I grew up with a female cousin my age and it was AWFUL. My father's side of the family constantly compared us and I was always on the losing end. It caused alot of tension in my family and almost split my parents up so the whole "needing cousins close in age" bit I don't buy. She and I do not get along to this day.
I just found out this morning that my SIL (who I do not get along with) is pregnant and I can relate to feeling like she's so.ewhat done it in competition. When my husband and I announced our pregnancy at our wedding, she and her husband went around declaring they didn't want kids and all kinds of other nonsense. They didn't even wait until they'd left to start either. Now that this news of the pregnancy has come out I'm positive the only reason they were so nasty about our pregnancy is because she was jealous she wasn't first. SIL's can really really suck sometimes. I doubt our kids will see each other much as my husband and I moved two hours away from them and my FIL to get away from their drama.
I just found out that my sister is pregnant with her third. I am currently pregnant with my first. Knowing that our kids will be that close in age makes me SO excited. It never even crossed my mind that her pregnancy would be "stealing my thunder". It is not a competition. Each child in the family is loved individually and dearly.
Maybe you're giving yourself too much credit? She very well could have just wanted another child...
My husband has one brother and he lives in the same town as his parents. We got married 6 months later they got married. I got pregnant with my second son, 4 months later they are pregnant with a daughter. I got pregnant with Quinn, she got pregnant with Abigail. They steal the thunder all the time because the grandparents see those grandkids all the time. His parents have met our 22 month old a whopping 2 times.
It use to get to me but the fact is I am happy for them and I do not wish living 5 minutes from my mother in law on my worst enemy... Plus my kid is way cuter lmao
my sister in law and I are exactly 20 weeks from me. Tomorrow I will be 26 weeks and she'll be 6 weeks. She just had her son about 6 months ago and swears up and down she got pregnant while her tubes are tied. I think she got jealous
my sister in law and I are exactly 20 weeks from me. Tomorrow I will be 26 weeks and she'll be 6 weeks. She just had her son about 6 months ago and swears up and down she got pregnant while her tubes are tied. I think she got jealous
Jealousy (for normal, stable people) usually doesn't make people want to get pregnant just to compete. I think it's probably best for you, your family's, and your husband's sake that you not assume she is just having a baby out of spite.
If her family is as dysfunctional as mine, I can see where that lerking feeling would come from. Everything feels and seems like a competition(because it is even though you never think it should be). I understand that feeling, but there is a point where you have to let it go. She can't take away the joy of your beautiful baby on the way. Congratulations and take it easy
I was to my knowledge, the only one of my friends trying to get pregnant. Then I announced my pregnancy on my birthday to my friends. Three weeks later my friend revealed to me that she is also pregnant, due 6 days after me. Was going to tell everyone that night, but didn't want to steal my thunder. She and her DH were all worried that I would have thought that they did it on purpose but they had actually been trying for a while. So when they told me I hugged them and said congratulations and that I was glad that we would all be FTP's together. And I truly am.
While yes I would be annoyed if my SIL who pops a kid out every year got pregnant the same time I did, who cares. Your kid will have someone to play with at family events.
I agree with a lot of other posters. Instead of being spiteful - think of your baby and how exciting it will be at holiday events that they will have cousins to enjoy. I am married to an only child, so no cousins of the 1st generation on that side and my brother just turned 21 and is in a new relationship with an 18 year old so I'm betting I don't get a niece or nephew from him for at least a few more years. I'm in between three cousins on one side and the same age as one on the other side, it makes holiday events so much more fun. My husband is the youngest cousin and all of his cousins are at least 5 years and older except one and we don't see them often.
Family is important and so maybe try making lemonade out of your jealous lemons.
Not trying to add fuel to the fire, but may be the OP just worded in haste, or in a way that made total sense to her and some of us might have missed it??
And it does happen. My ex SIL had her baby 9 weeks after my son was born (going back 6 years now). She told me that "it wasn't fair" for me to have another baby and for her "to not have some attention too". There are people who have personality or mental health disorders and can act irrationally, in ways that boggle the minds of other people. This same woman turned around 12 weeks before my wedding and said she was getting married 6 weeks before my exhusband and I because she was "smarter" than me, "prettier" than me and that everyone liked her more - she knew how much we spent and how long it took to plan, she did it to be spiteful. My ex SIL was on long term contraception and had it removed to fall pregnant. It does happen.
So please keep in mind that there are some people out there who are dealing with difficult situations that you may not understand, but it doesn't make it any less real for them. If there is jealousy, it's not something for us to condemn or judge (whether it's from the poster or her SIL). Aren't we meant to be here to support each other instead of accusing people of making things up etc? This is obviously something the OP needed to get off her chest, in an safe environment - not something meant to cause hormonal meltdowns.
