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brandolph07 · July 2015

I am 16 weeks pregnant with my third. My husband and I have decided that this will be the last. I already have two boys and was really hoping for a girl! Well we found out yesterday that it's another healthy boy! Of course I am happy that he is healthy and active. However, I can't help but feel a little disappointed. But then I feel guilty because I know that I am so blessed. Has anyone else experienced this?

ketobaby · July 2015

The disappointment you're feeling is more common than you think. There are several posts in this board about it but I recommend you google "gender disappointment" (I know the proper term is "sex" but you will get more hits using gender in this instance). In most instances it goes away in the matter of days or weeks. You already know you're blessed for the baby boy so don't feel too guilty. Just think you will be well protected when your boys grow up.

adecembermom2015 · July 2015

Congrats on a healthy baby!!!

If you use the search function on the bump search "sex disappointment" and "gender disappointment." You'll see that these threads don't usually go over so well with this audience.

Many women on this site have suffered losses or struggled with fertility. I hope your disappointment vanishes quickly.

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

I second @magburt and implore you to read over those threads and delete this 1. Trust me, from a new mom to a more seasoned one... you'll thank me later

chewie5990 · July 2015

You are have completely normal feelings and I'm sure they will pass soon! Like you said, you still feel blessed for having a healthy baby boy in there. We are all human and shouldn't be chastised for having normal feelings.

brandolph07 · July 2015

I don't know how to delete it. But I shouldn't have to. I understand what you both are saying and agree that many people do have issues with fertility and I cannot even begin to imagine the struggle they go through. But that's not directly related to me. I hope that they can find a supportive outlet for them to share their feelings since yes, everyone is entitled to have feelings. Once again, I do feel incredibly blessed to be able to have children and by no means does what I am feeling disqualify that.

adecembermom2015 · July 2015

I know the issues of others doesn't necessarily relate to you. Im just telling you the importance of knowing your audience.

No need to delete the thread. That's known as the dirty delete. I just wanted to brace you for some responses you might not like.

Again, congrats on a healthy baby boy! Best wishes that your disappointment subsides and you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

kdoak2015 · July 2015

magburt said:
I know the issues of others doesn't necessarily relate to you. Im just telling you the importance of knowing your audience.

No need to delete the thread. That's known as the dirty delete. I just wanted to brace you for some responses you might not like.

Again, congrats on a healthy baby boy! Best wishes that your disappointment subsides and you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

I'm with @magburt on this one, if you search this topic it does not go over well with most women on this board.

I believe the last thread was shut down or a lot of warnings were issued from that thread.

On a positive note your boys can make up a 1/4 of an offensive line lol my hubby would be thrilled.

BostonBaby1 · July 2015

I echo PPs suggestion to search for posts about this. They create so much drama.

Anyhow, congratulations 1,000 times on a healthy baby!

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

@brandolph07 I only posted my comment because I saw this go to like def con 4.... I didn't want you to experience that. But go for it. I hope you get the advice you are looking for.

kdoak2015 · July 2015

chewie5990 said:
You are have completely normal feelings and I'm sure they will pass soon! Like you said, you still feel blessed for having a healthy baby boy in there. We are all human and shouldn't be chastised for having normal feelings.

One last thing and then I'll leave this post for the wolves. I don't think you can say that "you are have completely normal feelings". I'm not doc but I don't think these feelings are normal as you say. I think they are common but I would say being disappointed about the gender of my baby isn't normal behavior.

misamima · July 2015

People do realize that when they have sex and conceive, it's a 50/50 chance of the baby being a boy or girl, right? I honestly just can't get on board the sex disappointment.

rain0831boww · July 2015

Should we make a sticky sex disappointment thread? Even though I think it's unneccessary to create a thread about it, I'd rather see one of everyone posting their disappointments so they can pout together and they can be "supportive" of one another, or whatever, than new ones popping up.

celainev · July 2015

Okay, can I just add that I think this post is a little different from the last? I'm pretty sure the last poster was on her first baby and just didn't know how to handle a boy.
What you may be feeling is the fact that you are planning on not having any more children. So the disappointment is not related to the current baby as much as the fact that you will never have a girl. Is this it?

