Previois pregnancy mentioned. Well preface with I'm going to be the unpopular opinion here, especially after reading the replies.
I felt the exact same way. I HATE being pregnant with a passion. I had a normal and an easy pregnancy so i hae no reasin to be as adverse to it as i was. I desperately wanted to be a mother though and I want mine and dhs children. Hating pregnancy or not liking it is OK in my opinion. Heck I wouldn't even let people take pictures of me with my first because I didn't like how I looked. I literally felt possessed. When I would look in a mirror I almost felt disassociated with myself like it wasn't really me. I love my daughter beyond everything in this world though and I would go through pregnancy again in a heart beat for another little one. Im anxiously waiting for that bfp despite the fact i know i probably will feel the same way about myself. The phrase that helped me through pregnancy was Its Temporary and my baby will be forever. I guess what I'm saying is even though it an unpopular opinion disliking or having an aversion to pregnancy doesn't mean you won't be a great mom and absolutely love that part. I also don't think it's unhealthy or bad as long as you are still getting proper care for you and you possible future little one.
Previois pregnancy mentioned. Well preface with I'm going to be the unpopular opinion here, especially after reading the replies.
I felt the exact same way. I HATE being pregnant with a passion. I had a normal and an easy pregnancy so i hae no reasin to be as adverse to it as i was. I desperately wanted to be a mother though and I want mine and dhs children. Hating pregnancy or not liking it is OK in my opinion. Heck I wouldn't even let people take pictures of me with my first because I didn't like how I looked. I literally felt possessed. When I would look in a mirror I almost felt disassociated with myself like it wasn't really me. I love my daughter beyond everything in this world though and I would go through pregnancy again in a heart beat for another little one. Im anxiously waiting for that bfp despite the fact i know i probably will feel the same way about myself. The phrase that helped me through pregnancy was Its Temporary and my baby will be forever. I guess what I'm saying is even though it an unpopular opinion disliking or having an aversion to pregnancy doesn't mean you won't be a great mom and absolutely love that part. I also don't think it's unhealthy or bad as long as you are still getting proper care for you and you possible future little one.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Your opinion may not be popular, but I think it's totally valid. One of my friends is experiencing her first pregnancy now, and it was a surprise. She also feels that she's possessed or somehow not herself. And while she's miserable being pregnant she also has some fierce love for her little bean.
@onefootinthebayou Thank you for such a level-headed and important discussion! You've been great in your replies and genuinely open to our responses. Non-condescending gold star, ma'am.
I think it's really cool a friend of yours would let you watch her cows birth. But I can also see how the hooves and organs would turn you off. Already I'm imagining birthing something horned. Ick. Yet, I'm just now remembering how Ricki Lake's "Business of Being Born" was a turning point for me. Initially I watched it cause I love me some Ricki Lake* AND controversial documentaries. I didn't really pay attention for a while. Then suddenly, on my big screen TV, a woman who was peacefully swaying just... oozed? a baby. I was shocked by how anticlimatic it was. Not necessarily "normal", but very much mundane.
*Despite my love for Ms. Lake, I'm not entirely comfortable with seeing her labor naked in a tub. My childhood has been stained. edited for clarity
Yes, absolutely. I have that too. I def want a family and I'm not nervous about caring for a baby/ child.. but the thought of being pregnant/ labor freaks me out so much. I think it's because of the years I've heard horror stories from countless people ( friends and at work) I had a break down right before starting TTC and I started going to see a therapist about it. She's helped a lot with helping me deal with all of my fears and anixety.. just talking it out and noticing when it's more irrational and how to get your mind off fears and focusing on positive aspects and the joy it will all bring us. . I'd recommend speaking to someone about it!
Me:35, DH 37 ~ Married July 2014 ttc July 2015 ~ bfp Nov 2015 (cp) bfp Dec 2015 ~ (tfmr 17wk, March 2016, genetic disease) ttcal May 2016
@StarbucksShip lol so just to ease your mind, cows are born without horns. Usually if they develop them its later on in life, at least a few months old. It's like babies not being born with teeth or fawns not having antlers at birth!
