Baby Shower Help

foozmeister9 · May 2015

I'm a FTM and I have no idea what to do in terms of baby showers. My cousins always held a little gathering of family members and a few friends but I was too young to really retain any of the ins and outs. Is there a certain etiquette? Would it be a bad thing if I scheduled it and let family and friends help out? I'm open to all advice.

Edit: Almost all of my close friends live out of state, how do I go about choosing someone to help me out with the majority of it?

dufferoo · May 2015

As the mom-to-be, you do nothing. Just sit back and wait and see if anyone offers to host one for you! It's not the kind of party you plan yourself.

Sassenach1743 · May 2015

dufferoo said:
As the mom-to-be, you do nothing. Just sit back and wait and see if anyone offers to host one for you! It's not the kind of party you plan yourself.

Ditto.

@Foozmeister9, lurk this board and you will learn that baby showers are celebrations to welcome a first time mom into motherhood. It is a gift, hosted by a close friend or relative. The mother to be is not to host her own gift giving event.

VOR · May 2015

Yup. You don't throw it, you don't "choose" someone to help you. Someone OFFERS to throw a shower for you. And hopefully someone will, but if they don't, then no shower. Showers aren't a right.

ashcley · May 2015

I'm a military wife, you can have your own shower I see many couples have to do it that way, you don't need to feel odd about doing that. If people don't want to come they don't have to and I'm sure that you'll receive more then enough help from the women around you with out needing to delegate it.. Honestly just bring it up over casual conversation and just explain that you'd like to do something and would like their opinion on things. I planned my own shower for other reasons but everyone jumped in to help with the things I wasn't being particular on.

wassuphoes · May 2015

ashcley said:

I'm a military wife, you can have your own shower I see many couples have to do it that way, you don't need to feel odd about doing that. If people don't want to come they don't have to and I'm sure that you'll receive more then enough help from the women around you with out needing to delegate it.. Honestly just bring it up over casual conversation and just explain that you'd like to do something and would like their opinion on things. I planned my own shower for other reasons but everyone jumped in to help with the things I wasn't being particular on.

This is terrible advice. It is extremely rude to throw your own shower.

In real life, I'm not going to tell someone (friend or family) that can't handle the truth that they're being rude/tacky by throwing their own shower. But you can believe that the rest of the family is talking about how rude it is. I will go to your tacky ass shower, but I'll spend considerably less then I would have otherwise.

ashcley · May 2015

Oh but expecting someone else to spend money on your party then others to buy you gifts isn't rude? I'd rather pay for food and place then have people come and bring a gift to celebrate a child than have my family or friends spend their money to throw me a shower. That's what I find tacky, you wouldn't ask someone to pay for everyone else's food for a birthday party for you would you? No. So what the hell is the difference if she chooses to do things on her own and invite people to give gifts in honor of the child. Who really is it bothering besides people who should've offered to do so before it got to that point.

wassuphoes · May 2015

ashcley said:

Oh but expecting someone else to spend money on your party then others to buy you gifts isn't rude? I'd rather pay for food and place then have people come and bring a gift to celebrate a child than have my family or friends spend their money to throw me a shower. That's what I find tacky, you wouldn't ask someone to pay for everyone else's food for a birthday party for you would you? No. So what the hell is the difference if she chooses to do things on her own and invite people to give gifts in honor of the child. Who really is it bothering besides people who should've offered to do so before it got to that point.

You don't ask people to host a shower for you. Someone offers. If nobody offers, you don't get a shower. Boo-hoo. The sun will rise again.

And besides, if you're throwing a decent shower, you might has well have just bought the gifts yourself. It doesn't make financial sense.

