Does anyone else out there in Bump Land have a conception story they just don't want to share with people who may ask? I mean, it isn't as though people are asking about your sex life in direct terms, but... questions/comments such as, 'Oh, you must have timed this so perfectly?' or 'Did it take you long to get pregnant?' or a whole host of other questions indirectly asks about, well, your sex life. As some women on here know, my conception story was traumatic and I hate even perfectly-innocent questions/comments that get spoken sometimes. Anyhow, just wondering if anyone else is experiencing that.
I caught up with an old friend today, and after some attempts at me deflecting, I felt like there was no 'good' explanation as to how this baby came to be other than the truth. Now I'm in a funk, depressed, and feeling discouraged...
Re: Awkward/ Uncomfortable/ Hurtful Conception Conversations
I think it is odd that your friend kept pushing for an answer. I hope you're able to feel encouraged soon!
We are in our 30's and got pregnant on our honeymoon (Vegas and crown and cokes I guess) and we had family actually pull out phones and count backwards and question us. Wtf! Due date is exact on our honeymoon day so Ha!
It sucks, but people are going to be questioning you for a long time. I can't imagine being in your shoes @OnWayto3 because there really is no way to keep people from asking questions, and once they've asked, the damage is done. In your situation, you'll be dealing with the questions about paternity probably until your baby is grown up. It's none of their business, so I'd just come up with a go-to response that you feel comfortable with, even if it isn't entirely truthful. From your previous posts it sounds like you have a very supportive partner, so if someone asks how you got pregnant or why or who the father is you could just say it was a sperm donor (not entirely a lie) and redirect the conversation to how you and your partner couldn't be happier to have the chance to raise a child together? Hopefully time and the love you will feel for your child can make it so that one day it won't negatively affect you when rude people ask these questions. Hugs!
I can see how you would get worked up though if you are a private person.
Disclaimer:
I do not know your conception story. You really don't owe anyone any explanations. Remember that.
Maybe I should delete this because clearly there is a situation I know nothing about and this isn't just a general awkward sex convo.
I loathe conception questions, but didn't realize how rude they are until I was facing them myself. I do think people mean well, but that doesn't mean we owe them an explanation. I personally think it does mean, however, we owe ourselves a prepared response that keeps us sane.
But you will know what's right for you, and hopefully are getting some professional support. I don't mean to boss, my heart just hurts for you and I wish I could help. Sending love
Months down the line I wish I'd realised we don't owe anyone any explanation. For me, I think bonding with my pregnancy has helped me realise that. Now when people push for answers I take it as them asking me to explain my baby rather than my pregnancy and that triggers my protective instinct.
I agree with what PPs have suggested - give a stock response and deflection. How we love and raise our children is the only thing that matters.
Just tell ppl it was aliens. Or maybe you don't even know what causes pregnancy. Say it with a straight face.
((hugs ))
On the topic of rude questions, yesterday at my internship, someone asked my supervisor if SHE was pregnant. My supervisor is extremely skinny and I have no idea why this woman would think she might be or why this would be an ok question to ask. She then had the nerve to ask if my supervisor was trying to get pregnant. And then she looked at me and asked if I was pregnant. I couldn't help but respond with, "I think you already know the answer to that question." I mean, seriously, I'm 39w3d - I'm very obviously pregnant at this point!
So yeah, when people ask 'why did you change your mind?' or 'did you plan this?' or I had one lady (my boss, even!) kinda lecture me about "well you chose to not use protection and that's why you're pregnant" (she doesnt even know anything about that period of my life) what am I going to say? That I fell down a grief rabbit hole? That I barely remember the month time span in which it happened? That I was purely just lucky that I noticed I had missed my period and had a test from a previous scare in the house and I was able to use it before I started drinking myself away from sorrow for that day? That even when I wasn't drinking I still couldn't remember anything because I was in a total depression?
So yes. It REALLY bothers me when people ask "was it planned?" No, it was a surprise. "Well what birth control were you using?" Well, what business is it of yours? "I bet you were excited when you got the news!" No, I felt even further like I wanted to die. Like everything in my world was going to shit all at once, thank you.
Obviously, I reconciled and commited myself to this eventually. And my 'don't pass up on life's adventures. If you turn down the wrong road may as well drive it to see where it takes you, you could find a new route home' philosophy reasserted itself. And my stubbornness to see things thru, damnit. But I had to fake it till I could make it for a long time.
Edited, words are hard
"Actually it was a total tequila bender. I think we had already sent the circus midgets home, but I definitely remember I was still wearing my clown makeup and standing on my head. Want to see the pictures? "
Maybe this should go under Angry Pregnant Ladies.
But, he was certainly not planned, we were covered "on two fronts", as DH says, and had discussed waiting another year or two before even trying when we found out. That's life though.
Neither of us remember the night he was conceived (we're not rabbits, we like TV and cuddles better because we're actually 100 year olds trapped in 20 year old bodies) and we were both on sleeping medicine. Most of the time when people ask we just smile and say we're blessed and they go away. Only family and close friends know he's an Ambien/Birth Control/Condom baby.
Moral of the story, it's no one's business. Don't ever feel bad about telling people to mind their business. Your body, your baby.
The most awkward comment came from MIL. On our anniversary she said "I bought you guys a card game because you have clearly done everything else so you might be bored." Gee, thanks. It was so awkward we just stood there in shock.
:-w
All you other ladies, too - it helps to see how strong we all are in our own unique ways. All the June moms have something about them that reinforces my 'lift your chin and go forward'. >:D<
(I have been inflicted by a strong case of all the feels recently. Sorry if I get mushy)
I know I look younger than I am, but this comment was really rude! He seemed disgusted that I was pregnant at 40 for some reason. For me, it's a happy thing that I was able to get pregnant naturally so late with no problems. Awkwardly I tried to answer his question.."well we waited till the last minute to start a family...didn't feel ready yet..." The truth is I didn't really start to get baby fever until about age 38-39, and my husband was definitely NOT ready until recently because he was struggling with depression and health problems. Financially we were not ready and we even lived in two different countries for awhile while I went back to school. But why is the timing of your child anyone else's business? If you're happy and the baby is healthy, that's all that matters!!!
Beer is good.
People are crazy.
Thank you country music.
Heads up ladies! You always have the option to tell people to go fuck themselves. I always love having that option!