OK, so I get that this baby is my MIL's first grandchild but oh my. HOLD YOUR HORSES LADY! She has already told all of her friends, ex-boyfriends, childhood buddies that she doesn't even speak to that she is "going to be a nanny" when I haven't even told most of my family yet! She's a loon. She has like planned and paid for her 2nd marriage already and she's been with the guy for 3 months and oh yeah, HE HASNT ASKED HER. She's just very premature about everything.
Just like when she said "oh I've been looking at prams for you" and "I really wanted to buy this little outfit today that says 'I love daddy' on it" as if she's trying to irritate me. I haven't bought a single thing yet and don't want to until my 12 week u/s.
When my fiancé proposed she said "are you going to get married then? Some people just leave it at engagement don't they". Just stop. She has serious control issues and I can't deal.
I just hate how it's like some mums can't let go of their sons it's scary.
Just tell her that you spoke with the doctor's office and they won't allow anyone in the room but your spouse. That way, you can blame them. I had the same issue and I just made something up along those lines. Good luck!
I understand how you feel! My MIL also lives with her foot in her mouth. My husband had a vasectomy and then a reversal so one of the first things she said was that I should get my tubes tied after our third (this baby) since he has already been through so much. Yeah, okay. Pushing 3 kids out my vag is so easy. Then, she said "I guess your family will be done after this one, right?" So my FIL stepped in and gently said something along the lines of that being our decision. So the MIL says, " oh they wouldn't do that, that's just too many and too much for everyone." Regarding having a 4th child. The truth is we are considering it and will make that decision when we are ready. She is so unsupportive and after 10 years of marriage and both of us being in our 30s you would think she may have some faith in our decision making skills or at least have the decency to shut up. She also blabbed the news to her family after we told her to wait a few weeks. Expected. The good news is my SIL is also pregnant so she will be splitting the crazy between us! Phew!
My MIL is insane. My SO and I live down the road from her, unfortunately. She's not a bad person, but lord!! She cries all of the time and freaks out over everything. When my fiancé and I very first moved in together I was 17 and was just getting a new job. She had come over one night with family (my fiancé's aunt, uncle, and their daughter) I had yet to meet and in the middle of dinner says infront of everyone "it really must be nice to have a boyfriend that just takes care of you while you sit at home" .....I was furious. I made her leave our house. I went from not having a job, car, or my own place to having all of that in 2 months after graduating 6 months early. Excuse me for quitting one job to work somewhere I would make more. Anyways, our relationship is a lot better now that I don't willingly see her often. We would do dinner every week, but that's been cut down to monthly. Definitely going to be one of the last people we tell about the baby considering she was very unsupportive of us trying and miscarrying; twice.
I'm so relieved to read how awful so many MILs are! When my husband told her we were trying, she said "I hope you know I'm going to tell you what to do and when I don't like how you're dong things. I'm not just going to keep my opinions to myself." I surprised myself with the response "I'm very independent and I don't take unsolicited advice well." She is crazy and dense and I have had to make my boundaries very clear. It's taken me a few years to figure out that she's old and set in her ways, so she's always going to say nasty things and put her nose where it doesn't belong, but I can teach her how I am and what I will and will not tolerate.
Sorry you ladies have difficult in laws. I love mine, and she is thrilled we are expecting our first, and her fifth grandchild. My rant is that we rent her big house in the country. When we relocated from Florida to Pennsylvania she had this great big house all to herself. When we started looking for our own home she thought it would be best for everyone if she moved and we rented the house. Well, she has a gorgeous condo and stores piles of stuff her. She moved out three years ago and we still have antique furniture, totes and boxes of useless stuff that I should put in a dumpster. Filing cabinets. My husband and her have fought about it and she just gets hysterical. My home is incredibly cluttered with junk and now we have a baby coming and her junk has to go. She better get a move on it before I go into bitch mode
The house situation sounds similar to ours. SO bought his mother and condo and took over payments for his childhood home. The garage still houses teacher supplies that she refuses to get rid of even though she is retired. We have already gone through it once and tossed some. The crawl spaces still has her crap and other things through out the house. SO and I are starting to look at houses and I mentioned that all this needs to be cleaned up if we plan on moving and renting out the house. I much rather tackle it over time than last minute before moving. I honestly can't wait to get out of the house bc change is a big no no mostly bc he is accused to how the house is even if it is out of date.
Things between MIL and I used to be good but has slowly deteriorated over time. I think it's a combo of her pushing or questioning my parenting and feeling she has the right to do as she pleases with our son. Of course the SO really doesn't care and usually thinks his mom is right. Like putting our son in pull ups when I don't want to use or asking when I was going to start solids or he's not getting enough breast milk to eat or how he needs an undershirt bc it's cold outside etc. Friday it sligy came to a head. I've been gone at military training for the last six weeks and she's been helping the SO by picking him up from day care. I was home early Friday and picked him up and she calls me wondering why I didn't tell her I was picking him up, ummm well bc he's my son and I didn't know you were planning on picking him up. That was an arrangement between the SO and you so you need to take it up with him on why he didn't tell you. She doesn't know about baby no 2 yet, the SO wanted it that way for whatever reason. I just want to move further away from her.
