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September 2015 Moms
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Is this actually happening

jclffjclff member
in September 2015 Moms
Have had suspicions my boyfriend was sleeping with someone else and its like something new pops up every week. Carrying around a condom (weve never used one), back of an earring in his bed that is 100% not mine, and for gods sakes he still has tinder. He got me pregnant the first time we met (not complaining one bit, so excited for my little man to come!! The month countdown starts tomorrow!) but we started getting close and relationship-like before we found out I was pregnant. When we found out he brought up abortion (not a suggestion just throwing the option out there) but I obviously shot that down. Then he brought up adoption as he just doesnt think weve known eachother long enough. His main concern wasnt that he would be tied to someone or have a child to care for, but for the child as he said he didnt think we could give it the best life possible. Hes very mature in that way and I respect that but I am not adopting my baby out and we havent fought about it but thats what he wants to do and weve kind of avoided the subject to avoid conflict but now these days he keeps urging me to see my doctor to get adoption info but I think its obvious by this point its not happening. Hes not pushy or anything and hes so amazing I really do love him and want to believe when he says he isnt seeing someone else (he really does seem genuine.) The situation isnt as bad as it sounds, weve been really happy and weve obviously spoken about being together and things were gonna do in the future but I just cannot shake the idea that hes sleeping with someone else. I almost feel like hes with me because of the situation at hand and doesnt want to leave a woman hanging pregnant on her own (hes really into like womens rights and gender equality and having respect for women) hes so amazing and respectful and loving and I know he means no harm but I just want an opinion on the situation. Im not worried at all about leaving him if hes cheating Im 100% capable to handle everything on my own. But I dont have time to waste on wondering if hes been faithful or not I need to put all my attention on things that matter like the baby and myself (and him as well if he has been faithful as he says.) Hes not like a slime bucket or anything like that he truly is an amazing respectful man, I just think the whole situation is a bit messy.
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Re: Is this actually happening

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    Yiggle09Yiggle09 member
    Ask him. If he's that good of a guy be forthright with him. Get everything on table see where he stands and then decide what to do depending on his answer
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    jclffjclff member
    edited August 2015
    Every clue that has popped up I do question him about it and he says he hasnt been seeing anyone else. I just let it go because theyre all small things but when they all add up and just how theres a new clue every other week I just cant bring myself to believe what hes saying anymore.
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    rebeccabloomwoodrebeccabloomwood member
    If the trust is gone, then so is the relationship. You can work on building that trust back through conversation, actions and possibly therapy or you can walk away.

    I think you need to have a straight up talk, sit down and voice all the concerns you did here.
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    chelseajeanenechelseajeanene member
    It's clear that he doesn't want this child. That doesn't mean he's a bad guy but I couldn't imagine sleeping with someone the first time and automatically getting pregnant and expecting them to be excited about it. I think if you stay with him the relationship won't improve when the baby does arrive. Even if you ask him about the cheating, what man will honestly say they have? Go with your gut and don't stay just for the baby
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    jclffjclff member
    edited August 2015
    Thanks for your input ladies. I just needed an honest opinion! I love him and were really happy together dont get me wrong were always together and that spark is still there, but I do know he wasnt looking for a child so Im not expecting him to be excited or anything I was just really hoping that it wouldnt affect the way he feels about me as a person for going against what he wanted to do and relationship wise. The good thing is hes a good man so I have faith in the fact he wouldnt abandon the baby even if we didnt work out. Just sad over the fact that the relationship between him and I feels a bit wonky. He has never cheated before that I know of so my trust is iffy as I have no actual proof hes been going behind my back with another girl AND its hard to believe because were barely ever apart but just the clues throw me off. He has explanations for all of them but even my ex that cheated more than once didnt leave so many clues. Just a stressful situation. I really love him and the last thing I want is for us to not work out. If I could just get confirmation hes been faithful I really dont have any doubts things would work but men dont seem to want to confess these days so it just leaves me wondering. The one thing I cannot do is spend a relationship wondering if the other is faithful. Hell Id be more angry about time wasted (meaning a man cheating and not confessing and me staying with him believing it or not knowing what to believe) than I would be about a man actually cheating.
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    mamadeezmamadeez member
    Have a talk about the future. About how your relationship doesn't have to look any certain way because of this baby - because what's important is your relationships with the baby not necessarily each other. So you can take the pressure of yourselves in that way. Money, age, time - these things won't necessarily give your baby a better life. You can't avoid the subject of not wanting to go through with adoption. Talk it out. It'll be okay.
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    JBelanger2015JBelanger2015 member
    Loving and respectful... But is in Tindr and sleeping around.. And would prefer adoption...

    Gosh I feel bad for you. :/ I couldn't imagine having a child in a situation like that. I hope it works out best for you and the baby, and no one else.
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    beansideiraebeansideirae member
    not that any guy is likely to confess; but you say you guys are together most of the time and he has explanations for everything... I would be careful that it's not hormonal anxiety getting the best of you. I went through that with my guy, and I'm positive now that I was just being paranoid. I'd still ask him to delete that Tinder account tho!
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    paine0925paine0925 member
    Trust your gut. You can have an amazing man, have an amazing relationship, and they STILL are unfaithful. I'll never understand men, ever.
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    tstew96tstew96 member
    My boyfriend had a tinder account for a little bit when we were fighting and hardly talking, so I logged onto it and made his profile say "here to cheat on my pregnant girlfriend" needless to say he didn't get any matches after that and hasn't used it since.

    Having been in your situation, I would definitely ask, and trust your gut. He can lie all he wants, but your gut is always going to know what's up.
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    jclffjclff member
    Looking back on some posts and just a quick update here.. We're still together and better than ever :) took him 2 months to come around mentally baby wise but I gave him time and now he can't stand to be away from me or the baby. Currently making plans to move to another province for more opportunity for our son! Will be doing so in about a year to make sure we work out with this big change and all that. Keeping my fingers crossed!!!
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