Does anyone else out there in Bump Land have a conception story they just don't want to share with people who may ask? I mean, it isn't as though people are asking about your sex life in direct terms, but... questions/comments such as, 'Oh, you must have timed this so perfectly?' or 'Did it take you long to get pregnant?' or a whole host of other questions indirectly asks about, well, your sex life. As some women on here know, my conception story was traumatic and I hate even perfectly-innocent questions/comments that get spoken sometimes. Anyhow, just wondering if anyone else is experiencing that.
I caught up with an old friend today, and after some attempts at me deflecting, I felt like there was no 'good' explanation as to how this baby came to be other than the truth. Now I'm in a funk, depressed, and feeling discouraged...
I have never had anyone ask directly about when or how we conceived, but I'm always somewhat embarrassed that we did not plan this baby and are so young at 23. I still have no clue how DH and I are part of the percentage who gets pregnant using condoms and only being off BC for a couple weeks.i always feel the need to explain that if it were up to me, I would be pregnant years later, even when someone doesn't ask.
I think it is odd that your friend kept pushing for an answer. I hope you're able to feel encouraged soon!
We are in our 30's and got pregnant on our honeymoon (Vegas and crown and cokes I guess) and we had family actually pull out phones and count backwards and question us. Wtf! Due date is exact on our honeymoon day so Ha!
Unfortunately, some people just do not have boundaries and feel like they are entitled to know every detail of your personal life and 'plan'. We got engaged, then a month later, found out we were pregnant after already setting a wedding date. We chose to push the wedding back a year for financial reasons, and so I wouldn't feel overwhelmed planning/having a wedding so soon after delivering. Everyone now assumes since we didn't announce our wedding date beforehand, that my fiancé only proposed because I got pregnant, when in reality I didn't even know at the time.
It sucks, but people are going to be questioning you for a long time. I can't imagine being in your shoes @OnWayto3 because there really is no way to keep people from asking questions, and once they've asked, the damage is done. In your situation, you'll be dealing with the questions about paternity probably until your baby is grown up. It's none of their business, so I'd just come up with a go-to response that you feel comfortable with, even if it isn't entirely truthful. From your previous posts it sounds like you have a very supportive partner, so if someone asks how you got pregnant or why or who the father is you could just say it was a sperm donor (not entirely a lie) and redirect the conversation to how you and your partner couldn't be happier to have the chance to raise a child together? Hopefully time and the love you will feel for your child can make it so that one day it won't negatively affect you when rude people ask these questions. Hugs!
Ha. My mil even knows our possible conception dates. I'm just so science about it. I never mention the word sex but eh. I don't get too worked up. I have friends who are going through fertility struggles and I guess I'm just that person ppl tell stuff to so I never think of it as awkward or rude.
I can see how you would get worked up though if you are a private person.
Disclaimer: I do not know your conception story. You really don't owe anyone any explanations. Remember that.
Maybe I should delete this because clearly there is a situation I know nothing about and this isn't just a general awkward sex convo.
Does anyone else out there in Bump Land have a conception story they just don't want to share with people who may ask? I mean, it isn't as though people are asking about your sex life in direct terms, but... questions/comments such as, 'Oh, you must have timed this so perfectly?' or 'Did it take you long to get pregnant?' or a whole host of other questions indirectly asks about, well, your sex life. As some women on here know, my conception story was traumatic and I hate even perfectly-innocent questions/comments that get spoken sometimes. Anyhow, just wondering if anyone else is experiencing that.
I caught up with an old friend today, and after some attempts at me deflecting, I felt like there was no 'good' explanation as to how this baby came to be other than the truth. Now I'm in a funk, depressed, and feeling discouraged...
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, @OnWayto3 It seems like having a stock answer to gently but firmly indicate you're not providing an explanation, could be useful. Something along the lines of, "I know it's natural for you to wonder, but the conception is not something I want to discuss. I have a supportive partner, and we are focusing on welcoming this baby." Something that leaves no room for questions and keeps YOU in control of the situation. Then you be the one to change the subject immediately. "But yesterday I bought the cutest outfit!" Or whatever.
I loathe conception questions, but didn't realize how rude they are until I was facing them myself. I do think people mean well, but that doesn't mean we owe them an explanation. I personally think it does mean, however, we owe ourselves a prepared response that keeps us sane.
