Sarah, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I wish that I had some advice for you, all I can say is stay strong, and my thoughts are with you and your family. I have faith that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
I am so sorry it has come to this, but it sounds like leaving is the better choice in this situation. If he's as immature as you've indicated he won't be a stable partner to have around your child. *hugs*
@TacoSarah I'm so sorry to hear about this, but I'm cheered to see that you are handling the situation with maturity and grace, and also keeping the baby's best interests in mind however difficult that may be. It will serve you well in the coming months. Best of luck with everything, and please keep us posted.
My ex said to the police I was unstable for takeing our 4 y old by that time to a shrink. Our son has every simptom of ADHD. And he came to make a scene at my workplace. So I called the police. He called his mom.....so at least you don't have to deal with 2 crazy people ))). On the other side....leave as you still can. I did the same shit : kid shouldn't miss out on his father. They are turning him into a peasent and a child with 0 culture who they refuse to help get treatment. I need his signature for everything and he has visitation rights at his home every effin weekend. I can't leave the country with my son , not even for a vacation. If I want to leave I have to go to court with at least 1 y in advance! You can let him see the baby if you really want to , but don't give him any rights. In the long run if he keeps being an ahole....you will regret it and have to fight true loooong and expensive court hearings and lawyers.
I wouldn't even think of taking a child that young to a psychiatrist, as many symptoms of ADD, ADHD, etc. are nearly indistinguishable from normal toddler behavior. However, I certainly wouldn't call the cops on my SO if they wanted to look into the possibility.
I wouldn't even think of taking a child that young to a psychiatrist, as many symptoms of ADD, ADHD, etc. are nearly indistinguishable from normal toddler behavior. However, I certainly wouldn't call the cops on my SO if they wanted to look into the possibility.
There is a spectrum to ADHD. Some children, like my daughter, are so far to one side of that spectrum that it is obvious from an incredibly young age that something is not right. There are also other developmental and social disorders that present with symptoms similar to ADHD such as stimming in autism or not paying attention to people talking to you with language processing disorders. We eventually discovered that my daughter has a language processing disorder, but the doctors were not willing to diagnose her with anything until after her ADHD was under control. I would hesitate to discourage people from seeking psych assessments for their young children if they suspect there is something wrong since early intervention is critical in many different disorders.
ETA: A psychologist may be a better choice for a very young child than a psychiatrist. Psychologists are unable to prescribe medications and therefore have less of a tendency to suggest that route. Many people use the words interchangeably though.
My ex said to the police I was unstable for takeing our 4 y old by that time to a shrink. Our son has every simptom of ADHD. And he came to make a scene at my workplace. So I called the police. He called his mom.....so at least you don't have to deal with 2 crazy people ))). On the other side....leave as you still can. I did the same shit : kid shouldn't miss out on his father. They are turning him into a peasent and a child with 0 culture who they refuse to help get treatment. I need his signature for everything and he has visitation rights at his home every effin weekend. I can't leave the country with my son , not even for a vacation. If I want to leave I have to go to court with at least 1 y in advance! You can let him see the baby if you really want to , but don't give him any rights. In the long run if he keeps being an ahole....you will regret it and have to fight true loooong and expensive court hearings and lawyers.
I wouldn't even think of taking a child that young to a psychiatrist, as many symptoms of ADD, ADHD, etc. are nearly indistinguishable from normal toddler behavior. However, I certainly wouldn't call the cops on my SO if they wanted to look into the possibility.
Actually, my child's school suggested I take him at the age of 3. I didn't because I felt his behavior was normal for that age. However, it is done at an early age.
My ex said to the police I was unstable for takeing our 4 y old by that time to a shrink. Our son has every simptom of ADHD. And he came to make a scene at my workplace. So I called the police. He called his mom.....so at least you don't have to deal with 2 crazy people ))). On the other side....leave as you still can. I did the same shit : kid shouldn't miss out on his father. They are turning him into a peasent and a child with 0 culture who they refuse to help get treatment. I need his signature for everything and he has visitation rights at his home every effin weekend. I can't leave the country with my son , not even for a vacation. If I want to leave I have to go to court with at least 1 y in advance! You can let him see the baby if you really want to , but don't give him any rights. In the long run if he keeps being an ahole....you will regret it and have to fight true loooong and expensive court hearings and lawyers.
I wouldn't even think of taking a child that young to a psychiatrist, as many symptoms of ADD, ADHD, etc. are nearly indistinguishable from normal toddler behavior. However, I certainly wouldn't call the cops on my SO if they wanted to look into the possibility.
Actually, my child's school suggested I take him at the age of 3. I didn't because I felt his behavior was normal for that age. However, it is done at an early age.