FemShep · May 2015

ashcley said:

Oh but expecting someone else to spend money on your party then others to buy you gifts isn't rude? I'd rather pay for food and place then have people come and bring a gift to celebrate a child than have my family or friends spend their money to throw me a shower. That's what I find tacky, you wouldn't ask someone to pay for everyone else's food for a birthday party for you would you? No. So what the hell is the difference if she chooses to do things on her own and invite people to give gifts in honor of the child. Who really is it bothering besides people who should've offered to do so before it got to that point.

s Well, for a start, people don't give gifts at a baby shower in honor of the child. A baby shower is a party to "shower" the mom/parents to be with gifts. All of the gifts, even if they will be worn by the baby, are to help mom/parents as they adjust to new parenthood. Think about it-if the shower was to honor the baby, wouldn't it make sense to wait until the baby is born?

You're correct that you should wait for someone to offer a shower; you should never expect it or request it. If no one offers, you don't get a shower, and life goes on.

Sassenach1743 · June 2015

ashcley said:

Oh but expecting someone else to spend money on your party then others to buy you gifts isn't rude? I'd rather pay for food and place then have people come and bring a gift to celebrate a child than have my family or friends spend their money to throw me a shower. That's what I find tacky, you wouldn't ask someone to pay for everyone else's food for a birthday party for you would you? No. So what the hell is the difference if she chooses to do things on her own and invite people to give gifts in honor of the child. Who really is it bothering besides people who should've offered to do so before it got to that point.

You obviously know nothing about etiquette. As stated in the previous responses, a baby shower (as with a wedding shower) is meant to "shower the parents-to-be (or newlyweds) with gifts". It is not a party to celebrate the baby. And to comment on your birthday party analogy; if a birthday party is being thrown for you (i.e. hosted by someone else, in your honor) then yes, they pay for the party (including food, location, decor, invites, etc.) It is in the poorest taste to bring it up to others because you don't ask for a party, it is offered... hence the etiquette!

Bottom line: you are never to expect anything! That is what is tacky about your response!

ashcley · June 2015

The idea is to cut cost on things your baby needs to have a better start. Who cares who pays for it. I feel tacky when people do things for me because I am more then capable of doing things for myself. I guess I always lived a life where you did things for yourself and if others chipped in then great but if not you shouldn't miss out because others didn't offer to do things for you. So with the birthday analogy I was merely stating that as an adult if you invite people out to dinner for your spouses birthday you don't pay for them and they don't pay for you. You just go to celebrate. No one needed to plan it for you and no one needed to buy you things you go because it's nice to have people celebrate with you. I would personally feel uncomfortable having others pay for everything for my shower.. Those are my friends and my family why should my friends that may know ten people or my family that don't know my friends have to pay for that.. I guess my point was that you shouldn't shame someone into not having a shower because you don't agree with them doing it themselves. You don't have to come if you don't like how it's being held. I invited over 95 people to mine all 95 rsvp so apparently no one I know had an issue with me planning and planning it on my own

wassuphoes · June 2015

ashcley said:

The idea is to cut cost on things your baby needs to have a better start. Who cares who pays for it. I feel tacky when people do things for me because I am more then capable of doing things for myself. I guess I always lived a life where you did things for yourself and if others chipped in then great but if not you shouldn't miss out because others didn't offer to do things for you. So with the birthday analogy I was merely stating that as an adult if you invite people out to dinner for your spouses birthday you don't pay for them and they don't pay for you. You just go to celebrate. No one needed to plan it for you and no one needed to buy you things you go because it's nice to have people celebrate with you. I would personally feel uncomfortable having others pay for everything for my shower.. Those are my friends and my family why should my friends that may know ten people or my family that don't know my friends have to pay for that.. I guess my point was that you shouldn't shame someone into not having a shower because you don't agree with them doing it themselves. You don't have to come if you don't like how it's being held. I invited over 95 people to mine all 95 rsvp so apparently no one I know had an issue with me planning and planning it on my own

That makes no sense at all. If you always had a life where you do things for yourself, why in the hell would you have a shower were people buy things for your child? Buy it yourself. People don't need you to hold their hand to buy a gift, they can do that themselves. Nobody needs a shower invite to buy you a gift.

