I absolutely agree that the OP handled the situation appropriately and realized that this was probably not the best audience. I think that the main problem for the women that have had losses was that there was a post up on the same page about somebody who just lost yet another baby; some of us do not have the luxury of having a sex preference. Is this the fault of the OP? Absolutely not! But it does trigger a lot of feelings for those that have had losses. She clearly stated that she was going to start picking out cute boys names and her disappointment was gone.
My disappointment is in some of the following comments. We don't need to put abortion on the table here. Even if it was just said to make a point. Know your audience. Everybody here has 72 hours to review the threads prior to posting.
For those of you that feel that this is not the right place for you, please remember that you are free to leave.
I have had 4 girls...each one a gift to us. DH family came from a long Greek line of "boys only" and it was a huge deal for them. When all we had were daughters there was an element of disappointment with each that they weren't the coveted boy. Granted, they accepted and loved them, there was that initial element of disappointment that we were on the receiving end of. With our fourth daughter we chose not to find out the sex, we enjoyed not knowing and reveling in the fact that our baby was a huge surprise without that sense of boy failure looming over our heads. We all got to see her and greet her as a new life, without it being "just another girl". I must say though, that although she was beautiful and perfect in every way.I don't know if the feelings I had over her sex were due to the pressure I felt on behalf of his family to have a boy or not, but I did have a smidge of wanting a taste of something different: What was it to be a mommy to a boy? Our last baby was a boy and never in a million years expected that! Even my DH was worried because he didn't know how he would connect with a boy! With that came the "freaking out" of what to do.. How do I parent a boy? WTH do I do with him? We all are in some small way try to make familiar what is unfamiliar to us. I guess my point is that either way you shake it, it's uncharted territory because it's a new person, not just a sex, that you are bringing into the world and it's scary and exciting and everything in between. I don't think having a preference is a bad thing, it just proves your human and want to have an element of control over something that we have absolutely no control over. As an aside, I adore my son...I wouldn't have had it any other way! He is def a mommy's boy for now... he has my heart. There is a different bond that you form between mother and son than mother and daughter. Both are precious and wonderful, you will see! It's wonderful both ways!
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there. When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there? The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
Wouldn't this post be considered "participating"? Lol
OP I am sorry, that you are disappointed and that so many responses have been unsupportive. I think it is probably normal to have a preference and to feel disappointment. Is your SO excited about a boy?
There are MANY real emotional reasons to prefer a boy or a girl, many of which could relate to: less than ideal family situations in childhood, loss, fear of loss even if it isn't pregnancy loss, as a couple examples. It may not be rational but emotions and fear are rarely rational. You deserve to have your feelings validated, it is also okay to grieve you had dreams of girl things and as long as you let it go to become the best "boy mom" you are capable of becoming I think you are okay.
You very clear that you were happy and thankful to have a healthy baby. So, I think the vicious responses are unfair. Especially, after multiple popular posts about people who are verry worried about having a child in the month of December because of the proximity to Christmas... almost all of the posts on these threads are about birthday parties and presents, not something like fear of bad medical care because of the holidays!
PS Carrie Underwoods song American Girl is about a dad that prayed for a boy and ended up with a beautiful girl he wouldn't trade for the world...so despite the backlash gender disappointment is common enough that Carrie Underwood sings about it.
I would like to offer two mini stories from my personal history for some food for thought.
My paternal family has mostly males. To this day I still feel how the males are favored despite the fact that girls are few and far between. It is a horrible feeling to go through childhood, adolescence, and now adulthood knowing you are not valued because of something over which you have absolutely no control.
To Marchmellow2....It makes me sad to think the little boy you were describing might feel the same as me.
Additionally, I find it interesting that many seem to assume if one has a female baby that there will be pink, frills, and other assorted "girlie girl" activities. My mother wanted that sort of girl, but she got me a sports loving, blue jeans & T-shirt, nature lover instead. I was reminded all too often about how I was not the girl she imagined.
It seems like disappointment can come in many forms. I hope all the mothers on here are able to have full-term, healthy pregnancies and are able to love their little ones no matter which sex arrives. Peace.
Unfortunately it appears that some women have to experience complications or even MORE complications (unbelievable) for them to finally be appreciative with a baby of any sex. Someone posted that they have had a loss yet still have a preference of sex. Really? What has to happen to you for you to just want a healthy baby? I know it sounds cliche and many of you say "of course I want a healthy baby, but I would prefer a _____" Women who say this are missing the point.
Perhaps this is all a misunderstanding and all you women with preferences really meant to say "I can really picture myself with a baby girl" rather than "I'm hoping for a girl and would be disappointed with a boy" or vice versa
I know OP was not looking for all this extra "advice"... But in a place such as this, it is bound to happen! Rightfully
As for what I think OP was actually looking for: reassurance that you will do just fine and be so excited once you're holding that little babe.
and of course you will!!!!! I think you will forget you were ever worried about it I think you will forget about this thread entirely because you will be so overjoyed to be holding your healthy baby boy. You'll do great
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there. When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there? The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
exactly! Cheeps ladies not all posts are meant for you to take personally. I don't mean to be harsh but there is nothing wrong with a woman who has had an easy pregnancy to hope for a gender and be disappointed if she didn't get the sex she hoped for! Please don't forget that YOU ALL ARE Privileged. Unless you are ok with some annoying prat to stand beside you and remind you that someone somewhere is less fortunate than you and you should be thankful when you: buy your cute little crib sets, boppy pillows, breast pumps, disposable diapers, your maternity clothes, the house that you live in, the food you order at the restaurant. All these choices you have made and have been picky about since you have been pregnant. You know what most of the world doesn't have assisted fertility care, and luxuries that you have . When you buy your sugar free, gluten free , organic foods at the store does the teller give you a hard time because people in Ethiopia are starving?? What if someone sat there and said you have no right to be sad because so many people don't have the option to try to get pregnant, to have assistance and all these luxuries you live with. I'm sitting here reading all these women who are offended and I'm just thinking what hypocrites! The poor girl is upset of hopes that didn't turn out. Please Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
I understand how OP feels. While I'm thrilled with a healthy baby and praying my miracle baby will stick, I have valid medical reasons I really want a girl. With the history of type 1 bipolar following the males in the family, and the one girl with bipolar only having type 2, which is milder, I've lived through hell with both sister and brothers mental problems. There was a 1/4th chance I wouldn't have it, because of the genetic link, luckily I'm the only sibling who didn't have it had other issues (unfortunately they not advanced enough to pin point which gene causes it so no genetic testing or nothing will diagnose it fully till 18) SO's family all wants him to have a son and I totally get that because he has a daughter. With my family history on my dad's side of out of all the grandkids most of the boys have type 1 bipolar, and only 1 of the girls has type 2 and no type 1, I think as equipped after growing up my whole life with a dad who has bipolar, and 2 siblings (there is only 3 of us) I can't handle having a boy. My sisters son is happy and healthy but still only a year old so no one knows what is in the cards for him. Everyone seems to think I'm having a girl, which I would be over the moon for, even that does not lesson the risk of bipolar, but I was much better able to handle my sister than my brother in his "moods" as he calls them. Add to that my risk of having preclamsia both because of family history and of my own blood patterns (my ob is big on the latest cutting edge research) I'm concerned with having a boy, because my sister had her daughter 1 day sooner in her pregnancy (36w5d) than my nephew (37w6d) and we almost lost my nephew. I think I'm going to worry more if it's a boy, but I don't think I'll love the child less....