I am laughing reading all of these. Why do mil have to be this way?! When I was pregnant with my son, she made the comment in front of everyone that I had gained the most weight in the family since we had seen each other last! Thanks B for noticing your grandson is growing! We called to let her know we are pregnant with #3 and she said my that one is a breader, you are going to be done after this one right? I have Learned to laugh her off or I would be miserable. Living 1,000 miles away doesn't hurt either
@robomama right? And they are full of the worst advice ever too. After DD was born and MIL came to visit at our house the first time, DD started crying and MIL said, "don't pick them up right away or you'll spoil them." WTF you can't spoil a newborn by taking care of it when it needs you! They only cry if they need something at that age. %-(
Reading these makes me feel better about my MIL, but this is our first child (MILs second grandchild) so only time will tell. Our family lives far away so when we visit it is normally them staying with us or us staying with them... Which can be trying. My husband just took them to the airport this morning after a 12 day visit (we told them in person when they arrived that we are expecting), and for the most part the visit went well. If future visits could be kept to 12 days or less that would be great, the time they stayed with us for three weeks was a bit much.
I already foresee my MIL disagreeing with our parenting style, but my husband and I are on the same page. Especially in terms of food. The in laws are all picky eaters (but not my husband) so when they stay with us I feel stifled in the kitchen. But I'm going to work on retraining them. I grew up in a family where what was made was what was for dinner, and if you didn't like something you could pick it out but there wouldn't be a second meal prepared just for you. Apparently my MIL thinks that it's cruel to force your kids to eat things they don't like. Her daughter whom is my age won't eat multigrain pasta, only white pasta, for meat only eats chicken and hot dogs, her other son hardly eats any vegetables, her husband doesn't eat rice, cheese, or raw fruit. That's the quick notes version. Needless to say, cooking for them when they visit is a pain. I do not intend to raise children to become people that are so picky. But that's just me and apparently I'm going to be cruel.
Another point of contention may also be that my husband and I are both atheists but my MIL is Christian (Anglican). I respect everyone's beliefs and my parents both came from Christian families, I even have an uncle that is a minister, but I don't think people should force their beliefs on others. Last night my MIL gave us a movie about how science can prove that God does exist. Really? Thanks for the movie recommendation. She got really worked up about it as she was explaining the movie and how it proves that god exists to my husband and I retreated to our bedroom. I would just rather not get into it with her because although my husband and I both think that you can't prove anything we are entitled to our own beliefs.
P.S. I made lasagna for dinner the other night and put chopped up carrots, onion, and spinach in the sauce chopped up so fine there was no picking it out. But I left the cheese out of a section for my FIL (whom is a very sweet man food aversions aside).
@LauraFi can I just say you are an angel for putting up with that ridiculousness re: food prep. I would scream. Feed your baby what you eat (when it's time to of course) and they will be fine. DD (2 yo) always at least tastes what we make, even if it is something new. She may not like it enough to eat more than a bite and we don't force her to, but we also don't make a separate meal for her. We do try to make things that have at least one or two elements we know she likes though, so she doesn't go hungry. Girl loves her veggies. We're in the same boat with all our family coming to visit after LO is born and I'm already feeling like I'm going to be smothered. Every time we talk to MIL on skype she asks when we want her to come out. She's the kind that is overly helpful, which can be frustrating for me because I'm an independent, figure out how to do it on my own sort.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one with MIL issues! We told my husband's parents about our news last weekend and one of the first things my MIL said was, "Can your little Asian body give birth to a half white baby?" Oh dear, smh. Then she proceeded to lecture me about how my vegetarian diet was going to create a malnourished grandbaby! Sometimes I just want her to GO AWAY!!!!!
Bravo for keeping your cool! I can totally relate to crazy MIL moments especially regarding my first pregnancy. I know it would've felt really great to cut her down in the way she intentionally did you, but you made the right move! In the grand scheme of things, her opinion doesn't matter much, and if you rarely have to see her...all the better! My MIL made sevvvvveral ridiculous comments, but when it came down to it I realized that it really didn't have anything to do with me as a person, it had to do with the fact that I'm in her son's life and she's no longer the most important woman to him, therefore she's threatened by that. I think having a baby heightens that fear of being irrelevant and not needed. If I would've reacted the way I wanted to every time it would have caused a lot of friction. Don't get me wrong, DH definitely heard my side of what was going on! But I was able to have a conversation with him to make him aware of what was going on and so when he noticed he could defend me. And besides, that's your baby you're having...she can keep that up if she wants to and it's going to push her further and further out of baby's life! Besides, if nothing else, we can all learn exactly how NOT to be when we become MIL's!! So keep your cool, mama. You control this situation and you'll be/are a rockstar, bloat and all
I got along great with MIL until we had DS. My advice to the FTMs is to be clear with your husband about setting boundaries with parents and make sure to back each other up. We didn't want any visitors at the hospital until we got to the postpartum rooms, so imagine my delight when the in laws burst into the delivery room moments after my son was born and I was trying to learn to breastfeed. Then my MIL demanded to hold DS, took his hat off, and sat by a drafty window. His temp dropped, so they had to take him away to put him under the heater. MH was completely oblivious until I told him later on how upset I was, but luckily a nursed saw that I was getting pissed and kicked them out. After that I just feel like it was one thing after another.
