Mom,dad and now baby .

victoriaaa1 · July 2015

Coming from the mommas that already been through it what's some advice you can give FTMs on how to handle life with a child . (relationship wise)

Some people balance a new baby and relationship well , but a look behind doors things may not always be ok or going as it used to .

The last thing I would want..is for things to change between us or things to change just because of our LO .
IF it were to come to that because I don't know what is to come .

How do you keep things "normal" with your SO , how do you maintain a healthy relationship with the stress of trying to care for everything plus a new baby that depends on you for everything .

Just all around tips to keep in mind on relationships and balancing myself and a new baby or just life with a new baby in general would be great

CarelessDiva89 · July 2015

Communication is always key for maintaining a healthy relationship with or without a child. We always try to make a little alone time even if that means a quick shower together or 30 minutes alone after the kids go to bed to talk about our day or watch a show together. Sometimes life can get so busy with kids that even snuggling in bed can be so nice. Also if you can try to have one date night a month.

Also on my husband's days off we will make sure to have some alone time when the kids have nap/quiet time.

Miz_Liz · July 2015

Here is a post from a few weeks ago that had some good advice in it: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/87306490#Comment_87306490

Joie80 · July 2015

I didn't respond on the other thread, but I think it's important to acknowledge that things will change and your normal will be different. These are not bad things, but be prepared to do some shifting. Communicate openly and freely with SO, take advantage of breaks when you can, and remember to nurture your relationship as often as possible. GL!

victoriaaa1 · July 2015

@Miz_Liz How I the world did I miss that post!? Lol But definitely had some good advice . Thanks for the link .

Miz_Liz · July 2015

victoriaaa1 said:

@Miz_Liz How I the world did I miss that post!? Lol But definitely had some good advice . Thanks for the link .

No worries, it was buried in a sea of mucus plugs. I just remembered it because I liked a lot of what everyone had to say.

JNOVA2015 · July 2015

Joie80 said:
I didn't respond on the other thread, but I think it's important to acknowledge that things will change and your normal will be different. These are not bad things, but be prepared to do some shifting. Communicate openly and freely with SO, take advantage of breaks when you can, and remember to nurture your relationship as often as possible. GL!

I agree with this completely. I think you'll set yourself up for disappointment if you don't expect anything to change. You'll stand a better chance of adapting well to "the new normal" if you go into it with the expectation that things WILL change. The important thing is that you communicate with your SO to make sure you're both comfortable with the change and still getting what you need from your relationship. I'm also agree with the advice on the other thread about making time for each other!!

Bickey11 · July 2015

First of all ACCEPT that things WILL change, and be OK with that. Some things for the worse, some things for the better. No you won't get as much alone time and you will at times be too exhausted to give your partner the attention they need. But don't forget to make time either. Know this, your family, your friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents will not KILL your baby. If they offer to babysit so you can have some time with your partner ACCEPT THEIR OFFER. I see so many couples fall apart because they drift apart because they can never have time alone, because mom and or dad doesn't trust their own parents to keep their kid for a few hours or a night. They raised you, you lived, USE THEM.

Also, remember to share in the joys of parenting. Do things together. Learn things about your baby, share in the joys and the ups and downs. Accept that your partner may do things a little differently do not allow your differences in raising your child to drive a wedge. My hubby uses 40 wipes to clean a poopy diaper, does it make me crazy??? yes! But its better than ME having to do it every time, so i don't nag him about it.

Your relationship will be different. You are no longer just husband and wife, you are mom and dad. And you don't share that bond with anyone else!

saroos3137 · July 2015

I agree with everything that's been posted above, and will add that, for me, it was really important to pay attention to how I was talking to DH or treating him when we were exhausted and cranky. I realized that I have a tendency to snap at him or take my frustrations out on him, and he is always just trying to help me, not purposely annoy me. Also, like PP said, your parenting styles may be a bit different, but as long as it's not hurting your child, it's not worth nitpicking at him.

One thing that DH and I have made a priority is having a TV show that we only watch together so that we make time to just sit and snuggle on the couch for an hour once a week. Another good tip I received somewhere along the way was to make sure that alone time spent together involves conversations that are not just about the baby.

mommyofX · July 2015

GREAT advice ladies! Thank u!!

ElleMF728 · July 2015

My best advice is to remember that no relationship or partnership is 50/50 and if you expect it to be you are setting yourself up for disappointment. That doesn't mean YH shouldn't help out as much as he can but it does mean that some days you will do 90% of the work and he may only do 10%. The next day it may be 65/45 and that's okay because over the weekend you may get a whole day off while he takes over at home

DH and I try really hard to give each other breaks and it works really well for us. If he has a really busy week where he is away from home a lot it isn't unusual to get a call from him saying that he set up a sitter for me so I can go to the spa, or for him to tell me to take off on a Saturday morning and just meet him and DS for dinner somewhere later. It shows me that he really appreciates the work I do at home and in return I rarely give him a hard time for taking off to play soccer/softball and try to supportive during baseball season (he coaches one of our youth teams). I also make sure to verbally acknowledge something when he goes out of his way to do something nice for us. Sometimes a stressful situation can be made so much better with just a simple thank you!

As PP said communication is really key to a lot of this though especially at the beginning when emotions run high. Be open and honest with YH if you're feeling overwhelmed, ASK for something or some time to yourself if you need it and remember that YH will never do things the exact way that you do them and its better if you don't expect him to (plus its good for LO to adjust to different styles occasionally).

My last piece of advice is that its easy to find things to argue about when adjusting to parenthood. I have a lot more success when I focus on my feelings rather than DH's actions. Rather than saying "You're a jerk!" or "Why don't you ever do X?!" I say something like "I'm feeling really exhausted and overwhelmed, I could really use 25 minutes to myself to take a shower" etc.

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