I feel like people need to back off the pressure of you should just be happy with a healthy baby. Seriously, who would hope for otherwise? And getting so upset because you've experienced a loss? I've had health issues, infertility, and losses and not once felt like others should tiptoe around me because they might bring up my baggage.
I also get family pressure. As out dated as you'd think it is, hubby has pressure to carry on the family name. People are constantly saying they hope we have a girl so we can have one of each and experience both. My MIL dreads having a granddaughter and dealing with "dolls with real hair". I'm over here all worried I'll pass on all my health muck like Tourette's Syndrome. There are reasons to contribute to hopes either way.
Disappointment over sex is totally normal. With my first I had been told for years that because of certain exposures in the military it would be highly unlikely he would have any boys. After a while I just settled into "okay, it'll be a girl".
There's this little human growing in your womb and besides that it's your baby you're left wondering so much about them and what they're like and what they will be like. It may not seem rational but you develop expectations. When you find out things are different than you expected there's an adjustment. That in no way makes you a bad person or a bad parent, just human.
There were things I'd thought like being able to buy that first doll house or the cute dresses. I really don't have to give that up. There are play houses and I've fallen in love with my son in his little overalls, I'll love the same if this baby is a girl. I adjusted and I love my boy and will love this baby as much.
It's normal to worry about how you'll do. I don't think it's as much to do with sex as how you'll be as a parent in general and how you'll bond. We have a boy and my husband worries how he'll bond with a child that so clearly loves musicals and fairies. He doesn't love him any less, just worries he'll be good enough for our son.
I feel like if you can let go and keep yourself open those worries go away with time. You bond over time with caring for them and seeing them grow as a person and discover who they are. It's amazing to watch and I'm so excited to see my sweet boy grow into a brother. My advice is just to allow yourself to mourn the expectations but don't let them hold you back from enjoying the journey.
Wow why does everything seem to get so twisted and escalade into this huge deal... OP is a human and none of us are perfect and we sometimes worry about things that aren't worth worrying about. Let her share how she's feeling. Obviously her concern with how she's feeling shows she knows it's probably not good to feel this way. It doesn't make her a monster to have concerns. All our lives are different and we go through different things and we what may bother us won't bother others. That's one thing I really don't like about TB...why the need for rudeness?
I just want to say that I think this feeling will pass and you will fall in love with this little boy and will wonder how you ever could have worried so don't let this get you down. I have heard boys usually are much closer to mom than dad so soon you will have a little guy that has you wrapped around his little finger.
I've never dealt with a m/c so I don't have personal experience but I dealt with a long drawn out time of infertility to I'm excited for this little miracle no matter who it will be but I know even with that I've had some pretty crazy thoughts go through my mind that I blame on my pregnancy brain and hormones and being an imperfect human who does n thinks things I later regret and there's no need to judge someone for something they say or do. I thought this was a place for advice and support not a place where we get reminded constantly how imperfect we are.
@babyking1214 I did not take the time to read all of the posts, but you are entitled to your feelings. It will pass. I have 3 boys and expecting baby #4. We are hoping for a little girl as this is our last baby. I honestly don't know why I want a little girl. I was a tomboy and never saw myself being a mom of a little girl.
Little boys are sweet. My boys seem to see the world in different ways than I do. All 3 of them have different personalities. My oldest (5.5) is my thoughtful little helper. DS2 (almost 4) is for sure my clone, stubborn one minute but then sweet and caring the next. And then there is my 2 year old, who is my goofball but also the enforcer around here. When they get older I can see my older 2 saying "don't make me get my little brother!"
I know it is still a long wait until December but nothing beats the feeling when you first see and hold your little guy.
One baby boy tip: Always have a washcloth, towel or extra wipe handy to toss over his little thing when you are changing his diaper. One of mine hit the TV once.
@Erin12382 In response to your boy tip,have you seen the "pee-pee teepee"? I have a boy so I fully understand the practical use, as you talked about, but it still cracks me up.
Also it's insensitive to the women on here who have experienced a loss, and in some cases multiple loses, so don't expect people to not jump down your throat! In the future have some consideration for your audience. >-
I agree with this point. Seems like you should have thought it over before posting on a message board like this. It really was not very sensitive.
Having said that, I went through infertility for 9 years. We adopted our first child. When I learned he was a boy, I can't say I was "disappointed" because again, what a blessing. But I did find it amusing. I had never pictured myself with a boy...didn't know what do with a boy . . . figured they were loud, dirty, and crazy. Though I never cried or was truly sad, I was a little less excited. Just being honest.
It didn't last long. My advice is to get up, reframe your thinking, and choose to get over it. Spend some time with baby boys and realize how fabulous they are. Go shopping for cute boy clothes. Start planning your nursery. You've had your own personal pity party, but now it's time to check in with reality and do whatever you can to get psyched about this baby.