BostonBaby1 · July 2015

rain0831boww said:
Should we make a sticky sex disappointment thread? Even though I think it's unneccessary to create a thread about it, I'd rather see one of everyone posting their disappointments so they can pout together and they can be "supportive" of one another, or whatever, than new ones popping up.

I want to like this 1,000 times

yl1m32015 · July 2015

rain0831boww said:
Should we make a sticky sex disappointment thread? Even though I think it's unneccessary to create a thread about it, I'd rather see one of everyone posting their disappointments so they can pout together and they can be "supportive" of one another, or whatever, than new ones popping up.

Great point. Considering we get a sex disappointment thread about once a week, it's obviously common. These posts can be upsetting because they cause drama and hurt most of us who have experienced losses. Having a sticky that we can steer clear of, yet give those who need it the encouragement, might be helpful to all of us. @BumpAdmin do you think this would be helpful and alleviate future tension over this topic?

chewie5990 · July 2015

when you go 16-20 weeks thinking and imagining the LO you are incubating as one sex and then find out differently I do believe it's completely normal to have a slight feeling of dissapointment that passes.
Now if you are depressed or thinking you don't want the baby anymore and crying your eyes out for weeks that would not be normal at all.

I've heard women discuss sex dissapointment that dimineshes quickly countless amounts of times both on Internet boards and through family's and friends so yes I do believe it's completely normal and I just don't see anything wrong with it.

kristen2b · July 2015

chewie5990 said:
when you go 16-20 weeks thinking and imagining the LO you are incubating as one sex and then find out differently I do believe it's completely normal to have a slight feeling of dissapointment that passes.
Now if you are depressed or thinking you don't want the baby anymore and crying your eyes out for weeks that would not be normal at all.

I've heard women discuss sex dissapointment that dimineshes quickly countless amounts of times both on Internet boards and through family's and friends so yes I do believe it's completely normal and I just don't see anything wrong with it.

But why when there's a 50/50 chance would you ever "think" it's one thing or another? That's just setting yourself up for this kind of "disappointment".

misamima · July 2015

chaelainev said:
Okay, can I just add that I think this post is a little different from the last? I'm pretty sure the last poster was on her first baby and just didn't know how to handle a boy.
What you may be feeling is the fact that you are planning on not having any more children. So the disappointment is not related to the current baby as much as the fact that you will never have a girl. Is this it?

She still only had a 50% chance of having a girl, last baby or not.

rain0831boww · July 2015

misamima said:

Okay, can I just add that I think this post is a little different from the last? I'm pretty sure the last poster was on her first baby and just didn't know how to handle a boy. What you may be feeling is the fact that you are planning on not having any more children. So the disappointment is not related to the current baby as much as the fact that you will never have a girl. Is this it?
She still only had a 50% chance of having a girl, last baby or not.

Exactly. My best friend's sister is on her fifth pregnancy and already has four boys. Before she found out the sex of the fifth, she said she would love a girl but her baby's sex is already pre-determined and cannot assume one over the other. She's having another boy and this is her last. She is overjoyed to have five heathy children.

satindawl83 · July 2015

Here we go again.

The 50/50 thing is true, but if we were ruled by logic and not emotion, half the posts on this board would probably not be here.

OP, there's nothing abnormal about what you're feeling. I always thought it'd be cool to have a little pack of boys to protect their mama bear.

duckinoven · July 2015

These posts never end well and many women end up with hurt feelings and high emotions. IMO this is a topic that is best dealt with privately with your SO, family, medical team, maybe a close friend. Broadcasting it to a group of strangers who have a wide range of pregnancy joys/struggles and hopes/fears is not always going to elicit the support the OP is seeking.