But you will know what's right for you, and hopefully are getting some professional support. I don't mean to boss, my heart just hurts for you and I wish I could help. Sending love
My husband and I conceived our twins through IVF after a long struggle of infertility. When people find out we are having twins, the first question (unless they already know our difficult journey) is, "are they natural?" Or "do twins run in your family?" Both very personal questions, and really not any of their business to be asking those. Some days I handle it better than others. I know those questions are not going to stop once our twins arrive, so I'm trying to accept it and have an answer prepared for the random person in the grocery store who asks. I feel your frustration though...
Ours was a shock pregnancy to everyone but us (kinda). I have been asked "how?!" countless times and in the early days I went out of my way to justify our behaviour and explain "how". For some reason I really cared what friends and family thought and I felt I owed everyone an explanation.
Months down the line I wish I'd realised we don't owe anyone any explanation. For me, I think bonding with my pregnancy has helped me realise that. Now when people push for answers I take it as them asking me to explain my baby rather than my pregnancy and that triggers my protective instinct.
I agree with what PPs have suggested - give a stock response and deflection. How we love and raise our children is the only thing that matters.
My husband and I conceived our twins through IVF after a long struggle of infertility. When people find out we are having twins, the first question (unless they already know our difficult journey) is, "are they natural?" Or "do twins run in your family?" Both very personal questions, and really not any of their business to be asking those. Some days I handle it better than others. I know those questions are not going to stop once our twins arrive, so I'm trying to accept it and have an answer prepared for the random person in the grocery store who asks. I feel your frustration though...
As an IVF twin myself, I have gotten these questions about my PARENTS conception my whole life which I have always thought is super weird (they were 38 when they had us, no twins in the family), you would never ask a non-twin about their freakin parents sex life! I usually answer something along the lines of "well they were clearly super ready for us" or "I was the planned baby, they just got lucky with getting 2 for 1".. I think knowing that our parents worked so hard to have us makes my sister and I feel even more special
I will never understand how ppl think they can just ask all these very personal questions. Unless you are Brest friends that shared absolutely every gory detail about each others life.
Just tell ppl it was aliens. Or maybe you don't even know what causes pregnancy. Say it with a straight face.
I'm in the same boat as @bbnmama2012 - as a 23 year old grad student, I feel like everyone wonders if she was planned (she wasn't, but she's the best surprise ever!) and I dreaded being asked about it. Thankfully, only one person has asked, it wasn't until last week, and it was the cashier at Wal-Mart. DH and I had no idea how to respond and just kind of looked at each other and stuttered for a while before finally saying, "We weren't trying, but we weren't NOT trying." Which is true. But still, super rude question. I'm glad it was only a stranger that asked though... although that definitely could be because everyone who knows us assumes they already know the answer.
On the topic of rude questions, yesterday at my internship, someone asked my supervisor if SHE was pregnant. My supervisor is extremely skinny and I have no idea why this woman would think she might be or why this would be an ok question to ask. She then had the nerve to ask if my supervisor was trying to get pregnant. And then she looked at me and asked if I was pregnant. I couldn't help but respond with, "I think you already know the answer to that question." I mean, seriously, I'm 39w3d - I'm very obviously pregnant at this point!
Yes it's annoying. I've been with my husband for 8 years before conceiving. Only a few people who are close to us ask but my excuse is that I was always in school. But really, ITS NOONE'S BUSINESS.
Me. My conception story is not roses, either. I don't mind telling you ladies that at the time I was severely in grief and was trying to drink myself into a blackout every day to drown my sorrows. And I turned to other ways to try to not feel like I was dying inside, like sex with my DH. To this day I still don't know if we didn't use a condom because we didn't have any, or because I was so messed up and sad that I didn't want him to take the time to go get one, or if we used one and had a problem... I just don't know. Also coupled with the fact that I never did want children, and I was outspoken about it, makes it so that when the news was finally out everybody and their mother wanted to know 'what happened'.
So yeah, when people ask 'why did you change your mind?' or 'did you plan this?' or I had one lady (my boss, even!) kinda lecture me about "well you chose to not use protection and that's why you're pregnant" (she doesnt even know anything about that period of my life) what am I going to say? That I fell down a grief rabbit hole? That I barely remember the month time span in which it happened? That I was purely just lucky that I noticed I had missed my period and had a test from a previous scare in the house and I was able to use it before I started drinking myself away from sorrow for that day? That even when I wasn't drinking I still couldn't remember anything because I was in a total depression?
