I wish they could draw up new paperwork stating that this is an irrevocable contract that she will not seek his support in any way. Financially or otherwise and she could go forward with having custody. The fact that she thought of her chance at being a mother to get her through this divorce really pulled on my heart. It is a really sad situation.
I agree this is a plausible outcome however, I worry about the psychological toll it could take on both the father and the children. Knowing you may have kids out there that you may never meet, even though you signed away that right, could lead to problems down the road. And with those kids, would they be raised knowing or thinking their father wanted nothing to do with them because of the time line of their "conception"? It seems like such a balancing act of facts, what's right, and what kind of ripple effect this can cause.
***Trying to conceive since 9/12- m/c 2/13 from natural conception.
IVF success 10/14 with m/c 11/14. FET success 4/15***
We had to complete a ton of paperwork, and SO has to sign before retrieval, but we didn't have to immediately decide what to do in the event we separate or one of us dies. There was a paper that gives them permission to defrost and use any embryos that are left behind if we both die. I've never done a frozen transfer- so I don't know if he has to come in and sign a second time or not. Maybe in a year or two we will find out. Maybe. We have three frozen embies. Two excellent (I forget their exact rating) and one that is almost a blastocyst, but they froze it anyway. It was a slow grower. We will probably adopt out any embryos we don't use, and I keep on the lookout for candidates. We may end up using them all- but as I told SO, I really don't have it in me to go through another retrieval. We will ether adopt embryos or a baby from here on out if our freezer pops don't stick.
I agree this is a plausible outcome however, I worry about the psychological toll it could take on both the father and the children. Knowing you may have kids out there that you may never meet, even though you signed away that right, could lead to problems down the road. And with those kids, would they be raised knowing or thinking their father wanted nothing to do with them because of the time line of their "conception"? It seems like such a balancing act of facts, what's right, and what kind of ripple effect this can cause.
I totally understand the ripple affect thing. But I mean everything we do in life has some sort of consequence. I just think at this point in time he wants nothing to do with this woman or their unborn children. And the only thing that seems to be standing in the way of her proceeding with becoming a mother, for lack of a better term, is the fact that he is nervous about her coming after him for some sort of support. If he later regrets his decision down the line maybe they can write in something that states that if he changes his mind blah blah his terms blah blah. I don't know, I just think with my heart on things like this. Glad I'm not the judge.
Unfortunately these matters are often best approached logically and with a broad understanding of the impact the decision will make in future case law, there just isn't room for ruling with your heart here.
We had to complete a ton of paperwork, and SO has to sign before retrieval, but we didn't have to immediately decide what to do in the event we separate or one of us dies. There was a paper that gives them permission to defrost and use any embryos that are left behind if we both die. I've never done a frozen transfer- so I don't know if he has to come in and sign a second time or not. Maybe in a year or two we will find out. Maybe. We have three frozen embies. Two excellent (I forget their exact rating) and one that is almost a blastocyst, but they froze it anyway. It was a slow grower. We will probably adopt out any embryos we don't use, and I keep on the lookout for candidates. We may end up using them all- but as I told SO, I really don't have it in me to go through another retrieval. We will ether adopt embryos or a baby from here on out if our freezer pops don't stick.
Those both sound like wonderful alternatives. I just wanted to ask you if you have thought about the possibility of using donor eggs if you wanted more children and the other ones don't stick?
Just really sad situation as (to me) I believe life begins at conception, so that is a human that they are deciding whether or not to kill. To me, the courts should protect the child and no contract should be able to cause the death of a human being.
Just really sad situation as (to me) I believe life begins at conception, so that is a human that they are deciding whether or not to kill. To me, the courts should protect the child and no contract should be able to cause the death of a human being.
But if you have read through the posts above, you can see that embryo adoption is an option.
Never heard of this but it is truly amazing. Sounds like case law has not caught up with technology or at least not in all states. Or maybe it isn't allowed in all states?? I know many friends who struggled with infertility and would love to have options along these lines. I'm not sure how many places here offer "adoptable" embryos but I will certainly mention it to two close friends who I know have been struggling for years, I know they haven't heard about this. Thanks for sharing this.
Re: Custody Battle for Embryos
Knowing you may have kids out there that you may never meet, even though you signed away that right, could lead to problems down the road.
And with those kids, would they be raised knowing or thinking their father wanted nothing to do with them because of the time line of their "conception"?
It seems like such a balancing act of facts, what's right, and what kind of ripple effect this can cause.
We have three frozen embies. Two excellent (I forget their exact rating) and one that is almost a blastocyst, but they froze it anyway. It was a slow grower. We will probably adopt out any embryos we don't use, and I keep on the lookout for candidates. We may end up using them all- but as I told SO, I really don't have it in me to go through another retrieval. We will ether adopt embryos or a baby from here on out if our freezer pops don't stick.
Knowing you may have kids out there that you may never meet, even though you signed away that right, could lead to problems down the road.
And with those kids, would they be raised knowing or thinking their father wanted nothing to do with them because of the time line of their "conception"?
It seems like such a balancing act of facts, what's right, and what kind of ripple effect this can cause.
I totally understand the ripple affect thing. But I mean everything we do in life has some sort of consequence. I just think at this point in time he wants nothing to do with this woman or their unborn children. And the only thing that seems to be standing in the way of her proceeding with becoming a mother, for lack of a better term, is the fact that he is nervous about her coming after him for some sort of support. If he later regrets his decision down the line maybe they can write in something that states that if he changes his mind blah blah his terms blah blah. I don't know, I just think with my heart on things like this. Glad I'm not the judge.
And yes, I'm also glad I'm not a judge, especially on a case such as this!