What Would You Do?!?!

kandy1982

Soooo my mom will be coming in town to help watch my other two children while hubby and I are at the hospital welcoming our new bundle of joy in November. We live in the Midwest and my mom lives on the East coast. She prefers to drive out here because she is not fond of flying...and she has taken it upon herself to invite my aunt to come with her for this trip ( I guess to help her drive out here). Am I wrong for not wanting her to bring the extra company? Having a baby is a life changing event for everyone in the household...and I just don't think this is the appropriate time to have my aunt come for a visit. They will be here for about 2 weeks, and it's not like I will have any extra time to show them around town or spend "girl time" with them right after having a new baby. Not to mention we barely have any extra room for another adult in the house---and she wants to bring another adult with her!!!!

I would be completely ok with my aunt coming if this was just a planned vacation for them, but it's not. And I also feel that this is an intimate event that should be shared with immediate family or persons that *I choose to share it with....not her!

Am I wrong for feeling this way?!?! How can I politely tell her to suck it up and get her butt on a plane and leave the extra baggage at home? TIA for the advice and suggestions!

missemmawoodhouse

kandy1982 said:

Soooo my mom will be coming in town to help watch my other two children while hubby and I are at the hospital welcoming our new bundle of joy in November. We live in the Midwest and my mom lives on the East coast. She prefers to drive out here because she is not fond of flying...and she has taken it upon herself to invite my aunt to come with her for this trip ( I guess to help her drive out here). Am I wrong for not wanting her to bring the extra company? Having a baby is a life changing event for everyone in the household...and I just don't think this is the appropriate time to have my aunt come for a visit. They will be here for about 2 weeks, and it's not like I will have any extra time to show them around town or spend "girl time" with them right after having a new baby. Not to mention we barely have any extra room for another adult in the house---and she wants to bring another adult with her!!!!

I would be completely ok with my aunt coming if this was just a planned vacation for them, but it's not. And I also feel that this is an intimate event that should be shared with immediate family or persons that *I choose to share it with....not her!

Am I wrong for feeling this way?!?! How can I politely tell her to suck it up and get her butt on a plane and leave the extra baggage at home? TIA for the advice and suggestions!

I think you need some perspective. Your mother is coming to take care of your children for free while you recover in the hospital. If she needs your aunt for support (driving, wrangling two kids, etc) and you don't want your aunt there, then you need to make other babysitting arrangements.

My mom watches my kids a few hours a week while I work. She does a lot of things that annoy me, but I choose to pick my battles because she generously gives us free childcare.

Again - free childcare.

ETA: My mother is also afraid of flying. It's really unfair of you to expect her to not only watch your kids, but to stuff whatever flight anxiety she has just so you don't feel inconvenienced.

susanb15

I would guess your aunt isn't expecting to be wined and dined & knows the purpose of the trip. If she isn't, then I might talk to your mom more. But if your aunt has kids too, she probably gets it.
That being said, if you are truly uncomfortable with it, talk to your mom to see about options maybe. It's a tough situation, I know!

ashhsa

susanb15 said:

I would guess your aunt isn't expecting to be wined and dined & knows the purpose of the trip. If she isn't, then I might talk to your mom more. But if your aunt has kids too, she probably gets it.
That being said, if you are truly uncomfortable with it, talk to your mom to see about options maybe. It's a tough situation, I know!

I agree with this, I can relate to you wanting your privacy however, I am sure they will be respectful of that and understand that your time is going to be spent with your newborn. They are not thinking this will be a holiday!

BowWowBowie

This whole thing is very self-centered and rude. You're upset that your mother, who lives quite a long way away, invited her sister to help her on the drive there and back. Your mother isn't coming for girl time, or to be shown a good time, she's coming to help you recover by watching your older children while you bond with your newest arrival. I SERIOUSLY DOUBT your aunt is expecting something different than what your mother is. And I don't know your age/your mother's age, but my mother is a younger grandmother and one child for one day wears her down. Your mother having backup and help is a good thing. It's not as though your aunt needs to be in the delivery room and see your "bare necessities" Or be the one helping you change or shower, so I fail to see the anger with the 'intimacy'. Sure it might be cramped, but you'll have an extra pair of hands to help clean, do laundry, chase your children, etc. Stop focusing on the negative in this situation and find the positive. 