So yes. It REALLY bothers me when people ask "was it planned?" No, it was a surprise. "Well what birth control were you using?" Well, what business is it of yours? "I bet you were excited when you got the news!" No, I felt even further like I wanted to die. Like everything in my world was going to shit all at once, thank you.
Obviously, I reconciled and commited myself to this eventually. And my 'don't pass up on life's adventures. If you turn down the wrong road may as well drive it to see where it takes you, you could find a new route home' philosophy reasserted itself. And my stubbornness to see things thru, damnit. But I had to fake it till I could make it for a long time.
Agree. My partner is female and whilst the majority of people haven't pried (and we are happy to discuss the process, and understand people are curious as it's not 'typical') we have been really hurt by a few comments especially those who ask 'so who's the father?' When we answer 'there's no father - if you mean the sperm donor, it's nobody you've met, and anyway we have a confidentiality agreement' they roll their eyes as if 'oh donor, father... Same thing.' nope - not the same thing AT ALL! Very hurtful and disrespectful to my partner, the non-birth mother.
I understand, I had a miscarriage before this baby, and then it took a while for us to get pregnant. I hear a lot, wow, you waited a long time between your daughter and this baby. Which not really, she is 3 years and 3 months. And I was just want to tell them that it's none of their business but maybe we did try for a long time. People are so rude.
If people don't take the hint after trying to deflect, I take the blunt, honest route which can come off as rude. But telling someone that it is none of their business and continuing to pry is rude and offensive usually gets the point across. If that still doesn't work, then I go to snark.
"Actually it was a total tequila bender. I think we had already sent the circus midgets home, but I definitely remember I was still wearing my clown makeup and standing on my head. Want to see the pictures? "
I'm also with @bbnmomma2012 and @karaelaine1991. I'm 24, we've been married for two years and together for five but people still freak out about us having a kid. I feel like we're in the appropriate age range. But, he was certainly not planned, we were covered "on two fronts", as DH says, and had discussed waiting another year or two before even trying when we found out. That's life though. Neither of us remember the night he was conceived (we're not rabbits, we like TV and cuddles better because we're actually 100 year olds trapped in 20 year old bodies) and we were both on sleeping medicine. Most of the time when people ask we just smile and say we're blessed and they go away. Only family and close friends know he's an Ambien/Birth Control/Condom baby.
I always feel bad when I talk with people who tried for years or are still trying. My husband and I were able to get pregnant during our first month of trying. I was scared we would take forever due to my DH having some ED issues. I'm still shocked that we managed it! However, I had told my mother we were going to try and felt bad when we actually got pregnant. I came early in my parents marriage and they waited to try for more kids. I was 6 when they started trying again. They tried for 6 years and finally gave up only to discover they were pregnant when I was 18 and a senior in high school. Now I have an 8 year old sister.
@mellymar Thank you thank you thank you! Your words strike such a chord with me! I totally get the rabbit hole of grief. Went through a stretch like that before where I used sex with various men to 'soothe' me; I guess that since I can't stand the taste of alcohol, sex was my drug of choice. Just lucky no pregnancy or diseases resulted. I hope you're finding strength in yourself, and perhaps through the help of a professional... I'm doing the same. As you pointed out, sometimes we must 'fake it till we make it.' Your lil' person is lucky to have such an insightful parent; I believe the struggles you have gone through and are going through will only serve to make you a better mama.
@PoppyL84 I'm totally empathizing with you. Having had two children with a man-- my ex husband-- it is a new world for me to be co-parenting with a woman. And while this new world is a beautiful one, it is unbelievable the things that people suddenly feel entitled to know. It sounds like you, too, have been trying to wrap your partner into the fold so that she feels like an equal parent... but I definitely see how this can be a challenge.
If people don't take the hint after trying to deflect, I take the blunt, honest route which can come off as rude. But telling someone that it is none of their business and continuing to pry is rude and offensive usually gets the point across. If that still doesn't work, then I go to snark.
"Actually it was a total tequila bender. I think we had already sent the circus midgets home, but I definitely remember I was still wearing my clown makeup and standing on my head. Want to see the pictures? "
Maybe this should go under Angry Pregnant Ladies.