@batmom05 my sister and I are 20 years apart. I'm so glad I have a little sister later in life. Shel need me when her parents aren't understanding her because they are old. She's probably my best friend and I call her everyday. And she's only 3 going on 16.. Thought I'd share that! It's a very special bond. She's going to be an aunt haha ;;)
@carlymarie021 I think there is definitely something special about having a sibling so much younger! My sister is super smart and has a great head on her shoulders. Even though she is only going in to her sophmore year of high school she is doing dual enrollment at a local community college and will finish high school with her Associate's Degree. The other day we dropped her off at a local college for the summer to live in the dorms and experience college life while she takes some classes and I cried more than my mom did!
She is coming home this weekend and I cannot wait to see her and hear all about her first week!
Oh man, totally off topic, but I just realized that my daughter won't have any first cousins and it made me so sad! She'll be the only one. My husband and I each have one sibling and they're not planning on having kids, and likely won't change their minds. I wish my kid would have a cousin close in age, or a cousin at all!
Ditto! It makes me really sad too. It's actually why we won't have just one child. I want him to have someone to play with growing up.
Why can't people just be thankful they are pregnant? Why do some people even worry about other people being pregnant at the same time as them? Why do they think about it as anything else that a happy thing?
Stealing your thunder really? You should consider yourself lucky you are able to even have a child. If you knew the pain of infertility. Everyday hoping, scared you may never be a mother you would not dare say such things.
35 years old, TTC #1 Dec 28, 2011 PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
First IVF cycle June 5th 2015 --- BFP Miscarriage at 8 weeks
FET December 15th 2015--- BFP! First saw at 6w4d It's a boy!
Luciano Alessandro Maximiliano was born on September 3rd 2016
Wow!!!! so many rude people on here. maybe she just felt like getting it off her chest and maybe right now she just wanted to talk about it. we all have feelings that may not be reasonable at times but it seems most of the people on here are way to picky about who can have what type of feelings and when. I think that its reasonable to feel this in some situations. i think your feelings will change and pretty soon as its not really something you will care about in the long run. I remember feeling similar. my cousin is 10 weeks ahead of me and she is due at the end of this month while her first son will be on in like 2 weeks. she knew how hard we were trying and she just did it because. At first i was jealous but it faded before i even knew i was pregnant. in the end everyone will love and adore your baby as much as they would whether she was having one or not. Im sorry that you aren't getting more understanding responses.
Unless it happens to you then you can't know what it is like lol more annoying than anything. I could see if it happened o e time it could just be a coincidence but I know in my case it is a running joke lol
@FirstTimeMamaAricka I don't think anyone is being rude. It's a VERY bold statement to assume she's jealous and therefore getting pregnant. I've never in my life heard of anyone handling a situation of jealousy by saying "she's getting more attention let me take on a lifetime responsibility". That's the most irrational thing I've ever heard of. If her children are wanted and cared for I don't see the issue at all other than the OP feeling like she's entitled to be the only one pregnant at the time.
@FirstTimeMamaAricka I don't think anyone is being rude. It's a VERY bold statement to assume she's jealous and therefore getting pregnant. I've never in my life heard of anyone handling a situation of jealousy by saying "she's getting more attention let me take on a lifetime responsibility". That's the most irrational thing I've ever heard of. If her children are wanted and cared for I don't see the issue at all other than the OP feeling like she's entitled to be the only one pregnant at the time.
I can understand where you, and all the ladies responding are coming from. My first pregnancy my sister had been trying and I got pregnant first. She was incredibly jealous but very happy for me too. She planned my baby show and while worrying about me and my pregnancy she became pregnant. Our oldest babies are 7 months apart almost to the day. That was such a happy and fun experience minus some sister back and forth stuff.
Fast forward two years later I was married and pregnant with my second. She was incredibly jealous that I got married first (she is the oldest), had my first child first, and now pregnant again first. Her and her ex were in a terrible spot. One of those off and on I hate you/I love you relationships. Very shortly after I announced my pregnancy her and her ex were back together and trying. She gets pregnant and then is suddenly getting married. While I was happy for her and our second children are only 6 months apart and love each other I was very unhappy with how she did it. All of our lives it's been a competition to her and she did it again with that pregnancy. I took it in stride and just was happy for her and kept to myself and a close friend about my feelings because there was no need to fight about it. My niece and my daughter were coming and that was that.
Fast forward another five years and my sister lost her son at 17 weeks last October. It was a very very difficult thing for her and I've been there for her through it all. My boyfriend and I had already decided on trying to conceive around Christmas but we didn't let it known because we didn't know how long it would take and I didn't want to bring her any bad feelings. We found out we were pregnant in February but waited until April to announce it. I made sure to tell her in person because I didn't want her to find out any other way about it. We talked and she seemed ok. Now I'm finding out she is talking all sorts of lies about us not being ready for this baby. I'm sure it has to do with jealousy being her past but I'm trying to keep it to my boyfriend and I and not make a big deal out of it.