And just for the record there is absolutely no polite way to tell your mother to face a fear just because you're upset she needed support too. 

YogaSandy

I would not tell my mom to leave my aunt behind. I get you don't want other people over, I wouldn't / didn't. I would be upset, but the other option (which I would take in your position) is to make other child care arrangements. I also definitely wouldn't tell my mom to fly. Sounds like aunt is a package deal (and PPs have given good reasons as to why). If it makes you uncomfortable, then you need to make other plans.

kabnpauj

I don't know your relationship with your aunt, but I'd be jumping in joy if my mom and aunt can come help me. I'm sure they wouldn't expect you to show them around or have girls time. I'd appreciate the offer and gladly accept them in my home.

Snoflakes4eva

Unpopular opinion here:

I would say no. I would not want my aunt there. The only people I want around me after having a baby (for an extended period of time) are people who I don't feel like I need to entertain, clean up for, shower for, or be in a good mood for. Can you talk to your mom about this? Maybe your aunt can drive out with your mom but only stay a day or two.

For me personally, I would forgo the extra help of my mom if it meant having someone else stay in my house.

ETA: maybe this is just me being jaded, but I don't see anywhere in the OP where she says the aunt agreed to help. I think its a pretty big assumption to make that the aunt will want to chance toddlers around for 2 weeks and not have some relaxing time with her sister.

PugsandKisses

It takes a village.

kandy1982

Thank you @snowflakes4eva! People are totally missing what I'm talking about. After having a baby is a huuuuge life adjustment.

My aunt is in her 60s and has no little children in her home. And my mom said that she was going to have her come out with her to help with the drive....not to help with the kids. And my kids are not overly rambunctious, so my mother would not need any extra help with them. But I do not deny that my aunt would help because my family is very caring and helpful when it comes to our family. And let's lot forget that my husband is around and is VERY involved in his children's lives...being that he is a stay at home dad. We simply wanted my mom to come out to watch her other grandchildren while we were in the hospital to make the new baby's arrival a little smoother (and yes I am aware that He is own his own schedule and will arrive when he's ready...no matter how much we plan for this!)

I am simply trying to take my aunt into consideration that we will be sitting in a house with a brand spankin' new baby. I would only want to subject someone close to me to this life event because no one knows how it's going to pan out. I would feel terrible if my aunt has to stay in a confined house for two weeks with my family and a colicky baby or a baby who has his days and nights mixed up...which is very likely to happen at first. I do not feel as though I am being selfish in how I feel about the situation...and I feel sorry for those who do think that I am being selfish.

Since reading what negative responses I have received this far...I was able to chat with some more of my coworkers who were a little more understanding of the situation. One of them suggested that she ride the train out here...so I texted my mom with that info and she was VERY receptive to that idea. She even said that she would come by herself if she did catch the train.

So thank you all for your help...I think?!?!

Latina211508

I personally would only want my mother there. But also my mother would ask someone else to come. But happy you found a way to make it work.

missemmawoodhouse

kandy1982 said:

Thank you @snowflakes4eva! People are totally missing what I'm talking about. After having a baby is a huuuuge life adjustment.

My aunt is in her 60s and has no little children in her home. And my mom said that she was going to have her come out with her to help with the drive....not to help with the kids. And my kids are not overly rambunctious, so my mother would not need any extra help with them. But I do not deny that my aunt would help because my family is very caring and helpful when it comes to our family. And let's lot forget that my husband is around and is VERY involved in his children's lives...being that he is a stay at home dad. We simply wanted my mom to come out to watch her other grandchildren while we were in the hospital to make the new baby's arrival a little smoother (and yes I am aware that He is own his own schedule and will arrive when he's ready...no matter how much we plan for this!)