I'm okay with the word "gross." I don't look forward to puking and peeing on myself whenever I sneeze or laugh. That trips my "gross" button.
I really want it, though. On top of being gross, there's the whole making and carrying a baby, and then getting a baby! I want that.
And I want the baby! But dude, babies are gross. I hear that green poop explodes out their backside and lands in their hair, while they are eating dog food and grabbing for you with sticky hands. I still want one, though. There's wipes for that.
OP, your stuff might go deeper than just distaste, though. I don't know if it's comparable, but I used to be really, really freaked out by weddings. As a teenager, I'd have panic attacks at other people's weddings. I didn't want to marry, ever. I spent several years practicing non-monogamy. I was sure it wasn't for me. Weddings were icky.
Then I met my wife, and fell all the way. And we had a wonderful (albeit nontraditional) wedding.
Sometimes things just change. Priorities change. Maybe the idea of pregnancy bothers you, but actual pregnancy (in reality, not the abstract) will turn out to be not so bad. Reality is often very, very different from what we imagine it to be.
Oh, and as for how I deal with my own anxiety about the gross parts of being pregnant-- I admit to myself that I like to complain. And I will have the best excuse ever to complain! (It's ok to be shallow sometimes)
Me- 39 (turning 40 in April), TTC for the first time ever (since Jan 2015), low ovarian reserve
Married 3/14/14 to my wonderful wife, but her sperm count is rather low
TTC with frozen donor sperm and science
7 IUIs, 7 BFNs. 2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs. Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire. Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus! fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP! Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)
@StarbucksShip lol so just to ease your mind, cows are born without horns. Usually if they develop them its later on in life, at least a few months old. It's like babies not being born with teeth or fawns not having antlers at birth!
Hahah! See, I knew that! But my imagination loves the idea of giving birth to a satyr. Playing pipes. Augh. augh...
I'm sorry, you lost me when you called pregnancy "gross".
Agreed.
------ Look, not everyone has to find pregnancy "beautiful and wonderful". There's pain, and bloating, and lots of, frankly, gross things that happen to your body during and after pregnancy. Reading the post partum thread is evidence of that.
I hate when women shame other women for this - it's a pet peeve. We shouldn't make people feel ashamed of thinking those things aren't beautiful. People can hate pregnancy and love and want a child very much. They are not mutually exclusive. I'm happy for any woman that finds pregnancy easy and beautiful, but not every pregnancy is that way for every woman. Women should even be allowed to hate or complain about pregnancy after IF treatments.
OP, my best advice is to consider talking with a therapist. I think it would be helpful both before and during pregnancy. If you are sure you want to raise a child, remind yourself that pregnancy lasts 40 weeks; being a parent is for life. Pregnancy is a very small fraction of time compared to what you'll have with your child after birth. If you still can't handle pregnancy, you can aka way consider adoption. Good luck!
I'm sorry, you lost me when you called pregnancy "gross".
Agreed.
------
Look, not everyone has to find pregnancy "beautiful and wonderful". There's pain, and bloating, and lots of, frankly, gross things that happen to your body during and after pregnancy. Reading the post partum thread is evidence of that.
I hate when women shame other women for this - it's a pet peeve. We shouldn't make people feel ashamed of thinking those things aren't beautiful. People can hate pregnancy and love and want a child very much. They are not mutually exclusive. I'm happy for any woman that finds pregnancy easy and beautiful, but not every pregnancy is that way for every woman. Women should even be allowed to hate or complain about pregnancy after IF treatments.
OP, my best advice is to consider talking with a therapist. I think it would be helpful both before and during pregnancy. If you are sure you want to raise a child, remind yourself that pregnancy lasts 40 weeks; being a parent is for life. Pregnancy is a very small fraction of time compared to what you'll have with your child after birth. If you still can't handle pregnancy, you can aka way consider adoption. Good luck!
