Anyone else confused by rules/ dissapointed in the hostility?

namastelp · June 2015

i made a comment on a post and got called AW , which apparently means I'm an attention whore?
I merely thought sharing a similar situation would help comfort the original poster.
I feel kind of annoyed by everyone's comments.
Like if I post the wrong thing the message board police will come after me!
It feels very hostile.
Anyone else feeling this?
I thought this was supposed to be a positive place.

jscasher · June 2015

I looked at the thread in question and maybe I'm just really tired, but I think people were referring to OP as the AW not you.

ETA: starting your own thread when there are literally the exact same topics within the first 3 pages is considered AW because it's like you are too good enough to contribute on an existing thread. It clogs up the board and pushes new questions back that may not be seen. It's just a common courtesy thing. Like, it's not ILLEGAL to make your own thread, just like it's not illegal to drive with your brights on at night in oncoming traffic. But it's frowned upon and just considered selfish kinda.

cg0112358 · June 2015

Wss^, the AW was posted with the Judge Judy gif and someone quoted that post right after you posted. The AW was for the OP who felt the need to start her own thread on something that has been covered numerous times.

namastelp · June 2015

You guys are prob right . It prob wasn't directed at me. I too am tired! I def should be asleep!

But still do you really think "aw" is necessary?
I'm sure the girl just isn't familiar w exactly what to do.
You have to admit people get a little too harsh . Like its a message board - relax.

Also someone quoted me and put in all the rules .. Like wtf leave me alone I did nothing!

I'm blaming my sensitivity tonight on hormones!

cg0112358 · June 2015

I think all of the snarky replies come from true and valid feelings of frustration by those on here who have built a solid community.

Most new posters just barge in demanding answers or wanting us to ooh/aww over something. I sincerely doubt most of them would do that in person but for some reason basic common courtesy flies out the window when on the Internet.

I know that when joining a group (IRL) I will usually watch their interactions for a bit (termed lurking here) to see if it's a good fit. If it is then I would join in on an ongoing conversation providing information/support as needed. What I most definitely would not do is run into the group barraging them with questions that I could have just as easily Googled. I am constantly perplexed by the number of people who have mastered the ability to use a message forum but seem unable to use Google.
I'm in a local mom's Facebook group and there are definitely similarities. A post might go like this: What is the phone number to <<<random restaurant>>>? She is on her phone using the Internet to use Facebook but is unable to Google the restaurant to get its number. Sure, let me go Google the restaurants name in the same time it probably took you to type your message to Facebook

Seriously, when did we, as a society, become so lazy and entitled that we feel as though we deserve that everyone must pay attention to us and help us instead of us attempting to help ourselves first?

cg0112358 · June 2015

namastelp said:

But still do you really think "aw" is necessary?
I'm sure the girl just isn't familiar w exactly what to do.

This is kinda the main thing bothering many. She did not bother doing anything to educate herself first. The bump has a 72-hour waiting period during which it is expected that the new user lurk, read previous posts, and get a feel for the community. The high school equivalent of her post would be: Student runs in late to class and immediately asks a question. Had she done her reading (lurking, searching topics, even looked at subjects going back a few days) she wouldn't need to ask her question. Instead, because she didn't feel the need to invest time in her class (aka community) she asks a question that has been answered to the point of redundancy and very few of her classmates feel like readdressing this issue again. Generally a few other late students (not having been exposed to the 20-30 previous posts on this exact same) will answer but also be confused by others comments.

This is just the way of the bump. Different message boards have different personalities. IME, TB is honest, straightforward, favors science, and has little sympathy for those wanting some else to do all of their work. I've checked out several pregnancy message boards and this is my absolute favorite (although not as much as it was before the upheaval earlier this year).

Ceridwen77 · June 2015

scw89 · June 2015

Multiple threads like this one have been shut down and bump admin has CLEARLY stated that anyone who starts a related thread or resurrects it will be subject to more banning. Careful!

thefithuntress · June 2015

Nah. I like it here.

Pontot31 · June 2015

scw89 said:
Multiple threads like this one have been shut down and bump admin has CLEARLY stated that anyone who starts a related thread or resurrects it will be subject to more banning. Careful!

This.
The last one like this was completely removed.

LSRoo · June 2015

This whole post....

namastelp · June 2015

Wow. Tough crowd.

LSRoo · June 2015

namastelp said:
Wow. Tough crowd.

