October 2015 Moms

Harassment

I decided to go for a short walk last night around 9:30pm.  We live in one of the better neighborhoods in a better county so I thought nothing of walking down the street (8 houses) to the stop sign and back to get a short 1/2 mile walk in to maybe help me settle down for the night.  I didn't take my phone like I usually do for music because I was just going to be gone for maybe 15 minutes.  I also don't carry while walking the neighborhood as I usually do on a daily basis.  About 4 houses down there were several boys out playing basketball in a driveway.  I didn't think anything of it since the neighborhood is filled with kids.  One or more of the teenage boys started making nasty comments (hey so-in-so how's your pull out game? and clearly she down to $#!&).  I ignored them and kept walking, boys will be boys, no need to get all mama bear on them.  Well another house down I hear skateboards behind me and the voices are not getting quieter.  In fact they had left their driveway and were coming up behind me on scooters and skateboards still making comments.  I started to freak out because I didn't know these boys and hadn't really seen any kids at the house they were at before.  I knew the neighbors would be home just one house away from where I was so I kept walking and turned down their driveway as the boys passed me on the street.  I knocked on the door and thankfully the husband was home.  I asked to use their phone to call my husband to come get me and I must have been more shaken than I thought because the husband got very protective and concerned right away.  Once I told him what happened he offered to walk me home.  Once we got back down the street (there are 5 houses between his and mine) he was pretty worked up and said he was going to walk the neighborhood and find the boys to talk to them.  He is an FBI agent so I knew it wasn't going to be a nice talk either.  Well I went in and told my husband what happened and he jumped out of bed, grabbed his gun and was out the door to walk with the neighbor.  After about an hour my husband came back with 3 of the boys and one of their dads.  Apparently two of the boys admitted to making the comments although one was clearly the instigator.  The dad was furious, his wife is a NICU nurse and started yelling at the boys when she found out I was 6 months pregnant.  My husband explained to them that had something happened to the baby they would be held responsible and that they were getting off lucky with a lecture and having to apologize because the night could have ended much differently had I been carrying like usual or had my husband been with me at the time it happened and not 30 minutes later when he found out.  I didn't sleep much last night and am still rattled today.  WTF is with kids today?!  Clearly the parents were angry when they found out so hopefully the boys think before they make nasty comments like that to anyone again.
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Re: Harassment

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  • Ugh, what a mess. Immature kids it sounds like, but at that hour it's very concerning and intimidating. Guess you'll have to start carrying even to walk down the street, sheesh! I'm glad you have such a great neighbor and husband to protect you too! I'm sorry you had to deal with those kids' rude comments. :(
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  • swcmswcm member

    That is so disappointing to feel harassed in your own neighborhood, especially since you live in a nice area!

    My current neighborhood is not-so-great, so honestly I avoid walking in my neighborhood anymore. It makes me sad that I have to go to a park with my husband instead.

    I hope you don't have that issue and everything gets back to normal and you can go on some nice relaxing walks soon!!! It sounds like you have some nice neighbors looking out for you!

  • swcmswcm member
    edited July 2015

    Totally missed the gun references in this thread. I'm not a gun owner and just read and responded to sympathize with feeling unsafe or uncomfortable walking down your own block, which is sad to me. Glad everyone's OK, hopefully nothing like this happens again.

  • It's really awful that you were in a position where you felt threatened.  I don't know what is wrong with some kids, harassing a pregnant woman, really??  It sounds like you have a close-knit neighborhood and it's great that you could pop into a neighbor's house.  The immediate reaction to go grab guns in order to "talk" though, that scares me.  Bringing a gun into a heated situation where your husband is feeling very protective and you are ready to do all you can to protect your child?  So over the top and dangerous.  

    It sounds like the situation was handled just fine (and appropriately, minus the implied threats of "how things might have turned out") by talking to the parents and the boys, and hopefully they'll be leaving you alone in the future.  
  • Seriously wtf is wrong with people, i had to deal with something similar today. i walk every day and have never had an issue. well as many of you know bra's suck right now so i opted for wearing my sports bra and hubby t shirt. i am clearly still pregnant in it and i have a pixie cut. so apparently some kids (older teenagers) thought it would be funny to harass me and started yelling out their car window "put a bra on you fu**ing dike" then turned around to follow me more. luckily i walked faster and was near a neighbor that was outside so they drove off and didnt come back but I'm in a good neighborhood for the most part and i just don't get why people think thats ok.
  • I'm glad the situation was handled without getting a gun. I sleep next to my .40 Smith and Wesson but I hope I never have to use it. I don't think that situation should have brought on the thought of bringing a gun. I live in Atlanta, GA and have never thought to bring my gun when I go for a walk.
  • i would also like to add that people must not realize how other people are with guns. I and my hubby had a gun pulled on us because someone almost hit our car and they were pissed. I would feel safer carrying one as well. i don't care what age the person is they know better than to follow and harass another person. I know you obviously would not have shot them without being attacked but having it would be a comfort given all the horrible things that happen to pregnant women. regardless of the persons age. teenagers attack people all the time and it isn't right for you to be shamed for carrying a weapon. its your right to protect yourself from anyone. i don't have a gun but i do carry a knife with me even if i go for a 10 minute walk. regardless of whether something happens or not it could. whether it be  a person or a strange dog that tries to attack i at least feel safer and thats what matters.

