironic that those of us exhibiting etiquette are the rude ones? How strange that I don't think it appropriate to milk my friends and family to fund my personal decision to have subsequent children. But really... "Do what you want. Me me me me me me"
It always seems to end up this way, doesn't it? People push these entitled attitudes and when someone points out that they are risking being rude to the very people that will be spending money on them, all of a sudden, we're the rude ones.
Snark tends to happen after people just don't get the point and continue to defend their tacky behavior. I mean, people who love you might not be honest with you because they don't want to hurt your feelings. Internet strangers don't know you, aren't invested in what you do, and will offer opinions on what others' are most likely thinking or feeling.
It's like once someone gets pregnant, they turn into Veruca Salt and think they are entitled to get everything they want. It's just not how the real world works.
It also really bugs me that people justify their need for a shower "to get things." Um, if you need things, it's pretty simple: go to the store and buy them. No one is responsible for purchasing anything you need for your child, because ya know, it's YOUR child. The parents are responsible for doing that.
In my opinion the absolute worst reasoning behind subsequent showers is, "I need some things". Well good for you, that's not anyone's responsibility but your own. I was helped plan a second shower for a friend and PLENTY of people told me that it was tacky, asked why she needed one, etc. and then went on to show up with smiles on their faces at the shower. She never knew how these people felt and hopefully never will. But just because people act like it's okay to your face, does not mean that they don't find it tacky. Particularly people in our parents generation and older find it extremely rude.
I think everyone who wants to celebrate the birth of their blessing should. We are having a babyq and my friend that was throwing in is now on bedrest..we will still have one. :x
I think everyone who wants to celebrate the birth of their blessing should. We are having a babyq and my friend that was throwing in is now on bedrest..we will still have one. :x
Celebrating the birth is not the same as having a shower
Re: Do i have a baby shower with baby #3?
Ok, so now I obviously won't get it? Way to not answer the question, which is, beating around the bush.
Another glorious assumption of yours which I am beginning to find amusing! I never said it was about me, which is why I directly asked why you referenced my shower.
If you read my original post, I said a friend threw it for me. I had one of my best approach me, said her and some others wanted to throw a bridal shower for me. She asked me what I wanted. I told her, I didn't care. I was just grateful that they wanted to throw something in my honor. She went ahead and planned a beautiful day at a winery. I didn't ask for anything. That is why your comment about my shower (which clearly has an underlined meaning), was confusing to me.
The bottom line is, you had an issue with my opinion about the narcissism meme. I don't agree with you, and who really cares! If you think it's acceptable, that is wonderful. It's not going to change my opinion, It is mine and I own it. I haven't made any negative comments towards you.. Yet you took a shot at me about my bridal shower, and now imply that I don't " get it". I'm sure if you reference your etiquette guide, it just might frown upon the approach you've taken.
I'm glad you've expressed your opinion on entitlement during our conversation. Anything else that you would like to cover?
@urby87
Get what you're saying. Just don't think that "do what you want" absolutely translates to "do want you want, without thinking of others".
I still don't think the meme is appropriate, but that is just my opinion!! Can we agree to disagree?
If this was the first time opinions about 2nd + showers had been asked and answered around here, I'd probably agree with you. But this isn't the first, second, third or even 23rd. We've had this question asked and answered many times on this forum and a simple search could have informed OP of what the opinions were going to be. OP chose not to search and so I don't really feel any need to defend her.
I specifically spelled out that I was referring to the "general" you. Not you in particular. You are taking my comments personally when they have nothing to do with you. Slow your roll, sweets.
The only comment that pertained to you was that of course you enjoyed getting gifts and having a party thrown in your honor. Who doesn't like getting gifts? You're being defensive because you've had a second a shower, which many posters, including myself, feel to be a breach of etiquette.
"Every pregnancy deserves to be toasted and cheered. But, since the true purpose of a baby shower is to help new parents acquire the gear and supplies they'll need, it's probably not necessary to give a traditional baby shower for parents who have a basement full of baby clothes and equipment. Instead, consider throwing a shower designed to make their lives easier when they've got a newborn and another child or two to juggle: a "stock the freezer" shower, for example, or a "Mom and Dad" shower, with gifts like their favorite movies on video or DVD or promises for baby-sitting services."