I am simply trying to take my aunt into consideration that we will be sitting in a house with a brand spankin' new baby. I would only want to subject someone close to me to this life event because no one knows how it's going to pan out. I would feel terrible if my aunt has to stay in a confined house for two weeks with my family and a colicky baby or a baby who has his days and nights mixed up...which is very likely to happen at first. I do not feel as though I am being selfish in how I feel about the situation...and I feel sorry for those who do think that I am being selfish.

Since reading what negative responses I have received this far...I was able to chat with some more of my coworkers who were a little more understanding of the situation. One of them suggested that she ride the train out here...so I texted my mom with that info and she was VERY receptive to that idea. She even said that she would come by herself if she did catch the train.

So thank you all for your help...I think?!?!

Welcome. Hopefully it gave you some perspective.

YogaSandy

I also wouldn't want anyone else around while I was walking around topless. But maybe not everyone did that. I just found it easier.

pink*sheep

When my son was born, my MIL came to stay for two weeks, and I assumed she was going to be helpful, she was a L/D nurse after all. Well you know what they say when you assume...it was absolutely horrendous. First off we did not have a room for her to stay in, so when DH tried to hang out in the living room because he wasn't sleeping while baby and I slept, all she did was complain. I had a really rough time with bf, so I would be in baby's room with the door closed for long periods of time working through it, and all she did was complain. There were a lot of hurt feelings over this amongst all of us, and they could've been completely avoided by having an appropriate place for her to stay and times for her to visit. I won't ever get those first few weeks back with my son either. I don't think it's selfish to discuss alternative arrangements for their stay if both are coming and it's clear that you're not equipped to host both, new baby aside. Yes, undoubtedly what your mother has offered to do is quite gracious, but if it comes at a personal cost you're not ok with, then speak up about it.

missemmawoodhouse

pink*sheep said:

When my son was born, my MIL came to stay for two weeks, and I assumed she was going to be helpful, she was a L/D nurse after all. Well you know what they say when you assume...it was absolutely horrendous. First off we did not have a room for her to stay in, so when DH tried to hang out in the living room because he wasn't sleeping while baby and I slept, all she did was complain. I had a really rough time with bf, so I would be in baby's room with the door closed for long periods of time working through it, and all she did was complain. There were a lot of hurt feelings over this amongst all of us, and they could've been completely avoided by having an appropriate place for her to stay and times for her to visit. I won't ever get those first few weeks back with my son either. I don't think it's selfish to discuss alternative arrangements for their stay if both are coming and it's clear that you're not equipped to host both, new baby aside. Yes, undoubtedly what your mother has offered to do is quite gracious, but if it comes at a personal cost you're not ok with, then speak up about it.

I get what you're saying, but this in the OP rubbed me the wrong way:
"How can I politely tell her to suck it up and get her butt on a plane and leave the extra baggage at home?"

kandy1982

@missemmawoodhouse that was a joke boo! I would never EVER be rude and disrespectful to my mother (or anyone else in my family!) like that.

Don't let your hormones get too wrapped up in these posts when you read them. Sorry if that offended you. Take care! :-h

missemmawoodhouse

kandy1982 said:

@missemmawoodhouse that was a joke boo! I would never EVER be rude and disrespectful to my mother (or anyone else in my family!) like that.

Don't let your hormones get too wrapped up in these posts when you read them. Sorry if that offended you. Take care! :-h

Seriously?

ETA: I had more time to think about this. I wasn't offended. Your final comment in the OP was off putting and sounded very selfish. Telling me my hormones (not pregnant, btw) are affecting my judgement actually is offensive. I think it is time to take the advice given to you and walk away.

mollypuss1

I do not feel as though I am being selfish in how I feel about the situation...and I feel sorry for those who do think that I am being selfish.