Thanks so much for this. I didn't respond to those comments b/c IMO, they weren't relevant to the thread. Also, I was expressing the feelings of my 8-year old self (albeit I don't feel much differently as an adult, hence the post). Either way, I agree. Shaming someone for being honest about their fears and feelings also rubs me the wrong way. If hearing pregnancy being called "gross" is the worst thing you see on the internet, I'd say you're doing pretty well!
Bolding for truth. There are a lot of gems on this thread, and this is one of them. Thank you.
Previois pregnancy mentioned. Well preface with I'm going to be the unpopular opinion here, especially after reading the replies.
I felt the exact same way. I HATE being pregnant with a passion. I had a normal and an easy pregnancy so i hae no reasin to be as adverse to it as i was. I desperately wanted to be a mother though and I want mine and dhs children. Hating pregnancy or not liking it is OK in my opinion. Heck I wouldn't even let people take pictures of me with my first because I didn't like how I looked. I literally felt possessed. When I would look in a mirror I almost felt disassociated with myself like it wasn't really me. I love my daughter beyond everything in this world though and I would go through pregnancy again in a heart beat for another little one. Im anxiously waiting for that bfp despite the fact i know i probably will feel the same way about myself. The phrase that helped me through pregnancy was Its Temporary and my baby will be forever. I guess what I'm saying is even though it an unpopular opinion disliking or having an aversion to pregnancy doesn't mean you won't be a great mom and absolutely love that part. I also don't think it's unhealthy or bad as long as you are still getting proper care for you and you possible future little one.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Your opinion may not be popular, but I think it's totally valid. One of my friends is experiencing her first pregnancy now, and it was a surprise. She also feels that she's possessed or somehow not herself. And while she's miserable being pregnant she also has some fierce love for her little bean.
@onefootinthebayou Thank you for such a level-headed and important discussion! You've been great in your replies and genuinely open to our responses. Non-condescending gold star, ma'am.
I think it's really cool a friend of yours would let you watch her cows birth. But I can also see how the hooves and organs would turn you off. Already I'm imagining birthing something horned. Ick. Yet, I'm just now remembering how Ricki Lake's "Business of Being Born" was a turning point for me. Initially I watched it cause I love me some Ricki Lake* AND controversial documentaries. I didn't really pay attention for a while. Then suddenly, on my big screen TV, a woman who was peacefully swaying just... oozed? a baby. I was shocked by how anticlimatic it was. Not necessarily "normal", but very much mundane.
*Despite my love for Ms. Lake, I'm not entirely comfortable with seeing her labor naked in a tub. My childhood has been stained. edited for clarity
Well thank you, both. I really, really appreciate the honesty. I can see by posting that I'm not alone in feeling this way, and that there are many tools to help us get through this, from journaling, to therapy, to watching the great Riki Lake (not sure I'll be able to get through that one) or even just "gutting it out", pun intended, and working through it one way or another. @StarbucksShip, thanks for the props. I've seen online threads go bananas with just a minor twisting of words and I much prefer civil discussion. That's why I made the post in the first place and I've gotten some incredibly thoughtful and helpful responses.
I totally get that being pregnant might not be the most attractive thing. I was not one of those women who loved being pregnant, either. It was uncomfortable and awkward, I couldn't sleep well, got bad stretch marks and I developed this thing call PUPPP, which is essentially a very itchy rash. I mean let's face it, at that point I was basically thinking my body was allergic to pregnancy. But here's the thing, when it's YOUR baby and YOUR body, you might feel differently. In fact, it might surprise you. Don't underestimate yourself and what you're capable of doing physically, mentally,emotionally.
And eventually, most of the not-so-good stuff about pregnancy, delivery, postpartum fades away. Which is why people do it again. The ends justify the means, or to put it another way, in this case it's about the destination (parenthood), moreso than the journey (pregnancy).
