Gender disappointment.

MrsBwIVF · August 2015

**sigh** this is NOT a support group.

Charmndmom · August 2015

I thought going into my u/s that I didn't have a preference. I actually always logically slightly wanted a boy first because most girls I know always wanted an older brother. However, when I found out I was having my wonderful, loved baby Jack, I was surprised to find I was a bit disappointed. For me, it was mostly the worry that all the girl heirlooms I have to pass on would go to waste...which is a bit preemptive since this is only our first (hopefully!) and not a good reason in general. Just talk it out with a family member, and you'll get excited again. I have had a loss as well and am extremely grateful that all is going well so far but you are still allowed to have emotions and fears, especially with all these extra hormones!

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

beverlove said:
I'm pretty let down by how rude some of these responses are. If you don't like the topic then skip it. This should be a safe place for people to talk and get support. Yes, support! Not disrespectful posts and moaning about seeing yet the same topic. If you're bored with it and wish to discuss topics such as 'fast food' take a trip to a drive through and read a menu.

I was hoping for a girl, and it is natural to be dissapointed at first. The fear of not knowing how to raise a boy--or not knowing how to relate to boy interests. But guess what, I love my baby no matter what. My advice is to get excited! Search for boy clothes and plan your nursey! Imagine him as a wonderful man one day. Imagine bonding and being there for him when he needs you. He's going to be a wonderful kiddo.

Besides, having a boy will balance out all of the estrogen! At least in my case it will. Get excited to be a mommy! Xo

Good luck xo

I'm sorry your a little "let down." If you don't like the responses, then skip over them :-)

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

There isn't a way for the bump gawds to ban this topic? This is a constant thing...or can they take ONE, just ONE of these threads and sticky it to the top and it just be a beacon for all those who think this is appropriate to discuss? Seeing these constantly is irritating and hurtful. I just read a post about someone going into pre-term labor and losing her baby. I read somewhere else that a friend of a friend just lost a twin. I know people going through testing to make sure their child doesn't have genetic defects, and won't need the possibility of in utero surgery and then I see this. What some people would give for a healthy baby. Just a healthy baby. Then there are these people who want to come and be captain save-a-poster and act like everyone else who also knows these people and families, or who are them, are crazy, "mean", "bullies", not human, "insensitive" and so on. It is RIDICULOUS.

Everyone is entitled to their feelings, everyone. But what everyone is NOT entitled to is support from an internet forum of STRANGERS, that CONSTANTLY say that this is something that HURTS them and OFFENDS them to read. I don't get what people don't get. USE THE SEARCH FUNCTION. The ANSWERS to the question of "Has anyone else felt like this?" are there. Why subject the rest of us to this ? It's like if we respond we are evil, but if we ignore it we are just as bad. DO YOUR DUE DILIGENCE BEFORE POSTING THINGS LIKE THIS AND ALL WILL BE FINE .

I'm sorry OP if I hurt your feelings. That was NOT my intention, but I really don't know how else to express this. This is NOT personal towards you or anyone who defends you, but it needed to be said.

erikaalzet · August 2015

At this point, no one has said anything original. Supporters have reiterated similar points. People who disagree have done the same.

Let's all move on.

yl1m32015 · August 2015

It would be great if we could move on, but since this topic is brought up once a week, it's gotten old really quick. I'm with @ChiccoBeanz, can we PLEASE have a solution to this constant issue?

beverlove · August 2015

Thank you for taking the time to post your memes...and for saving us all the effort of playing moderator. Pheeeew, what would we do without you? *scroll*

beverlove · August 2015

.

MrsBwIVF · August 2015

It's a gif, not a meme.

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

MrsBwIVF said:

It's a gif, not a meme.

You already know what that was....don't even continue to engage.

yl1m32015 · August 2015

beverlove said:
Thank you for taking the time to post your memes...and for saving us all the effort of playing moderator. Pheeeew, what would we do without you? *scroll*

Lol Cyber bullies.