Soooooo you asked for opinions but what you actually wanted was people just to tell you what you wanted to hear? Okkkkayyyyy

FYI, I am in my 30's which I think is still relatively young and I am watching my nephew and niece for a week who are also not particularly rambunctious and I am overwhelmed. You can't say your mother won't be just because you have decided that's the case. Caring for other people's children is not the same as caring for your own and it can be overwhelming at any age.

MamaBish

Any other condescending phrases you want to throw out there at people? How about "bless your heart"?

I can clearly see you don't actually want opinions, seems like you only want to hear people agree with you, but here's my take. I can understand the want to have some privacy when you have your baby, however, if it makes your mother more comfortable to have someone else drive with her, you should be ok with that.

I see that you have talked her into the train, though, I hope that's what she actually wants.

linzidawn

Oh dear..!!! Another of them posts that turn narky...

I would totally feel the same as you OP... I wouldn't want someone there that was not immediate family.. It's a tiring overwhelming time as it is without having to accommodate an aunt.. Yes appreciation to your mother for free childcare, and I'm sure she will love sharing the excitement and time with her new grandchild whilst also helping with older children, so I'm sure she would love being there to just to share this amazing time rather than it just seeming like a chore as other pp's are assuming, and as op has stated, the children's father is also there to help with the children.. I don't think op is being selfish in the slightest.. It's a complete natural feeling to feel that way...
Good luck and I hope you find a solution.. Even maybe ask your DH if he would consider picking up your mother, this way the travelling alone is not an issue

PedsIsHardcore

Seriously you should be fine with your aunt coming with. I say that because I'm sure she can cook or run to the store if something is needed and help out. That would be the purpose of her coming with. My mom is in her 60's and actually takes care of my 3 year old. Yes, its a huge life change having a baby, but you also have children already and your mom might need help caring for them. It's not some random stranger off the street.
Idk..I wish my aunt could come help after I deliver.

Snoflakes4eva

PedsIsHardcore said:

Seriously you should be fine with your aunt coming with. I say that because I'm sure she can cook or run to the store if something is needed and help out. That would be the purpose of her coming with. My mom is in her 60's and actually takes care of my 3 year old. Yes, its a huge life change having a baby, but you also have children already and your mom might need help caring for them. It's not some random stranger off the street. Idk..I wish my aunt could come help after I deliver.

OP said the purpose of her Aunt coming with was so that her mom doesn't have to drive alone. From my understanding the Aunt has not offered to help.

lovearoo

Snoflakes4eva said:

Unpopular opinion here:

I would say no. I would not want my aunt there. The only people I want around me after having a baby (for an extended period of time) are people who I don't feel like I need to entertain, clean up for, shower for, or be in a good mood for. Can you talk to your mom about this? Maybe your aunt can drive out with your mom but only stay a day or two.

For me personally, I would forgo the extra help of my mom if it meant having someone else stay in my house.

ETA: maybe this is just me being jaded, but I don't see anywhere in the OP where she says the aunt agreed to help. I think its a pretty big assumption to make that the aunt will want to chance toddlers around for 2 weeks and not have some relaxing time with her sister.

This. Sorry but I wouldn't be comfortable with anyone but MY immediate family there. There's nothing saying the aunt would help.
I wouldn't tell my mom to fly anyway of course, but the train sounds like a good way to go. It's nice, it's scenic, and someone else is driving. Hope everything goes as planned....

DylansCandyBar

OMG OP, your mom is being totes selfish. Tell that bish to suck it up and get on a plane. Ain't nobody got no time for extra relatives.

There, that's what you wanted, right?

groovylocks

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Your mother is clearly a nervous traveler. If i had to drive that distance rather than fly, I'd want a buddy on the trip too. 

My mother doesn't fly either and she and my dad are planning to DRIVE the TWENTY TWO HOURS from Halifax to Detroit. IN DECEMBER. Do i think my mother is an idiot? Of course I do. She's a complete idiot. She is throwing her safety out the window so she can feel safe (???) and neither of my parents are known for their strategic choices, let's just say that. 