Now I'm referencing everyone not just urby on this next part:
I'm not seeing where it says it is in poor taste to host a shower for a subsequent baby. I honestly have never seen something publicized that puts it in the category of "poor etiquette".
Now if something is not socially acceptable in your group of friends, then so be it. Which is why I think this is a poor question to ask a broad group of strangers, but I do feel like personal opinions are not necessarily indicative of hard and fast rules of true etiquette.
(I'll be the first to admit that I lean toward my bowl of soup; I don't brush the spoon across the back of my bowl while eating it either, and I'm sure I don't do the right thing with my napkin when I'm done eating)
ETA: when I say host I am not talking about hosting it yourself...that IS a hard and fast rule of shower etiquette
So now I have comprehension problems? Are you capable of responding to me without a dig?
I understand fully that in your first response you were speaking about the "general" you. You then proceeded to make a remark about my shower, which is why I then asked you to explain. In your explanation, I did think you were referring to me. Since I was asking about the comment you made about my shower, whom else would you be referring to? either way, if that's not the case, my bad on that. I still don't understand why you'd make a comment about my bridal shower if it was a non issue to you. I don't believe that it was just an innocent comment about liking gifts.
I have nothing to be defensive about. I don't have issue with the shower that's been thrown for me and it doesn't bother me that you and other posters might not be in line with it. You made that comment, Which was unclear to me. So I asked you for clarification.
In your next response you then said that I "don't get it" and now there appears to be a problem with my comprehension. If you are going to throw out digs to people, I don't know why you wouldn't expect a response. Maybe in your circle of friends, what you say is what it is. That's wonderful if that works for you. You're not going to find that with me. Say what you want, but I'm not going to let someone take shots at me for disagreeing with a meme and just keep quiet.
https://entertainmentguide.local.com/miss-manners-baby-shower-etiquette-10098.html
https://www.popsugar.com/moms/Do-You-Have-Shower-Second-Baby-31799213
https://www.babble.com/baby-showers/baby-shower-number-etiquette/
https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/09/fashion/celebrating-a-new-baby-but-modestly.html?_r=0
Obviously, opinions vary. Part of it is going to depend on what is "normal" for your social circle. A shower is, by definition, a gift-giving event. As such, it may look gift-grabby to have more than one, and that's why the recommendation is to have a "sprinkle" or a sip and see and not a full-blown, bring-me-presents event for subsequent children. Clearly, in some areas, it's seen as acceptable to have multiple showers (though the general consensus is still that you should not host your own and if it is insisted upon, it should be a smaller event where gifts are not required, so the term "shower" is not exactly appropriate in that case).
It wasn't obvious to me so I had asked for clarification in my initial response. Could have been explained and deadheaded right there. Instead I was told that I obviously wouldn't get it.
Well, obviously I didn't! But now I do, 20 comments later.
So thank you, for pointing out that my statement about loving my shower (gifts included), was silly. Or obvious. Not really sure what the point of that was.
2. So much entitlement packed into one thread
https://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=1295
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-gifts-still-keep-pouring-in-at-moms-third-baby-shower/2014/10/15/8497e944-48d7-11e4-a046-120a8a855cca_story.html
I found this to. Is this the same Miss Manners?
Edited because Omg I'm such a twat lol. Just looked at your link @MyCousinVinny then looked at the one I posted. So I answer my own question yes it is.. Sorry tired brain on lol..
https://entertainmentguide.local.com/miss-manners-baby-shower-etiquette-10098.html
I can understand showers are only for FTMs in some cultures/ backgrounds, and frown upon hosting yourself. Makes sense.
In my culture/ background / circle showers are done every time. Even self hosted, it seems normal to me.
I won't say "do what you what" but do what is in YOUR surroundings, by now you know what is normal in your circle.
However, to address your statement, you are correct in that an invitation is not a summons but you do put someone in the awkward position of having to decline or go to yet another shower, spending more money I you. Further, people tend to feel obligated to spend more on a gift that's going to be opened in front of a bunch of people, so yeah, you do run the risk of making people uncomfortable by inviting them to showers for second+ babies.