Actually no. You would react the same way if you actually participated regularly. These posts are really annoying. Especially after the 10th one.

namastelp · June 2015

Pontot31 said:

scw89 said:
Multiple threads like this one have been shut down and bump admin has CLEARLY stated that anyone who starts a related thread or resurrects it will be subject to more banning. Careful!
This.
The last one like this was completely removed. </blockquote
How am I supposed to know this?
I guess I didn't study the bump guidelines hard enough.....

Pontot31 · June 2015

namastelp said:
Wow. Tough crowd.

Not really.
We just all know that posts like this get shut down or deleted by the admins.
If you lurk for a day or 2 and then started participating you would know how things work here.

queenwog · June 2015

Tough crowd? Not so much. You're not getting what everyone is telling you. This post has been done to DEATH to the point where admin is removing people that keep starting them. Try and figure out why. I encourage you to use the search function and see how many other posts are the same as this one. Actually, no, I don't encourage you; I dare you.

Dealing with the identical posts by different users who don't bother to see if their topic is already posted, every single day is annoying. The unique threads get buried in posts by people who don't bother to try to get to know the community before jumping in and saying "HEY, DO THINGS MY WAY INSTEAD, YOU MIGHT LIKE IT." But HEY, how about you try doing things the way that's already established instead of calling us a tough crowd.

vrossolille · June 2015

I participate in this site at least every other day I would say. I always wondered what AW meant. That is so not necessary! Would you teach your children to call someone such a horrible name because they didn't follow "rules" not even set by them? This is why we have so many children bullying children these days. Because it's a learned trait from there parents. I to think they're annoying sometimes but it doesn't ruin my day or in fact make my life or contribution to this board any harder. Some people may be knew? Or hey did you ever stop and think that maybe someone may have a learning disability and doesn't necessarily understand the "rules" let's all think about others feelings when we wrote what we write. Maybe that person needed a little "extra attention" today because they have no one else in there life to turn to. I know half of you wouldn't treat these people this way face to face.

thegingeravenger · June 2015

vrossolille said:

I participate in this site at least every other day I would say. I always wondered what AW meant. That is so not necessary! Would you teach your children to call someone such a horrible name because they didn't follow "rules" not even set by them? This is why we have so many children bullying children these days. Because it's a learned trait from there parents. I to think they're annoying sometimes but it doesn't ruin my day or in fact make my life or contribution to this board any harder. Some people may be knew? Or hey did you ever stop and think that maybe someone may have a learning disability and doesn't necessarily understand the "rules" let's all think about others feelings when we wrote what we write. Maybe that person needed a little "extra attention" today because they have no one else in there life to turn to. I know half of you wouldn't treat these people this way face to face.

Please don't throw around the word "bully". We don't bully people and by throwing that flag you're taking away what that word actually means. Bullying implies that we are actively targeting someone. None of us (that I know of) stalk a particular user to harass all their threads to get a GBCB out of them. Also, parents don't teach their children to bully. The problem comes when the parents don't notice that their child is doing it and don't intervene and, you know, parent their kid.

I throw around terms like AW and all of my fun profanity soaked language because I am an adult. By being a responsible adult, I know to curb it around kids. If my kids pick up a term like "attention whore" from me, I will explain to them that mom shouldn't use it and that they shouldn't either because it is rude. Also congratulations on insulting my parenting style before my kid is even born. Mighty kind of you.

fleurmelissa · June 2015

Some of you really need to relax! It is a forum for fun and sharing and being rude takes the fun out of it. Even if there is a 72 hour waiting period it is not an exam!It is better to point out mistakes politely and set a good example to your kids.

thefithuntress · June 2015

vrossolille said:

I participate in this site at least every other day I would say. I always wondered what AW meant. That is so not necessary! Would you teach your children to call someone such a horrible name because they didn't follow "rules" not even set by them? This is why we have so many children bullying children these days. Because it's a learned trait from there parents. I to think they're annoying sometimes but it doesn't ruin my day or in fact make my life or contribution to this board any harder. Some people may be knew? Or hey did you ever stop and think that maybe someone may have a learning disability and doesn't necessarily understand the "rules" let's all think about others feelings when we wrote what we write. Maybe that person needed a little "extra attention" today because they have no one else in there life to turn to. I know half of you wouldn't treat these people this way face to face.

