3rd Trimester
Jazmym
member
husband + porn + pregnancy hormones = venting
Jazmym
member
I'm 31 wks pregnant with our second kiddo. He's almost 25, I'm almost 22 and we have been married for 2yrs now (together for 3). I have never liked him watching porn while masturbating so this is nothing new...but awhile ago I asked him to stop because I was always lucky enough to walk in on him and it bashed my self-esteem into the ground every time. (The self-esteem I was finally getting back after our first baby...) I just found out, via him, that he hasn't stopped watching it because I wasn't exercising (before this pregnancy) or working on the book I've been wanting to write. I haven't done what he's asked so he hasn't done what I asked, is basically what he said. Well...me not exercising or working on a book doesn't make him feel like a flobby, stretch mark covered piece of crap does it?!...I can't compare to those women... I was 120lbs(before this pregnancy; 105 before the first pregnancy) at 5ft 2in; now I'm third trimester 155lbs with more stretch marks (and probably a left over baby belly...) so my self-esteem is WAY under ground... How am I suppose to feel good about myself when he turns around and gets off on these tiny, slim, no stretch marks chicks all while not having sex with me very often?
...he knows it bothers me...which makes it that much worse...
He's an amazing husband (so please don't say he's not a good husband) and father, and he's intelligent, but he doesnt understand why the porn bothers me despite telling him that it makes me feel like a piece of poo... How else can I explain this to him?
...he knows it bothers me...which makes it that much worse...
He's an amazing husband (so please don't say he's not a good husband) and father, and he's intelligent, but he doesnt understand why the porn bothers me despite telling him that it makes me feel like a piece of poo... How else can I explain this to him?
Re: husband + porn + pregnancy hormones = venting
If it's not replacing you, then you need to work on your self esteem issues. Porn should not be a threat to a healthy relationship.
I am sorry but he does not sound like an amazing husband. He should be helping your self-esteem, not hurting it.
And it sounds like you have some major communication issues going on. You need to have a mutually agreed upon decision regarding porn and then you both need to respect that decision.
He does help my self-esteem, he calls me beautiful, rubs and kisses my belly and so on and so forth. I don't watch porn, mostly because all i do is analyze it, giggle at the ridiculous moans and I don't understand the point. So when hes watching porn, all i can think is that he's picturing doing these women, even though I know he's not. We have talked about it before. I just think he doesn't understand my point of view, hell, i don't know if i even understand my point of view at this point...
NoSugarCoatingIt. I'm not threatened by it,
we go to the strip club together(and not because i want to keep an eye on him; my eyes are normally distracted), nor is he replacing me with it. It's the fact that he is pleasing himself while watching other women...how can that not be upsetting?
Because its just fantasy.
"If it's not replacing you, then you need to work on your self esteem issues. Porn should not be a threat to a healthy relationship."
^^I couldn't DISAGREE more. Just a difference of opinion perhaps, but I don't feel that pornography has any place in a healthy relationship.
OP, there is a similar thread going on right now in the August 15 board with some helpful advice for you.
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12596728/not-sure-what-to-make-of-all-of-this-rant#latest
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OP - you need to have a frank conversation with him about how it makes you feel. If he loves you he should at least respect your feelings and acknowledge that it hurts you.
I get you don't like it and that's the issue but don't ever feel as if he would rather be with those women, he
Loves you. He obviously finds you attractive.
I would have a sit down talk with him and let him know how it makes you feel, for real. He needs to find other places or ways to take care of it....on bad days I jokingly (but not really - I'm serious) tell him to go take a shower and leave me alone lol. His excuse is pretty immature, I agree with some of the other ladies here.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
You don't have to compete with these chicks that take up maybe 10 minutes (at a time) of your husband's viewing. They are a passing fancy & probably not high on the list. Kind of like sexy junk food & no more.
"I just found out, via him, that he hasn't stopped watching it because I wasn't exercising (before this pregnancy) or working on the book I've been wanting to write."
You have many red flags here for relationship issues. The porn is a symptom, but not the problem. Your husband is using something he knows makes you feel bad & hurts you to try to control you. Notice it's not "I like porn & use it to get off" but that he's punishing you with it for not doing the things he thinks you should.
Working out & working on your book should be things you want to do for you. Not just leverage so your H might stop wanking to porn. What's next? You gained five pounds so he continues to wank?
Normally, I say a person's (male or female) masturbatory habits are not their spouse's business. It's personal time that everyone deserves to spend as they wish. If your husband was firing off knuckle-children to porn & minding his own business then I say wank-away.
What stood out is this reasoning he has that what you are doing or not doing is causing him to utilize porn. His consumption of adult material should have noting to do with you.
I don't understand how "a good husband" uses sex, low self-esteem & sadness as a weapon against his wife? I've seen good husbands & I am married to one. Sex should not be tit-for-tat bargaining & weapon slinging like you describe.
A good husband understands his preferences are unique & does his best to be mindful of his wife.
I think you should seek counseling for yourself because you are making these women a problem for you. Your husband is being a douche, but your feelings about having to measure up to porn actresses are really digging up self esteem issues that you need to work out.
I empathize with you, but your husband does not love these women or really even give them that much importance. You aren't in competition with these ladies-- you've won already. You just need to get that memo.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards: