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September 2015 Moms
eah325
member
Why I will be a working mother
eah325
member
I'm choosing to work after baby because it's the best thing for my family and me. It's the best for us for a variety of reasons, including the fact that I'm a highly educated woman who earned a doctorate and now serves as the CEO of an 800 person organization. I have worked very hard to achieve these things.
I choose to work because I believe working will serve as a good role model to my child that the work of her mother outside the home is just as valuable as the work of her father. I also believe in modeling shared responsibilities at home so my child knows she's just as capable of making a meal as she is mowing the yard because my husband and I share in all work responsibility at home.
I choose to work because I want to save enough money to give my child what I view to be one of the greatest gifts of all- a free college education.
The list of reasons for me goes on and on, but I felt I would share a few to offer an alternative perspective.
I respect the choice of women who stay-at-home. That is very important and valuable work, but so is the work that those of us who choose to continue to work do.
EDIT: Clearly, my intent is missed because some have read my post to be a negative one which I didn't intend. I was trying to give background information as to why I was beginning a new post and also why I hadn't commented on previous posts of a similar nature. In an effort instead to focus on the positives for people who want to make a different (but by no means better) choice, I have edited this topic so we can have a thoughtful discussion.
I choose to work because I believe working will serve as a good role model to my child that the work of her mother outside the home is just as valuable as the work of her father. I also believe in modeling shared responsibilities at home so my child knows she's just as capable of making a meal as she is mowing the yard because my husband and I share in all work responsibility at home.
I choose to work because I want to save enough money to give my child what I view to be one of the greatest gifts of all- a free college education.
The list of reasons for me goes on and on, but I felt I would share a few to offer an alternative perspective.
I respect the choice of women who stay-at-home. That is very important and valuable work, but so is the work that those of us who choose to continue to work do.
EDIT: Clearly, my intent is missed because some have read my post to be a negative one which I didn't intend. I was trying to give background information as to why I was beginning a new post and also why I hadn't commented on previous posts of a similar nature. In an effort instead to focus on the positives for people who want to make a different (but by no means better) choice, I have edited this topic so we can have a thoughtful discussion.
Re: Why I will be a working mother
ETA: I wrote the above in response to her original post, which she edited to a more neutral tone. We worked out our issue below like grown women.
In my life, the norm is actually the working mother, and I have all the respect in the world for the ones who can make it work, for all of the amazing reasons you have just outlined so eloquently. But it makes it awfully uncomfortable sometimes, feeling like I constantly have to justify our choice to people who think that I am either being lazy, selling myself short, or not contributing in the right way to society. It can be frustrating, embarrassing, and infuriating.
I think the issue highlights the judgemental society in which we all exist, especially as women, rather than any particular scorn for one choice or the other.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
I'm frustrated by SOME of the statements. Clearly, I recognize that not everyone on that post or the several other posts about SAHMs are attacking working mothers. I chose to start a new post explaining why I planned to work. If you don't want to participate in my post in a kind and thoughtful way, you don't have to. I didn't attack anyone nor did I try to start any sort of mommy wars.
I'm glad you know what you want to do and I respect your decision. It's not the life for me (though I will more than likely have to do it again) but I wouldn't ever look down on someone for doing so.
Not everyone has a job paying minimum wage, I make over 10 times what my daycare costs. Not everyone is away from their kids for 80 hours a week, We are away from mine for 24. So no one else is "raising" my kid but nice try to put others down or something? My husband is not old fashioned but still works a full time job plus works side jobs for extra income. We vacation in Europe and all inclusives, go to the shore. Shop organic without couponing, we are putting money away for college educations and retirement, we are saving for a forever home.... No it never occurred to me that I shouldn't go back to work. The only thing that hurts is when I hear women talking about staying home with their child because they don't want some stranger raising their kid. It stings. I don't want to sacrifice all the things I've worked for my whole life to feel superior on the who is a better mom kick. I just try to ignore it. But it's hard and I don't like that you got attacked for pointing it out.
ETA - the moms in Canada, the UK, Finland, Germany, Switzerland etc etc and other countries who have a proper maternity leave and actually give a damn about families aren't having this same conversation at the fever pitch that we do in the US for all intents and purposes. It's HARD to leave a baby in someone else's care. It's a hard choice to sacrifice one way or another. I'm just upset right now and passionate about giving parents time to be with their baby. Women have fought hard for the right to work and that comes with sacrifices too. I understand that.
I am also and educated woman who worked in management of a Fortune 500, JD Power award winning company before my first child.