Bully? I'm sorry but whenever I see this word I just roll my eyes and sigh. NO ONE is threatening anyone. We're not spamming accounts. It isn't fair to people who are actually bullied to throw that word around.

OP, you've contributed to plenty of threads and been in this community to see a dynamic. If you don't like it I'm sorry you feel that way. There is a positivity group created by a user who felt the same way you did. Maybe you'll have a better experience over there. Best of luck!

namastelp · June 2015

If posts like this were made before, but then deleted, how am I to know they ever existed?

namastelp · June 2015

I thought this was a fun, lighthearted site.
I was mistaken.
I don't think I'll be participating in message boards anymore.

Pontot31 · June 2015

namastelp said:
If posts like this were made before, but then deleted, how am I to know they ever existed?

They were shut down. Go look at how many the admins shut down.
The one created just yesterday was deleted. It's the only one so far that was removed.

vrossolille · June 2015

Whore is bullying! No matter how you want to define it. It's not a "fun profanity" there a woman who are bought out to be "whores" have fun explaining to your child in an adult way why mommy called someone a whore all in "fun profanity". Now, I'm done. Do not write me back as I have other things to do today. Thank u!

Pontot31 · June 2015

vrossolille said:
Whore is bullying! No matter how you want to define it. It's not a "fun profanity" there a woman who are bought out to be "whores" have fun explaining to your child in an adult way why mommy called someone a whore all in "fun profanity". Now, I'm done. Do not write me back as I have other things to do today. Thank u!

Do not write you back? This is a message board. You can not dictate what happens here.

fleurmelissa · June 2015

Don't let a few people put you off. You participate however you want and you create whatever threads you want and if it gets deleted so be it. Who cares. It is for FUN

Ceridwen77 · June 2015

vrossolille said:
Whore is bullying! No matter how you want to define it. It's not a "fun profanity" there a woman who are bought out to be "whores" have fun explaining to your child in an adult way why mommy called someone a whore all in "fun profanity". Now, I'm done. Do not write me back as I have other things to do today. Thank u!

"Attention whore" is a term that has been used on the Internet for decades. I remember seeing this term used as far back as the mid-90s. It does not mean "whore" as you are using the term - the definition is below. It's such common Internet slang that people use it to describe themselves when they know they are posting something for attention (A link to an example of this is also pasted below.). It's not always meant to have a negative connotation and no one here is calling anyone a whore as you are implying.

Label given to any person who craves attention to such an extent that they will do anything to receive it. The type of attention (negative or positive) does not matter.

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12582093/total-aw-daughter-taking-steps

Ceridwen77 · June 2015

fleurmelissa said:
Don't let a few people put you off. You participate however you want and you create whatever threads you want and if it gets deleted so be it. Who cares. It is for FUN

namastelp · June 2015

namastelp · June 2015

I searched before I posted and found nothing similar.
Maybe it's bc I'm using the mobile ap? Maybe it's bc I didn't think I had to know every little thing that happened on this site in the past year before I post something.

Also if this is such a common thread, maybe there is some validity to it.

Ceridwen77 · June 2015

namastelp said:
I searched before I posted and found nothing similar.
Maybe it's bc I'm using the mobile ap? Maybe it's bc I didn't think I had to know every little thing that happened on this site in the past year before I post something.

Also if this is such a common thread, maybe there is some validity to it.

Here are some threads to help you. I just did a quick search.

Also read what the BumpAdmin says:
Hi all,
Due to the topic of this thread, we will be closing it from all further comments.
Please be advised that continuing to create threads related to this will be grounds for warning and/or removal from The Bump forums.
We thank you for your understanding.

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12554843/why-do-other-have-to-be-rude/p1

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/comment/86977193

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12582083/this-has-to-be-said-to-all/p1

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12558115/praying-for-all-the-negative-people-on-here/p1

lakesideknitter · June 2015

Pontot31 said:

vrossolille said:
Whore is bullying! No matter how you want to define it. It's not a "fun profanity" there a woman who are bought out to be "whores" have fun explaining to your child in an adult way why mommy called someone a whore all in "fun profanity". Now, I'm done. Do not write me back as I have other things to do today. Thank u!
Do not write you back? This is a message board. You can not dictate what happens here.

This. Also, just FYI, AW can also mean attention wanted.

namastelp · June 2015

look at all those other women who agree with me....

pink*sheep · June 2015

jscasher said:
I looked at the thread in question and maybe I'm just really tired, but I think people were referring to OP as the AW not you.