  • I agree with @mrsdhouse89. the situation didn't need use of a gun. (Thankfully). No matter what neighborhood you live in you never know. I'm not a gun owner. But if the boys would have attacked her.. I'm sure she would of wished she had carried it. It's a touchy subject. There are ways to use a weapon without murder. Shots in leg, arms. Foot. You better believe I'd defend myself if I were being attacked. But considering they kept their distance from her and didn't run after her she wouldn't need to use her weapon by them yelling verbal garbage. She needs to carry a cell phone at all times though. Firm believer in not leaving the house on a walk alone without one. Some people who own guns are not careful. Careful I mean not locking the weapon and keeping it away from children. But we do have the right to bare arms. So therefore she does too. I don't blame her for feeling this way. It dosnt have to result in murder. You can deter them if they came after her by shooting in air maybe they will run. Or shoot one of them in leg if it had to be done. Hopefully she knows these tactics... Unfortunately some of ur police force does not. But that's another debate...... I hope all of us stay safe and be wise when we're alone.
  • I would definitely have been angry if I'd been harassed by those snot nosed teens but knowing myself I'd have probably mouthed off to them back and kept walking. The problem is you don't really know how these kids are raised and what they could do in certain situations so I can understand your emotions in that moment. I work around teens every day and there have been times I have had to reprimand kids and some get very mouthy and defensive and when things escalate it does cross my mind that they could get aggressive with me. When I was in high school I witnessed a fight between a student and a teacher and it was seriously one of the worst things I had ever seen! This poor teacher got the crap beat out of him by this kid while a ton of students looked on watching. I remember how much it upset me. Even on the playground if I ask a child please to not throw sand or cuss some will mouth off and these kids are elementary age! Despite all that I personally wouldn't feel comfortable carrying a gun but mase or a kubatan on a keychain perhaps a better option? I think my husband would have no problem putting those kids in their place and I think you did the right thing in telling their parents, good to hear the parents did not support that behavior.
  • @MelMel92 yes come to Canada (: ! No carrying guns here "legally".
  • I have lived and worked in a large city for many years. Anyone who lives in a city knows that cat calls and comments from scumbags are a regular part of life. You either laugh it off, ignore them or tell them where to shove it. (Although I haven't really gotten any while visibly pregnant, so I do think the kids in the OP's story are especially disgusting.) I get that the OP lives in her quiet little suburban bubble, but hello common sense! Never would I think about pulling a gun on anyone for a sexual comment! I live and work in nice neighborhoods, but the nature of living in the city means carrying mace and/or a knife at times. To be used when someone approaches me in a threatening manner -- not on someone I can run away from! I am of the "European" mindset on guns. I don't like them. My fiancée is not; he is a proud (and responsible) gun owner and does have a carry permit. He keeps guns in the house for security purposes. If someone breaks into our home he WILL shoot them. I can assure you he would not pull a gun on a teenager or neighbor who made a lewd comment to me in passing. (He might beat the sh*t out of him though...)
  • @Wildbutterfli2001 is right. It's totally not what she means at all.
  • The kids could have been a lot worse and if need be you may have needed a weapon. I've learned to always carry, even in a good neighborhood. (I live in one of the best areas in the country and still carry to take my trash out). Glad nothing worse happened to you!
  • It may be just me but it feels a bit like OP is getting a little attacked here. I can sympathize with your feelings of threatened and uncomfortable. I too live in a very nice neighborhood and have taken many walks at night. I do not take these walks alone, I either take them with my husband or dog and I will carry pepper spray or mase. I leave my 40 caliber Beretta on my nightstand where I feel like I should use it during a home invasion and that is the only instance that I feel warrants me using my weapon. Any other situation, can and should be handled by police.
    You did say your neighbor was an FBI agent and he went with your husband to look for the kids, was the agent carrying when he went out? Why did your husband feel like he had to grab his gun to go with law enforcement to look for these kids? I agree that the situation could have been very different if you were carrying but I'm not sure any of those scenarios would have been better. I don't know the law where you live, but here where I live we do have "stand your ground" laws which means legally I could've shot and killed those kids because I felt threatened, but are some lewd comments worth taking a life? You are expecting right now and to all us bumpers m, our babies are our universe, but those babies will be teenagers one day and may say stupid stuff to someone, how would you feel if one of those boys were your son and the lady shot them? It seems like at least three of the boys come from decent homes with parents who care, which seems to be similar to you and your DH so imagining your kid did this in 16 years shouldn't be too far-fetched. Would it be worth it for your son to die, Not because he threatened this lady harm but because he made an untoward comment? I wouldn't be ok with that.
    As a gun owner, I am NOT questioning your right to carry, I am questioning how you determine what is a good scenario to pull your gun. Just as we have "stand your ground", we have laws against "criminal threats" which means: boys say stupid comment, you flash gun, they go running home crying to mom/dad. Mom and dad call cops and you could get arrested for criminal intimidation because, I think we can all agree, sticks and stones... Also, what if you DH did the same thing while he was out looking for them, would it be worth it for him to be in jail during this very difficult and emotional time in your life where you need him most?
    It just doesn't seem worth it. I understand you are scared and I would be too. In the future perhaps you should bring pepper spray, or something to make you feel safer but that doesn't administer deadly force. Just like you would do anything for the child you are carrying, remember, those kids are someone's child too.