1. Pregnancy is gross. I was pregnant, it was gross. 2. It was also mindblowingly awesome. Makes up for all the gross. 3. I think it was fairly callous to come in and say you don't plan on lurking. As you can see, these women have powerful stories & amazing advice. It's a disservice to them to ignore their collective strength.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
To help you even more, I'm not using FF and until I find I'm having difficulty I don't plan to. Getting pregnant is something women have done for centuries...without apps on their phones. I have just been tracking my periods and counting out my estimated ovulation days and using that route for now. There's a 50/50 problem of infertility in my family and everyone said when they "stopped worrying and stopped trying" that's when they conceived. When I joined these boards I felt like I was stressed before I even started trying! But I'm not in anyway trying to be disrespectful to the information these women have or their ideas. I'm just taking the laid back route right now and if we should incur trouble, I know there is more than enough information here to help me try something new. Don't get discouraged. I don't think you need therapy. I think a lot more women feel the way we do. I like how you said your between needing therapy and just "needing to suck it up". The more information you have the better prepared you will be. But don't feel pressure that you HAVE to do this NOW (I'm still unsure why you feel that way) and do it when you can talk about it and are truly looking forward to the experience. Good luck!
To help you even more, I'm not using FF and until I find I'm having difficulty I don't plan to. Getting pregnant is something women have done for centuries...without apps on their phones. I have just been tracking my periods and counting out my estimated ovulation days and using that route for now. There's a 50/50 problem of infertility in my family and everyone said when they "stopped worrying and stopped trying" that's when they conceived. When I joined these boards I felt like I was stressed before I even started trying! But I'm not in anyway trying to be disrespectful to the information these women have or their ideas. I'm just taking the laid back route right now and if we should incur trouble, I know there is more than enough information here to help me try something new. Don't get discouraged. I don't think you need therapy. I think a lot more women feel the way we do. I like how you said your between needing therapy and just "needing to suck it up". The more information you have the better prepared you will be. But don't feel pressure that you HAVE to do this NOW (I'm still unsure why you feel that way) and do it when you can talk about it and are truly looking forward to the experience. Good luck!
Women also gave birth for centuries without proper medical care and died. Thanks for being condescending to every woman here who charts.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
If you're going to go that route, do it 100%. No OB appointments for you. No sonograms. No prenatal vitamins. No hospital. Just your neighbor comes over to your home (make sure you turn off the AC to do it just like they did centuries ago) and give birth. No heart rate monitor on your baby, no one with experience to aid you.
It is really, really offensive to say "women got pregnant for centuries" without all these things so that's how I'm going to do it. As if everyone who is taking the time to chart is crazy.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
To help you even more, I'm not using FF and until I find I'm having difficulty I don't plan to. Getting pregnant is something women have done for centuries...without apps on their phones. I have just been tracking my periods and counting out my estimated ovulation days and using that route for now. There's a 50/50 problem of infertility in my family and everyone said when they "stopped worrying and stopped trying" that's when they conceived. When I joined these boards I felt like I was stressed before I even started trying! But I'm not in anyway trying to be disrespectful to the information these women have or their ideas. I'm just taking the laid back route right now and if we should incur trouble, I know there is more than enough information here to help me try something new. Don't get discouraged. I don't think you need therapy. I think a lot more women feel the way we do. I like how you said your between needing therapy and just "needing to suck it up". The more information you have the better prepared you will be. But don't feel pressure that you HAVE to do this NOW (I'm still unsure why you feel that way) and do it when you can talk about it and are truly looking forward to the experience. Good luck!
You only ever hear the success stories of people using the "conceived when we stopped trying" method. What's the adverse? I'd like to know the numbers of all the people who, after years of trying, will never be able to get pregnant and adopted or did other things to have a family. Surely they are still "not trying" and are surely not pregnant. It's flawed logic and rude to everyone here who is "doing too much".
@Lulucooks never did I say I felt that anyone was "doing too much". It's just not the way I am approaching TTC right now. I even mentioned considering it later on but for now, it's just not for me. It's not flawed logic, it's just simply what fits for me in the moment. Right or wrong, I would hope you would be as respectful towards my approach as you are to everyone who is TTC with CM, temping, etc. Everyone is looking to achieve the same goal, but please don't look down on someone who isn't into doing it "your way".