After looking it up I found that ADHD can be diagnosed as early as age 4 (you learn something new every day, they say!), but for me personally, I probably would give my child until at least after kindergarten before pursuing a diagnosis and/or treatment.
I wouldn't even think of taking a child that young to a psychiatrist, as many symptoms of ADD, ADHD, etc. are nearly indistinguishable from normal toddler behavior. However, I certainly wouldn't call the cops on my SO if they wanted to look into the possibility.
There is a spectrum to ADHD. Some children, like my daughter, are so far to one side of that spectrum that it is obvious from an incredibly young age that something is not right. There are also other developmental and social disorders that present with symptoms similar to ADHD such as stimming in autism or not paying attention to people talking to you with language processing disorders. We eventually discovered that my daughter has a language processing disorder, but the doctors were not willing to diagnose her with anything until after her ADHD was under control. I would hesitate to discourage people from seeking psych assessments for their young children if they suspect there is something wrong since early intervention is critical in many different disorders.
ETA: A psychologist may be a better choice for a very young child than a psychiatrist. Psychologists are unable to prescribe medications and therefore have less of a tendency to suggest that route. Many people use the words interchangeably though.
Thank you, VexyMommy, I knew that word was not quite right but I could not seem to come up with the one I was looking for.
My ex said to the police I was unstable for takeing our 4 y old by that time to a shrink. Our son has every simptom of ADHD. And he came to make a scene at my workplace. So I called the police. He called his mom.....so at least you don't have to deal with 2 crazy people ))). On the other side....leave as you still can. I did the same shit : kid shouldn't miss out on his father. They are turning him into a peasent and a child with 0 culture who they refuse to help get treatment. I need his signature for everything and he has visitation rights at his home every effin weekend. I can't leave the country with my son , not even for a vacation. If I want to leave I have to go to court with at least 1 y in advance! You can let him see the baby if you really want to , but don't give him any rights. In the long run if he keeps being an ahole....you will regret it and have to fight true loooong and expensive court hearings and lawyers.
I wouldn't even think of taking a child that young to a psychiatrist, as many symptoms of ADD, ADHD, etc. are nearly indistinguishable from normal toddler behavior. However, I certainly wouldn't call the cops on my SO if they wanted to look into the possibility.
Actually, my child's school suggested I take him at the age of 3. I didn't because I felt his behavior was normal for that age. However, it is done at an early age.
After looking it up I found that ADHD can be diagnosed as early as age 4 (you learn something new every day, they say!), but for me personally, I probably would give my child until at least after kindergarten before pursuing a diagnosis and/or treatment.
Oh I agree. That's why I never took my son. And guess what, it was the age. He out grew it
My ex said to the police I was unstable for takeing our 4 y old by that time to a shrink. Our son has every simptom of ADHD. And he came to make a scene at my workplace. So I called the police. He called his mom.....so at least you don't have to deal with 2 crazy people ))). On the other side....leave as you still can. I did the same shit : kid shouldn't miss out on his father. They are turning him into a peasent and a child with 0 culture who they refuse to help get treatment. I need his signature for everything and he has visitation rights at his home every effin weekend. I can't leave the country with my son , not even for a vacation. If I want to leave I have to go to court with at least 1 y in advance! You can let him see the baby if you really want to , but don't give him any rights. In the long run if he keeps being an ahole....you will regret it and have to fight true loooong and expensive court hearings and lawyers.
I wouldn't even think of taking a child that young to a psychiatrist, as many symptoms of ADD, ADHD, etc. are nearly indistinguishable from normal toddler behavior. However, I certainly wouldn't call the cops on my SO if they wanted to look into the possibility.
Actually, my child's school suggested I take him at the age of 3. I didn't because I felt his behavior was normal for that age. However, it is done at an early age.
After looking it up I found that ADHD can be diagnosed as early as age 4 (you learn something new every day, they say!), but for me personally, I probably would give my child until at least after kindergarten before pursuing a diagnosis and/or treatment.
Oh I agree. That's why I never took my son. And guess what, it was the age. He out grew it
My SS had trouble holding still, concentrating, etc. for his first
couple of years he was in school. For the most part, he's also outgrown
those things.
Just a thought- get a voice recorder- and record everytime you 2 have a conversation- so if you need evidence of his threats and all, you have it for the courts and lawyer if it comes to that.
If you are in the United States, recording somebody without their permission is it inadmissible in court. The only time recording is permissible is when a warrant has been obtained ahead of time. But good thought.
If you are in the United States, recording somebody without their permission is it inadmissible in court. The only time recording is permissible is when a warrant has been obtained ahead of time. But good thought.
That's incorrect. Certain states have requirements for 2 party consent, I believe there are 7 of them total. The majority of states allow voice recordings with 1 party consent and they are admissible in court. @TacoSarah is also in the UK if I'm not mistaken.
