my husband had a vasectomy at 19, we were married 4 months ago and found out we were expecting 2 weeks ago, he was very happy at first but this morning hit me with a surprise of he wants nothing to do with the pregnancy until te baby is born and he can have a dna test done, I was crushed hurt angry and MAD ! Anyone else had this happen ???
Re: Vasectomy baby :)
As an FYI though , a dna test can be performed while your pregnant.
Sorry u have to go through this.
OP I'm sorry you are going through this and hope things can be resolved soon, the number one supporter should be your husband and I'm glad he seems to be coming around. It sounds like a major discussion about trust needs to be had.
Like I said, I don't actually really know anything about it other than this is not the first time I've heard of a gal getting pregnant after her guy says he had a vasectomy as a teenager.
I also know that I've had girlfriends in their 30's that had to fight to get their tubes tied because doctors think they'll change their minds later. I think there are certain double standards in place that men are believed sooner than women when they say they don't want children but I'm under the impression that sooner happens mid to late 20's not while they are still teenagers.
Edit: words are hard
As far as I'm aware, it's really the same here. Which is why I have a hard time believing a 19 year old boy was able to find a doctor who would sterilize him. I also again wonder about the money aspect because I don't see insurance covering it. But- I don't know! I'm not a doctor, a teenager boy or an insurance company. So I'm hoping I'm not speaking out of turn by asking these questions/sharing these doubts of mine.
Eta: I also don't know how much it costs out of pocket, so it could be super cheap or available at free clinics for all I know.
While the failure rate is low, it's still a very very good possibility. Usually it's a higher possibly closer to when he got it done, but none the less still a possibility ! Stuff like that happens all the times, nothing is 100% unless you have stuff removed like your testicles, or hysterectomy !
I'll play devils advocate and say he's probably just scared. If he really believed he couldn't have kids, and especially if he had friends whispering in his ears it's not his. He could be scared and hurt that maybe you cheated. I'm sure he loves you and wants it to be his. And I'm sure he'll regret this all when he finds out it is. Just try to think from his point of view too. It's a terrible position for you both but I'm happy for your little surprise and hoping all turns out well!
I was scared to death to tell him about my first pregnancy, thinking there was no way he'd believe me, he'd think I cheated, etc. He didn't leave, though it took him some time to get used to the whole idea. Seeing the baby on ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, abs later feeling him kick helped DH to bond. Now DS is two and there's no denying who his daddy is!
OP, it sounds like your husband is having a hard time wrapping his head around the idea of being a father after thinking for so long he wouldn't be. A paternity test might help, but also just giving him some time.
You mention that you got married pretty recently, too, so maybe that's stressing him out--finding out you'll be parents right away instead of having a couple years to adjust to married life first.