Sometimes I think about leaving the board because of all the drama but it's awesome women like you guys that keep me hooked! Haha! Not to mention, crazy people make me feel better about myself )
I agree sometimes the drama makes me giggle. I'm just so curious as to how they jumped to that conclusion when there was absolutely no basis for it. It's like magic! Edited because I'm dyslexic and can't think straight.
@BostonBaby1 Thank you for this post! Very well said. We need to embrace each other and take in all the help we can with our pregnancies. I know you have said in the past, but what's your edd?
@BostonBaby1 Thank you for this post! Very well said. We need to embrace each other and take in all the help we can with our pregnancies. I know you have said in the past, but what's your edd?
I actually don't have an EDD. Unfortunately we lost our pregnancy.
I'm a very active member here, I usually check in 2-3 times a day and read most post on the first two pages, answer what calls me but mostly stay away from the drama because the one time I started a thread it got pretty nasty pretty quickly, it went from people gracefully disagreeing with me to name calling bitchiness, even resulting in someone being banned (someone I did not report btw, I don't agree with having anyone cut out of the community, anyone can say something mean in the heat of the moment). I do think most people take a difference of opinion TOO personal.
News flash, billions of humans on this planet, it is impossible for everyone to agree with you, I don't even agree with my siblings half the time and we grew up together in the same household raised by the same people with the same values and all four of us are different.
Every individual is different, some will think like you but some won't and it's ok; people just need to RESPECT others opinion without trying to change anyone's mind.
I gotta say @BostonBaby1 you are one patient gal, I'm constantly impressed at your sweetness with everyone even if you don't agree you express your difference of opinion in such a nice eloquent way that I find it ridiculous for people to be offended by what you say. How you manage even after being attacked to keep your cool is beyond me, even with what you've been through you find time to ease those who are in pain or worried. I'd probably be locked up crying in your place.
I'm 29, husband is 30 Together since 2006 Married 01.17.15
The biggest no-no's that will result in warnings and bannings are name calling and personal attacks. They have several examples listed.
It also mentions this: "DO welcome
constructive disagreement and refrain from getting upset if someone is
of a differing opinion. Healthy and respectful debates thrive on The
Bump, and disagreement does not constitute harassment."
Thanks for this post @BostonBaby1! There has been so much negativity lately its nice to read something like this. I dont post much but I'm always reading these threads - I think you said what a lot of us were thinking.
Thank you for this post. It's good to finally see some happy, positive, supportive threads that celebrate what we are all embarking on. I'm ready to enjoy tri #2.
I also need to figure out how to gif. Never fear, I'll use the search function!
@BostonBaby1 I am so sorry for your loss. Thank your for continuing to come on here and encourage and help others. Means a lot
Thank you! I know it might seem strange to have me not only lurking, but still being active. I had a previous DD of 11/11/15 then one of 12-18-15 so I'm guessing it'll be awhile (if ever) before I'm back on a bmb. I just find that it is easier to spend time on here while I am recuperating & since I can still turn a pregnancy test like nobody's business (today...) why not?
Drama or no drama, I enjoy the boards because I feel normal. To be surrounded by so many people who have no idea what I've gone/going through, I love to express myself here more than some family and friends because of you crazy bitches.
Due 11.16.17 Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 2.1.15 @ 5 W - Chemical MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
Allow me to add to my life is not fair description if you would be so kind please ladies.…
And this comes from a place of love.
Not everybody's SOs are going to be wonderful all the time. If you don't like how your SO is acting/treating you… Do something about it! Don't keep letting him treat you like crud and then complain to all of us about it. It's fine to be upset and complain, but it's not fair to everybody else to have to listen to issues that nobody is taking any incentive to remedy. So if you're going to complain, I urge you to do something about it to change the situation.