Maybe you're new here, or not regularly active, but we've been over this topic about 20 times now. And name calling is against the TOU, just FYI. Calling people cyber bullies is uncalled for and inappropriate in this case.

beverlove · August 2015

**Removed for TOU Violation**

MrsBwIVF · August 2015

Not taking the bait, just trying to educate.

Fuzzy228 · August 2015

OP, you have the right to feel however you feel. You can't change how you feel right? As someone who has suffered a loss, I cannot expect you to understand what that feels like just like I cannot experience a pregnancy without thinking of the loss that I suffered. I try to understand your perspective but I have difficulties because ultimately I'm with the "I just want a healthy baby" crowd. To those that continue to post this topic, understand that many of us cannot fathom being "disappointed" based on how your baby pees. You are having a healthy baby, many of us have not had that luxury and therefore this topic is offensive.

I hope that you find happiness in your pregnancy and with your child. I'm sure you will find difficulties in raising whatever sex of child you have and hopefully you realize that how your baby pees is much less important that you raise them with love and teach them valuable lessons in life. I wish you the best, honestly.

Perhaps, prior to future posts of this topic people should try to use better judgment and think about the community that everyone is so quick to shout "support, support, support." I'm a big fan of if you want support you need to show support and that also means showing a little respect.

Just because you have certain feelings doesn't mean you necessarily should vocalize that to strangers with varying medical histories that you are unable to show empathy for. Again, I don't understand where you are coming from you obviously don't realize where many of us are coming from either.

Just think before you type and heated debates like this won't be necessary.

yl1m32015 · August 2015

@BumpAdmin, we asked you guys last time this topic became a problem, but nothing came of it. Can you please shed some light on a solution for this particularly controversial topic that obviously upsets a majority of the members here.

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

@BumpAdmin please make a thread, moderated by one of you and where the moderator can help provide info or something, about this "sex disappointment" topic and sticky it to the top. This topic keeps coming up and due to how hurtful and offensive it is to majority of the users that participate here, it inhibits many users' enjoyment of this forum. Maybe by having 1 thread for this that is monitored by an admin, this conversation can be had, with those who would like to have it, without it becoming a mess of insults, name calling, insensitive comments and hurt feelings. Also, this may help having to constantly shut these threads down. This is just a suggestion to try to find a compromise for all parties involved.

cc @bumpadmin

adecembermom2015 · August 2015

beverlove said:
@BostonBaby1 You're right. Clearly your only purpose here is to poke around forum posts that 'annoy you' and stand on you internet soap box and preach about how lame re-posts are. Take a trip to Uganda, escape your first world problems and caddy high school quips... and do something productive with your time.

@BostonBaby1 is the single most kind-hearted and supportive person in this entire community. She is always one of the first to jump in with kind words, well wishes, and condolences. She is also extremely honest and real. I do not appreciate people talking down about such a valuable member of this BMB. I'm so thankful she is here. ❤️

satindawl83 · August 2015

"Majority" assumes more than 50% of the board has an issue with the topic and according to the due date spreadsheet there are approximately 360 December moms. I've seen a vocal few...15 tops...that have an issue with this subject.

And ironically, those are the few that keep commenting and keeping this post alive. Please, let's move on, as @erikaalzet said.

fmraglio · August 2015

beverlove said:

.

At this point you are doing nothing but baiting and attacking others... Please take your negativity elsewhere, you are violating so many TOU's that you're making yourself look foolish and quite frankly it's exhausting.

fmraglio · August 2015

yl1m32015 said:

@BumpAdmin, we asked you guys last time this topic became a problem, but nothing came of it. Can you please shed some light on a solution for this particularly controversial topic that obviously upsets a majority of the members here.

I second this. I mean this has got to stop.

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

satindawl83 said:

"Majority" assumes more than 50% of the board has an issue with the topic and according to the due date spreadsheet there are approximately 360 December moms. I've seen a vocal few...15 tops...that have an issue with this subject. And ironically, those are the few that keep commenting and keeping this post alive. Please, let's move on, as @erikaalzet said.