ETA: starting your own thread when there are literally the exact same topics within the first 3 pages is considered AW because it's like you are too good enough to contribute on an existing thread. It clogs up the board and pushes new questions back that may not be seen. It's just a common courtesy thing. Like, it's not ILLEGAL to make your own thread, just like it's not illegal to drive with your brights on at night in oncoming traffic. But it's frowned upon and just considered selfish kinda.

Actually, where I'm from it is illegal (non criminal traffic violation) to not dim your headlights when passing on coming traffic. But is it definitely rude too. Also it's disappointing that you keep having to explain this to people, I by no means look through every post but it's really not a rocket science type of thing.

SamanthaAshley820 · June 2015

Any validity to them? Please! These posts happen every time someone gets an opinion they don't like. My kid throws her toys and stomps her feet when I tell her no...every time. Does that make it WRONG of me to keep telling her no? No. When you ask what someone's favorite color is and they say blue, and you hate blue does it make it okay to call them a bully. No, absolutely not. Maybe these posts wouldn't happen if the people who made the post realized they're adults and not 5 year olds.

thegingeravenger · June 2015

vrossolille said:
Whore is bullying! No matter how you want to define it. It's not a "fun profanity" there a woman who are bought out to be "whores" have fun explaining to your child in an adult way why mommy called someone a whore all in "fun profanity". Now, I'm done. Do not write me back as I have other things to do today. Thank u!

WOW who got your panties in a bunch? I will never teach a child of mine to "slut shame" since its a disgusting double standard that will not be taught in my household. I was bullied as a kid and as a young adult. To the extent that my bully, a male, raped me and beat me. So now you've insulted me twice by bringing up an incredibly traumatic part of my life. What makes you think I'll call it fun profanity? I was more referring to my excessive use of the f bomb. My kid, not that it's your business, will be told that there are words that are adult words. They can use those words when they're an adult.

Please go to the positivity boards if you can't have a civil discussion without insulting members of this community.

SamanthaAshley820 · June 2015

Right?! My favorite word is c*nt and I have the mouth of a sailor. My daughter is five and the only time she has ever heard me swear is when I had an ectopic pregnancy rupture in a falopian tube and I was laying on my couch literally bleeding out into my uterus and was in so much pain I couldn't move and she had to call 911, and still all she heard was damn it.
What you say to your peers does not represent what kind of parent you are or will be.

scw89 · June 2015

Feeling like this...

urby87 · June 2015

namastelp said:

You guys are prob right . It prob wasn't directed at me. I too am tired! I def should be asleep! But still do you really think "aw" is necessary? I'm sure the girl just isn't familiar w exactly what to do. You have to admit people get a little too harsh . Like its a message board - relax. Also someone quoted me and put in all the rules .. Like wtf leave me alone I did nothing! I'm blaming my sensitivity tonight on hormones!

The whole point of the waiting period before you can post is to familiarize yourself with the rules and the general feel of the board. If she honestly didn't know, then she wasn't using her waiting period properly. Too bad, so sad.

kmkrushi · June 2015

vrossolille said:
I participate in this site at least every other day I would say. I always wondered what AW meant. That is so not necessary! Would you teach your children to call someone such a horrible name because they didn't follow "rules" not even set by them? This is why we have so many children bullying children these days. Because it's a learned trait from there parents. I to think they're annoying sometimes but it doesn't ruin my day or in fact make my life or contribution to this board any harder. Some people may be knew? Or hey did you ever stop and think that maybe someone may have a learning disability and doesn't necessarily understand the "rules" let's all think about others feelings when we wrote what we write. Maybe that person needed a little "extra attention" today because they have no one else in there life to turn to. I know half of you wouldn't treat these people this way face to face.

No I won't teach my children to "name call" and "bully" but I do teach them to be honest and the the world is not all about them! Too many kids today get medals for just showing up and it's that attitude that has led to this entitled "look at me", AW posting, failure to look at the community, wanting rainbows and butterfly support type of behavior.

dogsombrero · June 2015

Ugh went grocery shopping for supplies (ie ice cream and chips) and this IDGAF goes down. OP no one called you an AW you seem really confused by how the boards work. You are bringing the drama by starting this thread and continuing to whine. This like every other complainy mess would blow over if you just let it lie for a few days. We are not at post it level BSC yet.

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