Once he's here, I can promise you, you will not believe you ever spent a minute being disappointed. The more time you spend dwelling on this, the worse you are going to feel when you hold your son. He will be the joy of your life.
Please note that I am about to make a very generalized statement(rant?) and it does not apply to every response I've received. It goes for other threads that I've read recently too. Some of you were able to be supportive while expressing your opinions regardless of them aligning with my own. Many responses were haphazardly thrown in with no regards to the human being on the other side of the screen, be it myself or another commenter. I do not think emotions are to blame, in my opinion no one is a completely different person due to emotions, merely an exacerbated version of themselves. I was merely trying to contribute a thread of value to myself and apparently others who have had similar feelings or a valuable retort to contribute.
It's so unfortunate that people are offended by the thread as if I timed it inappropriately along someone else's thread about loss. As far as I am concerned any thread that brings about discussion should be welcome any time.
We all need to make an effort to check ourselves before we respond. Try to speak with compassion when you're responding to someone, try and maintain your own dignity when you make an effort to participate in a conversation, and above all else recognize that we are all here for the same thing: support. I want a group that I feel safe sharing and discussing my opinions, controversial or not.
Basically, some of y'all are sassy as shit and I don't know if this place is for me after today.
I feel like you have, overall, handled yourself well in this thread. My issue with the above (not that you asked, but here it is anyway) is you say this is supposed to be a place of support (and anyone that's hungout on the bump for more than 2 minutes knows this is a place for XO to make money and for entertainment and if we're persistent, we can connect once we're together long enough) BUT then you go and say that your thread shouldn't be judged for "poor timing".... if this is a community that's "built for support" wouldn't posting something about gender disappointment be the anti-support to another mom that posted directly below you that she lost her baby at 10 or 11 weeks?
I absolutely agree that the OP handled the situation appropriately and realized that this was probably not the best audience. I think that the main problem for the women that have had losses was that there was a post up on the same page about somebody who just lost yet another baby; some of us do not have the luxury of having a sex preference. Is this the fault of the OP? Absolutely not! But it does trigger a lot of feelings for those that have had losses. She clearly stated that she was going to start picking out cute boys names and her disappointment was gone.
My disappointment is in some of the following comments. We don't need to put abortion on the table here. Even if it was just said to make a point. Know your audience. Everybody here has 72 hours to review the threads prior to posting.
For those of you that feel that this is not the right place for you, please remember that you are free to leave.
Bye Felicia
Because I couldn't have said it any better. She handled it very well.
Due 11.16.17 Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 2.1.15 @ 5 W - Chemical MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
With my last pregnancy I found out I was having a boy.. I already have 2 boys and a girl when I found out I was kinda disappointed.. Normal but then my son passed away and all I wanted was for God to bring back my son I cried and begged for a miracle I didn't want to loose my baby.. I had a sense of guilt that my son was take from me because of my disappointment that he was a boy.. Just remember to be happy.. Remember to hold him close and love him.. You will love him 10 times more once you hold him for the 1st time and you will never want to let go
With my last pregnancy I found out I was having a boy.. I already have 2 boys and a girl when I found out I was kinda disappointed.. Normal but then my son passed away and all I wanted was for God to bring back my son I cried and begged for a miracle I didn't want to loose my baby.. I had a sense of guilt that my son was take from me because of my disappointment that he was a boy.. Just remember to be happy.. Remember to hold him close and love him.. You will love him 10 times more once you hold him for the 1st time and you will never want to let go
@DH09072012 thank you im really nervous about this pregnancy and really nervous about labor complications.. Kinda scared to also have a boy without feeling guilty towards my son that passed away.. I'm still not sure how to feel about all of this
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there. When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there? The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
exactly! Cheeps ladies not all posts are meant for you to take personally. I don't mean to be harsh but there is nothing wrong with a woman who has had an easy pregnancy to hope for a gender and be disappointed if she didn't get the sex she hoped for! Please don't forget that YOU ALL ARE Privileged. Unless you are ok with some annoying prat to stand beside you and remind you that someone somewhere is less fortunate than you and you should be thankful when you: buy your cute little crib sets, boppy pillows, breast pumps, disposable diapers, your maternity clothes, the house that you live in, the food you order at the restaurant. All these choices you have made and have been picky about since you have been pregnant. You know what most of the world doesn't have assisted fertility care, and luxuries that you have . When you buy your sugar free, gluten free , organic foods at the store does the teller give you a hard time because people in Ethiopia are starving?? What if someone sat there and said you have no right to be sad because so many people don't have the option to try to get pregnant, to have assistance and all these luxuries you live with. I'm sitting here reading all these women who are offended and I'm just thinking what hypocrites! The poor girl is upset of hopes that didn't turn out. Please Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun
In my humble opinion, this is ludicrous! For the record, I happened to donate not only a large amount of funding but also a tremendous amount of time to various charities and nonprofit organizations throughout not only my local area but nationally and internationally. Perhaps you do not do the same? Well, i'm not going to judge you for that but please do not call me a hypocrite when you do not know me. Speak about being hypocritical.
How come nobody has brought up the fact that if the sex of the baby is so important then have IVF and have PGA testing so that you can ensure that you are getting the sex that you desire. Otherwise, you have a 50-50 chance; welcome to life.
There's been a lot of talk about how OP just wanted to hear that people understood her point of view. Without going into the actual issue, I just wanted to say that you don't get to just post on a pregnancy forum and have responses that echo your point of view, you hear from everyone. If someone disagrees with you that doesn't mean you have to get upset and call them names or dismiss their ideas either. That's what makes this bmb great- it's a discussion with women from all over with all different types of experience. Some posts validated OP's feelings while others expressed dismay and I don't see anything wrong with that.
I have 2 boys and this is our last baby and i am hoping for a girl. Of course above all i want a healthy baby regardless of sex. But i think that goes without saying. If i find out this baby is a boy i will need to take some time to grieve the mother daughter relationship i have been yearning to experience again since losing my own mother at 16. I dont feel like that makes me a bad person. I am entitled to my own feelings! I love my boys and will love this baby no matter what the sex!