To help you even more, I'm not using FF and until I find I'm having difficulty I don't plan to. Getting pregnant is something women have done for centuries...without apps on their phones. I have just been tracking my periods and counting out my estimated ovulation days and using that route for now. There's a 50/50 problem of infertility in my family and everyone said when they "stopped worrying and stopped trying" that's when they conceived. When I joined these boards I felt like I was stressed before I even started trying! But I'm not in anyway trying to be disrespectful to the information these women have or their ideas. I'm just taking the laid back route right now and if we should incur trouble, I know there is more than enough information here to help me try something new. Don't get discouraged. I don't think you need therapy. I think a lot more women feel the way we do. I like how you said your between needing therapy and just "needing to suck it up". The more information you have the better prepared you will be. But don't feel pressure that you HAVE to do this NOW (I'm still unsure why you feel that way) and do it when you can talk about it and are truly looking forward to the experience. Good luck!
Um, you realize this is about more than whether or not the OP wants to use Fertility Friend or temp, right? She is "dreading pregnancy," is "horrified" at the thought of it and thinks it's "gross." That is beyond the typical reservations and she herself said she knew that. Stop WKing for something even the OP acknowledged may require some work, therapy etc.
@Lulucooks never did I say I felt that anyone was "doing too much". It's just not the way I am approaching TTC right now. I even mentioned considering it later on but for now, it's just not for me. It's not flawed logic, it's just simply what fits for me in the moment. Right or wrong, I would hope you would be as respectful towards my approach as you are to everyone who is TTC with CM, temping, etc. Everyone is looking to achieve the same goal, but please don't look down on someone who isn't into doing it "your way".
The flawed logic part was in reference to the "you conceive when you stop trying" part. Which is saying that if you do too much you won't conceive, which is not only rude to those of use doing all we can it's also rude to those who will never be able to get pregnant.
If you don't want to do all of it, fine. Maybe you will get pregnant. Maybe you wont. Maybe you aren't ovulating. Maybe you are ovulating late. No one will be able to know.
@kmd0501 : ok, I get not wanting to chart. However, your comments were not at all respectful of those who choose to chart or otherwise utilize other scientific methods to achieve pregnancy. You speak of respect, but your post was dismissive & the tone of it was very offensive.
I've never had trouble-TTC & I have two beautiful kids. I still value charting. I also value the "casual approach" that you are talking about. The difference is that I don't speak about my approach to it as if it's a superior way to TTC. That somehow those that use FF are doing something "unnatural". That's the way your comments communicated to the rest of us.
The tone of your post poo-poo'd those who choose not to simply hump it out & throw it all to chance.
As I say-- I'm basically doing the same thing & have been for a year. I'm just now charting.
Please evaluate what I'm saying & see where I'm coming from.
In absolutely no way do I feel the comment I made was disrespectful. I perfectly acknowledged that I value all the information I have gathered from this board and that there are many ways to go about this. Not once did I say or even imply that those who chart or temp are doing too much. These were words implied by other posts. Everyone is entitled to their own perspective and opinions. What works for one person may not be the right fit for another. In the future these may be techniques I use but for the first few cycles I'm being a bit more laid back. My post began to help OP feel more at ease that she wasn't the only one freaking out about the feelings and experiences that come along with being pregnant, as they are similar things I think about as well. She also referenced not using FF as it wasn't for her. My opinion was made to help her feel less alone in not using those techniques while TTC since many of the posts on this board strongly suggest doing those things. I think people read too much into posts sometimes and for this very reason my original intent to support OP has been lost. I apologize to those of you that felt my opinion was disrespectful but in no way did I intend to imply that charting and such is "doing to much" and if you read my post again you will find that no where did I use those words. My intention is never to discourage and I truly do apologize for those of you that were upset.