Oooh, I like your explanation! Problem with me is that I'm just so damn visual that immediately I picture you , tequila, and a bunch of circus midgets! Oh, and I can't forget that clown makeup with you standing on your head. @SammyK thanks for the giggle.
Totally ^^
We are in our 30's and got pregnant on our honeymoon (Vegas and crown and cokes I guess) and we had family actually pull out phones and count backwards and question us. Wtf! Due date is exact on our honeymoon day so Ha!
This exactly. DH and I got married 7/18/14 and went on our honeymoon right away. Once back, i stopped nuvaring, turned 30 at the end of august and decided we should start trying since i've always been terrified that we'd have trouble (it took my parents 7 years to conceive). Well needless to say we didn't have trouble. Conceived our baby sometime around the end of september (I was enjoying the lifestyle of a lady not on a wedding diet so it was a very wine-y month) and tested positive in mid-october. When we told people the news, you could see our older family members mentally doing the math in their heads to figure out if it was a honeymoon baby or a pre-wedding baby. Rude. When I shared the news we my coworkers, i got a lot of "WOW You guys didn't waste any time". double rude.
Moral of the story, it's no one's business. Don't ever feel bad about telling people to mind their business. Your body, your baby.
My husband is 25 and I am 24. This baby was not planned, but we were planning on starting to try in the next year anyway... I always feel judged because I look younger than I am and people always make comments to us. The thing I don't understand is that it is none of your business, so why do you care if he was planned or not? DH and I have been together for 7 years, married for almost 2, own a house, both have college degrees and are financially stable. At first I was so "ashamed" because others made me feel that way so I would lie and say we planned it. But now, I just don't care. I call LO our happy surprise.
The most awkward comment came from MIL. On our anniversary she said "I bought you guys a card game because you have clearly done everything else so you might be bored." Gee, thanks. It was so awkward we just stood there in shock. :-w
My husband is 25 and I am 24. This baby was not planned, but we were planning on starting to try in the next year anyway... I always feel judged because I look younger than I am and people always make comments to us. The thing I don't understand is that it is none of your business, so why do you care if he was planned or not? DH and I have been together for 7 years, married for almost 2, own a house, both have college degrees and are financially stable. At first I was so "ashamed" because others made me feel that way so I would lie and say we planned it. But now, I just don't care. I call LO our happy surprise.
The most awkward comment came from MIL. On our anniversary she said "I bought you guys a card game because you have clearly done everything else so you might be bored." Gee, thanks. It was so awkward we just stood there in shock. :-w
You guys have really opened my eyes up about how important it is to let the personal and private stay that way. Thank you, I think some people really don't realize how inappropriate their innocent curiosity can be. I would be very firm when you can, as in "That's not something I am really comfortable talking about, thanks." If they prod don't respond just change the subject. I don't think that would be rude at all. The more you engage those kinds of prying questions with round about answers the more some people push. I'm so glad to be on this board and a part of your stories mamas. You have made a world of difference for me and I hope to support all of you guys too!
I can relate to the 'not so ideal' conception. Me and FI have been together off and on for 5 years, we decided to work things out for the trillionth time back in August and boom, we were pregnant in September. It was a surprise that it happened so quick but not that it happened in general, I mean come on..we weren't using protection or any other caution whatsoever. But between me & my FI, we were perfectly happy being pregnant. Not saying that a baby fixes things, but it got me out of my rut of unhealthy behavior. We got engaged, moved into a beautiful home and are doing better then we ever have. People made comments like "oh is the baby even his?" (MIL) and "you must've been trying without him knowing" or my favorite "it's obvious you trapped him". It's not our job to try and explain or justify our lives or decisions to those rude and nosy enough to ask. I've learned that people will judge no matter what, even in the most 'ideal' situations.
@OnWayto3 thanks. ❤ you gave me a case of the 'sentimental / proud of myself' feels.
