OP, I completely agree with you. That time after the baby is born is so personal and unpredictable, only SPECIFIC people you want in your personal space should be allowed. You won't get that time back to do differently. The idea that any extra uninvited relative should be allowed to tag along and even stay in your home while you're trying to heal and bond with baby is ridiculous. This actually *IS* about you and baby, and besides your husband, not a single other person is entitled to that time. You won't be sorry you put your own needs first during that time. How to approach your mom. ..not sure, except to maybe explain to her that you'll be healing and bonding with baby, and you won't have the physical space in your home nor can you guarantee you'll be comfortable having any other people around during such a sensative time. That you hope she understands. Maybe she takes an extra day to drive out so she doesn't have to drive so long at a time. Maybe she reconsiders flying. What she DOESN'T get to do is invite someone else to stay in your home.
I think when you ask someone the ginormous favor of traveling halfway across the country to care for your two toddlers, you need to be a little willing to compromise. It's not like the mom is coming for her own self enjoyment.
...But she is coming for her own self enjoyment. I don't know how your mother feels about her children and grandchildren---but I am the only child and my mother absolutely adores her grandchildren!!!!! With her not living close by, every opportunity she has to spend with her grandchildren is an absolute joy for her! I feel like you keep trying to make it sound like a dreadful experience for my mom....and it's the complete opposite of that.
But for the purpose of helping you and taking care of your two kids. Of course she will (hopefully) enjoy spending time with her grandkids but let's not pretend that looking after Two toddlers isn't hard work. I speak from experience, having a one and two year old. It's not easy. Especially after making a fairly long trek to get to you in the first place.
IMHO, you digging in your heels and not allowing your aunt is selfish and bratty. But hey, you do you...boo.
I agree. Regardless of how much your mom enjoys her grandchildren she will still be doing a lot of work while visiting you. She's not visiting you so she can kick back and relax, she will be helping you care for your children. Obviously she wants her sister to come with her or that wouldn't be the plan. Dictating how someone helps you (particularly in this case) is a little selfish. Accept the help how it is offered or don't accept but putting restrictions on how someone can help you is very impolite.
DS1: 8/3/10, DD1: 8/17/13, DD2: 8/13/15
Twins lost to due to partial molar pregnancy: September 2011
OP, I completely agree with you. That time after the baby is born is so personal and unpredictable, only SPECIFIC people you want in your personal space should be allowed. You won't get that time back to do differently. The idea that any extra uninvited relative should be allowed to tag along and even stay in your home while you're trying to heal and bond with baby is ridiculous. This actually *IS* about you and baby, and besides your husband, not a single other person is entitled to that time. You won't be sorry you put your own needs first during that time. How to approach your mom. ..not sure, except to maybe explain to her that you'll be healing and bonding with baby, and you won't have the physical space in your home nor can you guarantee you'll be comfortable having any other people around during such a sensative time. That you hope she understands. Maybe she takes an extra day to drive out so she doesn't have to drive so long at a time. Maybe she reconsiders flying. What she DOESN'T get to do is invite someone else to stay in your home.
I think when you ask someone the ginormous favor of traveling halfway across the country to care for your two toddlers, you need to be a little willing to compromise. It's not like the mom is coming for her own self enjoyment.
Having an extra person staying on your home while you're healing from birth and bonding with your baby is more than a compromise. Grandma is welcome, but aunt makes that 2 people in what she says is an already cramped space. This is a time when she should be considering her own needs, and the recovery experience that she needs in the peace and space of her own home. I think I'd choose to have my mom unfortunately stay home than have to accommodate a 2nd house guest.
I can see both sides. On one hand, if having your aunt around would be a burden or make you uncomfortable, I understand not wanting her there, especially at that time. However, as someone who has driving anxiety, I can see where your mom is coming from too. I hate driving especially to unfamiliar places and long distances. I understand why should would want the company and someone to switch places with when she gets tired and other pp are right, she is doing you a huge favor here.
It seems you have already talked to her about the train. Hope that works out, but if not you will have to decide if you will either suck it up and deal with your aunt or tell your mom to come at another time.
Re: What Would You Do?!?!