In absolutely no way do I feel the comment I made was disrespectful. I perfectly acknowledged that I value all the information I have gathered from this board and that there are many ways to go about this. Not once did I say or even imply that those who chart or temp are doing too much. These were words implied by other posts. Everyone is entitled to their own perspective and opinions. What works for one person may not be the right fit for another. In the future these may be techniques I use but for the first few cycles I'm being a bit more laid back. My post began to help OP feel more at ease that she wasn't the only one freaking out about the feelings and experiences that come along with being pregnant, as they are similar things I think about as well. She also referenced not using FF as it wasn't for her. My opinion was made to help her feel less alone in not using those techniques while TTC since many of the posts on this board strongly suggest doing those things. I think people read too much into posts sometimes and for this very reason my original intent to support OP has been lost. I apologize to those of you that felt my opinion was disrespectful but in no way did I intend to imply that charting and such is "doing to much" and if you read my post again you will find that no where did I use those words. My intention is never to discourage and I truly do apologize for those of you that were upset.
FWIW, I appreciate what you said. Part of my learning process includes understanding how incredibly sensitive and personal this topic is and I saw from the responses that some words or implications are hot buttons for others - which is honestly not something I've even thought about til now. This is a learning process for me and whether I agree with them or not, I'm reading every post and considering them all.
I can assure you that your comments were not lost on me and that I appreciate them. It's true, charting & temping are nothing more than a hassle for me right now, but I'm working on trying to understanding their importance down the line, if need be.
In any case, I really appreciate you sharing your experience and your perspective with me. Taking the time to respond with honesty is a kind gesture, whether or not your viewpoint is universally agreed upon. I appreciate your input.
I don't even know why I'm engaging in the conversation anymore but yea, I get that pregnancy can be gross. There are a lot of gross things about pregnancy.
There is a huge difference between "I'm not looking forward to all of the gross things that come along with pregnancy - puking, constipation, even childbirth! I'm scared!" and "I find the thought of pregnancy "gross"! I just can't imagine being pregnant, it skeeves me out so much I can't bear to utter the word!"
The former is normal - the latter is a little too much for me. I don't understand the point of coming onto a TTC board and talking about how terrible you find the prospect of getting pregnant when there are hundreds of women aiming at that very thing (some having a hard time with it).
It seems a little self-indulgent and borderline immature, IMO. OP knows what she needs to do. If you want to be a biological mom, either get yourself to a therapist or suck it up. I was lost at the word "gross" because I can't sit here and convince someone that they should get pregnant, it's totes the best experience ever!
4/15--TTC #1 12/15--IF testing 3/16--Dx Unexplained IF Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone cycle Cancelled due to cysts. Started 3 weeks of BCP. 4/16--Cute Ute! Clomid+Ovidrel+IUI+Progesterone TI. Cancelled-no response 5/16--Hemmorhagic cyst and other cyst discovered. No medicated cycle. MRI scheduled to rule out septate uterus. 6/16--Septum discovered. Consultation for surgery. Surprise BFP 6/8/16--EDD 2/13/17 Kole David--1.7.17--Tiny but Mighty, born at 34+5 after HELLP syndrome Chart Stalk Me
Confession: I didn't read all the responses - just OP's first and second post.
I wanted to just say that I did feel this way at one point. I was terrified of pregnancy and birth. I dreaded it.
Until I watched the Business of Being Born and realized that the whole reason I dreaded it is because, all my life, it's been presented to me as a problem, an emergency, a hugely painful process, etc. The Business of Being Born didn't make me think "oh yay it'll be pain free" but it made me realize "you know what, my body is made for this, and the whole process of creating a human is really really special. And, wow, how awesome that my body -- which I've fought with so much over my life -- might do something this incredible." That documentary was the first time I ever saw pregnancy and birth as something that didn't have to be terrifying. It's not pain-free, it's not easy, but it doesn't have to be terrifying.
I also found that once I made the decision to try to get pregnant, things began to click for me. I was not one of those women who always knew she wanted a baby. Nope, not me. My husband was ready 2 years before I was. But, once I made the decision, I threw myself into learning as much as I could about it from multiple perspectives, and everything started clicking.