To the OP I recommend you have a good friend you can confide in that will keep your secrets and talk to them about these things. But keep them out of the family. No matter if she is doing it intentional or not it's not worth the fight it'll bring if you bring it to the family. Be happy for her baby but focus on yours. It'll help
@FirstTimeMamaAricka I don't think anyone is being rude. It's a VERY bold statement to assume she's jealous and therefore getting pregnant. I've never in my life heard of anyone handling a situation of jealousy by saying "she's getting more attention let me take on a lifetime responsibility". That's the most irrational thing I've ever heard of. If her children are wanted and cared for I don't see the issue at all other than the OP feeling like she's entitled to be the only one pregnant at the time.
You may not feel that way but i do, and she might. There aren't many people in this group that are very understanding of emotions while pregnant even though they deal with them too. I highly doubt this is something that will be a lasting feeling but i can guarantee every woman here has had an emotion about something that was just plain irrational. as for people not taking on a lifetime of responsibility over something stupid, i have seen this happen more than one with jealousy and it happens all the time to "fix" relationships or force someone to stay with you. people are unpredictable and I'm just saying that people on this site push women out by the inability to be understanding unless it involves themselves or someone they talk to regularly.
My sister is due July 20th, I'm due October 15 ! We were TTC since August of 2015. She got pregnant in October, I was a little shocked since she wasn't TTC, but I was happy for her ! We finally got out BFP feb 9th ! I definately didn't steal her thunder or vice versa !!
I think we may not know all of the story here, plus she kind of got me thinking about how I acted when my cousin got pregnant. Maybe we're not so different.
My cousin and I grew up together and were constantly compared to. It was obvious that my family favored her and for as much as I tried to not let it get to me, it ruined our relationship. Then while I was in the middle of several failing relationships she met THE guy and I wanted so bad for him not to be the one because I just knew what kind of life she would have if she married him. He was an attention whore, to the point that I couldn't be in the same room as them. While they were engaged they asked me to be a bridesmaid, I took it as an opportunity to mend our relationship. A few weeks later she told me that her fiance said that she had too many bridesmaids and needed to cut one so she was cutting me. I was devastated, but kind of let it go. So they got married and within a year she was pregnant. Then they announced that they wanted ten children and planned on being pregnant every year. Her first two pregnancies were really hard on her, but she still seems determined to have more. While she was pregnant and then raising her first baby, I was finally dating my now husband. We waited a while to get married because we wanted to be established. When we finally announced our engagement we got remarks like "We we all hoped you would get married eventually, as you're getting kind of old. It hurt, but for once my family was actually paying attention to me. Then my cousin got pregnant again and the attention was on her again. She was 8 months pregnant at my wedding and everyone was so excited for her, but I had just stopped caring at that point.
We waited a while to start trying, and then we told our family that we were trying and it took us a while. I guess because they were so used to her getting pregnant so easily they started suggesting that something was wrong with me. It was really stressful and made it that much worse. Plus I knew my cousin would want to try again soon. I spent Christmas Eve watching my cousin with her two out of control kids that everyone was fawning over and wanted so bad to be pregnant just so I could finally experience being a parent. It wasn't really a jealousy thing with her, I was just worried that she would get pregnant again before me and it would make it so much worse. When I finally got pregnant in January I secretly wished that if she got pregnant it would be at least a few months later, just so I could have a moment where I wasn't being compared to. To my knowledge she still isn't pregnant, they may be waiting, or they may have changed their minds. Sadly we don't talk anymore, mostly because of both my DH and I don't care for her husband, and because of the way she handled the bridesmaid thing (she told me over Facebook by the way).
Still I'm hoping someday our kids can be friends. I've also learned that we're two different people. I've also learned to look at our situation in a different light. Growing up I always idolized Katharine Hepburn who I always felt was greatly misunderstood by some people. When I mention her, people always confuse her for Audrey Hepburn who was also wonderful, but a completely different person. Both women were wonderful for their own reasons. My family may prefer my cousin to me, but the comparing and jealousy needs to end on my part. I don't want the same rift between our kids, that our family and I have driven between us. And if her situation is similar, then maybe that's how she needs to look at it.
I get it, not everyone has the best relationship with their SIL, that's life. Enjoy your pregnancy and the little life growing inside you. Just keep a distance from her if she bothers you
I understand your frustration, is it valid- who knows, but i can totally understand why you're frustrated. My sister in law got engaged 3 days after me, our weddings were 3-4 moths apart, our first children were 6 months apart, and now we are both pregnant with her due date less then 10 days after mine. It is hard to share big moments with family members, call it whatever you want selfish, jealousy, human nature, it's hard. If it was my husbands sister it wouldn't be so tough, but being my brothers wife it's tough. My sister in law and I usually get it out in the open immediately that our timing sucked, again lol, and then we take advantage of it. Your friends get sick of hearing you complain about your pregnancy, and having someone going through exactly what you're going through that you can use for advice, is priceless. So I get it, it sucks right now and you feel like your moment is getting shared, but try to look past the negative and take advantage of the situation!!