I'm not even touching how many people you invited. Thats.......Wow.

Sassenach1743 · June 2015

ashcley said:

The idea is to cut cost on things your baby needs to have a better start. Who cares who pays for it. I feel tacky when people do things for me because I am more then capable of doing things for myself. I guess I always lived a life where you did things for yourself and if others chipped in then great but if not you shouldn't miss out because others didn't offer to do things for you. So with the birthday analogy I was merely stating that as an adult if you invite people out to dinner for your spouses birthday you don't pay for them and they don't pay for you. You just go to celebrate. No one needed to plan it for you and no one needed to buy you things you go because it's nice to have people celebrate with you. I would personally feel uncomfortable having others pay for everything for my shower.. Those are my friends and my family why should my friends that may know ten people or my family that don't know my friends have to pay for that.. I guess my point was that you shouldn't shame someone into not having a shower because you don't agree with them doing it themselves. You don't have to come if you don't like how it's being held. I invited over 95 people to mine all 95 rsvp so apparently no one I know had an issue with me planning and planning it on my own

None of this makes any sense at all. I stand by my previous statement that you know nothing about etiquette. A shower is not to cut the cost of your baby expenses. Do you know why? Because a shower is not a mandatory event! It is a gift. A gift is something given to you by others who take it upon themselves to give you said gift (i.e. a shower/party, presents, etc.) It is not to be expected so as to off set your spending for your own child. That is a ridiculous idea and mindset to have.

@wassuphoes said it best... if you've lived your whole life doing everything yourself then why have the shower at all? Just buy everything you want yourself! I'm surprised you're capable of even accepting a gift from anyone else if this is your attitude. Seriously, you cannot fathom a friend or relative hosting a party for you but you'd rather expect everyone you know to bring you a gift to offset your own spending? How is that any less rude?

Edited.

VOR · June 2015

LOL that Ashcley feels "tacky" letting other people do stuff for her, but she's totes cool with inviting 95 people to a shower for her where the POINT is to buy her gifts.

No, no,no, it's rude to let them OFFER to do something for you but not rude to basically say "come to this party and bring me a gift".

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

The irony is awesome.

ashcley · June 2015

We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.

CEB37 · June 2015

ashcley said:

We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.

I guess it's quite evident that you surround yourself with people who have no understanding of etiquette then. Good on you, I guess?

NoSugarCoating · June 2015

ashcley said:
We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.

THE SHOWER IS NOT FOR THE BABY. How can you have a party for a guest of honor who isn't even born yet? A shower is a party to shower a woman with gifts to welcome her to motherhood.

CEB37 · June 2015

I don't know why, but it never ceases to amaze me at how unbelievably entitled and self absorbed some people are. I can't imagine having the audacity to throw a party in my own honor asking for gifts and actually inviting 95 (and I have a huge family).

People place far too much importance on showers. They are not life events like weddings or graduations or the birth of your child. It's a party with punch and cake where people give you presents to care your new baby. #NBD #pinterestcansuckone

BlueWaffleSpeshul · June 2015

ashcley said:

I'm a military wife, you can have your own shower I see many couples have to do it that way, you don't need to feel odd about doing that. If people don't want to come they don't have to and I'm sure that you'll receive more then enough help from the women around you with out needing to delegate it.. Honestly just bring it up over casual conversation and just explain that you'd like to do something and would like their opinion on things. I planned my own shower for other reasons but everyone jumped in to help with the things I wasn't being particular on.

Wait. I thought your mom planned your shower?

Damn, I'm confused.

wassuphoes · June 2015

BlueWaffleSpeshul said:

ashcley said:

I'm a military wife, you can have your own shower I see many couples have to do it that way, you don't need to feel odd about doing that. If people don't want to come they don't have to and I'm sure that you'll receive more then enough help from the women around you with out needing to delegate it.. Honestly just bring it up over casual conversation and just explain that you'd like to do something and would like their opinion on things. I planned my own shower for other reasons but everyone jumped in to help with the things I wasn't being particular on.

