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May 2015 Moms
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Guilt over having to stop BF/should I stop?

valeriemontesvaleriemontes member
in May 2015 Moms
I just would like some insight on when you other mamas either stopped BF or how to deal with the emotions of stopping. I am a FTM who is also a full time nursing student (I get my BSN in less than a year from now) I am at school for 5-8 hours about 2-3 times a week and I also have 12.5 hour clinicals where I work in the hospital once a week. I went back to school 3 weeks after giving birth and since I knew I was going to have to go back so soon, I supplemented with formula, pumped and BF from day one. My supply was great until I went back to school and now I'm starting to get depressed over not having enough milk to supply my child as well as the pain that goes through getting swollen with milk and not able to release when I'm at school. While my school is technically BF friendly and has nursing rooms that I can utilize I am unable to pump because even though I'm at school for so long we are given 1-2 15 minute breaks in a day. So I either don't eat or attempt to pump but with so little time I'm unable to do so properly which is resulting in clogged ducts. DH is guilting me for "not giving our child my best" by choosing to stop BF. My LO is a week shy of 3 months. What do I do and am I a horrible mom for not wanting to be in pain anymore and stop BF. She only gets about 2 BF's a day which typically still have to be supplemented. am I holding on in pain for no reason? HELP
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Re: Guilt over having to stop BF/should I stop?

  • odawgodawg member
    Dont feel guilty. Kids are honestly fine without breastmilk.... Yes its a good thing to do but you put in 3 months which is a fantastic amount of time! Lots of people wish they could have done 3 months. Careful stopping...you cant quit cokd turkey. Takes a while for your body to adjust (so i hear).
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  • amctubagirlamctubagirl member
    Please do not let anyone guilt you into continuing. You know what is best for you and your baby. You've already given your LO 3 months, that is great! Good luck!
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  • jame1380jame1380 member
    You did GREAT to make it to 3 months!! I only made it to 6 weeks and then we went to formula. My boyfriend did not want me to quit BF either but I could not take the stress of it. He didn't understand everything that I actually had to do. I was the one getting up to feed the baby and I was the one staying up to pump. And he had no idea how painful the clogged duct was. I cannot imagine trying to do that AND go to nursing school! Do NOT let him get you down. The fact that you have made it 2 months with that schedule is amazing!

    As for the pain if you really want to stop completely, skip a pump or go longer between pumps to start. Then just keep increasing the time between pumps/feeds. It took me about 2 weeks to stop completely.
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  • mars8kmars8k member
    You're not a horrible mum! Your baby enjoyed BReast milk for 3 months which is great and if you can't continue that's not up to you! You have to be healthy and strong for your LO, make sure your DH understands that
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  • danibonellodanibonello member
    I'm in a similar boat... I've been pumping as much as I can but only was ever able to get 50% of my baby's food to be BM. slowly my supply has been dropping, and now I'm at the point where i can only produce 4oz a day. I have two more weeks until she's 3 months so if I can keep it up until then I will... but it's very depressing to keep pumping and watching nothing come out. I think this makes me feel like more of a failure than if I just let it go and focus on my LO.

    I'm sorry DH isn't supportive.... if only they could walk in our shoes for a day! You have done great keeping this up for so long! It's time to let go of the stress and focus on the rest! :)
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  • shadykadyshadykady member
    Try not to feel guilty! I feel the same, though. My LO wouldn't latch no matter what we tried, so I've exclusively pumped for her since birth(11w). About 1 week ago, my supply drastically decreased, so I began supplementing with formula. LO broke out in hives! After a trip to the dr, we find out she has a milk allergy, so she must be supplemented with soy formula. Double guilt! I can't produce enough, AND I gave her something that harmed her. I've officially stopped pumping (the bad pain only lasted 24 hours), and I am going back and forth between breastmilk(the rest of our frozen supply) and soy formula until she's exclusively drinking formula. As long as we are nourishing our babies, we are being great moms! Good luck on your last few semesters! I just started applying for a masters program and am terrified.
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  • ali0608ali0608 member
    edited August 2015
    Letting go of the guilt is not something we can do. You need to work it out for yourself. It was almost a grieving process for me when I stopped with my first. But the stress I wad able to get rid of when we switched to exclusive formula helped get over the guilt. It was so much better for me as well as my family.

    If your husband needs convincing, look up the article calm down about breastfeeding. There is some research that contradicts the idea breastfeeding is the best. Not a lot, but some things to think about.

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  • jennygirlmtjennygirlmt member
    edited August 2015
    My first two nursed for two years each and now Dd3 won't latch. Now that I'm EPing, I'm coming to terms with the fact that this is hard work and you do what you have to do. And I've only cried a few times :)

    I don't know if this is possible but could you try to wean off of pumping and just nurse morning and night. I read that 3-4 oz of BM gives benefits. So you could have the best of both worlds.

    Or would you feel comfortable pumping during lecture? I've been able to easily set myself up so no one can see anything so I don't have to leave when I'm with friends. But clinical a would be tough...

    Your husband needs to support you. Helping you figure out a way to sustain this is appropriate. Guilting you is not!

    If none of that works then you gave 3 months of milk and there's nothing wrong with formula for the next year.

    A happy, sane mom is super important!
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  • ashtownyeahashtownyeah member
    A happy and healthy mommy is most important! You need to be able to be there for your child emotionally and physically, and it sounds like BFing and pumping are preventing you from doing that.

    As PPs have mentioned, most of the studies that show breast milk is superior to formula were done prior to the addition of DHA and ARA to formula.

    With all that said, I believe you should never make such a big decision on a "bad" day. Wait a few days and see how you feel then. It's much harder to get your supply back once you start to ween.

    Also, please know that what you are feeling is completely normal. Many women have to make this difficult choice, and lots of moms mourn the "loss" of breastfeeding. Just remember, you will be okay!

    Good luck in whatever YOU choose! Because it is 100% your choice.
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