Some of your insurances will only cover a certain amount of ultrasounds unless if it is medically necessary. Please stop with your jealousy about women that have had multiple ultrasounds especially with those that have had multiple losses in the past or are high risk and have very complicated pregnancies currently. Nobody wants to be getting an ultrasound every few days out of necessity. And frankly, many of us have saved up for many years to be able to afford fertility treatments and we are paying out-of-pocket for our ultrasounds. Switch insurances if you don't like it or pay OOP. If you cannot afford it I don't know what to tell you other then "life is not fair." We all have to make concessions in life so if it is that important to you to have multiple ultrasounds then you should cut back on other spending like meals out or your phone plans. Life is all about compromise.
Stop telling other women on the board that they are rude. Or mean. Not everybody is doing this, but for those of you that are, it's enough.
Immaturity is not an excuse for bad behavior. Neither is having a bad day.
Oh… And one last thing… PLEASE Use the search function!
I'm a very active member here, I usually check in 2-3 times a day and read most post on the first two pages, answer what calls me but mostly stay away from the drama because the one time I started a thread it got pretty nasty pretty quickly, it went from people gracefully disagreeing with me to name calling bitchiness, even resulting in someone being banned (someone I did not report btw, I don't agree with having anyone cut out of the community, anyone can say something mean in the heat of the moment). I do think most people take a difference of opinion TOO personal.
Hey @fiorip - you're my pick for a positive presence in this forum.
I remember that thread that devolved into a scene where you were one of the only rational voices. It was during my initial probation days and I could only think: no way is this space for someone like me.
Fast forward til now and I'm really grateful that you gave us all another chance, whether as a doc or MTB, your voice is one of the ones I value most.
@BostonBaby1 I am so sorry for your loss. Thank your for continuing to come on here and encourage and help others. Means a lot
Thank you! I know it might seem strange to have me not only lurking, but still being active. I had a previous DD of 11/11/15 then one of 12-18-15 so I'm guessing it'll be awhile (if ever) before I'm back on a bmb. I just find that it is easier to spend time on here while I am recuperating & since I can still turn a pregnancy test like nobody's business (today...) why not?
I'm sorry just the same... It's my biggest fear and I always feel a rock in the pit of my stomach whenever another member says it has happened to them.
Some of your insurances will only cover a certain amount of ultrasounds unless if it is medically necessary. Please stop with your jealousy about women that have had multiple ultrasounds especially with those that have had multiple losses in the past or are high risk and have very complicated pregnancies currently. Nobody wants to be getting an ultrasound every few days out of necessity. And frankly, many of us have saved up for many years to be able to afford fertility treatments and we are paying out-of-pocket for our ultrasounds. Switch insurances if you don't like it or pay OOP. If you cannot afford it I don't know what to tell you other then "life is not fair." We all have to make concessions in life so if it is that important to you to have multiple ultrasounds then you should cut back on other spending like meals out or your phone plans. Life is all about compromise.
Fuck ya. I wish I could say I wasn't high risk. If me getting more ultrasounds makes you jealous because you're not high risk and never lost a pregnancy then... LET'S TRADE!
Due 11.16.17 Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 2.1.15 @ 5 W - Chemical MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
I happen to like The Bump boards primarily because when we all do it right, we are some of the most informative, caring, and humorous people I've seen in boards (of all types). Someone in another post once pointed out our varying ranges of life experience and professional experience. We are a wealth store of learning for each other.
That being said, I do strongly feel these boards lack consistency with exhibiting empathy, and this goes on both sides. I say sides because there does seem to be a clear divide, and I have little evidence to back up the "divide" save for the age discrepancy I gather (not real evidence) from various posters' comments.
Those of us who want to debunk pregnancy myths and misunderstandings, do so. We as women have a responsibility to one another to do that. It is important that we are knowledgable about our bodies and growing babies. If you have experience, you are helping many first time moms and young moms, YES. But our wisdom is only valuable if it is received. Let's more consistently exercise empathy (and since the drama has seemed to hit a head recently, it does seem like some have started to take the high road) in all our responses, so the heart of our message is heard above all else.
