@mrscookiequeen But notice that in your description, first of all, it sounds like your sister actually wanted you there and you were supportive, and second, that your appropriate behavior was what dictated that experience not the actual situation itself. The entire point of this is that first, she doesn't want her MIL there, and second, her MIL's behavior can't be relied upon to be as wonderful as yours. Personally, when I'm in pain, the last thing I want is for someone other than my husband to touch me or distract me, even affectionately. He's the first one who can do it and actually have it help, not result in me biting a head off or slapping someone. In fact, it's now a running joke in my family.
I would never allow my mother in law in the room with me, even if we had a good relationship, and DH would never ask me to have her there. I won't have my mom in there either because she's still traumatized from giving birth to me and has no desire to be in there, but if I wanted her there, I wouldn't care what anyone had to say about it. I also dont understand people who have a problem with you being closer to your mom vs your mil. Isn't it natural to be closer to your mom? I think the PP made an Excell point about equal vs. fair. I treat my MIL fairly and am respectful, etc. but honestly my relationship with her will never be equal to that with my mom, just like her relationship with me will never be equal to that with her children.
Also, I feel like if I'm the patient, regardless of who the child belongs to, I get to say who is there. If I wouldn't have my MIL there for a pap smear or other doctor's visits that are personal, then why would I have her in there for birth. Now if I said she couldn't see the baby after or visit the hospital when others could, then he'd have a leg to stand on, but that's not the case.
I know that this is a very difficult position to be in as I am sure that you want to be comfortable but also want to please your husband. This is much easier to say than do but honestly, YOU are having this baby. YOU will be experiencing the contractions, pain, ripping, all of it. Therefore, I think you have the right to decide who is in there with you. It's not about your mom getting to be there during the exact moment the baby emerges from you, it's about you being surrounded by people that will make you feel more at ease and that if they happen to sneak a peak at what's going on down there, you won't be horrified for life. Stick with what you want. Put you're foot down. He has months to come around.
Sounds like hubs doesn't understand. Ask him how he'd like for his dad and your dad to witness him pooping with his feet in the air while they stared at his butt.
He's lucky HE is allowed in the room.
And that's too many in the room. And it's a medical procedure! The request is ridiculous.
Sounds like hubs doesn't understand. Ask him how he'd like for his dad and your dad to witness him pooping with his feet in the air while they stared at his butt.
He's lucky HE is allowed in the room.
Literally spit tea everywhere. I'm crying right now
No one hates their mil more than me.. I mean I loathe her! In my mind she's the closest thing to the devil there is... BUT... the baby I'm pushing out doesn't belong to me alone. It's both of ours. So if my husband wants her there i wouldn't say no. It's his baby too.
Wow. But it's YOUR vagina! A lot happens before the baby actually arrives! The baby is ours but my vagina is my vagina and no one will ever dictate who gets to see that other than me.
Exactly. It's his baby too, which is why his side of the family gets to wait in the waiting room and see the baby at all. Their relation to the baby does not grant them access to vag-viewage.
Sounds like hubs doesn't understand. Ask him how he'd like for his dad and your dad to witness him pooping with his feet in the air while they stared at his butt.
He's lucky HE is allowed in the room.
Literally spit tea everywhere. I'm crying right now
@dparker721 Thank you! While I would love for my relationship with my MIL to be better and to feel comfortable having her around immediately after baby is born, bring over meals, help out after my mom leaves since she lives in the same town, etc. it would never be quite like the relationship I have with my mom. I've gotten crap for it before, but I think that relationship is pretty special and unique when it's healthy and I am so fortunate that mine with my mom is. Even if we had an awesome relationship, my MIL and I would never be close enough for her to be on my panic-during-delivery list. Because my mom is the only one on that list. My husband doesn't make me apologize for feeling that way, so I don't see why anyone else should try.
I'm so glad my mil would never even think it'd be okay. You are just so exposed and it's not a contest. I have learned i don't even like my own mother there. My SO and myself are plenty.
Don't feel bad at all. I think he's picking the wrong battle.
Re: How to keep MIL out of the delivery room
Also, I feel like if I'm the patient, regardless of who the child belongs to, I get to say who is there. If I wouldn't have my MIL there for a pap smear or other doctor's visits that are personal, then why would I have her in there for birth. Now if I said she couldn't see the baby after or visit the hospital when others could, then he'd have a leg to stand on, but that's not the case.
He's lucky HE is allowed in the room.
And that's too many in the room. And it's a medical procedure! The request is ridiculous.
Don't feel bad at all. I think he's picking the wrong battle.