First off, if you are choosing to address something that someone said, address them directly. If you read my comment, I said majority of users who participate. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, thoughts and opinion, but this is a controversial topic that constantly offends people. People openly say it offends them. There is nothing wrong with asking the bump admins to create a specific, moderated thread for it, with educational resources, for the people who want to discuss it. So I'm not sure what the point of your, what reads as a, snarky comment was, but it sure wasn't helpful. We don't like the topic, so we are asking that something be done about it. Your "let's move on" just instigates an issue with other users who are already feeling a negative vibe from this thread. You want everyone to move on? Follow your own advice. Have a good night.

duckinoven · August 2015

@beverlove there is absolutely no need to make this about a single commenter. Given the sheer volume of responses that find this topic offensive and unproductive it is not a soapbox for one person, but rather a FORUM in which all are welcome. @BostonBaby1 is one of the most genuine women on this board and is often the first to provide a heartfelt thoughtful reply

The whole issue of "gender disappointment" in my eyes is that these posts are often coming from moms who either don't care about their audience or don't care to participate in the other threads, particularly those for women who have abnormalities in their anatomy scan, genetic defects, pre term labor, or heaven forbid a loss so far in the pregnancy as a member had today. Some threads are fluff and fun, some are serious, but this topic is never received well because it's hurtful and offensive to some of the women who have far more serious issues than pink vs blue.

Have concerns about raising a boy? Let's talk about that. Have concerns you won't be buying headbands? No thanks.

satindawl83 · August 2015

@ChiccoBeanz

Again. Huh? Multiple people have used the term "majority of users are offended", am I supposed to quote them all?

Secondly, as I've said before, I don't deal in snark. I was making a statement and I was sharing a fact about what the word majority means.

I personally don't care if the thread lives or dies, but the ones who want it to die keep posting.

*Edited to make sure the person who I was talking to knew who it was directed to.

bbrady1031 · August 2015

I normally read these posts and move on. @yl1m32015 had a great suggestion and gave me an idea, why not make a sticky at the top of the board for this topic and it's only for support. That way those who do have those feelings can go to that sticky and find support and those who don't, can skip over it. Just an idea. If it's not something that can be done well it's the thought that counts.

MrsBwIVF · August 2015

The ones who want it to die are also the ones who are constantly supporting those women who have actual concerns about the health of their babies. And we get tired of seeing an overload of "disappointment" threads mixed in and over shadowing when others have valid problems and concerns.

beverlove · August 2015

Correct. I am new to the bump. I am often too busy to check posts daily. But i certainly feel the term 'cyber bully' suits the situation. This is an open forum for women who are going through a very personal journey. Though I can understand the frustration some may have concerning re-posts, I cannot see how belittling someone for a genuine concern--that is obviously very common--beneficial in any way.
Report the post.
Skip it.
No need for memes or gifs to make light of someone's concern. To me, having read the first post stating 'This isn't a support group' was enough. The rest is clearly people enjoying themselves at another's expense.

fmraglio · August 2015

satindawl83 said:

Again. Huh? Multiple people have used the term "majority of users are offended", am I supposed to quote them all? Secondly, as I've said before, I don't deal in snark. I was making a statement and I was sharing a fact about what the word majority means. I personally don't care if the thread lives or dies, but the ones who want it to die keep posting.

What a freaking lie. In fact you're involved in a HUGE amount of conflict on this board, which wouldn't be the case if you weren't sharp tongued & snarky. At least admit to it. The point is this topic of discussion is harmful to many for various reasons and should be banned. If we ignore it and let it go as you people keep saying it'll never be resolved and there will be another SEX disappointment thread tomorrow, our point is we want admin to find a solution so this mess doesn't keep coming up. Anyone who has a problem with that obviously thrives off of the drama these threads cause because the only harm a solution like that can do is stopping the madness.