Those of us who feel we are being attacked for lack of knowledge or understanding, it is not easy being told what we feel is incorrect, BUT SOMETIMES what we believe we are feeling is not what we are in fact dealing with. Let's handle it gracefully. Let's research for ourselves. Google is a resource, screw the freaking search button! Use Google! Use reputable sites like WebMD, read articles on The Bump. We owe it to ourselves to learn our bodies during this period. More importantly, talk to your damn OB. When in doubt, we should always just talk to our OB. They have a job. Let them do it.
That was long as hell, but I do feel strongly that we CAN exist on this board with minimal conflict.
I happen to like The Bump boards primarily because when we all do it right, we are some of the most informative, caring, and humorous people I've seen in boards (of all types). Someone in another post once pointed out our varying ranges of life experience and professional experience. We are a wealth store of learning for each other.
That being said, I do strongly feel these boards lack consistency with exhibiting empathy, and this goes on both sides. I say sides because there does seem to be a clear divide, and I have little evidence to back up the "divide" save for the age discrepancy I gather (not real evidence) from various posters' comments.
Those of us who want to debunk pregnancy myths and misunderstandings, do so. We as women have a responsibility to one another to do that. It is important that we are knowledgable about our bodies and growing babies. If you have experience, you are helping many first time moms and young moms, YES. But our wisdom is only valuable if it is received. Let's more consistently exercise empathy (and since the drama has seemed to hit a head recently, it does seem like some have started to take the high road) in all our responses, so the heart of our message is heard above all else.
Those of us who feel we are being attacked for lack of knowledge or understanding, it is not easy being told what we feel is incorrect, BUT SOMETIMES what we believe we are feeling is not what we are in fact dealing with. Let's handle it gracefully. Let's research for ourselves. Google is a resource, screw the freaking search button! Use Google! Use reputable sites like WebMD, read articles on The Bump. We owe it to ourselves to learn our bodies during this period. More importantly, talk to your damn OB. When in doubt, we should always just talk to our OB. They have a job. Let them do it.
That was long as hell, but I do feel strongly that we CAN exist on this board with minimal conflict.
This is probably the most intelligent, genuine and supportive post I've seen on this board.
I happen to like The Bump boards primarily because when we all do it right, we are some of the most informative, caring, and humorous people I've seen in boards (of all types). Someone in another post once pointed out our varying ranges of life experience and professional experience. We are a wealth store of learning for each other.
That being said, I do strongly feel these boards lack consistency with exhibiting empathy, and this goes on both sides. I say sides because there does seem to be a clear divide, and I have little evidence to back up the "divide" save for the age discrepancy I gather (not real evidence) from various posters' comments.
Those of us who want to debunk pregnancy myths and misunderstandings, do so. We as women have a responsibility to one another to do that. It is important that we are knowledgable about our bodies and growing babies. If you have experience, you are helping many first time moms and young moms, YES. But our wisdom is only valuable if it is received. Let's more consistently exercise empathy (and since the drama has seemed to hit a head recently, it does seem like some have started to take the high road) in all our responses, so the heart of our message is heard above all else.
Those of us who feel we are being attacked for lack of knowledge or understanding, it is not easy being told what we feel is incorrect, BUT SOMETIMES what we believe we are feeling is not what we are in fact dealing with. Let's handle it gracefully. Let's research for ourselves. Google is a resource, screw the freaking search button! Use Google! Use reputable sites like WebMD, read articles on The Bump. We owe it to ourselves to learn our bodies during this period. More importantly, talk to your damn OB. When in doubt, we should always just talk to our OB. They have a job. Let them do it.
That was long as hell, but I do feel strongly that we CAN exist on this board with minimal conflict.
Beautifully said and very well written. Normally, I would have a much more positive response but having just read what was written on a different post has me in a state of mind that I cannot rationally internalize each and every point that you made. However, I am going to come back on here and reread it tomorrow. I think that the thoughtfulness and consideration that you put into writing this post deserves attention when I am able to focus it. In the meantime, let me just applaud you for being able to "walk a line" that is extraordinarily difficult to do so.