Just a thought- get a voice recorder- and record everytime you 2 have a conversation- so if you need evidence of his threats and all, you have it for the courts and lawyer if it comes to that.
If you are in the United States, recording somebody without their permission is it inadmissible in court. The only time recording is permissible is when a warrant has been obtained ahead of time. But good thought.
This last part is actually not entirely true--it depends on the state you're in. In Colorado it is legal to record a conversation as long as at least one person is aware and consents. Law enforcement does it all the time to add evidence to cases involving child abusers and rapists, they are called pretext phone calls. That being said, definitely check your local laws, it'd be terrible to get in trouble for something like that.
I would also add that I think it's really important for parents who are planning to share parenting time to have a court ordered agreement. Again this is specific to the US, not sure how things are in the UK, but I have seen so many parents get burned by thinking they can have an informal agreement to shared parenting time when one parent decides they don't like how the other parent is doing something and either withhold the child, make unilateral decisions or abscond with the kid entirely. Without a formal parenting plan sometimes there is no recourse for the other, usually more responsible parent. Get a court order if you plan to share parenting!! Then the court and law enforcement HAVE to enforce it.
I'm getting the ball rolling and as advised by the Child Support Agency, I am writing to him to try to make an informal arrangement for child support. I've worked out the total monthly cost for child care, accommodation, food, clothing, medical expenses, toys & entertainment and diapers. As he earns less than me, I am suggesting that I pay 60% of the total cost and he pays the remaining 40%.
I'm getting the ball rolling and as advised by the Child Support Agency, I am writing to him to try to make an informal arrangement for child support. I've worked out the total monthly cost for child care, accommodation, food, clothing, medical expenses, toys & entertainment and diapers. As he earns less than me, I am suggesting that I pay 60% of the total cost and he pays the remaining 40%.
Do you think that sounds fair?
Without getting too much into your affairs, it sounds good. My state actually uses a formula to determine support amount. It equals about 25% of each parents income. For instance if he made 25% of your combined income and you made 75%, it would expect you to pay 75% of the total costs instead of a 60/40 split. I've linked the calculator. You could put the pertinent figures into there and see how your figures compare.
I'm getting the ball rolling and as advised by the Child Support Agency, I am writing to him to try to make an informal arrangement for child support. I've worked out the total monthly cost for child care, accommodation, food, clothing, medical expenses, toys & entertainment and diapers. As he earns less than me, I am suggesting that I pay 60% of the total cost and he pays the remaining 40%.
Do you think that sounds fair?
Without getting too much into your affairs, it sounds good. My state actually uses a formula to determine support amount. It equals about 25% of each parents income. For instance if he made 25% of your combined income and you made 75%, it would expect you to pay 75% of the total costs instead of a 60/40 split. I've linked the calculator. You could put the pertinent figures into there and see how your figures compare.
Glad I could help. I've shared a little about my current relationship troubles and I've BTDT as a single mom with my first little one too. If you ever want to talk or need a sounding board, feel free to PM me.
Well I get it some of you girls have kids that grew out of it. I've been waiting 3 y already and things are going worse or most times stagnating. I had problems with my son since he was 1.5 y old. And people allways said he will grew out of it. Now familly and his kindergarten teachers and other people there who care for the kids, all agreed that he has been getting worse lately. Everyone has his opinion and I know what I am going thru. Speech, behaviour and so on. So I'm sorry of not going on the he will grow out of it route. A child is never to young to be treated and specially if they have psichologycall issues. Those most often follow them to adulthood.
I just now read this post but I wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you have things pretty well figured out. It seems like you're doing what's necessary for you and baby! I know it's not the easiest decision but I agree with the other ladies that it's for the best.
I would be extremely careful. That does not sound like someone who has yours or your babies best interest at heart. Not only that but if my husband ever called the police on me for anything, that would be that. He will probably not like if you choose a route that doesn't involve him and it sounds like he is dangerous. Mentally and physically, would you really want to jeapordize your own life and the baby be left to alone. I would seek help. Do you have a relationship with his family, is this behavior something of repetition. I would not even allow him to come stay with me any further. If you decided you didn't want to involve him there is also the chance he could try to be vindictive and set you up, and as crazy as that sounds I have seen and heard it all in my area of work. Be smart, use your better judgment, and put yourself and that baby first. I really don't think from a psychological stand point you need to risk it.
If you are in the United States, recording somebody without their permission is it inadmissible in court. The only time recording is permissible is when a warrant has been obtained ahead of time. But good thought.
That's incorrect. Certain states have requirements for 2 party consent, I believe there are 7 of them total. The majority of states allow voice recordings with 1 party consent and they are admissible in court. @TacoSarah is also in the UK if I'm not mistaken.