@BumpAdmin I agree to make this a sticky to avoid future drama

OP, I hope this disappointment fades quickly as you continue to prepare to welcome your third baby into your happy family

BostonBaby1 · July 2015

If we have a sticky can we change the title of it to put some sort of disclaimer such as *sex disappointment* @BumpAdmin ? That way those of us that don't want to read them can skip past it...

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

@BumpAdmin yes please, sticky this thread so that moms who deal with this in the future have a space to discuss this as a group. Also, those who fine this topic offensive can just avoid the thread altogether.

ACarter0914 · July 2015

This is like déjà vu.

hplunkett2883 · July 2015

I agree with @duckinoven about this not being the place to broadcast your disappointment. I also agree with PP's about knowing your audience and searching a topic before starting a new thread. I however do understand as I let this happen to me once with my second child. I was convinced he was a she and when the tech told me he was a boy I started crying. (not sobbing but tears were there) But just as soon as I felt the first tear fall I immediately felt guilty and horrible for it. Before I even got off they exam table I was over it and looking forward to my 2nd son. So with my 3rd and even with this one I have no preference. I just want my baby healthy and ALIVE. And really there are some issues I know I could handle just so long as my baby lives.

hummingbird35 · July 2015

I usually don't get that annoyed with repeat posts, but this one is grating on my nerves. Op, you are going to feel how you feel, but I think it is a bit crass to say that the other posters' real and important emotions are 'unrelated' to you. Why would you expect support if you're not even going to think about offering it to people who have an issue 'not directly related' to yours? And for that matter, don't have time to look through posts (there was one just like this a few days ago).Why should they (or anyone) comfort you for feeling disappointed about a healthy baby when you suggest they go 'find a supportive outlet?' Not making sense to me. For your LO's sake I hope your disappointment passes, as I am sure it will quickly (while the pain from some of these women's losses will last a lifetime).

brandolph07 said:

I don't know how to delete it. But I shouldn't have to. I understand what you both are saying and agree that many people do have issues with fertility and I cannot even begin to imagine the struggle they go through. But that's not directly related to me. I hope that they can find a supportive outlet for them to share their feelings since yes, everyone is entitled to have feelings. Once again, I do feel incredibly blessed to be able to have children and by no means does what I am feeling disqualify that.

BostonBaby1 · July 2015

VegDumpling said:
I usually don't get that annoyed with repeat posts, but this one is grating on my nerves. Op, you are going to feel how you feel, but I think it is a bit crass to say that the other posters' real and important emotions are 'unrelated' to you. Why would you expect support if you're not even going to think about offering it to people who have an issue 'not directly related' to yours? And for that matter, don't have time to look through posts (there was one just like this a few days ago).Why should they (or anyone) comfort you for feeling disappointed about a healthy baby when you suggest they go 'find a supportive outlet?' Not making sense to me. For your LO's sake I hope your disappointment passes, as I am sure it will quickly (while the pain from some of these women's losses will last a lifetime).

brandolph07 said:

I don't know how to delete it. But I shouldn't have to. I understand what you both are saying and agree that many people do have issues with fertility and I cannot even begin to imagine the struggle they go through. But that's not directly related to me. I hope that they can find a supportive outlet for them to share their feelings since yes, everyone is entitled to have feelings. Once again, I do feel incredibly blessed to be able to have children and by no means does what I am feeling disqualify that.

kmac103 · July 2015

Usage of the search function would show that no matter what your arguement is regarding this topic, it will always be invalid. When it comes to your post having nothing to do with the other women on this board, you posted here which makes it have something to do with anyone and everyone that reads it. I agree with PP, know your audience, and use the darn search function.

taysun · July 2015

This was not a good post for what seems to be your first. It is usually suggested to look around before posting. If you had done that maybe you would not be in this position.

brandolph07 · July 2015

Wow. Sorry that I posted. Sorry that I'm incompetent and did not use the search function. Sorry that I am feeling the way that I am feeling. Thanks everyone for all the "support". I obviously misread. This board is supposed to be all about happy feelings. Got it now. And those who warned me, you were right.

yl1m32015 · July 2015

brandolph07 said:
Wow. Sorry that I posted. Sorry that I'm incompetent and did not use the search function. Sorry that I am feeling the way that I am feeling. Thanks everyone for all the "support". I obviously misread. This board is supposed to be all about happy feelings. Got it now. And those who warned me, you were right.