YES!! I completely agree with you!! I have 3 boys and ALL boys on both sides of extended family. This is our last baby and I really want a girl. My mom and I are best friends and I really want to have that mother/daughter relationship with my own. I see nothing wrong with feeling upset about this. I agree...this does not make us bad people. I love my boys with all I have and I do have special relationships with them and of course I will be happy either way but I'm allowed to have feelings about it.
@DH09072012 thank you im really nervous about this pregnancy and really nervous about labor complications.. Kinda scared to also have a boy without feeling guilty towards my son that passed away.. I'm still not sure how to feel about all of this
That's a lot of deep emotions to have to process. T&Ps that everything goes perfectly
"@dwilliams816exactly! Cheeps ladies not all posts are meant for you to take personally. I don't mean to be harsh but there is nothing wrong with a woman who has had an easy pregnancy to hope for a gender and be disappointed if she didn't get the sex she hoped for! Please don't forget that YOU ALL ARE Privileged. Unless you are ok with some annoying prat to stand beside you and remind you that someone somewhere is less fortunate than you and you should be thankful when you: buy your cute little crib sets, boppy pillows, breast pumps, disposable diapers, your maternity clothes, the house that you live in, the food you order at the restaurant. All these choices you have made and have been picky about since you have been pregnant. You know what most of the world doesn't have assisted fertility care, and luxuries that you have . When you buy your sugar free, gluten free , organic foods at the store does the teller give you a hard time because people in Ethiopia are starving?? What if someone sat there and said you have no right to be sad because so many people don't have the option to try to get pregnant, to have assistance and all these luxuries you live with. I'm sitting here reading all these women who are offended and I'm just thinking what hypocrites! The poor girl is upset of hopes that didn't turn out. Please Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun"
Wow this got weird and twisted quickly. The teller at grocery stores don't give me a hard time because they would then be fired. DH goes to Kenya and Haiti and sleeps outside on the ground for a month with no showers and only one change of clothes to help them with medical care- see you there next time!
"@dwilliams816exactly! Cheeps ladies not all posts are meant for you to take personally. I don't mean to be harsh but there is nothing wrong with a woman who has had an easy pregnancy to hope for a gender and be disappointed if she didn't get the sex she hoped for! Please don't forget that YOU ALL ARE Privileged. Unless you are ok with some annoying prat to stand beside you and remind you that someone somewhere is less fortunate than you and you should be thankful when you: buy your cute little crib sets, boppy pillows, breast pumps, disposable diapers, your maternity clothes, the house that you live in, the food you order at the restaurant. All these choices you have made and have been picky about since you have been pregnant. You know what most of the world doesn't have assisted fertility care, and luxuries that you have . When you buy your sugar free, gluten free , organic foods at the store does the teller give you a hard time because people in Ethiopia are starving?? What if someone sat there and said you have no right to be sad because so many people don't have the option to try to get pregnant, to have assistance and all these luxuries you live with. I'm sitting here reading all these women who are offended and I'm just thinking what hypocrites! The poor girl is upset of hopes that didn't turn out. Please Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun"
Wow this got weird and twisted quickly. The teller at grocery stores don't give me a hard time because they would then be fired. DH goes to Kenya and Haiti and sleeps outside on the ground for a month with no showers and only one change of clothes to help them with medical care- see you there next time!
Next time I am organizing a relief effort would you like me to email you? Because I'm happy to get all of the help that I can. Never in a position to turn down aid.
@CMDD Yay to Doctors without boarders! Please thank your DH for his time and effort and I want to thank you for being without him while he does this amazing work!
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there.
When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there?
The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
exactly! Cheeps ladies not all posts are meant for you to take personally. I don't mean to be harsh but there is nothing wrong with a woman who has had an easy pregnancy to hope for a gender and be disappointed if she didn't get the sex she hoped for! Please don't forget that YOU ALL ARE Privileged. Unless you are ok with some annoying prat to stand beside you and remind you that someone somewhere is less fortunate than you and you should be thankful when you: buy your cute little crib sets, boppy pillows, breast pumps, disposable diapers, your maternity clothes, the house that you live in, the food you order at the restaurant. All these choices you have made and have been picky about since you have been pregnant. You know what most of the world doesn't have assisted fertility care, and luxuries that you have . When you buy your sugar free, gluten free , organic foods at the store does the teller give you a hard time because people in Ethiopia are starving?? What if someone sat there and said you have no right to be sad because so many people don't have the option to try to get pregnant, to have assistance and all these luxuries you live with. I'm sitting here reading all these women who are offended and I'm just thinking what hypocrites! The poor girl is upset of hopes that didn't turn out. Please
Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun
This is one of the most pretentious statements I've seen in a while. Talk about not judging. You just put people in a "box" when you have absolutely no idea what they live like, and have the capabilities to do.
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there.
When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there?
The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
exactly! Cheeps ladies not all posts are meant for you to take personally. I don't mean to be harsh but there is nothing wrong with a woman who has had an easy pregnancy to hope for a gender and be disappointed if she didn't get the sex she hoped for! Please don't forget that YOU ALL ARE Privileged. Unless you are ok with some annoying prat to stand beside you and remind you that someone somewhere is less fortunate than you and you should be thankful when you: buy your cute little crib sets, boppy pillows, breast pumps, disposable diapers, your maternity clothes, the house that you live in, the food you order at the restaurant. All these choices you have made and have been picky about since you have been pregnant. You know what most of the world doesn't have assisted fertility care, and luxuries that you have . When you buy your sugar free, gluten free , organic foods at the store does the teller give you a hard time because people in Ethiopia are starving?? What if someone sat there and said you have no right to be sad because so many people don't have the option to try to get pregnant, to have assistance and all these luxuries you live with. I'm sitting here reading all these women who are offended and I'm just thinking what hypocrites! The poor girl is upset of hopes that didn't turn out. Please
Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun
My first question is how does this post make anyone feel better?