I still worry and fret. I'm in therapy. I highly recommend therapy. I literally emailed my therapist last night crying because coming off of my depression and anxiety meds to try to get pregnant has been really hard for me. And I told him I wasn't sure I could do this and wasn't sure if I wanted to do this....just basically had a meltdown. And they happen. I melt down over this sometimes. But, ultimately, I know this:
I know I want children.
I know my body can do this.
I know that it's OK to be afraid.
I know that I have a support system.
And, so, I can do this. I want to do this. But it's OK to question that sometimes. And I thank god daily for my therapist's support and help with this stuff.
Re: Dreading Pregnancy
I felt the exact same way. I HATE being pregnant with a passion. I had a normal and an easy pregnancy so i hae no reasin to be as adverse to it as i was. I desperately wanted to be a mother though and I want mine and dhs children. Hating pregnancy or not liking it is OK in my opinion. Heck I wouldn't even let people take pictures of me with my first because I didn't like how I looked. I literally felt possessed. When I would look in a mirror I almost felt disassociated with myself like it wasn't really me. I love my daughter beyond everything in this world though and I would go through pregnancy again in a heart beat for another little one. Im anxiously waiting for that bfp despite the fact i know i probably will feel the same way about myself. The phrase that helped me through pregnancy was Its Temporary and my baby will be forever. I guess what I'm saying is even though it an unpopular opinion disliking or having an aversion to pregnancy doesn't mean you won't be a great mom and absolutely love that part. I also don't think it's unhealthy or bad as long as you are still getting proper care for you and you possible future little one.
@onefootinthebayou Thank you for such a level-headed and important discussion! You've been great in your replies and genuinely open to our responses. Non-condescending gold star, ma'am.
I think it's really cool a friend of yours would let you watch her cows birth. But I can also see how the hooves and organs would turn you off. Already I'm imagining birthing something horned. Ick. Yet, I'm just now remembering how Ricki Lake's "Business of Being Born" was a turning point for me. Initially I watched it cause I love me some Ricki Lake* AND controversial documentaries. I didn't really pay attention for a while. Then suddenly, on my big screen TV, a woman who was peacefully swaying just... oozed? a baby. I was shocked by how anticlimatic it was. Not necessarily "normal", but very much mundane.
*Despite my love for Ms. Lake, I'm not entirely comfortable with seeing her labor naked in a tub. My childhood has been stained.
edited for clarity
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5c047a
ttc July 2015 ~ bfp Nov 2015 (cp)
bfp Dec 2015 ~ (tfmr 17wk, March 2016, genetic disease)
ttcal May 2016
I really want it, though. On top of being gross, there's the whole making and carrying a baby, and then getting a baby! I want that.
And I want the baby! But dude, babies are gross. I hear that green poop explodes out their backside and lands in their hair, while they are eating dog food and grabbing for you with sticky hands. I still want one, though. There's wipes for that.
OP, your stuff might go deeper than just distaste, though. I don't know if it's comparable, but I used to be really, really freaked out by weddings. As a teenager, I'd have panic attacks at other people's weddings. I didn't want to marry, ever. I spent several years practicing non-monogamy. I was sure it wasn't for me. Weddings were icky.
Then I met my wife, and fell all the way. And we had a wonderful (albeit nontraditional) wedding.
Sometimes things just change. Priorities change. Maybe the idea of pregnancy bothers you, but actual pregnancy (in reality, not the abstract) will turn out to be not so bad. Reality is often very, very different from what we imagine it to be.
Oh, and as for how I deal with my own anxiety about the gross parts of being pregnant-- I admit to myself that I like to complain. And I will have the best excuse ever to complain! (It's ok to be shallow sometimes)
7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!
fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP!
Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5c047a
Look, not everyone has to find pregnancy "beautiful and wonderful". There's pain, and bloating, and lots of, frankly, gross things that happen to your body during and after pregnancy. Reading the post partum thread is evidence of that.
