This might be confusing so bear with me.
I have a child from an abusive relationship. He was physically and mental abusive to both myself and our child. I was able to get out and we have a protection from abuse. He is wanted because of skipping his court date for being behind of child support.
Now, I am with my boyfriend. We recently had another baby and we bought a house together. My child sees my boyfriend as dad since he hasn't had a father figure in his life. We plan on one day getting married. But we want to have an engagement and a formal wedding.
Here's what we've been debating on. In our state, we have to be married for at least a year for my boyfriend to adopt my child. We have been going back and forth on getting legally married now and not telling anyone so we will be able to get engaged in due time. He has a ring on payments and is waiting for the right moment so it's romantic.
Is it right of us to do that? We want to get the year wait over with just in case anything should happen to me.
Re: secret marriage
ultimately it's your choice what you do. You just may run into a few people who are less than appreciative to be invited to an event asyou are describing(or as the knot calls it...a pretty princess day...a wedding after the real wedding took place)
Like i said do what you feel is right for you, I'm just pointing out that some may side eye you. either way though once you are legally married you are married, you are his wife and he is your husband. You both get the benefits of being a married couple (insurance, tax breaks, ect) you cant get married and then be engaged and he become your fiance because hes your husband.
Have you discussed with an attorney about step parent adoption? I think that is a good starting point so you know all the steps you need to take going forward. The state you live may require you to try to establish contact with your ex in case he wants rights. There have been instances (in my case, others on this forum) that even though their ex was/is abusive to us they still have visitation and rights to their children. The best thing you can do for yourself and your child is to seek legal advice, even if it's just a free consult.
Also if you don't plan on changing your name at the time of the legal marriage you may want to look up your state laws. In VA if you choose not to change your name at the time and choose to do it later, you have to do a legal name change and it costs you about $100 plus filing fees and that's without an attorney but your paperwork has been to be correct or it'll be kicked back.
@lookame3639 took the words right out of my mouth. Consult an attorney about step parent adoption and bring all your CO paperwork to the consult so they can give a better idea of your situation.
As I've said before when this question comes up on The Knot, if I wanted to spend an evening watching people play pretend, I'd go see a movie.
Married Bio * BFP Charts