Adding to the life is not fair, I have to apologize with the deepest sincerity that the search function thread was shut down by the bump administration following a disagreement that I tried to take off of that post. Unfortunately, despite the fact that I have requested that they ban me personally and reopen the thread, that has yet to happen. I cannot tell you how horrible I feel. I am truly sorry. There's not much else that I can say other than that. I hope that The Bump administration will make the decision to ban me personally rather than close that thread. I know that it was the only one keeping many women sane and I am truly heartbroken over this. I should not have responded back to the person that was instigating with me. It is absolutely not an excuse and although I did not receive any warnings (*edited for correction, I did receive a warning this morning but not for anything having to do with that thread. It has to do with an apparent violation on this thread.) I absolutely did not think that the thread would be shut down. I feel especially horrible because since my loss, I do not belong on this board. I'm going to go crying to DH's shoulder now for the rest of the night.
Again, I am so sorry!
Obviously, I have not slept over this and still feel is awful this morning as I did late last night. What is no longer visible has obviously been removed based on the Bump administration's decision. Apparently I can not explain myself other than to say to you ladies that I am so sorry!
I'll tag myself in this. Bc obviously I "instigated" and showed my "true colors". Yes I am catty and sarcastic and I'm sorry that you can dish all the sarcasm but can't handle it.
On another note as a woman I am sorry for your loss and troubles. You can dislike me for my sarcasam. But I want you to understand that I am truly, from the bottom of my heart sorry for your loss.
RazberiiRazberii 3:44AM I'm sorry you don't approve of my cattiness, I forgot you and your pack were the only ones who could be catty. Don't dish if you can't handle. I'll ignore you to keep you from crying about a post. Don't want to upset you further.
So this is the private message that you sent me. So I take it that the above is the public one trying to make yourself look good? I don't think that that is sincere or mere sarcasm. It is because of you that these other women have lost their post. This was their outlet, and I was not crying because of your sarcasm but rather because I felt bad because I actually truly care for these women that are on this board. And due to my loss, the fact remains is that I probably should not be on this board. However, you certainly do display a different public persona than a private one. I am crying not because of your sarcasm, but because I let you draw me in when what I should've done was to ignore you. I'm not crying over you, I'm crying because I feel awful about the women that I truly care for that have lost something that is important to them. They have lost an outlet that they had found joy and comfort in and that has now been taken away.
Re: Life Is Not Fair
Edited because I'm dyslexic and can't think straight.
News flash, billions of humans on this planet, it is impossible for everyone to agree with you, I don't even agree with my siblings half the time and we grew up together in the same household raised by the same people with the same values and all four of us are different.
Every individual is different, some will think like you but some won't and it's ok; people just need to RESPECT others opinion without trying to change anyone's mind.
I gotta say @BostonBaby1 you are one patient gal, I'm constantly impressed at your sweetness with everyone even if you don't agree you express your difference of opinion in such a nice eloquent way that I find it ridiculous for people to be offended by what you say. How you manage even after being attacked to keep your cool is beyond me, even with what you've been through you find time to ease those who are in pain or worried. I'd probably be locked up crying in your place.
Together since 2006
Married 01.17.15
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12520304/the-bump-guidelines#latest
The biggest no-no's that will result in warnings and bannings are name calling and personal attacks. They have several examples listed.
It also mentions this: "DO welcome constructive disagreement and refrain from getting upset if someone is of a differing opinion. Healthy and respectful debates thrive on The Bump, and disagreement does not constitute harassment."
Jamie
And then I realize that I don't know these people either what they've been through.
I also need to figure out how to gif. Never fear, I'll use the search function!
Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
And this comes from a place of love.
Not everybody's SOs are going to be wonderful all the time. If you don't like how your SO is acting/treating you… Do something about it! Don't keep letting him treat you like crud and then complain to all of us about it. It's fine to be upset and complain, but it's not fair to everybody else to have to listen to issues that nobody is taking any incentive to remedy. So if you're going to complain, I urge you to do something about it to change the situation.