Wait. I thought your mom planned your shower?

Damn, I'm confused.

I'm thinking MUD.

Or else SIL is not the most obnoxious person in this family.

delujm0 · June 2015

ashcley said:
We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.

This cannot be real, and I'm basing this on the fact that almost everything you've said contradicts your previous post. I'm starting to think your SIL might not be the unreasonable one in your family.

Also, being a military wife doesn't give you carte blanche to be rude. It is wonderful that your husband is serving his country, and I thank him for that service, but that doesn't mean people will give you a pass on being tacky. Please, next tell me that your "real" wedding happened several months after your city hall one because you're a military wife. That would fit the profile here perfectly.

Sassenach1743 · June 2015

ashcley said:

We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.

You're just never going to get it, are you?

Sassenach1743 · June 2015

delujm0 said:

We bought everything for our child already. My family gives gifts like tiffanys rattles and photo frames. All but 30 people coming are family. So yes while those are gifts they are gifts that are saved for the child they aren't for me or my husbands convenience. We won't receive diapers, carseats or anything else most people get. I get that you feel the etiquette is to allow someone to take on the burden of planning and hosting a shower because it typically was the mother and mother inlaw that did it before but my point is that I didn't want to burden anyone else with having to pay for a elaborate party on my behalf so I paid for the things myself and let my family and friends help where they offered to and I felt comfortable. There is nothing wrong with planning a shower for your child especially since most people now don't have the close connection with their parents or they don't live by their families.. Military wives do it frequently because you move to a new base with new women and although these women are your friends you wouldn't expect them to bend over backwards to plan you a party when you've only known them a few months.. So the husband and wife have a small party and invite their friends over and not once have I met someone so small minded they didn't come because it didn't meet standard etiquette. Also I've never looked at a shower card and thought oh isn't that selfish inviting me over to give money or a present to new parents reguardless of who was hosting it, not to mention I never care to look at who's hosting it. But if you happen to know women like the ones above just don't put a host down. Just get a very simple card that says the place and time and where you're registered then you won't run into women who will have an issue of you having a shower on your own. Also I've had friends ask me to host theirs in the sense of collecting the rsvps and then doing the games at the shower.. I didn't feel offended when I was asked I felt honored to be able to help. I guess it really depends what kind of people you surround yourself with.
This cannot be real, and I'm basing this on the fact that almost everything you've said contradicts your previous post. I'm starting to think your SIL might not be the unreasonable one in your family. Also, being a military wife doesn't give you carte blanche to be rude. It is wonderful that your husband is serving his country, and I thank him for that service, but that doesn't mean people will give you a pass on being tacky. Please, next tell me that your "real" wedding happened several months after your city hall one because you're a military wife. That would fit the profile here perfectly.

Nailed it! Thank you!

)

jonesl12 · June 2015

Where I live it's super common to throw a barbecue or a party at your residence to celebrate a new life coming into the world. Some call it a baby Q. Men and women are both welcome and the host provides all the food and drinks. There's usually games or a jumpy house for the kids and a bonfire later in the evening with drinks and sometimes a band. Gifts are optional yet on the in iterations it is noted where mom and dad are registered. Some bring a gift , some bring wine/ champaigne/ any booze really , and some bring a bit of both. It's a fun day spent with friends and family. I have been to a few myself and in no way is it tacky to throw a party for your friends and family. People are not forced by any means to bring a gift no matter the situation. Its a great excuse to spend time with loved ones and have a good time.