I'm in US. I had no idea about law about these things. For me I would record it in case and if my lawyer or whoever finds that it's admissible, I have evidence. It was just an thought. What about UK, what laws do they have on it
Obviously you need to do what you know is best for you but I just wanted to tell you about my current situation. I have 3 children and am expecting my 4th. My 1st two children have not seen their father in 4 yrs except for 1 and a half hours with a therapist. I wish I would have walked away from the situation I was in sooner. It was similar to your situation until my 1st child was born. He then went totally crazy. I had a TRO at one point. After that didn't stick he waited awhile and then called me to say he was seeing a therapist and a getting help etc etc etc. We got back together. In the beginning happy little family. Then baby #2 and again he went full on crazy. It took my 2 years before I could get out of the situation. He took one of the children in the middle of the night which was a nightmare to deal with. I now have a RO on him. The RO was finialized in 2010. I was in court every month of 2010 and most of 2011. Each court appearance is over $1000 for my lawyer. We have filed for him to pay the fees or half of since he files ridiculous things (ex: he doesn't want the children around my then boyfriend(now husband), wants to know the school they are in (at the time the children were not even 5 yet), wants to make the court aware he called DYFS (which they dropped all 8+ cases) ). The judge has literally looked at him like he is crazy. I have to be escorted out of the courthouse because he has threatened me at the court house because he doesn't get his way. This year he has decided he wants to start filing again. So back to court I go. We are on #3 of this year because of some conflicts with my lawyers schedule and weather that has pushed dates back otherwise I'm sure there would be more. Then there is DYFS. They actually contacted him about his false claims. At one point he had 3 claims open on me at 1 time with 3 different social workers. My 2 children have PTSD due to the things they have been through with him. That has led to a lot of therapy sessions. It is very difficult to deal with. My 2 oldest children see my husband as their father not this other person. They actually refuse to call him anything except his name. And all this started as something small like your situation.
Wow, maybe you are better off without him! I mean if he's calling the cops over a suitcase of clothes imagine what he is capable of down the road with your child.
I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
This exactly. How he acts now will amplify once baby gets here. He is clearly unstable.
hey i'll be a single mom too. my baby's father decided to just stop talking to me block my number and my social media and go around telling everyone I'm a liar and the baby isn't his. after he initially started out super excited and was completely on board with this. one day he had a change of heart and said get rid of it, either adoption or the other a word. I said no and then well now here I am. it'll be okay I promise.
hey i'll be a single mom too. my baby's father decided to just stop talking to me block my number and my social media and go around telling everyone I'm a liar and the baby isn't his. after he initially started out super excited and was completely on board with this. one day he had a change of heart and said get rid of it, either adoption or the other a word. I said no and then well now here I am. it'll be okay I promise.
So sorry to hear you are going through this. But kudos to you for being in such high spirits. Thinking positive will definitely help during this time. And you are absolutely right, it'll be okay.
hey i'll be a single mom too. my baby's father decided to just stop talking to me block my number and my social media and go around telling everyone I'm a liar and the baby isn't his. after he initially started out super excited and was completely on board with this. one day he had a change of heart and said get rid of it, either adoption or the other a word. I said no and then well now here I am. it'll be okay I promise.
I'm sorry to hear that hun but loving your attitude. And you're so right, it will be ok. Not ideal but definitely ok.
Re: Looks like I'm joining the single mums club
ETA: A psychologist may be a better choice for a very young child than a psychiatrist. Psychologists are unable to prescribe medications and therefore have less of a tendency to suggest that route. Many people use the words interchangeably though.
Actually, my child's school suggested I take him at the age of 3. I didn't because I felt his behavior was normal for that age. However, it is done at an early age.
Thank you, VexyMommy, I knew that word was not quite right but I could not seem to come up with the one I was looking for.
Oh I agree. That's why I never took my son. And guess what, it was the age. He out grew it
My SS had trouble holding still, concentrating, etc. for his first couple of years he was in school. For the most part, he's also outgrown those things.
I'm getting the ball rolling and as advised by the Child Support Agency, I am writing to him to try to make an informal arrangement for child support. I've worked out the total monthly cost for child care, accommodation, food, clothing, medical expenses, toys & entertainment and diapers. As he earns less than me, I am suggesting that I pay 60% of the total cost and he pays the remaining 40%.
Do you think that sounds fair?
https://www.divorcehq.com/calculators/georgia-child-support-calculator.shtml
I'm in US. I had no idea about law about these things. For me I would record it in case and if my lawyer or whoever finds that it's admissible, I have evidence. It was just an thought.
What about UK, what laws do they have on it