Some of your insurances will only cover a certain amount of ultrasounds unless if it is medically necessary. Please stop with your jealousy about women that have had multiple ultrasounds especially with those that have had multiple losses in the past or are high risk and have very complicated pregnancies currently. Nobody wants to be getting an ultrasound every few days out of necessity. And frankly, many of us have saved up for many years to be able to afford fertility treatments and we are paying out-of-pocket for our ultrasounds. Switch insurances if you don't like it or pay OOP. If you cannot afford it I don't know what to tell you other then "life is not fair." We all have to make concessions in life so if it is that important to you to have multiple ultrasounds then you should cut back on other spending like meals out or your phone plans. Life is all about compromise.
Stop telling other women on the board that they are rude. Or mean. Not everybody is doing this, but for those of you that are, it's enough.
Immaturity is not an excuse for bad behavior. Neither is having a bad day.
Oh… And one last thing… PLEASE Use the search function!
Love you ladies!
I remember that thread that devolved into a scene where you were one of the only rational voices. It was during my initial probation days and I could only think: no way is this space for someone like me.
Fast forward til now and I'm really grateful that you gave us all another chance, whether as a doc or MTB, your voice is one of the ones I value most.
Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
Together since 2006
Married 01.17.15
Thank you again to everybody who is been so kind about my loss.
@koala1107
Okay… I'll admit it, I don't have a nose hair problem, but sometimes I do that a little bratty ;-)
Baby Girl 12.9.15
MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome
Why won't women talk to their Ob? Are they afraid? Doctors expect to be called, specially Obstetricians who deal with scared hormonal women.
Together since 2006
Married 01.17.15
@Embuzz247 @nik6499 @Karawe @313Meg @Marchmellow2 @redfallon @CMDD @amw2133 @colsen4 and to all of the other ladies that have been active members of the search function thread....
Adding to the life is not fair, I have to apologize with the deepest sincerity that the search function thread was shut down by the bump administration following a disagreement that I tried to take off of that post. Unfortunately, despite the fact that I have requested that they ban me personally and reopen the thread, that has yet to happen. I cannot tell you how horrible I feel. I am truly sorry. There's not much else that I can say other than that. I hope that The Bump administration will make the decision to ban me personally rather than close that thread. I know that it was the only one keeping many women sane and I am truly heartbroken over this. I should not have responded back to the person that was instigating with me. It is absolutely not an excuse and although I did not receive any warnings (*edited for correction, I did receive a warning this morning but not for anything having to do with that thread. It has to do with an apparent violation on this thread.) I absolutely did not think that the thread would be shut down. I feel especially horrible because since my loss, I do not belong on this board. I'm going to go crying to DH's shoulder now for the rest of the night.
Again, I am so sorry!
Obviously, I have not slept over this and still feel is awful this morning as I did late last night. What is no longer visible has obviously been removed based on the Bump administration's decision. Apparently I can not explain myself other than to say to you ladies that I am so sorry!
On another note as a woman I am sorry for your loss and troubles. You can dislike me for my sarcasam. But I want you to understand that I am truly, from the bottom of my heart sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry you don't approve of my cattiness, I forgot you and your pack were the only ones who could be catty. Don't dish if you can't handle. I'll ignore you to keep you from crying about a post. Don't want to upset you further.
So this is the private message that you sent me. So I take it that the above is the public one trying to make yourself look good? I don't think that that is sincere or mere sarcasm. It is because of you that these other women have lost their post. This was their outlet, and I was not crying because of your sarcasm but rather because I felt bad because I actually truly care for these women that are on this board. And due to my loss, the fact remains is that I probably should not be on this board. However, you certainly do display a different public persona than a private one. I am crying not because of your sarcasm, but because I let you draw me in when what I should've done was to ignore you. I'm not crying over you, I'm crying because I feel awful about the women that I truly care for that have lost something that is important to them. They have lost an outlet that they had found joy and comfort in and that has now been taken away.