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

@satindawl83 so if you "don't" care, don't participate. You aren't being helpful at all. As for "not dealing in snark", I apologize for misreading your comment and responding in a manner that was snarky, if not rude, but the way you come across on threads sometimes does come out that way. As someone dealing with the possibility of in utero surgery and my son possibly having a birth defect, these posts irk my soul. I'd like to find a constructive compromise for users to talk about this topic in a centralized place, rather then it coming up week after week, day after day, and users who are feeling the disappointment have their questions or issues resolved. It is frustrating for others to constantly seeing complaints about healthy babies when they are PGAL or dealing with other issues. So, if I came off like a total bitch, apologies. That shouldn't have been directed at you. I own that, but something really needs to be done about this topic.

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

beverlove said:
@BostonBaby1 You're right. Clearly your only purpose here is to poke around forum posts that 'annoy you' and stand on you internet soap box and preach about how lame re-posts are. Take a trip to Uganda, escape your first world problems and caddy high school quips... and do something productive with your time.

satindawl83 · August 2015

fmraglio said:

satindawl83 said:

Again. Huh? Multiple people have used the term "majority of users are offended", am I supposed to quote them all?

Secondly, as I've said before, I don't deal in snark. I was making a statement and I was sharing a fact about what the word majority means.

I personally don't care if the thread lives or dies, but the ones who want it to die keep posting.

What a freaking lie. In fact you're involved in a HUGE amount of conflict on this board, which wouldn't be the case if you weren't sharp tongued & snarky. At least admit to it. The point is this topic of discussion is harmful to many for various reasons and should be banned. If we ignore it and let it go as you people keep saying it'll never be resolved and there will be another SEX disappointment thread tomorrow, our point is we want admin to find a solution so this mess doesn't keep coming up. Anyone who has a problem with that obviously thrives off of the drama these threads cause because the only harm a solution like that can do is stopping the madness.

What are you talking about? Having an opinion is not snark. And what conflict have I been involved in other than stating my opinion about gender disappointment.

LauraSmarterSpam · August 2015

kyleneum13 said:
Now I want popcorn.

@kyleneum13
For you:

duckinoven · August 2015

beverlove said:
Correct. I am new to the bump. I am often too busy to check posts daily. But i certainly feel the term 'cyber bully' suits the situation. This is an open forum for women who are going through a very personal journey. Though I can understand the frustration some may have concerning re-posts, I cannot see how belittling someone for a genuine concern--that is obviously very common--beneficial in any way.
Report the post.
Skip it.
No need for memes or gifs to make light of someone's concern. To me, having read the first post stating 'This isn't a support group' was enough. The rest is clearly people enjoying themselves at another's expense.

Oddly enough mine was the first reply. Someone, probably one of the many posters who has replied here, said a few months back "put a penny in, take a penny out". That's the beef, when its folks who don't participate until they have an issue and they don't care to "use the search function" or, as we had last week, someone flat out say they didn't care about the etiquette, it's obnoxious and inconsiderate. Know your audience!

I'm blessed to not have the experience and struggles that many On here have had. However, by lurking and participating and getting to know some ladies here, I have far more respect for what it takes to make, grow, and parent a child and realize how much more is involved beyond finding out the sex of the baby.

satindawl83 · August 2015

ChiccoBeanz said:
@satindawl83 so if you "don't" care, don't participate. You aren't being helpful at all. As for "not dealing in snark", I apologize for misreading your comment and responding in a manner that was snarky, if not rude, but the way you come across on threads sometimes does come out that way. As someone dealing with the possibility of in utero surgery and my son possibly having a birth defect, these posts irk my soul. I'd like to find a constructive compromise for users to talk about this topic in a centralized place, rather then it coming up week after week, day after day, and users who are feeling the disappointment have their questions or issues resolved. It is frustrating for others to constantly seeing complaints about healthy babies when they are PGAL or dealing with other issues. So, if I came off like a total bitch, apologies. That shouldn't have been directed at you. I own that, but something really needs to be done about this topic.

No need to apologize, I just hate making comments and it automatically being assumed that they are meant to be rude.