Who said the board is only supposed to be about happy feelings? Sex disappointment isn't a happy feeling at all. This is an online forum, not a support group. We are real people with real feelings. Many posters wished you luck and congratulated you on your healthy baby. This subject just tends to get way out of control.

Mother0fDragons · July 2015

brandolph07 said:

Wow. Sorry that I posted. Sorry that I'm incompetent and did not use the search function. Sorry that I am feeling the way that I am feeling. Thanks everyone for all the "support". I obviously misread. This board is supposed to be all about happy feelings. Got it now. And those who warned me, you were right.

This board is NOT all about happy feelings, it's an online forum for discussions. You made a newbie mistake in not searching gender (sex) disappointment and decided to make your first post on a highly controversial subject without knowing who your audience was!!

brandolph07 · July 2015

Yes and I am sorry that I posted it. Truly. I recognize that this is an online forum and not a support group. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's fine. I have no intention of using this as a source of support.

jlsingletary · July 2015

I don't think it's wrong to openly discuss this issue - and certainly you should not have to apologize for taking that action! While not everyone will understand, agree or even empathize please note there are many moms who've had similar feelings. More people would be willing to discuss I'm sure, if not for fear of judgement. Everyone comes from different backgrounds with different life experiences. It is important to understand the feelings of other individuals but I wouldn't let those opinions make you feel worse today. Your feelings are your feelings, we should all feel comfortable enough to talk about sensitive subjects.

satindawl83 · July 2015

brandolph07 said:
Yes and I am sorry that I posted it. Truly. I recognize that this is an online forum and not a support group. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's fine. I have no intention of using this as a source of support.

Don't feel bad. It's a support group when the "mean girls" want to support someone and for everyone else, it's an online forum. Double-standard that I've seen here often.

I was warned by others not to use The Bump because of things like this, but I still find value in posts from some of the other users. Stay awhile, even if you don't choose to post.

Btw...I thought the "mean girls" were starting a Facebook page to leave us other minions behind. Is that still happening or....????

rmj28 · July 2015

kristen2b · July 2015

taysun · July 2015

satindawl83 said:

brandolph07 said:
Yes and I am sorry that I posted it. Truly. I recognize that this is an online forum and not a support group. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's fine. I have no intention of using this as a source of support.
Don't feel bad. It's a support group when the "mean girls" want to support someone and for everyone else, it's an online forum. Double-standard that I've seen here often.

I was warned by others not to use The Bump because of things like this, but I still find value in posts from some of the other users. Stay awhile, even if you don't choose to post.

Btw...I thought the "mean girls" were starting a Facebook page to leave us other minions behind. Is that still happening or....????

Just because you think we're mean doesn't mean we are. We offer information and education to those who need it. Most often we are extremely polite. It is those of you who don't like what we have to say who suddenly decided providing facts is "mean". When we don't like what you have to say we never thrown around "mean" or "bully".

adecembermom2015 · July 2015

satindawl83 said:

brandolph07 said:
Yes and I am sorry that I posted it. Truly. I recognize that this is an online forum and not a support group. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's fine. I have no intention of using this as a source of support.
Don't feel bad. It's a support group when the "mean girls" want to support someone and for everyone else, it's an online forum. Double-standard that I've seen here often.

I was warned by others not to use The Bump because of things like this, but I still find value in posts from some of the other users. Stay awhile, even if you don't choose to post.

Btw...I thought the "mean girls" were starting a Facebook page to leave us other minions behind. Is that still happening or....????

I'm a real person with real feelings. I just happen to appreciate snark and honesty.

brandolph07 · July 2015

How is it possible to provide facts when it comes to how someone is feeling since we all experience that differently? That seems to be implying that you are experts. Again you all are entitled to your own opinion. But I think it's a stretch to say you are providing facts .

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