All you other ladies, too - it helps to see how strong we all are in our own unique ways. All the June moms have something about them that reinforces my 'lift your chin and go forward'. >:D<
(I have been inflicted by a strong case of all the feels recently. Sorry if I get mushy)
I can relate to the 'not so ideal' conception. Me and FI have been together off and on for 5 years, we decided to work things out for the trillionth time back in August and boom, we were pregnant in September. It was a surprise that it happened so quick but not that it happened in general, I mean come on..we weren't using protection or any other caution whatsoever. But between me & my FI, we were perfectly happy being pregnant. Not saying that a baby fixes things, but it got me out of my rut of unhealthy behavior. We got engaged, moved into a beautiful home and are doing better then we ever have. People made comments like "oh is the baby even his?" (MIL) and "you must've been trying without him knowing" or my favorite "it's obvious you trapped him". It's not our job to try and explain or justify our lives or decisions to those rude and nosy enough to ask. I've learned that people will judge no matter what, even in the most 'ideal' situations.
Holy crap, are those people rude! If you didn't slap them in the face, you are some kind of saint in my book.
Agree. My partner is female and whilst the majority of people haven't pried (and we are happy to discuss the process, and understand people are curious as it's not 'typical') we have been really hurt by a few comments especially those who ask 'so who's the father?' When we answer 'there's no father - if you mean the sperm donor, it's nobody you've met, and anyway we have a confidentiality agreement' they roll their eyes as if 'oh donor, father... Same thing.' nope - not the same thing AT ALL! Very hurtful and disrespectful to my partner, the non-birth mother.
This part always bothers me. I don't understand why people would be so damn nosy. My friend's husband could not produce sperm so they used donor that they found and insemination. Beautiful children they have but sad that some families call her w word because she had a different man semen in instead her husband. They have always wanted children. People mind their damn business! God Bless you both. I wish you the best!
I get how y'all feel! I had some questions asked how and when we did it because we got married on Sept 6th. Due date WAS 12th. Now it is 5th. It was awkward when S-MIL was announcing to others that we must have did it the day before. Mind you...I was staying with my family and friends, duh! Then other questions were being asked. It's like...uhm...we are married! Two times my dh mom had whoopies...I didn't so ask her that questions. Lol
A coworker asked my age and when I told him his jaw dropped and he cried out loudly, "Oh my God! Why would you have a child when you're 40?! Gives me the heebie-jeebies!"
I know I look younger than I am, but this comment was really rude! He seemed disgusted that I was pregnant at 40 for some reason. For me, it's a happy thing that I was able to get pregnant naturally so late with no problems. Awkwardly I tried to answer his question.."well we waited till the last minute to start a family...didn't feel ready yet..." The truth is I didn't really start to get baby fever until about age 38-39, and my husband was definitely NOT ready until recently because he was struggling with depression and health problems. Financially we were not ready and we even lived in two different countries for awhile while I went back to school. But why is the timing of your child anyone else's business? If you're happy and the baby is healthy, that's all that matters!!!
A coworker asked my age and when I told him his jaw dropped and he cried out loudly, "Oh my God! Why would you have a child when you're 40?! Gives me the heebie-jeebies!"
I know I look younger than I am, but this comment was really rude! He seemed disgusted that I was pregnant at 40 for some reason. For me, it's a happy thing that I was able to get pregnant naturally so late with no problems. Awkwardly I tried to answer his question.."well we waited till the last minute to start a family...didn't feel ready yet..." The truth is I didn't really start to get baby fever until about age 38-39, and my husband was definitely NOT ready until recently because he was struggling with depression and health problems. Financially we were not ready and we even lived in two different countries for awhile while I went back to school. But why is the timing of your child anyone else's business? If you're happy and the baby is healthy, that's all that matters!!!
My mother had my sister at the age of 39. She also had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy girl. Yes some risks are elevated but just like my mother your body was ready for a child naturally. It makes me mad when people think just because you are 40 or even 45 you can't have kids! I have always believed if your body hasen't t gone through menapause then you can have a baby.
A coworker asked my age and when I told him his jaw dropped and he cried out loudly, "Oh my God! Why would you have a child when you're 40?! Gives me the heebie-jeebies!"
I know I look younger than I am, but this comment was really rude! He seemed disgusted that I was pregnant at 40 for some reason. For me, it's a happy thing that I was able to get pregnant naturally so late with no problems. Awkwardly I tried to answer his question.."well we waited till the last minute to start a family...didn't feel ready yet..." The truth is I didn't really start to get baby fever until about age 38-39, and my husband was definitely NOT ready until recently because he was struggling with depression and health problems. Financially we were not ready and we even lived in two different countries for awhile while I went back to school. But why is the timing of your child anyone else's business? If you're happy and the baby is healthy, that's all that matters!!!