I agree that this is a no-win subject.

kdoak2015 · August 2015

Instead of posting all this garbage we should be sending our thoughts and prayers to those struggling this week. I'm sick of gender disappointment when we have seen so many mom on this thread lose their babies, even this week several moms have received bad news or had a loss and there are maybe 13-20 responses(all from those you call cyber bullies) and nothing from the so called "supporters". Yet a thread such garbage as this one receives 60-100 responses. Just disrespectful.
My two cents!!

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

And... I called MUD at the beginning of this post. Where are you OP?

* edited and then I thought better than to post

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

beverlove said:

Correct. I am new to the bump. I am often too busy to check posts daily. But i certainly feel the term 'cyber bully' suits the situation. This is an open forum for women who are going through a very personal journey. Though I can understand the frustration some may have concerning re-posts, I cannot see how belittling someone for a genuine concern--that is obviously very common--beneficial in any way. Report the post. Skip it. No need for memes or gifs to make light of someone's concern. To me, having read the first post stating 'This isn't a support group' was enough. The rest is clearly people enjoying themselves at another's expense.

Honestly...SHUT UP. You're a hypocrite. You jumped on this thread to attack @bostonbaby1 and now you want everyone to "just skip the post". You should have just skipped her comment if you didn't like it so much. YOU are a cyber bully for singling her out like that and not even having the courage or maturity to just disagree like an adult. You sit behind your screen and call us immature? Please.

Oh and for your information it is a GIF not a meme. Let me give you some examples since you are having such a difficult time:

hplunkett2883 · August 2015

I seem to notice that there are those who try to politely warn posters about the controversy of certain topics and point them in the right direction. Then there are those who come on here and start shit with the ones who do that. You people who are throwing around how people need support where are you when someone is facing a loss or a scare with their baby? Where is this support you speak of? Where are you when someone's baby has been diagnosed with something? These women who are offended by these posts are the firsts ones on the true "disappointing" threads offering support and wisdom and prayers and encouragement. EVEN FOR THE ONES THEY HAVE HAD DISAGREEMENTS WITH. If anyone one of you who are calling bully came on here tomorrow saying there was something wrong or even just a fear of something wrong they would be among the first ones there to lift you up. And just an FYI the "keep scrolling" and "don't post if you don't agree" works both ways. This is a bunch of BULLSHIT and has got to stop!

momotheflyinglemur · August 2015

I think it's MUD and reported it as such. Honestly, that is the only thing I feel to do in this situation. Now, I am going to support the bumper suffering a real loss.

erikaalzet · August 2015

I am definitely guilty of having been on this board and let my frustration get the best of me. My point is simply that at this point, it is clear that a number of women do feel the way the OP has felt. While some of us here may not be able to sympathize because of losses or struggles in our own lives does not make the feelings someone else feels any less valid or relevant to them. No. I have never had a loss, and my heart deeply aches for anyone who has. I have had other incredibly sad things occur in my life that influence my values and belief system, but I cannot force those feelings on someone or roll my eyes if I disagree.

We talk a lot here about not needing to be in constant consensus. Agreed. But the truth is sometimes our initial comments are not productive.

There are MANY posts at I do not agree with but do not share my perspective because I don't feel it would be productive.

There are a LARGE number of members here as @satindawl83 pointed out. Some of us regulars use this as a community. It is unfair for us to say this is not a place for support. When there are losses, for example, we rally around members for support as we should. But who am I to discredit the feelings someone else has about their own pregnancy because I view it as less significant. That's not kind. That's not fair. No- it's also not supportive, but what's more, it's not productive.

My point was simply the tone of this thread has trended toward being useless, so we should all move on. Clearly we cannot agree here, so let's not even try to.

MrsBwIVF · August 2015

I think there is some confusion on "support" in this forum.
While it is amazing that lots of our members rally around and support some who they believe are going through a hard time, it is because they choose to do so. They do not do it because "this is a support group" because it isn't. They do it out of the kindness in their heart.
I personally do it because some posts break my heart and I feel the need to support someone as much as I can as they struggle. I will not fake support something, especially something as trivial as how your child will pee.

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