NoSugarCoating · June 2015

jonesl12 said:

Where I live it's super common to throw a barbecue or a party at your residence to celebrate a new life coming into the world. Some call it a baby Q. Men and women are both welcome and the host provides all the food and drinks. There's usually games or a jumpy house for the kids and a bonfire later in the evening with drinks and sometimes a band. Gifts are optional yet on the in iterations it is noted where mom and dad are registered. Some bring a gift , some bring wine/ champaigne/ any booze really , and some bring a bit of both. It's a fun day spent with friends and family. I have been to a few myself and in no way is it tacky to throw a party for your friends and family. People are not forced by any means to bring a gift no matter the situation. Its a great excuse to spend time with loved ones and have a good time.

Good lord. Including registry information on the invitation indicates that guests are expected to bring a gift. All of that? ^^ TACKY!

wassuphoes · June 2015

NoSugarCoating said:

jonesl12 said:

Where I live it's super common to throw a barbecue or a party at your residence to celebrate a new life coming into the world. Some call it a baby Q. Men and women are both welcome and the host provides all the food and drinks. There's usually games or a jumpy house for the kids and a bonfire later in the evening with drinks and sometimes a band. Gifts are optional yet on the in iterations it is noted where mom and dad are registered. Some bring a gift , some bring wine/ champaigne/ any booze really , and some bring a bit of both. It's a fun day spent with friends and family. I have been to a few myself and in no way is it tacky to throw a party for your friends and family. People are not forced by any means to bring a gift no matter the situation. Its a great excuse to spend time with loved ones and have a good time.

Good lord. Including registry information on the invitation indicates that guests are expected to bring a gift. All of that? ^^ TACKY!

Yeah, once you put registry information on an invite it goes from kick ass party to BUY ME GIFTS.

Sassenach1743 · June 2015

jonesl12 said:
Where I live it's super common to throw a barbecue or a party at your residence to celebrate a new life coming into the world. Some call it a baby Q. Men and women are both welcome and the host provides all the food and drinks. There's usually games or a jumpy house for the kids and a bonfire later in the evening with drinks and sometimes a band. Gifts are optional yet on the in iterations it is noted where mom and dad are registered. Some bring a gift , some bring wine/ champaigne/ any booze really , and some bring a bit of both. It's a fun day spent with friends and family. I have been to a few myself and in no way is it tacky to throw a party for your friends and family. People are not forced by any means to bring a gift no matter the situation. Its a great excuse to spend time with loved ones and have a good time.

You almost had me until registry info on the invitation was mentioned. Nope. If you're going to advertise your registry then it's no longer a casual party, it's a gift giving event. Regardless if gifts are "required" or not, the moment you include registry info it changes the intent.

Elsa1984 · June 2015

^^^^ no no no.

I completely agree that if you put the registry on there, you are pretty much throwing yourself a "sprinkle" after the baby is born.

We had a shower with our first baby, and since we will be Team Green for our second, our plan is to host a Sip'n'See/BBQ (depending on the weather). There will be no talk of gifts, there will be no opening of gifts, and there will be no registry. If someone happens to bring a gift, they will be set aside to be opened later.....so Great Aunt Beatrice doesn't get embarrassed that she didn't bring a gift.

Our friends had a Sip'n'See after their son was born and it was pretty nice and laid back. No registry was mentioned, and it was pretty much like a open house all day. We brought a gift (well....a gift card), because it was their first baby and I wanted to bring SOMETHING since they just had a small family-only shower. My feelings weren't hurt that they didn't open it while I was there, because gift opening was not the purpose of the get-together. The card and gift card were tucked away and opened later, and then I received a thank you note.

If I saw registry information on something like a Sip'n'See invite, that the parents were hosting, I would probably laugh. Then I would show up, eat the food, drink the booze, stare at the baby, and head on out.