My sister and cousin and I are all due in October and I am thrilled! I'm so happy to not have all the attention on me but more importantly I am thrilled that cousins will be together and we can share this experience. Fortunately, we are all bringing babies info loving marriages or relationships with excited grandparents so I couldn't feel more blessed. Honestly I was so scared at first that one of us would lose a baby and it would hurt everyone since it would be a constant reminder. But so far so good and I'm thanking the gods above that we and our babies are all healthy so far. Today actually my best friend texted me that she's due in February. None of these babies were planned and all of them are already loved. So I Absolutely am counting myself the luckiest woman on the planet to have this incredible support team of women who are all going to be first time moms. From my perspective this isn't thunder stealing at all. It's an incredible blessing to have our relationships deepened by this shared experience and to raise our children in a loving community of family and friends. I am smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. I'm so excited. Thank you for hearing my brag.
Re: She Stole My Thunder
I just found out this morning that my SIL (who I do not get along with) is pregnant and I can relate to feeling like she's so.ewhat done it in competition. When my husband and I announced our pregnancy at our wedding, she and her husband went around declaring they didn't want kids and all kinds of other nonsense. They didn't even wait until they'd left to start either. Now that this news of the pregnancy has come out I'm positive the only reason they were so nasty about our pregnancy is because she was jealous she wasn't first. SIL's can really really suck sometimes. I doubt our kids will see each other much as my husband and I moved two hours away from them and my FIL to get away from their drama.
If her family is as dysfunctional as mine, I can see where that lerking feeling would come from. Everything feels and seems like a competition(because it is even though you never think it should be). I understand that feeling, but there is a point where you have to let it go. She can't take away the joy of your beautiful baby on the way. Congratulations and take it easy
Family is important and so maybe try making lemonade out of your jealous lemons.
And it does happen. My ex SIL had her baby 9 weeks after my son was born (going back 6 years now). She told me that "it wasn't fair" for me to have another baby and for her "to not have some attention too". There are people who have personality or mental health disorders and can act irrationally, in ways that boggle the minds of other people. This same woman turned around 12 weeks before my wedding and said she was getting married 6 weeks before my exhusband and I because she was "smarter" than me, "prettier" than me and that everyone liked her more - she knew how much we spent and how long it took to plan, she did it to be spiteful.
My ex SIL was on long term contraception and had it removed to fall pregnant. It does happen.
So please keep in mind that there are some people out there who are dealing with difficult situations that you may not understand, but it doesn't make it any less real for them. If there is jealousy, it's not something for us to condemn or judge (whether it's from the poster or her SIL). Aren't we meant to be here to support each other instead of accusing people of making things up etc? This is obviously something the OP needed to get off her chest, in an safe environment - not something meant to cause hormonal meltdowns.
She is coming home this weekend and I cannot wait to see her and hear all about her first week!
PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
Miscarriage at 8 weeks
First saw
It's a boy!
=D> =D> =D>
Fast forward two years later I was married and pregnant with my second. She was incredibly jealous that I got married first (she is the oldest), had my first child first, and now pregnant again first. Her and her ex were in a terrible spot. One of those off and on I hate you/I love you relationships. Very shortly after I announced my pregnancy her and her ex were back together and trying. She gets pregnant and then is suddenly getting married. While I was happy for her and our second children are only 6 months apart and love each other I was very unhappy with how she did it. All of our lives it's been a competition to her and she did it again with that pregnancy. I took it in stride and just was happy for her and kept to myself and a close friend about my feelings because there was no need to fight about it. My niece and my daughter were coming and that was that.
Fast forward another five years and my sister lost her son at 17 weeks last October. It was a very very difficult thing for her and I've been there for her through it all. My boyfriend and I had already decided on trying to conceive around Christmas but we didn't let it known because we didn't know how long it would take and I didn't want to bring her any bad feelings. We found out we were pregnant in February but waited until April to announce it. I made sure to tell her in person because I didn't want her to find out any other way about it. We talked and she seemed ok. Now I'm finding out she is talking all sorts of lies about us not being ready for this baby. I'm sure it has to do with jealousy being her past but I'm trying to keep it to my boyfriend and I and not make a big deal out of it.
To the OP I recommend you have a good friend you can confide in that will keep your secrets and talk to them about these things. But keep them out of the family. No matter if she is doing it intentional or not it's not worth the fight it'll bring if you bring it to the family. Be happy for her baby but focus on yours. It'll help