But flying they are not (she missed my wedding because she won't fly. There you go) and if they bring a third person (She won't drive in unfamiliar places either -_- she's a princess) then that's fine. I just want them here. 

groovylocks

I like that suggestion of your aunt coming for the drive but then flying back in a day or so, maybe staying with your friends or at a hotel - or something equally compromise-ish.. 

ChiccoBeanz

After reading your comment that gives more info, I get where you are coming from. But I still think your aunt coming shouldn't be a big deal. Even more so, why not pick up a phone and ask your aunt if she is okay with coming and helping out. Let her know that you won't be able to entertain her and that you just wanted to make sure you were on the same page. It's really that simple. My situation is different. My mother and aunts do most things together and help out when it comes to me, my sister and my cousins. We all work as a unit, and as individuals, but with a life change like this, we come together. So from my perspective and lifestyle, your choice is a bit different. That's okay though. I just think you should have a clarifying convo before getting upset.

As for the pps, I agree with them. Your initial post came off really selfish and rude. Then your comments back to ppl were like the cherry on top. So, to me, it made total sense why people responded to you as they did. Also calling people "boo" and the whole hormone comment when you DON'T know them off this site was pretentious, obnoxious and just made you look worse than the original post did. Maybe in the future you can make sure you give all the details you want readers to have at first and when you respond to ppl, do it in the same way you'd like people to respond to you.

kandy1982

@DylansCandyBar OMG Totally!!!! BTW you need to watch your mouth when talking about my mother. Joking or not. :-w

BowWowBowie

kandy1982 said:

@missemmawoodhouse that was a joke boo! I would never EVER be rude and disrespectful to my mother (or anyone else in my family!) like that. Don't let your hormones get too wrapped up in these posts when you read them. Sorry if that offended you. Take care! :-h

kandy1982 said:

@DylansCandyBar OMG Totally!!!! BTW you need to watch your mouth when talking about my mother. Joking or not. :-w

If you're going to dish it, you better be prepared to take it. 

DylansCandyBar

kandy1982 said:

@DylansCandyBar OMG Totally!!!! BTW you need to watch your mouth when talking about my mother. Joking or not. :-w

I'm showing her the same amount of respect that you have. Perspective sweets. You need some.

kandy1982

@ChiccoBeanz so what your telling me is that I should write my posts in a way that other GROWN women will approve of the initial presentation no matter what the topic may be....and tread extra lightly when responding to them so no one gets extra offended?!?!?

You would think that I created a post that is calling pregnant women an offensive name or something the way some ladies are getting butt hurt about this post. This is a place to come to talk and seek advice from fellow preggos and new moms...without exercising your freedom of speech if there are certain stipulations on how we talk about something going on in our own lives. I used no derogatory language or talked about anyone in these forums except myself and my family. Now if my OP had started off in that manner---I would totally expect some backlash from that.

I completely appreciate any and all feedback that has been given towards that actual topic in the OP...but I'm tired of addressing how it was presented. I came here to get advice on the situation from a stranger's perspective, just to make sure what advice I had already received wasn't biased, and I got that and more. Like I mentioned earlier this week I found a way to respectfully approach my mother to get her to consider other modes of transportation...and we are still weighing our options. I'm going to exit to the left at this point since I'm too tired to keep up with the snarkiness. But I do admit it provided me with a few extra eye rolls and laugh out loud chuckles this week. I sincerely thank you all for your help!

*drops mic...*

DylansCandyBar

kandy1982 said:

@ChiccoBeanz so what your telling me is that I should write my posts in a way that other GROWN women will approve of the initial presentation no matter what the topic may be....and tread extra lightly when responding to them so no one gets extra offended?!?!?

You would think that I created a post that is calling pregnant women an offensive name or something the way some ladies are getting butt hurt about this post. This is a place to come to talk and seek advice from fellow preggos and new moms...without exercising your freedom of speech if there are certain stipulations on how we talk about something going on in our own lives. I used no derogatory language or talked about anyone in these forums except myself and my family. Now if my OP had started off in that manner---I would totally expect some backlash from that.