Second, how do you know what any of us are or are not thankful for? I am very thankful for many things. I am thankful that I am able to buy food for myself, my dh and my healthy fetus. I am thankful that dh and I work hard and saved money and will be able to buy a house and all the lovely necessary and not so necessary items for our baby. I am thankful that I live in a place with good quality healthcare and that I have a job that has good insurance. Most importantly, I am so, so, SO thankful that with only 2 months of trying, I am almost at the end of my first trimester with a healthy baby- regardless of sex. I am dying to know the sex of the baby- not because I will be happier knowing that it is the sex I want, or disappointed finding out that it is the sex I don't prefer, but because it means I am that much closer to getting to know my baby. I am a very lucky person who has not had m/c or infertility and I am thankful for that, and I feel for those women on this board who have had those difficulties- regardless of what they ARE fortunate enough to have.
Eta: that was not in response to OP. OP, in my opinion, your original post (though perhaps not coming at the best time) was honest and caring. At this point, I honestly do not remember exactly what you said (sorry!!) but I know it came from a place that seemed more like worry than true disappointment. I do think the more you get used to having a little boy, the more you will realize that you will be a great mother to a little boy! There was a post on Pinterest called rules for mothers of boys, that made me cry even before I was pregnant. Plus, a big brother is an amazing thing to have! My big brother has protected me every day of my life. (I think you said this was your first, which, if you have more would make him a big brother.... As I said earlier, I don't quite remember everything you said...) I hope all the loving mother - son stories you find make you feel better
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there. When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there? The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
exactly! Cheeps ladies not all posts are meant for you to take personally. I don't mean to be harsh but there is nothing wrong with a woman who has had an easy pregnancy to hope for a gender and be disappointed if she didn't get the sex she hoped for! Please don't forget that YOU ALL ARE Privileged. Unless you are ok with some annoying prat to stand beside you and remind you that someone somewhere is less fortunate than you and you should be thankful when you: buy your cute little crib sets, boppy pillows, breast pumps, disposable diapers, your maternity clothes, the house that you live in, the food you order at the restaurant. All these choices you have made and have been picky about since you have been pregnant. You know what most of the world doesn't have assisted fertility care, and luxuries that you have . When you buy your sugar free, gluten free , organic foods at the store does the teller give you a hard time because people in Ethiopia are starving?? What if someone sat there and said you have no right to be sad because so many people don't have the option to try to get pregnant, to have assistance and all these luxuries you live with. I'm sitting here reading all these women who are offended and I'm just thinking what hypocrites! The poor girl is upset of hopes that didn't turn out. Please Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun
This is one of the most pretentious statements I've seen in a while. Talk about not judging. You just put people in a "box" when you have absolutely no idea what they live like, and have the capabilities to do.
Lol wow i guess i just went over 3 people's heads with this. Just because you or your husband donate or participate in helping the less fortunate doesn't make you less PRIVELAGED . You donate to give back to the community and all of a sudden you have a right to tell others what they should be feeling ? Is that where you are going with this? Lol. You still don't have the right to make the women on here who might me be more fortunate than you feel bad about their worries ( I e gender). That's my point. If you missed it here it is spelled out again. This forum is the right place to share that concern, this isn't the place for other women to batter her about how she got a better deal than them and she should just be happy with a baby. And if you choose too, hey it's a free country but some like myself will find you doubly irritating. Because you still ARE PRIVELAGED and have a lot more luxuries than many women in other countries don't have, even more privledges than the previous generations and no one makes you feel bad about it. That was my point. And ps if you are on this forum, just by default you are the top 10% of the world economically. So I may not know who you are and what you do... But I know you are pretty fortunate.
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there.
When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there?
The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
exactly! Cheeps ladies not all posts are meant for you to take personally. I don't mean to be harsh but there is nothing wrong with a woman who has had an easy pregnancy to hope for a gender and be disappointed if she didn't get the sex she hoped for! Please don't forget that YOU ALL ARE Privileged. Unless you are ok with some annoying prat to stand beside you and remind you that someone somewhere is less fortunate than you and you should be thankful when you: buy your cute little crib sets, boppy pillows, breast pumps, disposable diapers, your maternity clothes, the house that you live in, the food you order at the restaurant. All these choices you have made and have been picky about since you have been pregnant. You know what most of the world doesn't have assisted fertility care, and luxuries that you have . When you buy your sugar free, gluten free , organic foods at the store does the teller give you a hard time because people in Ethiopia are starving?? What if someone sat there and said you have no right to be sad because so many people don't have the option to try to get pregnant, to have assistance and all these luxuries you live with. I'm sitting here reading all these women who are offended and I'm just thinking what hypocrites! The poor girl is upset of hopes that didn't turn out. Please
Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun
This is one of the most pretentious statements I've seen in a while. Talk about not judging. You just put people in a "box" when you have absolutely no idea what they live like, and have the capabilities to do.
Lol wow i guess i just went over 3 people's heads with this. Just because you or your husband donate or participate in helping the less fortunate doesn't make you less PRIVELAGED . You donate to give back to the community and all of a sudden you have a right to tell others what they should be feeling ? Is that where you are going with this? Lol. You still don't have the right to make the women on here who might me be more fortunate than you feel bad about their worries ( I e gender). That's my point. If you missed it here it is spelled out again. This forum is the right place to share that concern, this isn't the place for other women to batter her about how she got a better deal than them and she should just be happy with a baby. And if you choose too, hey it's a free country but some like myself will find you doubly irritating. Because you still ARE PRIVELAGED and have a lot more luxuries than many women in other countries don't have, even more privledges than the previous generations and no one makes you feel bad about it. That was my point. And ps if you are on this forum, just by default you are the top 10% of the world economically. So I may not know who you are and what you do... But I know you are pretty fortunate.
I know I am privileged and have more than a lot of people. Even if I don't have "everything I want" in my mind. Without a doubt I am so thankful to have what I have and be where I am. But your statement is just ignorant. I don't care if you find me irritating. Like you said, this is an open forum and if you have been around here for even a day you know if you post something, you are going to get a multitude of responses. MY real issue was the lady who said she will "cry and be angry" because she is having another girl. You are on a pregnancy public forum. I'm not on World Peace United or anything like that. We were talking directly about what THIS FORUM and it's participants are dealing with. And no one is MAKING anyone feel any way. How you want to feel is completely up to you. From what I saw, people were hoping that they can put their situations or another mom's situation into perspective, which I have acknowledge OP as doing further into the conversation. Not being closed minded nor forgetting about all the people out there who are seeking refuge for a safe place to sleep at night nor wanting just a little something to eat.... those people matter as well. Absolutely they matter!