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

Every time I read these threads, there always seems to be a cultural factor that is missing from the responses. I'm sure in the military they have their own set of codes, rules, etiquette and what not. I'm also sure that a lot of the women who post these questions may not be American, and even then, the etiquette that is followed isn't even something that started in America. I'm not saying anyone is right, wrong, tacky, not tacky, rude, not rude, gift grabby, not gift grabby or what have you. I'm just saying that maybe we should keep in mind that people of different cultures and backgrounds are not exposed to the same things. That's ALL I'm saying.

bluemoonlight · July 2015

Jonesy288 said:

Every time I read these threads, there always seems to be a cultural factor that is missing from the responses. I'm sure in the military they have their own set of codes, rules, etiquette and what not. I'm also sure that a lot of the women who post these questions may not be American, and even then, the etiquette that is followed isn't even something that started in America. I'm not saying anyone is right, wrong, tacky, not tacky, rude, not rude, gift grabby, not gift grabby or what have you. I'm just saying that maybe we should keep in mind that people of different cultures and backgrounds are not exposed to the same things. That's ALL I'm saying.

True true

Ken122014 · July 2015

Jonesy288 said:
Every time I read these threads, there always seems to be a cultural factor that is missing from the responses. I'm sure in the military they have their own set of codes, rules, etiquette and what not. I'm also sure that a lot of the women who post these questions may not be American, and even then, the etiquette that is followed isn't even something that started in America. I'm not saying anyone is right, wrong, tacky, not tacky, rude, not rude, gift grabby, not gift grabby or what have you. I'm just saying that maybe we should keep in mind that people of different cultures and backgrounds are not exposed to the same things. That's ALL I'm saying.

I agree. I was shocked when I got on the bump and read that putting registry info on a shower invite was "tacky" or against etiquette. If you buy your shower invites at any of the big invitation websites, most of them have a place for the registry on the predesigned invitation. So, where is etiquette so strict that you do not follow the standard lines of a shower invitation?! Luckily, I haven't had to worry about throwing my own showers, but if I got an invitation to a shower hosted by the mom to be, with registry information on the card, I wouldn't bat an eye about it. I would be more annoyed if I had to call the host to find out where the person was registered, but that's because I have anxiety talking on the phone to people I don't know and would prefer not to do it. That probably makes me tacky and rude too.

Also important to note- multiple posters who wrote the "etiquette" posts and who liked the etiquette posts are now banned from the bump. So they must not be as polite as they'd like their shower invitees to think!

fwtx5815 · July 2015

Ken122014 said:

Jonesy288 said:
Every time I read these threads, there always seems to be a cultural factor that is missing from the responses. I'm sure in the military they have their own set of codes, rules, etiquette and what not. I'm also sure that a lot of the women who post these questions may not be American, and even then, the etiquette that is followed isn't even something that started in America. I'm not saying anyone is right, wrong, tacky, not tacky, rude, not rude, gift grabby, not gift grabby or what have you. I'm just saying that maybe we should keep in mind that people of different cultures and backgrounds are not exposed to the same things. That's ALL I'm saying.

I agree. I was shocked when I got on the bump and read that putting registry info on a shower invite was "tacky" or against etiquette. If you buy your shower invites at any of the big invitation websites, most of them have a place for the registry on the predesigned invitation. So, where is etiquette so strict that you do not follow the standard lines of a shower invitation?! Luckily, I haven't had to worry about throwing my own showers, but if I got an invitation to a shower hosted by the mom to be, with registry information on the card, I wouldn't bat an eye about it. I would be more annoyed if I had to call the host to find out where the person was registered, but that's because I have anxiety talking on the phone to people I don't know and would prefer not to do it. That probably makes me tacky and rude too.

Also important to note- multiple posters who wrote the "etiquette" posts and who liked the etiquette posts are now banned from the bump. So they must not be as polite as they'd like their shower invitees to think!

1. Retailers are not known for being the authority on etiquette. They're in it to make money.
Example: When my then-fiancé and I set up our wedding registry at bed bath and beyond, we were given a stack of registry slips that the sales associate suggested we include in our wedding invitation suite. *gag*
She doesn't give a shit whether that's a rude and presumptuous thing to do, it was all about potential sales.