I completely appreciate any and all feedback that has been given towards that actual topic in the OP...but I'm tired of addressing how it was presented. I came here to get advice on the situation from a stranger's perspective, just to make sure what advice I had already received wasn't biased, and I got that and more. Like I mentioned earlier this week I found a way to respectfully approach my mother to get her to consider other modes of transportation...and we are still weighing our options. I'm going to exit to the left at this point since I'm too tired to keep up with the snarkiness. But I do admit it provided me with a few extra eye rolls and laugh out loud chuckles this week. I sincerely thank you all for your help!

*drops mic...*

Guise...she's on a stage and she has a mic. She must be *really* speshul.

ChiccoBeanz

I mean after that whole "boo" comment, @Dylanscandybar 's comment totally flies.  @ErikaPSantana hit the nail on the head with "If you're going to dish it, you better be prepared to take it"  

ChiccoBeanz

kandy1982  Nope, what I was telling you was to give the same respect that you want returned to you when you post. I also was telling you to give the full story the first time and then maybe you'd get a different response. For someone complaining about how grown women responded to the post that she wrote out poorly, the pot sure is calling the kettle black. You asked for everyone's opinions and they gave them to you. That's what happens when you are on an internet forum. People will respond to you however they want to and however the see fit, the same way you posted in the manner and wording that you chose to. So pic your mic up, dust it off, and pack it up. If you can't take it,  DON'T dish it. You're a "GROWN" woman right? So take the opinions that YOU asked for and find what you need in them and move on. If you don't like the way we as a board respond to you, maybe this isn't the forum for you. Have a good weekend and good luck. 

whit3183

I totally see where the OP is coming from.  I don't think it's selfish or rude to be wary of having a 2 week house guest the same week you're giving birth. You will, in all likelihood, be a terrible, sleep-deprived hostess, and that would stress me out more than the prospect of being understaffed on childcare.  Hopefully the train option works out.  Otherwise, if your mom is still open to flying but just doesn't prefer it, maybe you could offer to buy her a plane ticket? 

SisterSunshine

OP, I completely agree with you. That time after the baby is born is so personal and unpredictable, only SPECIFIC people you want in your personal space should be allowed. You won't get that time back to do differently. The idea that any extra uninvited relative should be allowed to tag along and even stay in your home while you're trying to heal and bond with baby is ridiculous. This actually *IS* about you and baby, and besides your husband, not a single other person is entitled to that time. You won't be sorry you put your own needs first during that time. How to approach your mom. ..not sure, except to maybe explain to her that you'll be healing and bonding with baby, and you won't have the physical space in your home nor can you guarantee you'll be comfortable having any other people around during such a sensative time. That you hope she understands. Maybe she takes an extra day to drive out so she doesn't have to drive so long at a time. Maybe she reconsiders flying. What she DOESN'T get to do is invite someone else to stay in your home.

kandy1982

@SisterSunshine thank you for your response and addressing my concerns in the OP versus "my tone". I was honestly trying to address the comfort level of others who aren't in my immediate family during this event....and was not trying to think about only myself. I feel ok with my mom being here because she is, of course, my mommie; and the fact that she was present for the arrival of my other two babies (and she knows me better than I know myself at times) makes it a given that I have her here to welcome her new grandchild. I even know that it will be a big event for my own mother, but I know that she wants to be here as much as I want her to be here...

I didn't think of it being an experience of how *I want it to happen (although that is true to some extent) I was honestly trying to take other people's well being into consideration in my OP.

Thanks again...

kandy1982

@whit3183 thank you for your feedback! I'm sure that we will work this out. (I'll be glad when we do so I can stop stressing about it!).

