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November 2015 Moms
TacoSarah
member
Looks like I'm joining the single mums club
TacoSarah
member
I've tried to make it work with him but after his actions today I'm not sure I want him in my life at all.
Long story short, he lives somewhere else during the week right now because his job is a 3 hours drive from me and goes back every Sunday evening. We argued today so I drove him to the train station so he could go back early. His case was in the trunk of the car. I thought when he got out he'd gone to the trunk and taken it out, I was mad and not really paying attention and drove away. Then I get a text message saying:
'You have stolen my suitcase, I have had to report you to the police. Please return my properly.'
So I replied saying I didn't realise he hadn't taken it out when I drove away and he could collect it when I got home because I was now going to the party we were supposed to be going to and almost there.
Then I get a call from the police asking what was going on and that he had said I had taken his property, was in an unstable mental condition and he had concerns over mine and the baby's wellbeing.
So I've had to explain to the police officer what happened, he said it sounded ridiculous that my OH had called them and we could sort it out between us.
I don't even know what to say tbh.
Long story short, he lives somewhere else during the week right now because his job is a 3 hours drive from me and goes back every Sunday evening. We argued today so I drove him to the train station so he could go back early. His case was in the trunk of the car. I thought when he got out he'd gone to the trunk and taken it out, I was mad and not really paying attention and drove away. Then I get a text message saying:
'You have stolen my suitcase, I have had to report you to the police. Please return my properly.'
So I replied saying I didn't realise he hadn't taken it out when I drove away and he could collect it when I got home because I was now going to the party we were supposed to be going to and almost there.
Then I get a call from the police asking what was going on and that he had said I had taken his property, was in an unstable mental condition and he had concerns over mine and the baby's wellbeing.
So I've had to explain to the police officer what happened, he said it sounded ridiculous that my OH had called them and we could sort it out between us.
I don't even know what to say tbh.
Re: Looks like I'm joining the single mums club
I'm sorry Sarah
But he will be thinking he is totally justified in his behaviour. There will be no apology from him.
Hope things get better for you!
He sounds like an ass, you're probably so much better without him.
So sorry you are going through this. Stay strong, momma!
Married 9/28/13
DS born 11/12/15
EDD 8/13/18
I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
He's also very petty. He posted my u/s photo as his banner on FB. But he left all my personal information inc full name, date of birth, hospital number, and the hospital name on the photo. His profile is open to anyone to view so I asked him to take the photo down. So he takes it down, deletes me as a friend and blocks me. I actually laughed over that one. He's 35 years old and the immaturity blew my mind so much I had to laugh at him.
I could hear it in the policeman's voice when we were talking he was thinking WTAF is this dude's problem. I apologised to the cop for wasting his time and he was fine about it luckily.
I need to have a good think about how I'm going to handle this going forward. I don't have to put his name as the father on the birth certificate, which would mean he would have no parental rights. If he wanted to get joint parental rights he would have to apply to the court to be registered as the father. So if he took the baby without my authorisation, that would be child abduction. But I feel like that would be very unfair to both him and the child. He might be an asshat to me, but baby should know his father.
Can someone just knock some sense into him please. Lol
If you want him to have rights, but don't want a relationship with him, think it is important to look into different custody agreements and talk with a lawyer so that you aren't dealing with that after the baby arrives.
Again, I am really sorry you are dealing with this.
Baby Boy born on 1/14/13
If he is calling the cops and getting them involved, if the baby was already born he could have informed child protective services and taken the baby. Even now its great he blew it off and didnt alert them. Last thing you want is an investigation from child services
I think he's dangerous. Not in a physical or mental abuse way, but because he can't see how much trouble his rash decisions and subsequent actions can and will cause.
I think I said this about him in another post, he doesn't think about the bigger picture. I'm still incredulous over the fact that he called the police and told them that I'd taken his property and he's concerned I might hurt myself or the baby. Thank goodness the policeman was so sensible. It could have gone very very badly.
Unless she were in the middle of an illegal activity that was cause for arrest they couldn't just ride up and take the baby.
A reason I suggest not putting him on the birth certificate is that if he tries to take the baby and he is on the birth certificate they can't really do anything but if he is not a "parent" it would be considered kidnapping.
In my state you have to list a father on the BC. If you ever need state assistance it is necessary. Child support can easily go through the state and it can cd taken right out of his check into a card for you.
If you are done with him I think the only thing you can do now is to be civil with him. The more he decides to call police on you for stupid crap the better it looks on you in court. He is making a public record for himself that you can get easy access to if/when you go to court for custody. It's your word against his but now you have proof of his craziness
Good luck, I hope it will work out for you. Talk to other single moms and find out what they did with custody ask of any regrets. Sometimes we make quick decisions when we just want it over and with a kid you could deal with in needed consequences for many years. Get everything to the T in court papers!!
I called the Child Support Agency this morning and they talked me through everything.
I can only put his name on the birth certificate and give the child his last name if he is present and agrees when the birth is registered. So if I register the birth in his absence, I will be the only parent registered and the child will have my last name automatically. I will also have sole parental responsibility.
I can still apply for child support from him even if he is not registered as the father. If he denies paternity, then a paternity test will be carried out and he will have to pay for the test (around £300). He has options on how to pay the child support, he can pay me directly without any cost to him or through an agency, which will cost him an additional 20% in fees. If he refuses to pay, he will have his wages garnished at source and have to pay an administration fee.
If he denies paternity, this will affect his rights to visitation access. Given that he is likely to live where he currently works, 3 hour drive from me, he is highly unlikely to be given joint custody if he applied for it. So it looks hopeful for me and baby in that respect.
But I'm just sad it has come to this.
I'm sorry that this is happening to you. My older sister is a single mom as well and I am so proud of her, she is an amazing mom!
Keep your head high and do your darnest best in all you do!