2. When a regular gets banned, it's not because the bump gods thought they were giving bad advice. It was likely due to the fact that they were honest in their postings and they hurt too many snowflakes' fee fees and got reported several times.

wassuphoes · July 2015

fwtx5815 said:

Ken122014 said:

Jonesy288 said:
Every time I read these threads, there always seems to be a cultural factor that is missing from the responses. I'm sure in the military they have their own set of codes, rules, etiquette and what not. I'm also sure that a lot of the women who post these questions may not be American, and even then, the etiquette that is followed isn't even something that started in America. I'm not saying anyone is right, wrong, tacky, not tacky, rude, not rude, gift grabby, not gift grabby or what have you. I'm just saying that maybe we should keep in mind that people of different cultures and backgrounds are not exposed to the same things. That's ALL I'm saying.

I agree. I was shocked when I got on the bump and read that putting registry info on a shower invite was "tacky" or against etiquette. If you buy your shower invites at any of the big invitation websites, most of them have a place for the registry on the predesigned invitation. So, where is etiquette so strict that you do not follow the standard lines of a shower invitation?! Luckily, I haven't had to worry about throwing my own showers, but if I got an invitation to a shower hosted by the mom to be, with registry information on the card, I wouldn't bat an eye about it. I would be more annoyed if I had to call the host to find out where the person was registered, but that's because I have anxiety talking on the phone to people I don't know and would prefer not to do it. That probably makes me tacky and rude too.

Also important to note- multiple posters who wrote the "etiquette" posts and who liked the etiquette posts are now banned from the bump. So they must not be as polite as they'd like their shower invitees to think!

1. Retailers are not known for being the authority on etiquette. They're in it to make money.
Example: When my then-fiancé and I set up our wedding registry at bed bath and beyond, we were given a stack of registry slips that the sales associate suggested we include in our wedding invitation suite. *gag*
She doesn't give a shit whether that's a rude and presumptuous thing to do, it was all about potential sales.

2. When a regular gets banned, it's not because the bump gods thought they were giving bad advice. It was likely due to the fact that they were honest in their postings and they hurt too many snowflakes' fee fees and got reported several times.

Registry info on a shower invite being a faux pas is old old school etiquette.

Registry info on a non shower invite is forever tacky.

But as pp said, retailers don't care about etiquette, they care about sales. Registering for gift cards is crass because it's asking for money, but retailers default put it at the top of all registries. (Because before this no one ever thought gift cards were a good gift /sarcasm )

And etiquette is in no way related to posters getting banned, that's just a petty dig.

eliztheforrizz · July 2015

Ken122014 said:

Also important to note- multiple posters who wrote the "etiquette" posts and who liked the etiquette posts are now banned from the bump. So they must not be as polite as they'd like their shower invitees to think!

People get banned because *speshul snowflaykes* get butt hurt over being called out on their ignorance and lack of etiquette, or simply because someone doesn't share their opinion. Most of the members who get banned are not impolite, but rather very supportive and knowledgeable contributors to the community who happen to say it like it is. All of the women on this thread who were advising against throwing one's own shower were doing so to educate someone who clearly didn't understand the etiquette of baby showers. When others come on this board attempting to be white knights for an OP, it really grinds our gears, because anyone who posts on a public forum has to be prepared for honest feedback and doesn't need defending. Besides, this thread is super old. Move on, get to stepping, find another place to air your discontent.

Latina211508 · July 2015

You may do as you wish. There are no rules to this. Everyone has their own opinions but at the end of the day you do what YOU want. Not everyone will agree/accept everything that you do but that doesn't mean you can't do it. People think too deep into these baby showers.

fmraglio · July 2015

Ken122014 said:

Every time I read these threads, there always seems to be a cultural factor that is missing from the responses. I'm sure in the military they have their own set of codes, rules, etiquette and what not. I'm also sure that a lot of the women who post these questions may not be American, and even then, the etiquette that is followed isn't even something that started in America. I'm not saying anyone is right, wrong, tacky, not tacky, rude, not rude, gift grabby, not gift grabby or what have you. I'm just saying that maybe we should keep in mind that people of different cultures and backgrounds are not exposed to the same things. That's ALL I'm saying.