DylansCandyBar

SisterSunshine said:

OP, I completely agree with you. That time after the baby is born is so personal and unpredictable, only SPECIFIC people you want in your personal space should be allowed. You won't get that time back to do differently. The idea that any extra uninvited relative should be allowed to tag along and even stay in your home while you're trying to heal and bond with baby is ridiculous. This actually *IS* about you and baby, and besides your husband, not a single other person is entitled to that time. You won't be sorry you put your own needs first during that time. How to approach your mom. ..not sure, except to maybe explain to her that you'll be healing and bonding with baby, and you won't have the physical space in your home nor can you guarantee you'll be comfortable having any other people around during such a sensative time. That you hope she understands. Maybe she takes an extra day to drive out so she doesn't have to drive so long at a time. Maybe she reconsiders flying. What she DOESN'T get to do is invite someone else to stay in your home.

I think when you ask someone the ginormous favor of traveling halfway across the country to care for your two toddlers, you need to be a little willing to compromise. It's not like the mom is coming for her own self enjoyment.

kandy1982

DylansCandyBar said:

SisterSunshine said:

OP, I completely agree with you. That time after the baby is born is so personal and unpredictable, only SPECIFIC people you want in your personal space should be allowed. You won't get that time back to do differently. The idea that any extra uninvited relative should be allowed to tag along and even stay in your home while you're trying to heal and bond with baby is ridiculous. This actually *IS* about you and baby, and besides your husband, not a single other person is entitled to that time. You won't be sorry you put your own needs first during that time. How to approach your mom. ..not sure, except to maybe explain to her that you'll be healing and bonding with baby, and you won't have the physical space in your home nor can you guarantee you'll be comfortable having any other people around during such a sensative time. That you hope she understands. Maybe she takes an extra day to drive out so she doesn't have to drive so long at a time. Maybe she reconsiders flying. What she DOESN'T get to do is invite someone else to stay in your home.

I think when you ask someone the ginormous favor of traveling halfway across the country to care for your two toddlers, you need to be a little willing to compromise. It's not like the mom is coming for her own self enjoyment.

...But she is coming for her own self enjoyment. I don't know how your mother feels about her children and grandchildren---but I am the only child and my mother absolutely adores her grandchildren!!!!! With her not living close by, every opportunity she has to spend with her grandchildren is an absolute joy for her! I feel like you keep trying to make it sound like a dreadful experience for my mom....and it's the complete opposite of that.

DylansCandyBar

kandy1982 said:

DylansCandyBar said:

SisterSunshine said:

OP, I completely agree with you. That time after the baby is born is so personal and unpredictable, only SPECIFIC people you want in your personal space should be allowed. You won't get that time back to do differently. The idea that any extra uninvited relative should be allowed to tag along and even stay in your home while you're trying to heal and bond with baby is ridiculous. This actually *IS* about you and baby, and besides your husband, not a single other person is entitled to that time. You won't be sorry you put your own needs first during that time. How to approach your mom. ..not sure, except to maybe explain to her that you'll be healing and bonding with baby, and you won't have the physical space in your home nor can you guarantee you'll be comfortable having any other people around during such a sensative time. That you hope she understands. Maybe she takes an extra day to drive out so she doesn't have to drive so long at a time. Maybe she reconsiders flying. What she DOESN'T get to do is invite someone else to stay in your home.

I think when you ask someone the ginormous favor of traveling halfway across the country to care for your two toddlers, you need to be a little willing to compromise. It's not like the mom is coming for her own self enjoyment.

...But she is coming for her own self enjoyment. I don't know how your mother feels about her children and grandchildren---but I am the only child and my mother absolutely adores her grandchildren!!!!! With her not living close by, every opportunity she has to spend with her grandchildren is an absolute joy for her! I feel like you keep trying to make it sound like a dreadful experience for my mom....and it's the complete opposite of that.

But for the purpose of helping you and taking care of your two kids. Of course she will (hopefully) enjoy spending time with her grandkids but let's not pretend that looking after Two toddlers isn't hard work. I speak from experience, having a one and two year old. It's not easy. Especially after making a fairly long trek to get to you in the first place.

IMHO, you digging in your heels and not allowing your aunt is selfish and bratty. But hey, you do you...boo.