I hate when women shame other women for this - it's a pet peeve. We shouldn't make people feel ashamed of thinking those things aren't beautiful. People can hate pregnancy and love and want a child very much. They are not mutually exclusive. I'm happy for any woman that finds pregnancy easy and beautiful, but not every pregnancy is that way for every woman. Women should even be allowed to hate or complain about pregnancy after IF treatments.
OP, my best advice is to consider talking with a therapist. I think it would be helpful both before and during pregnancy. If you are sure you want to raise a child, remind yourself that pregnancy lasts 40 weeks; being a parent is for life. Pregnancy is a very small fraction of time compared to what you'll have with your child after birth. If you still can't handle pregnancy, you can aka way consider adoption. Good luck!
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d2ae4[/img][/url]
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d2ae4[/img][/url]
LFAF April Siggy Challenge - TV/Movie BFFS - Romy & Michele
2. It was also mindblowingly awesome. Makes up for all the gross.
3. I think it was fairly callous to come in and say you don't plan on lurking. As you can see, these women have powerful stories & amazing advice. It's a disservice to them to ignore their collective strength.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
It is really, really offensive to say "women got pregnant for centuries" without all these things so that's how I'm going to do it. As if everyone who is taking the time to chart is crazy.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
LFAF April Siggy Challenge - TV/Movie BFFS - Romy & Michele
If you don't want to do all of it, fine. Maybe you will get pregnant. Maybe you wont. Maybe you aren't ovulating. Maybe you are ovulating late. No one will be able to know.
I've never had trouble-TTC & I have two beautiful kids. I still value charting. I also value the "casual approach" that you are talking about. The difference is that I don't speak about my approach to it as if it's a superior way to TTC. That somehow those that use FF are doing something "unnatural". That's the way your comments communicated to the rest of us.
The tone of your post poo-poo'd those who choose not to simply hump it out & throw it all to chance.
As I say-- I'm basically doing the same thing & have been for a year. I'm just now charting.
Please evaluate what I'm saying & see where I'm coming from.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I can assure you that your comments were not lost on me and that I appreciate them. It's true, charting & temping are nothing more than a hassle for me right now, but I'm working on trying to understanding their importance down the line, if need be.
In any case, I really appreciate you sharing your experience and your perspective with me. Taking the time to respond with honesty is a kind gesture, whether or not your viewpoint is universally agreed upon. I appreciate your input.
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d2ae4[/img][/url]
I don't even know why I'm engaging in the conversation anymore but yea, I get that pregnancy can be gross. There are a lot of gross things about pregnancy.
There is a huge difference between "I'm not looking forward to all of the gross things that come along with pregnancy - puking, constipation, even childbirth! I'm scared!" and "I find the thought of pregnancy "gross"! I just can't imagine being pregnant, it skeeves me out so much I can't bear to utter the word!"
The former is normal - the latter is a little too much for me. I don't understand the point of coming onto a TTC board and talking about how terrible you find the prospect of getting pregnant when there are hundreds of women aiming at that very thing (some having a hard time with it).
It seems a little self-indulgent and borderline immature, IMO. OP knows what she needs to do. If you want to be a biological mom, either get yourself to a therapist or suck it up. I was lost at the word "gross" because I can't sit here and convince someone that they should get pregnant, it's totes the best experience ever!
Married 6.22.13
Hoping for a Herd Linky
12/15--IF testing
3/16--Dx Unexplained IF
Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone cycle
Cancelled due to cysts. Started 3 weeks of BCP.
4/16--Cute Ute! Clomid+Ovidrel+IUI+Progesterone TI.
Cancelled-no response
5/16--Hemmorhagic cyst and other cyst discovered.
No medicated cycle. MRI scheduled to rule out
septate uterus.
6/16--Septum discovered. Consultation for surgery.
Surprise BFP 6/8/16--EDD 2/13/17
Kole David--1.7.17--Tiny but Mighty, born at 34+5 after HELLP syndrome
Chart Stalk Me
I know I want children.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020