Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
casey132
member
Re: How to keep MIL out of the delivery room
Points to make sure H knows:
1. If you are stressed, labor can take longer, have problems, and can cause for interventions.
2. You have absolute say. Meaning you can tell the nurses and she won't be allowed in L&D if you don't want.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
In a similar-yet-different scenario, my husband and I had an ongoing "argument" for a few months where I said I didn't want anyone at the hospital while I was in labor and that I didn't want to see anyone until I said I was ready. He felt that it was unfair to his parents since they are first time grandparents. While I could understand his point, I asked him to really think about what it meant for me and the strain on my body. We still went back and forth on it for a while until I asked him to really look in to what labor is like on the female body. After reading a bit and (him) talking to the midwife, he agreed with me.
Maybe help your hubby understand why you don't want her there (it's stressful) and why you want your mom there (don't we all want our mom when we are sick or hurting). I would suggest sitting down and rationally talking about your expectations for birth vs. what he thinks will happen, what you feel like you need and why you think that. Maybe if he understands your reasoning it will help. He's likely just seeing it as you like your mom better than his right now and that is why he is taking it personally.
I also found it very helpful for my hubby to talk to other dads who had been through labor and delivery. It really changed his tune!
Good luck!
Sorry this is clearly something that hit a button. My husband has never told me who to have in the room!
I would make him watch a video of a woman in labor so he can see the experience and hopefully understand why you wouldn't be comfortable.
I personally don't believe your labor and delivery is a time for anyone else to intrude on. And it's one of those times that anyone else asking you to consider their feelings is very selfish of them- in the bad way!
It's giving birth. It's hard work. It's not a party or social event.
I have no idea how to make your husband understand because to me it's very simple, you need to be comfortable with everyone who's in the room and you can't have added stress or distractions and at the same time you also need support. Therefore he qualifies to be in the room, your mom qualifies to be in the room and your mil does not. It's not about "fair." Or "if you get that I get this." It's about you. Your comfort. Your ability to concentrate. You giving birth.
Now after the baby is born and you've had a moment to rest and recovery a bit and you are letting people in to see the baby, then I think he should be allowed to have his mom see his baby. But I don't think she needs to be there before the baby has arrived.
I'm sorry you have this extra stress at a time in your life you really don't need it.
Have you checked to see the hospital's policy on number of people in the delivery room? That might settle things in an easier way than trying to explain things to your husband. Maybe they have a 2 person maximum (mine does)...if so, situation resolved.
Have you done any tour or info session at the hospital/birthing center you're having the baby at?
If not, think about doing one with your dh. When we did ours (6 years ago with dd1) the l&d nurses speaking were VERY VERY clear that the only person who mattered on the day was mom. Dad's feeling's don't come into it while you are laboring and delivering baby. They said if mom says no visitors, there will be no visitors. If mom says no dad, there will be no dad. It is about your stress levels that day - no-one else's
you are not being selfish in this. This isn't just about when you're pushing, but all during labor, nurses and doctor will be in checking things out and you will have no sense of privacy (or shame
) by the time you're done. If you don't want your MIL there you're entitled not to have her there. The day your dh is able to deliver a child, then he can have her in there. She is not your mother and if you don't want her in there , you don't have it.
To be fair to everyone, we decided on just us. No moms at all, since we couldn't include both. While this solution doesn't work for everyone, it made it easier for us.
As a side note to this, I'm not sure about where you live but if you mention it to the midwife/OB ahead of time they will make sure to tell you the rules say only 2 people even if it's more if you need them to. I've found that generally they will tell a little fib to get mom what she needs.
Wow. But it's YOUR vagina! A lot happens before the baby actually arrives! The baby is ours but my vagina is my vagina and no one will ever dictate who gets to see that other than me.
We're talking painful contractions, close together, and showing your butt to the room every time you get out of bed for comfort or bathroom breaks.
My mom and BFF were in the room besides DH and it was still uncomfortable and embarrassing to me.
There is nothing there for MIL to do. Her son isn't in pain. He can eat, sleep, relax, etc. If he needs support, they can wait in the waiting room, which is where my DHs BFF and mother were.
Best of luck to you, no matter what you decide or how you go about it!
Love our hospital policy here ! Your aloud 2 people and only the same 2 people the entire labor. No rotating people thank god.
Have you been able to figure out, or better yet directly asked him, why he wants his mom to be there? That might be helpful. Then you can acknowledge his feelings or reasons. Maybe he feels that since you get along better with your mom than her that his mom is often excluded? Definitely should be courteous with her and do your very best to be pleasant and sincere. Fact is though that if you do those things and she is still a challenge - in normal social settings, let alone birthing! - then it may not be possible to be as close to her as your mom. Maybe try to let him know it's not personal, but you try your best and it's too stressful to add her to your L&D mix!
There is a very personal, private nature to labor. Yes, the grandparents probably all do have an equal "right" to see their grandchildren. If your reason to not have your MIL was to be spiteful or something, yes, that would be selfish. But that's not your reason! Your reason is to minimize stress. Me and DH have decided that it will only be us. I don't want my own mom in there bevause she has the capability to be like how you described your MIL! I'm so thankful friends have assured me that's ok! Also thankful MIL is not pushing to be there either. I can see how some people think having one mom and not the other is not fair. But the point is not to be unfair. The point is to allow the mom to have who SHE feels is supportive and helpful there so baby can get here!
Explain to hubby this is about your health and ability to deliver his and your baby and your MIL's grandchild SAFELY, with minimal damage to yourself (tears, having to resort to C-section, etc). Maybe give him a little by saying you don't mind if she comes in as soon as baby and you are clean and presentable.
Wow, that is a fantastic explanation of the difference between equal and fair!