All this to say, the whole experience and how she acted after DS was born drove a huge wedge between us that I just now feel like I'm getting over 3 years later.
I have a new one, we told MIL about the pregnancy after we saw the HB, we asked her not to tell anyone until after her brother's upcoming wedding, at that time (the wedding) I was just 11 weeks. By the time we got to the wedding she was already drunk and had told a bunch of relatives. It was not what I wanted AT ALL. I felt so bad about it and apologized to my Husband's uncle at the wedding and via text the next day. Thankfully he was not upset and congratulated us. All that proved was that in the future I'm not telling her ANYTHING until I'm well ready for the world to know. I certainly do not want her or anyone at the birth for that matter. I'll have DH call her the next day. She also kept slurring something about needing help with the nursery, I think she thinks she can stay with us after the baby and that I'll need her help, freaking hilarious. She doesn't even have a key to our house for good reason. I'm so grateful DH is on board. Whew.
Re: I Think We're About Due for a MIL Rant...
OK, so I get that this baby is my MIL's first grandchild but oh my. HOLD YOUR HORSES LADY! She has already told all of her friends, ex-boyfriends, childhood buddies that she doesn't even speak to that she is "going to be a nanny" when I haven't even told most of my family yet! She's a loon. She has like planned and paid for her 2nd marriage already and she's been with the guy for 3 months and oh yeah, HE HASNT ASKED HER. She's just very premature about everything.
Just like when she said "oh I've been looking at prams for you" and "I really wanted to buy this little outfit today that says 'I love daddy' on it" as if she's trying to irritate me. I haven't bought a single thing yet and don't want to until my 12 week u/s.
When my fiancé proposed she said "are you going to get married then? Some people just leave it at engagement don't they". Just stop. She has serious control issues and I can't deal.
I just hate how it's like some mums can't let go of their sons it's scary.
Wooooooow I feel better.
My MIL is insane. My SO and I live down the road from her, unfortunately. She's not a bad person, but lord!! She cries all of the time and freaks out over everything. When my fiancé and I very first moved in together I was 17 and was just getting a new job. She had come over one night with family (my fiancé's aunt, uncle, and their daughter) I had yet to meet and in the middle of dinner says infront of everyone "it really must be nice to have a boyfriend that just takes care of you while you sit at home" .....I was furious. I made her leave our house. I went from not having a job, car, or my own place to having all of that in 2 months after graduating 6 months early. Excuse me for quitting one job to work somewhere I would make more. Anyways, our relationship is a lot better now that I don't willingly see her often. We would do dinner every week, but that's been cut down to monthly. Definitely going to be one of the last people we tell about the baby considering she was very unsupportive of us trying and miscarrying; twice.
Things between MIL and I used to be good but has slowly deteriorated over time. I think it's a combo of her pushing or questioning my parenting and feeling she has the right to do as she pleases with our son. Of course the SO really doesn't care and usually thinks his mom is right. Like putting our son in pull ups when I don't want to use or asking when I was going to start solids or he's not getting enough breast milk to eat or how he needs an undershirt bc it's cold outside etc. Friday it sligy came to a head. I've been gone at military training for the last six weeks and she's been helping the SO by picking him up from day care. I was home early Friday and picked him up and she calls me wondering why I didn't tell her I was picking him up, ummm well bc he's my son and I didn't know you were planning on picking him up. That was an arrangement between the SO and you so you need to take it up with him on why he didn't tell you. She doesn't know about baby no 2 yet, the SO wanted it that way for whatever reason. I just want to move further away from her.
And they are full of the worst advice ever too.
After DD was born and MIL came to visit at our house the first time, DD started crying and MIL said, "don't pick them up right away or you'll spoil them."
WTF you can't spoil a newborn by taking care of it when it needs you! They only cry if they need something at that age. %-(
Feed your baby what you eat (when it's time to of course) and they will be fine. DD (2 yo) always at least tastes what we make, even if it is something new. She may not like it enough to eat more than a bite and we don't force her to, but we also don't make a separate meal for her. We do try to make things that have at least one or two elements we know she likes though, so she doesn't go hungry. Girl loves her veggies.
We're in the same boat with all our family coming to visit after LO is born and I'm already feeling like I'm going to be smothered. Every time we talk to MIL on skype she asks when we want her to come out. She's the kind that is overly helpful, which can be frustrating for me because I'm an independent, figure out how to do it on my own sort.
All this to say, the whole experience and how she acted after DS was born drove a huge wedge between us that I just now feel like I'm getting over 3 years later.