I don't start posts very often because it's really not worth the grief you get for posting your opinions or experiences.
I work full time. So does dh. We had conversations about it before we started our family. He wanted to have more than a breadwinner role. He also wanted to have the dad role and not have 100% of the bread winning on his shoulders. It made sense to me and it works for us. If our kids as sick they get both of us and they know it. We back each other up. If he was the only one working outside the home that wouldn't happen. Fact.
His sister has made all the offensive comments she can about me working- strangers raising my children, could never do that, stuff isn't important (unless she needs it from us). She tries to put me down in any way possible. Her husband is the nicest guy and works all the hours but she focuses a lot on what she doesn't have rather than does.
Please know I'm only talking about her in my sahm reference - I've another friend who's a sahm to 4, soon 5, homeschool and pretty much rocks it as a human being so my only negative sahm stuff relates to sil, but that's my sil....
ETA - and it's not changing with 3 kids. It's worth it financially to us to have me work. I carry all our benefits and have a pretty rocking deal all told, But money wasn't the driver - my husbands security (his family went thru bad times when he was in his teens/20s) and feelings about being a dad were the initial driver.
ETA: you seemed to express displeasure with the "negative" responses. I am simply providing a Potential reason why that was.
Sometimes yes I do wish I could stay home and not work, but if I weren't working I would be in school full time and to be honest, I love my kid and future kid but lord have mercy I need my own life! My family drives me up a wall! Kuddos to stay at home moms, I think it's wonderful that you can give that much of yourself to your families.
SAHM vs Working mom
Breastfeeding vs formula feeding
Epidural vs no epidural
And on and on..
Working moms neglect their kids and depend on someone else to raise them while SAHMs must be lazy and don't care about contributing to their family financially and have no lives.. Insane. How about just do whatever works for your family and forget about what others think? There's always going to be someone who thinks they are superior to you because their way is better. F that. I'm a SAHM and I don't have to justify my reasoning to anyone.
There are other reasons that my husband and I are making the decision, together, for me to stay at home with our child, and any other future children we have. These reasons range from the personal (both our mothers were stay at home moms and we both found it valuable and significant growing up), to the financial (I had not broken into a career when my husband and I decided to get pregnant, was making less than 20 thousand a year, did not love it, and my husband is military, meaning frequent moves make holding a career in my field very difficult), to the emotional (again, my husband is military and serves in a branch that has him working very long hours and puts him out to sea on an unpredictable schedule that spans anywhere from 65% to 85% of the year and leaving home often comes with only a week or less of notice - we both feel my staying at home will hopefully provide some stability in that otherwise unstable and unpredictable environment). I hold dual degrees in forensic anthropology and history. When our children are all old enough to be in school (assuming we don't decide to home school), I may pursue working in these fields. However, it takes quite a bit of time to break into those areas and make any sort of money, so for now, finances actually makes more sense in or situation if I stay at home.
I emphasize, as I did in an earlier post, how much respect I have for the mother able to balance work and family - it is no small task and something to be fiercely proud of. But as so many women have already said in this thread, either choice is a personal one and neither is right or wrong, simply what is right for each individual family. The working mother is the norm where I come from - I struggled mightily with questions of self worth, driven by callous comments from friends, family, and random people I had only just met who question my drive, intelligence, and even my reasons for being with my husband (gold digger and, for any military wives here, the all-encompassing derogatory term "dependa"). It took incredible support from my husband, numerous conversations about what I actually, truly, honestly wanted for myself and or family, and a whole lot of confidence building before I was able to look at people and proudly tell them I was staying at home to raise our children.
I applaud both choices with fervor, because I know it can often be a difficult decision either way. I sincerely and honestly feel that much of this is driven not by the topic itself, but by the harsh judgment we often shine on other women, as women. Our society condones and even encourages this behavior and it often makes me sad. I actually am glad that discussions like this are started, even though I fall on the other side of the fence in terms of my choice than @eah325 and other working mothers, because it gets us talking about our specific reasoning for leaning the way we do. We could all be better served by being supportive of each other's choices and striving for understanding regarding their reasoning, rather than searching through wording and tone for the implied insult. I know I certainly will continue to strive for that particular virtue, even if I fall short at times.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/work/11-positive-effects-working-moms.html
That said, as women, we have enough uphill battles. Let's be kind to one another even if that means politely disagreeing. If we want to adopt a cause focused on what's best for our children, let's rally around increased, paid maternity leave for all US employees.