Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
ChiccoBeanz
member
Re: Custody Battle for Embryos
Having been through the ivf process and having one embryo still frozen, I can understand the emotional and mental bond she may have for her embryos. And I understand that they are her only chance at "biological" children, however that fact has never changed. It has always been her last chance, and that's why she went through with the process to begin with. Yet, she still signed off on them being destroyed if this situation occurred.
DH and I have discussed if we decided not to use our frozen embryo, if we would have it destroyed or donated; we have yet to come to a decision. But the fact is we haven't made the decision so there is no documentation stating one way or the other.
I think that there is a major lack of laws that accommodate the new possibilities, like this one. My mom and I joked the other day that one of my twins could have been switched and I could be pregnant with another couples' embryo. Then I got serious and worried. I don't know if there are any laws that would say if that happened, if I would be able to keep this child that grew inside of me or of I'd have to give the child up. I think that the legislation needs to step it up.
It's not like she was in her 20s or 30s when she signed it, knowing there could still be a good chance of still conceiving with someone else. She was in her mid-40s when she signed it.
Yes, plenty of women conceive into their 40s, but given her age and her breast cancer at the time of the contract, it would have been wise to write in some type of agreement which said in the event of a divorce, she would receive custody of the embryos and the husband word not be on the hook for child support.
It's the contract, man -- them signing it to begin with seems so short-sighted.
But, if an embryo is in a lab and not in the womb is it still considered 'on its way to being a baby'? In other words, by destroying an embryo that's not implanted, is it the same as an abortion?
I think if the courts decide in her favor, it may have negative consequences to the pro-choice cause.
If the courts rule that destroying these embryos against her will is essentially a termination of a pregnancy, we're on our way to a new definition of "life". Extreme pro-lifers can turn to this case and say "well, if the courts set precedent for an un-implanted embryo being a life, then ending a pregnancy at any stage is murder."
In terms of ownership, it's truly 50/50 at this point. Because it's outside of her body, he has no less right than she does.
Then to @ChiccoBeanz point, at that point it's a custody battle.
This case is two sided. It's an ethical and legal dilemma.
This is her only chance to have a biological child, and I sort of see this as his revenge. I could be wrong. I don't know him, but if she was willing to sign a binding contract- as opposed to an agreement with no mention of irrevocability- I just don't see his argument. Yes, it's his sperm, but he still has is ability to have children. She's lost hers.
Unfortunately, I suspect the court is going to enforce the agreement. Which maybe it legally should, but ethically- I think it just sucks.
This sort of paperwork did not come about by accident, it came about out of necessity. There was a lawsuit against my doctor where a woman had used frozen embryos to get pregnant after separating from her husband. They did not know that she was separated as they did not ask and she did not offer up the information. The husband filed suit and pursued the issue for years. In the end, he did prevail in his lawsuit but the amount of money that he was given was so small that I think it was about $10,000 after they deducted child support. If DH and I were to ever separate and we have frozen embryos, we need to notify them within two weeks of separation.
I think that it's very difficult to force the husband to relinquish custody of the embryos because of the fact that if he doesn't want to have a child with this woman now, that should be his choice. They don't necessarily need to destroy the embryos, they can donate them with embryo adoption.
It's extremely complicated and difficult situation. There's a huge attachment to embryos but there's also no guarantee that they would survive the thaw. It's not very clear-cut whether or not they would become babies if implanted.
Needless to say, we don't have any frozen embryos.
* edited for clarity
I would think, and hope, that maybe they would make that the national standard within the next few years. Now that I think back, it is strange we didn't need to answer any questions like that.
*ETA- I just wanted to add that embryo adoption is in my opinion, an amazing thing. Usually the people that are adopting the embryos have dealt with infertility for some time and the people donating them have as well. It's a beautiful gift that can be given to another couple that can't conceive.
But now, knowing all of this stuff that can happen with divorces or death, it's odd. I'm guessing after this lawsuit becomes bigger, more fertility specialists will vamp up their paperwork to reflect these types of issues.
In my opinion, it's actually a fantastic idea. These are embryos from people who have struggled with infertility and don't want to destroy them. The people that are adopting them also are struggling with infertility and often times the parents get to meet one another.
*typo
It's sad because I empathize with the fact that these embryos are her only chance at a biological child, and many of us who have struggled with infertility will tell you that telling an infertile person to just adopt is really unfair, and cruel. Yes many of us consider adoption it's on the plate, but in doing so you have to mourn the loss of the biological child you will never have. This doesn't make them selfish people, it makes them people who have to let go of one hope in order to embrace another. There are deep psychological impacts of infertility, many couples do not survive this journey, it's emotionally, physically and mentally draining.
While I see the ethical conundrum here I fully understand the legal ramifications as well. Her argument that she never thought she would be held to the standards of the contract she signed doesn't really hold water. And if the embryos are deemed 'live' and given their own rights, well that is a very large and scary can of worms to open. It's a difficult situation to be in for all, I imagine the court will uphold the signed contract and the embryos will be thawed and destroyed.