Let's compare apples to apples. Not apples to freaking watermelons.
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there.
When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there?
The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
exactly! Cheeps ladies not all posts are meant for you to take personally. I don't mean to be harsh but there is nothing wrong with a woman who has had an easy pregnancy to hope for a gender and be disappointed if she didn't get the sex she hoped for! Please don't forget that YOU ALL ARE Privileged. Unless you are ok with some annoying prat to stand beside you and remind you that someone somewhere is less fortunate than you and you should be thankful when you: buy your cute little crib sets, boppy pillows, breast pumps, disposable diapers, your maternity clothes, the house that you live in, the food you order at the restaurant. All these choices you have made and have been picky about since you have been pregnant. You know what most of the world doesn't have assisted fertility care, and luxuries that you have . When you buy your sugar free, gluten free , organic foods at the store does the teller give you a hard time because people in Ethiopia are starving?? What if someone sat there and said you have no right to be sad because so many people don't have the option to try to get pregnant, to have assistance and all these luxuries you live with. I'm sitting here reading all these women who are offended and I'm just thinking what hypocrites! The poor girl is upset of hopes that didn't turn out. Please
Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun
This is one of the most pretentious statements I've seen in a while. Talk about not judging. You just put people in a "box" when you have absolutely no idea what they live like, and have the capabilities to do.
Lol wow i guess i just went over 3 people's heads with this. Just because you or your husband donate or participate in helping the less fortunate doesn't make you less PRIVELAGED . You donate to give back to the community and all of a sudden you have a right to tell others what they should be feeling ? Is that where you are going with this? Lol. You still don't have the right to make the women on here who might me be more fortunate than you feel bad about their worries ( I e gender). That's my point. If you missed it here it is spelled out again. This forum is the right place to share that concern, this isn't the place for other women to batter her about how she got a better deal than them and she should just be happy with a baby. And if you choose too, hey it's a free country but some like myself will find you doubly irritating. Because you still ARE PRIVELAGED and have a lot more luxuries than many women in other countries don't have, even more privledges than the previous generations and no one makes you feel bad about it. That was my point. And ps if you are on this forum, just by default you are the top 10% of the world economically. So I may not know who you are and what you do... But I know you are pretty fortunate.
I know I am privileged and have more than a lot of people. Even if I don't have "everything I want" in my mind. Without a doubt I am so thankful to have what I have and be where I am. But your statement is just ignorant. I don't care if you find me irritating. Like you said, this is an open forum and if you have been around here for even a day you know if you post something, you are going to get a multitude of responses. MY real issue was the lady who said she will "cry and be angry" because she is having another girl. You are on a pregnancy public forum. I'm not on World Peace United or anything like that. We were talking directly about what THIS FORUM and it's participants are dealing with. And no one is MAKING anyone feel any way. How you want to feel is completely up to you. From what I saw, people were hoping that they can put their situations or another mom's situation into perspective, which I have acknowledge OP as doing further into the conversation. Not being closed minded nor forgetting about all the people out there who are seeking refuge for a safe place to sleep at night nor wanting just a little something to eat.... those people matter as well. Absolutely they matter!
Let's compare apples to apples. Not apples to freaking watermelons.
I started typing out a response to @dwilliams816 but couldn't find the words to say it eloquently and erased it. So instead, I will just ditto what @313Meg said. Exactly what I was thinking!
Lol wow i guess i just went over 3 people's heads with this. Just because you or your husband donate or participate in helping the less fortunate doesn't make you less PRIVELAGED . You donate to give back to the community and all of a sudden you have a right to tell others what they should be feeling ? Is that where you are going with this? Lol. You still don't have the right to make the women on here who might me be more fortunate than you feel bad about their worries ( I e gender). That's my point. If you missed it here it is spelled out again. This forum is the right place to share that concern, this isn't the place for other women to batter her about how she got a better deal than them and she should just be happy with a baby. And if you choose too, hey it's a free country but some like myself will find you doubly irritating. Because you still ARE PRIVELAGED and have a lot more luxuries than many women in other countries don't have, even more privledges than the previous generations and no one makes you feel bad about it. That was my point. And ps if you are on this forum, just by default you are the top 10% of the world economically. So I may not know who you are and what you do... But I know you are pretty fortunate.
I think you're the one not getting it....to put it nicely that's all I will say.
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there.
When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there?
The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
exactly! Cheeps ladies not all posts are meant for you to take personally. I don't mean to be harsh but there is nothing wrong with a woman who has had an easy pregnancy to hope for a gender and be disappointed if she didn't get the sex she hoped for! Please don't forget that YOU ALL ARE Privileged. Unless you are ok with some annoying prat to stand beside you and remind you that someone somewhere is less fortunate than you and you should be thankful when you: buy your cute little crib sets, boppy pillows, breast pumps, disposable diapers, your maternity clothes, the house that you live in, the food you order at the restaurant. All these choices you have made and have been picky about since you have been pregnant. You know what most of the world doesn't have assisted fertility care, and luxuries that you have . When you buy your sugar free, gluten free , organic foods at the store does the teller give you a hard time because people in Ethiopia are starving?? What if someone sat there and said you have no right to be sad because so many people don't have the option to try to get pregnant, to have assistance and all these luxuries you live with. I'm sitting here reading all these women who are offended and I'm just thinking what hypocrites! The poor girl is upset of hopes that didn't turn out. Please
Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun
This is one of the most pretentious statements I've seen in a while. Talk about not judging. You just put people in a "box" when you have absolutely no idea what they live like, and have the capabilities to do.
Lol wow i guess i just went over 3 people's heads with this. Just because you or your husband donate or participate in helping the less fortunate doesn't make you less PRIVELAGED . You donate to give back to the community and all of a sudden you have a right to tell others what they should be feeling ? Is that where you are going with this? Lol. You still don't have the right to make the women on here who might me be more fortunate than you feel bad about their worries ( I e gender). That's my point. If you missed it here it is spelled out again. This forum is the right place to share that concern, this isn't the place for other women to batter her about how she got a better deal than them and she should just be happy with a baby. And if you choose too, hey it's a free country but some like myself will find you doubly irritating. Because you still ARE PRIVELAGED and have a lot more luxuries than many women in other countries don't have, even more privledges than the previous generations and no one makes you feel bad about it. That was my point. And ps if you are on this forum, just by default you are the top 10% of the world economically. So I may not know who you are and what you do... But I know you are pretty fortunate.