Regardless of if you look your age or not, that's extremely rude! What a jerk! I'm glad things worked out for you - your baby is going to be very loved!
Judging by this thread....... I really don't think there ever is a "normal" conception story. What is normal anyways??? ....... People are crazy. Beer is good. People are crazy. Thank you country music.
A LOT of people asked us if this was planned. My now husband and I were dating for 7 years and living together for 4 when I decided to get off BC for health reasons. We weren't engaged yet but he had a ring he was paying off and we knew we would get married within a year and a half but no one knew this except our parents. We decided just fuck it and play Russian roulette and whatever happens happens and we got pregnant on like the second time we were unprotected. Best "kind of" accident ever and in fact it was mainly his idea to take the plunge. But that sped things along in the marriage department and I'm sure a lot of his friends think I got pregnant on the sly cause we were one of those couples that should've been engaged years ago. So the questions have always been and always will be there. Just trying not to get defensive and keep it our personal business (except with Internet strangers apparently).
Judging by this thread....... I really don't think there ever is a "normal" conception story. What is normal anyways??? ....... People are crazy. Beer is good. People are crazy. Thank you country music.
This exactly. People will always have something to say. I'm married. We have been married for three years. We have a 18 month old daughter and people constantly say "you don't waste any time, do ya?l". If only they knew that we almost had Irish twins! That would have blown some minds!
Heads up ladies! You always have the option to tell people to go fuck themselves. I always love having that option!
Oh. My. God. Yes. I have had a rough time with this. I had been dating somebody for a short time, then I found it he was cheating on me. About a week after breaking it off, I found out wi was pregnant. I gave him the chance to be involved and he chose not to, so I've been going through this completely single. I have gotten so many questions about what birth control I used, if the dad was a one night stand, if I plan on getting back together with him...all sorts of stuff that is just super insensitive to ask. I even had one bitch of a coworker say 'well, I think kids do better with both a male and female parent around'. Umm, way to make me feel like even more of a failure, bitch face.
I have to wonder about people sometimes. When it comes to pregnancy, my standard comment to most details (due date, baby's sex etc) is "Aww, that's wonderful, congratulations!" Why is that so hard?
Totally ^^
We are in our 30's and got pregnant on our honeymoon (Vegas and crown and cokes I guess) and we had family actually pull out phones and count backwards and question us. Wtf! Due date is exact on our honeymoon day so Ha!
This happened to me exactly. People were like 'ooooh busy on your honeymoon eh'. She was unplanned but not exactly. I had been on the pill for 20 years and my gynecologist actually said with my previous history likely would be waiting a while......first cycle off and bam. I had one person literally tell me my exact date of conception! (she wasn't wrong but kinda creepy)
Re: Awkward/ Uncomfortable/ Hurtful Conception Conversations
I think it is odd that your friend kept pushing for an answer. I hope you're able to feel encouraged soon!
We are in our 30's and got pregnant on our honeymoon (Vegas and crown and cokes I guess) and we had family actually pull out phones and count backwards and question us. Wtf! Due date is exact on our honeymoon day so Ha!
It sucks, but people are going to be questioning you for a long time. I can't imagine being in your shoes @OnWayto3 because there really is no way to keep people from asking questions, and once they've asked, the damage is done. In your situation, you'll be dealing with the questions about paternity probably until your baby is grown up. It's none of their business, so I'd just come up with a go-to response that you feel comfortable with, even if it isn't entirely truthful. From your previous posts it sounds like you have a very supportive partner, so if someone asks how you got pregnant or why or who the father is you could just say it was a sperm donor (not entirely a lie) and redirect the conversation to how you and your partner couldn't be happier to have the chance to raise a child together? Hopefully time and the love you will feel for your child can make it so that one day it won't negatively affect you when rude people ask these questions. Hugs!
I can see how you would get worked up though if you are a private person.
Disclaimer:
I do not know your conception story. You really don't owe anyone any explanations. Remember that.
Maybe I should delete this because clearly there is a situation I know nothing about and this isn't just a general awkward sex convo.