    I wish you the best and congratulations on your baby! Blessings!
  • BRIANNAT711BRIANNAT711 member
    edited July 2015

    I agree with @mrsdhouse89. the situation didn't need use of a gun. (Thankfully). No matter what neighborhood you live in you never know. I'm not a gun owner. But if the boys would have attacked her.. I'm sure she would of wished she had carried it. It's a touchy subject. There are ways to use a weapon without murder. Shots in leg, arms. Foot. You better believe I'd defend myself if I were being attacked. But considering they kept their distance from her and didn't run after her she wouldn't need to use her weapon by them yelling verbal garbage. She needs to carry a cell phone at all times though. Firm believer in not leaving the house on a walk alone without one. Some people who own guns are not careful. Careful I mean not locking the weapon and keeping it away from children. But we do have the right to bare arms. So therefore she does too. I don't blame her for feeling this way. It dosnt have to result in murder. You can deter them if they came after her by shooting in air maybe they will run. Or shoot one of them in leg if it had to be done. Hopefully she knows these tactics... Unfortunately some of ur police force does not. But that's another debate...... I hope all of us stay safe and be wise when we're alone.

    Where I live, you can't invoke the "stand your ground" defense if you shoot someone in the leg. In order to prove you were in fear of your life, you have to be shooting to kill not shooting to warn or disarm. If she did that here, she would do real prison time. Even shooting in the air as a warning shot is illegal, it's call "negligent discharge of a weapon." Look up the case of Marissa Alexander, she was sentenced to 20 years for firing a warning shot at an abusive husband who threatened to kill her. I believe she was just released from prison this week. Her case was in FL, I don't live i FL but I live somewhere with very similar gun laws. So hopefully OP knows the gun laws where she lives. Basically, here you only shoot to kill or you don't pull your gun at all. Obviously I mean civilians, not law enforcement.
  • The OP means in a scenario that her life is threatened should she carry her gun with her. Not to shoot teenage boys. Maybe she should have been more specific. But yes she has the right to carry her weapon. @BRIANNAT711 I'm not a gun owner. I honestly didn't take that into consideration the shoot to kill law. Yes I hope she knows as well. I guess that shows why I don't own a gun. I would just shoot in leg and run away. Although I think it would be very hard to prosecute a pregnant women who was being attacked but you never know. I stand by what I say as far as her right to carry.
  • I'm just wondering why it makes any difference what neighborhood/part of town you live in. I live in a pretty rough area/neighborhood, where it's not uncommon to hear gunshots and I know there's at least one drug dealer living in the next building over because he makes no effort to hide his activity.

    Yet in the year and a half I've lived here, no one has ever bothered me, except my hypocritical downstairs neighbors, (who can't handle the sounds of a nail being hammered into a wall despite the fact that they blast music at all hours). I've never felt like I had to fear my neighbors, though I don't usually go out after dark except to go to the gym.
    However, in the much "nicer" neighborhood I lived in several years ago, a guy who lived one block over murdered his girlfriend, in their home.

    Oh and Trayvon Martin was shot in a gated community.

    Just saying, situations like the OP described can happen anywhere, even in nice suburban subdivisions.

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