If we're going to be yelling, let's at least spell it correctly. PRIVILEGE.
@babyking1214I was the same way with my son! I just knew he was a girl and I joked that I would give him back if he was a boy. I was upset for a few days but got over it. I kept telling myself that boys always love their mothers but girls go through those awful years. (At least I know I did!) Everyone says that boys are easier too.
Once your baby boy is here, it won't matter. You'll love him so much!! Good luck Mama!
I find it interesting that OP was simply trying to express feelings I'm sure many woman have, yet so many of those who responded completely made this whole thread about their own issues and disregarded the initial intent of why the OP put herself out there. When it was just originally posted me first thought was "here we go again" :-@ and just waited for the rather selfish replies to roll out. And they did. I'm fairly sure the OP didn't have these feelings to lessen anyone else's struggles with having a healthy pregnancy so why the need to even go there? The aggressive responses are the main reason I just avoid participating in a lot of potentially-heated threads. What's the point? I don't need the drama and neither did the OP. Maybe we all should stop taking other women's feelings so personal and just allow her to feel what she feels. Being judgmental is not a very attractive quality. Just saying.
Wouldn't this post be considered "participating"? Lol
If you actually read my post you would see it states I avoid participating in MOST of these such things. Most doesn't mean all. Your comment only proved my point and was unnecessary and depending on the tone you were going for somewhat catty. I've suffered a late-term loss before and I wasn't offended by the OP because this thread isn't about me and I don't need to bring all my drama into it, be selfish, and make it all about myself and my issues.
Re: Gender Dissapointment
My disappointment is in some of the following comments. We don't need to put abortion on the table here. Even if it was just said to make a point. Know your audience. Everybody here has 72 hours to review the threads prior to posting.
For those of you that feel that this is not the right place for you, please remember that you are free to leave.
Bye Felicia
Lol
My paternal family has mostly males. To this day I still feel how the males are favored despite the fact that girls are few and far between. It is a horrible feeling to go through childhood, adolescence, and now adulthood knowing you are not valued because of something over which you have absolutely no control.
To Marchmellow2....It makes me sad to think the little boy you were describing might feel the same as me.
Additionally, I find it interesting that many seem to assume if one has a female baby that there will be pink, frills, and other assorted "girlie girl" activities. My mother wanted that sort of girl, but she got me a sports loving, blue jeans & T-shirt, nature lover instead. I was reminded all too often about how I was not the girl she imagined.
It seems like disappointment can come in many forms. I hope all the mothers on here are able to have full-term, healthy pregnancies and are able to love their little ones no matter which sex arrives. Peace.
Someone posted that they have had a loss yet still have a preference of sex. Really? What has to happen to you for you to just want a healthy baby?
I know it sounds cliche and many of you say "of course I want a healthy baby, but I would prefer a _____"
Women who say this are missing the point.
Perhaps this is all a misunderstanding and all you women with preferences really meant to say "I can really picture myself with a baby girl" rather than "I'm hoping for a girl and would be disappointed with a boy" or vice versa
I know OP was not looking for all this extra "advice"... But in a place such as this, it is bound to happen! Rightfully
As for what I think OP was actually looking for: reassurance that you will do just fine and be so excited once you're holding that little babe.
and of course you will!!!!!
I think you will forget you were ever worried about it
I think you will forget about this thread entirely because you will be so overjoyed to be holding your healthy baby boy. You'll do great
Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun
I also get family pressure. As out dated as you'd think it is, hubby has pressure to carry on the family name. People are constantly saying they hope we have a girl so we can have one of each and experience both. My MIL dreads having a granddaughter and dealing with "dolls with real hair". I'm over here all worried I'll pass on all my health muck like Tourette's Syndrome. There are reasons to contribute to hopes either way.
Disappointment over sex is totally normal. With my first I had been told for years that because of certain exposures in the military it would be highly unlikely he would have any boys. After a while I just settled into "okay, it'll be a girl".
There's this little human growing in your womb and besides that it's your baby you're left wondering so much about them and what they're like and what they will be like. It may not seem rational but you develop expectations. When you find out things are different than you expected there's an adjustment. That in no way makes you a bad person or a bad parent, just human.
There were things I'd thought like being able to buy that first doll house or the cute dresses. I really don't have to give that up. There are play houses and I've fallen in love with my son in his little overalls, I'll love the same if this baby is a girl. I adjusted and I love my boy and will love this baby as much.
It's normal to worry about how you'll do. I don't think it's as much to do with sex as how you'll be as a parent in general and how you'll bond. We have a boy and my husband worries how he'll bond with a child that so clearly loves musicals and fairies. He doesn't love him any less, just worries he'll be good enough for our son.
I feel like if you can let go and keep yourself open those worries go away with time. You bond over time with caring for them and seeing them grow as a person and discover who they are. It's amazing to watch and I'm so excited to see my sweet boy grow into a brother. My advice is just to allow yourself to mourn the expectations but don't let them hold you back from enjoying the journey.
I just want to say that I think this feeling will pass and you will fall in love with this little boy and will wonder how you ever could have worried so don't let this get you down. I have heard boys usually are much closer to mom than dad so soon you will have a little guy that has you wrapped around his little finger.
I've never dealt with a m/c so I don't have personal experience but I dealt with a long drawn out time of infertility to I'm excited for this little miracle no matter who it will be but I know even with that I've had some pretty crazy thoughts go through my mind that I blame on my pregnancy brain and hormones and being an imperfect human who does n thinks things I later regret and there's no need to judge someone for something they say or do. I thought this was a place for advice and support not a place where we get reminded constantly how imperfect we are.
@babyking1214 I did not take the time to read all of the posts, but you are entitled to your feelings. It will pass. I have 3 boys and expecting baby #4. We are hoping for a little girl as this is our last baby. I honestly don't know why I want a little girl. I was a tomboy and never saw myself being a mom of a little girl.