I loathe conception questions, but didn't realize how rude they are until I was facing them myself. I do think people mean well, but that doesn't mean we owe them an explanation. I personally think it does mean, however, we owe ourselves a prepared response that keeps us sane.
But you will know what's right for you, and hopefully are getting some professional support. I don't mean to boss, my heart just hurts for you and I wish I could help. Sending love
Months down the line I wish I'd realised we don't owe anyone any explanation. For me, I think bonding with my pregnancy has helped me realise that. Now when people push for answers I take it as them asking me to explain my baby rather than my pregnancy and that triggers my protective instinct.
I agree with what PPs have suggested - give a stock response and deflection. How we love and raise our children is the only thing that matters.
Just tell ppl it was aliens. Or maybe you don't even know what causes pregnancy. Say it with a straight face.
((hugs ))
On the topic of rude questions, yesterday at my internship, someone asked my supervisor if SHE was pregnant. My supervisor is extremely skinny and I have no idea why this woman would think she might be or why this would be an ok question to ask. She then had the nerve to ask if my supervisor was trying to get pregnant. And then she looked at me and asked if I was pregnant. I couldn't help but respond with, "I think you already know the answer to that question." I mean, seriously, I'm 39w3d - I'm very obviously pregnant at this point!
So yeah, when people ask 'why did you change your mind?' or 'did you plan this?' or I had one lady (my boss, even!) kinda lecture me about "well you chose to not use protection and that's why you're pregnant" (she doesnt even know anything about that period of my life) what am I going to say? That I fell down a grief rabbit hole? That I barely remember the month time span in which it happened? That I was purely just lucky that I noticed I had missed my period and had a test from a previous scare in the house and I was able to use it before I started drinking myself away from sorrow for that day? That even when I wasn't drinking I still couldn't remember anything because I was in a total depression?
So yes. It REALLY bothers me when people ask "was it planned?" No, it was a surprise. "Well what birth control were you using?" Well, what business is it of yours? "I bet you were excited when you got the news!" No, I felt even further like I wanted to die. Like everything in my world was going to shit all at once, thank you.
Obviously, I reconciled and commited myself to this eventually. And my 'don't pass up on life's adventures. If you turn down the wrong road may as well drive it to see where it takes you, you could find a new route home' philosophy reasserted itself. And my stubbornness to see things thru, damnit. But I had to fake it till I could make it for a long time.
Edited, words are hard
"Actually it was a total tequila bender. I think we had already sent the circus midgets home, but I definitely remember I was still wearing my clown makeup and standing on my head. Want to see the pictures? "
Maybe this should go under Angry Pregnant Ladies.
But, he was certainly not planned, we were covered "on two fronts", as DH says, and had discussed waiting another year or two before even trying when we found out. That's life though.
Neither of us remember the night he was conceived (we're not rabbits, we like TV and cuddles better because we're actually 100 year olds trapped in 20 year old bodies) and we were both on sleeping medicine. Most of the time when people ask we just smile and say we're blessed and they go away. Only family and close friends know he's an Ambien/Birth Control/Condom baby.
Moral of the story, it's no one's business. Don't ever feel bad about telling people to mind their business. Your body, your baby.
The most awkward comment came from MIL. On our anniversary she said "I bought you guys a card game because you have clearly done everything else so you might be bored." Gee, thanks. It was so awkward we just stood there in shock.
:-w
All you other ladies, too - it helps to see how strong we all are in our own unique ways. All the June moms have something about them that reinforces my 'lift your chin and go forward'. >:D<
(I have been inflicted by a strong case of all the feels recently. Sorry if I get mushy)
I know I look younger than I am, but this comment was really rude! He seemed disgusted that I was pregnant at 40 for some reason. For me, it's a happy thing that I was able to get pregnant naturally so late with no problems. Awkwardly I tried to answer his question.."well we waited till the last minute to start a family...didn't feel ready yet..." The truth is I didn't really start to get baby fever until about age 38-39, and my husband was definitely NOT ready until recently because he was struggling with depression and health problems. Financially we were not ready and we even lived in two different countries for awhile while I went back to school. But why is the timing of your child anyone else's business? If you're happy and the baby is healthy, that's all that matters!!!
Beer is good.
People are crazy.
Thank you country music.
Heads up ladies! You always have the option to tell people to go fuck themselves. I always love having that option!