I agree. I was shocked when I got on the bump and read that putting registry info on a shower invite was "tacky" or against etiquette. If you buy your shower invites at any of the big invitation websites, most of them have a place for the registry on the predesigned invitation. So, where is etiquette so strict that you do not follow the standard lines of a shower invitation?! Luckily, I haven't had to worry about throwing my own showers, but if I got an invitation to a shower hosted by the mom to be, with registry information on the card, I wouldn't bat an eye about it. I would be more annoyed if I had to call the host to find out where the person was registered, but that's because I have anxiety talking on the phone to people I don't know and would prefer not to do it. That probably makes me tacky and rude too. Also important to note- multiple posters who wrote the "etiquette" posts and who liked the etiquette posts are now banned from the bump. So they must not be as polite as they'd like their shower invitees to think!

Preach it ladies!

Edited to make it plural because both of these posts are on point. Couldn't have said it better.

GingerTurtles · July 2015

Latina211508 said:
You may do as you wish. There are no rules to this. Everyone has their own opinions but at the end of the day you do what YOU want. Not everyone will agree/accept everything that you do but that doesn't mean you can't do it. People think too deep into these baby showers.

Etiquette is a set of behavioral rules accepted by the majority is society. Choosing to ignore them doesn't mean they don't exist.

wassuphoes · July 2015

Latina211508 said:
You may do as you wish. There are no rules to this. Everyone has their own opinions but at the end of the day you do what YOU want. Not everyone will agree/accept everything that you do but that doesn't mean you can't do it. People think too deep into these baby showers.

No, there are rules.

Now then, it might vary culture to culture (like, England where showers themselves are a faux pas to ((my admittedly limited understanding )) that most hispanic cultures have something for each baby and in the Jewish culture any sort of party or gifts before the baby is born is bad luck and not done) but there are definitely rules.

The best advice beyond a general following of miss manners is do what is normal for your social circle. If everyone does second showers, then fine whatever your social circle doesn't care. If nobody in your circle has second showers, you will probably look tacky and greedy if you do.

Latina211508 · July 2015

@wassuphoes what I'm saying is that technically you can do as you wish. If you want a second shower, to throw it yourself etc. But there is no actual rule saying "You may not have a second shower"! Lol if that makes sense. Yes, I do believe in every culture/country etc people do things a certain way as tradition. But you don't have to follow it. Of course not everyone will agree and probably say side comments. But me personally, that will affect nothing in my life.

DylansCandyBar · July 2015

Latina211508 said:
@wassuphoes what I'm saying is that technically you can do as you wish. If you want a second shower, to throw it yourself etc. But there is no actual rule saying "You may not have a second shower"! Lol if that makes sense. Yes, I do believe in every culture/country etc people do things a certain way as tradition. But you don't have to follow it. Of course not everyone will agree and probably say side comments. But me personally, that will affect nothing in my life.

Of course that's your advice. You've thrown your own shower and are having a shower for your 4th baby. I think it's safe to assume that you care very little for etiquette. That's not the case for most.

TBlockett · July 2015

Sheesh. The rudeness on this post is just baffling. Why can't we all agree to disagree? People come from different backgrounds where things are done in different ways. I don't understand why people have to be judged for doing something in a different way than you would do it yourself. I have a large family and a LOT of friends so we sent out over 100 invites. My best friends are hosting my shower and are still in college. So excuse me if I don't feel as though they should foot the bill for my entire shower. I offered to help with costs because, unlike them, I've already graduated college, have a career, own my own home, etc. I don't think it's fair to accuse someone of being tacky if they help with their shower. My God. Let people live!

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