Little boys are sweet. My boys seem to see the world in different ways than I do. All 3 of them have different personalities. My oldest (5.5) is my thoughtful little helper. DS2 (almost 4) is for sure my clone, stubborn one minute but then sweet and caring the next. And then there is my 2 year old, who is my goofball but also the enforcer around here. When they get older I can see my older 2 saying "don't make me get my little brother!"
I know it is still a long wait until December but nothing beats the feeling when you first see and hold your little guy.
One baby boy tip: Always have a washcloth, towel or extra wipe handy to toss over his little thing when you are changing his diaper. One of mine hit the TV once.
I feel like you have, overall, handled yourself well in this thread. My issue with the above (not that you asked, but here it is anyway) is you say this is supposed to be a place of support (and anyone that's hungout on the bump for more than 2 minutes knows this is a place for XO to make money and for entertainment and if we're persistent, we can connect once we're together long enough) BUT then you go and say that your thread shouldn't be judged for "poor timing".... if this is a community that's "built for support" wouldn't posting something about gender disappointment be the anti-support to another mom that posted directly below you that she lost her baby at 10 or 11 weeks?
Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
How come nobody has brought up the fact that if the sex of the baby is so important then have IVF and have PGA testing so that you can ensure that you are getting the sex that you desire. Otherwise, you have a 50-50 chance; welcome to life.
Me:34 DH:41 1 son: 6 2 step sons: 18, 12
BFP: 4/24/08 - Missed Miscarriage found 5/29/08
BFP: 11/21/08 - DS born 7/13/09
BFP:5/8/14 - Chemical pregnancy
BFP: 4/11/15....stick baby stick!!!
Take your I couldn't conceive stories to the appropriate thread. You know what, if I don't get what I hope for I'll be upset, and I'll get over it and I'll love my baby. And so will she. And all she needs to hear from you guys is support. And if some idiot tells me to hope for a healthy baby all I'll say back to them is " no s---- Sherlock "
Hope this makes you feel better Hun"
Next time I am organizing a relief effort would you like me to email you? Because I'm happy to get all of the help that I can. Never in a position to turn down aid.
@CMDD Yay to Doctors without boarders! Please thank your DH for his time and effort and I want to thank you for being without him while he does this amazing work!
This is one of the most pretentious statements I've seen in a while. Talk about not judging. You just put people in a "box" when you have absolutely no idea what they live like, and have the capabilities to do.
My first question is how does this post make anyone feel better? Second, how do you know what any of us are or are not thankful for? I am very thankful for many things. I am thankful that I am able to buy food for myself, my dh and my healthy fetus. I am thankful that dh and I work hard and saved money and will be able to buy a house and all the lovely necessary and not so necessary items for our baby. I am thankful that I live in a place with good quality healthcare and that I have a job that has good insurance. Most importantly, I am so, so, SO thankful that with only 2 months of trying, I am almost at the end of my first trimester with a healthy baby- regardless of sex. I am dying to know the sex of the baby- not because I will be happier knowing that it is the sex I want, or disappointed finding out that it is the sex I don't prefer, but because it means I am that much closer to getting to know my baby. I am a very lucky person who has not had m/c or infertility and I am thankful for that, and I feel for those women on this board who have had those difficulties- regardless of what they ARE fortunate enough to have. Eta: that was not in response to OP. OP, in my opinion, your original post (though perhaps not coming at the best time) was honest and caring. At this point, I honestly do not remember exactly what you said (sorry!!) but I know it came from a place that seemed more like worry than true disappointment. I do think the more you get used to having a little boy, the more you will realize that you will be a great mother to a little boy! There was a post on Pinterest called rules for mothers of boys, that made me cry even before I was pregnant. Plus, a big brother is an amazing thing to have! My big brother has protected me every day of my life. (I think you said this was your first, which, if you have more would make him a big brother.... As I said earlier, I don't quite remember everything you said...) I hope all the loving mother - son stories you find make you feel better
This is one of the most pretentious statements I've seen in a while. Talk about not judging. You just put people in a "box" when you have absolutely no idea what they live like, and have the capabilities to do.
Lol wow i guess i just went over 3 people's heads with this. Just because you or your husband donate or participate in helping the less fortunate doesn't make you less PRIVELAGED . You donate to give back to the community and all of a sudden you have a right to tell others what they should be feeling ? Is that where you are going with this? Lol. You still don't have the right to make the women on here who might me be more fortunate than you feel bad about their worries ( I e gender). That's my point. If you missed it here it is spelled out again. This forum is the right place to share that concern, this isn't the place for other women to batter her about how she got a better deal than them and she should just be happy with a baby. And if you choose too, hey it's a free country but some like myself will find you doubly irritating. Because you still ARE PRIVELAGED and have a lot more luxuries than many women in other countries don't have, even more privledges than the previous generations and no one makes you feel bad about it. That was my point. And ps if you are on this forum, just by default you are the top 10% of the world economically. So I may not know who you are and what you do... But I know you are pretty fortunate.Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
You are on a pregnancy public forum. I'm not on World Peace United or anything like that. We were talking directly about what THIS FORUM and it's participants are dealing with. And no one is MAKING anyone feel any way. How you want to feel is completely up to you. From what I saw, people were hoping that they can put their situations or another mom's situation into perspective, which I have acknowledge OP as doing further into the conversation.
Not being closed minded nor forgetting about all the people out there who are seeking refuge for a safe place to sleep at night nor wanting just a little something to eat.... those people matter as well. Absolutely they matter!
Let's compare apples to apples. Not apples to freaking watermelons.
I started typing out a response to @dwilliams816 but couldn't find the words to say it eloquently and erased it. So instead, I will just ditto what @313Meg said. Exactly what I was thinking!
I think you're the one not getting it....to put it nicely that's all I will say.
If we're going to be yelling, let's at least spell it correctly. PRIVILEGE.
Your comment only proved my point and was unnecessary and depending on the tone you were going for somewhat catty.
I've suffered a late-term loss before and I wasn't offended by the OP because this thread isn't about me and I don't need to bring all my drama into it, be selfish, and make it all about myself and my issues.